For the Pun Lovers

[NJmaverick]

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, “Keep off the Grass.”

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21 A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don’t join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!


http://bitsandpieces.us/2009/06/11/creative-puns-for-smart-minds/

[nuxvomica]

1. We are celebrating my brother's birthday this evening

And I will read these to him. He is illiterate but a shameless pun addict nonetheless. These will have him rolling on the floor.

[yellowdogintexas]

2. LOL copied these to a Writer document for later use! nt

[cwydro]

3. Good ones.

My dad would love these.

[cloudbase]

4. Obligatory groan.

That's not to say that I won't be passing these along, though.

[madinmaryland]

5. Thanks, Nomad. I needed a smile!

:hi:

[NJmaverick]

6. I had a feeling you would be a connoisseur of the pun

:toast:

[madinmaryland]

7. Thanks.

I am SO jonesing for the football season.

[NJmaverick]

8. Well I don't know about Dallas, but next week is manditory mini-camp

then it's wait until August. Tough time of year for the die hard fans, not all that much to talk about (unless you enjoy the annual Brett Favre talks)

[Mr. Ected]

9. I was told by a Brit in Germany that the pun was the lowest form of humor

I never spoke to him again.

I love puns.

[dixiegrrrrl]

10. I knew you there something about you I liked.

:rofl:

[gmoney]

11. Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

:rimshot:

[Skip Intro]

12. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

:rofl:

[NJmaverick]

15. Good one!

[elshiva]

13. ....

[NJmaverick]

14. That's a great GIF

can I use it sometime? :hi:

[meow2u3]

16. Little-known Knights of the Round Table King Arthur never mentioned

1. The alcoholic Sir Osis of Liver drank himself to death.

2. King Arthur had Sir Loin of Beef for dinner one knight. The leftovers had gone to the dogs.

3. The most entertaining knight was Sur Cus, who had three rings so large they fit five elephants, and I'm not lion.