It is a mistake to need anyone.

[Haole Girl]

Poll question: It is a mistake to need anyone.

[Haole Girl]

1. Who did other, but didn't explain?

No doubt the same person who gives <0 to all my threads.

[cwydro]

21. No, it was me.

And I didn't give you any unrecs.

I just voted and intended to come back, but got busy at work.:hi:

edit for typo

[Unvanguard]

2. It is a mistake to need anyone. But it is equally a mistake to want to have no one.

Independence is not the same as isolation.

[Haole Girl]

3. Very true

Thank you. :hi:

[Forkboy]

16. I don't want anyone, and yes, it has to with isolation to an extent.

But it's also what's best for me (and for whoever would be foolish enough to want to be with me). If someone can explain to me WHY I need to be with someone I'll listen, but I haven't thought of any reason why it's a must.

[Unvanguard]

33. Your phrasing suggests a romantic relationship. That's not what I mean.

Lots of people do fine remaining single. But without friends? Without connections to family, at all? I guess it's conceivable that it might be good for some people, but usually not, I think.

[Forkboy]

40. Hmmm....

I must be that rare bird. ;)

I agree with you, to be honest. It's very, very rare. I'm just the exception that proves the rule , I guess. :)

[UTUSN]

4. Need NOone is not an alternative. n/t

[Haole Girl]

5. Huh?

:shrug:

[UTUSN]

11. What's so mysterious?!1 What's so different from Post #2?! n/t

[Haole Girl]

27. I don't see your post and #2 as the same thing

But it doesn't really matter.

[UTUSN]

34. Too bad my time has expired, or I'd self-delete my posts here. n/t

[Haole Girl]

36. Ooookaay...

:shrug:

[BuelahWitch]

6. I don't think people who need people are the luckiest people in the world

;-)

[Haole Girl]

7. I 100% agree!!

They are very, very unlucky. People can not only be unreliable, they just don't have the ability to be there (always) when you need them.

[av8rdave]

8. I've always believed that nobody can make you happy.

If you're not happy with yourself, nobody is going to do it for you!

[Haole Girl]

9. So true

I was so macho when I was young. Just don't know how I became so needy. Oh well, admitting it half of the solution... I hope!

[Heidi]

10. When I feel needy, it's a sign that my main "need" is to work on myself.

I'm not saying it's a mistake. (I don't really believe in "mistakes." But I do believe in learning opportunities.) What I'm saying is that expectation of reciprocation/validation/etc. has the potential to be a very, very hurtful thing. :hi:

[Haole Girl]

12. It is really true.

I've been thinking about it a lot the past two days.

NOBODY can really "make" me feel better. It has to come from within. :hi:

[Heidi]

19. You're a genuinely good person,

and I know you've been through a whole lot in your life.

But may I tell you something (since I'm sort of an old woman, and you at least LOOK a lot younger than me)?

What I've found is that people (outside of a very, very small handful of people in my family/circle of closest friends) who automatically validate me almost _always_ are trying to use me for their own purposes. I don't have the time or energy for that.

You're a cat mom, gf. I suspect that you also don't have the time or energy for extra drama. :hug:

:loveya:

[Haole Girl]

22. Thank you Heidi

Very good advice there. I will bookmark this.

:loveya: :hug:

[Orsino]

13. We're social animals.

We need a lot from others, including our need to be needed.

[Haole Girl]

14. I didn't used to. And I have to believe it is possible NOT to need others.

I NEED to believe that. lol

[Orsino]

15. Heh.

It is certainly true that there is much that we shouldn't need from others, or not too much of it.

[JitterbugPerfume]

17. ultimately the only one you can depend on

is yourself,

but to need others in your life, at the risk of being hurt?

I have had my heart broken many times but I still believe that most people are good , caring , loving and flawed.

[Haole Girl]

28. I like the way you think

The way you think of people... "good, caring, loving and flawed." It is an optimistic outlook.

[Forkboy]

18. There's no one valid answer for that. It depends on the individual.

[Haole Girl]

29. Thanks

:hi:

[The2ndWheel]

20. Directly and indirectly?

[Haole Girl]

30. Both, I guess.

[mitchum]

23. DH Lawrence and I agree with that

[Haole Girl]

24. D. H. Lawrence quotes having a way of staying with us, huh?

I still think of his quote about a woman not being able to pass by a flower without picking it, sometimes, when I want to pick a flower!

[stray cat]

25. Too simplistic to know what is meant

If you are clingy and so dependent you expect someone else to give you meaning and take care of you - yes thats wrong you are responsible for your own life.

If you mean caring for others and being cared for - your life is diminished if you don't care about anyone but yourself.

[Haole Girl]

26. It seems like, in my later years in life, I feel I depend on people too much

That is what I've been thinking about lately. A friend of mine told me, "THAT is the mistake you make-- needing people."

[Deja Q]

31. Sounds more like a statement than a question.

:evilgrin:

Depends on how you define "need"...

[Haole Girl]

32. It is a statement. The question is if the statement is true or false.

I can't really fully define need right now. Sorry!

[Deja Q]

35. D'oh, you're right!

Well, I can say that I am helpless and need all the help I can get... :D

[Iggo]

39. Oh! False, then. (n/t)

[Strong Atheist]

37. Recommended,

dammit! x(

[Iggo]

38. It may be a good or a bad thing depending on the individual case.

But I don't think I've ever needed anyone on purpose, so I can't see how it can be a mistake.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

41. My dear Haole Girl...

I'm in the minority, I guess...

I need people. I know that this might lead to being hurt, but that's OK. The rewards, for me, anyway, far outweigh the drawbacks.

I normally know how to take care of myself, but I need someone who loves me...My husband has never let me down.

:hug:

[Q3JR4]

42. True.

The people around you may come and go, your friends may become your enemies or move off into the void to live the rest of their lives without you. You could loose your family and those who provided you with a safety net growing up. The only person you can count on to always be there, to be the light in the dark until the very end is you.

Q3JR4.
You came into the world with yourself, and that's how you're going to go out.

[Fran Kubelik]

43. Needing someone and being needy are two very different things

Which are you asking about?

[crim son]

44. Other. It isn't always a choice.

And what is "need"? I "need" my right arm but I'd get along if I lost it.

[redqueen]

45. False.

Vulnerability is not always a bad thing, IMO.

[Bertha Venation]

46. It's a tough question.

I'm independent so I rebel against the thought of needing anyone.

But Mrs. V. just got back from a week in Tennessee, and during her absence I found that I need her. This always happens when she goes home to TN. And it's brought into stark relief once she spends those first few hours back here, and especially when it's bedtime.

It's not an easy question to answer. I guess it's either "yes" or "no," but I dunno, I don't think it's that simple.