A Battle over Rent: The Bloody Conclusion

[AlecBGreen]

This is an update of this thread.

The parentes and I had a nice long talk over dinner. Accusations were made, shouts, tears, etc. In short, it got messy. The end result? I got bent over a chair... Instead of $300/month they now want $450. I guess I'll have to agree cause its too damn cold to live in a tent or our barn. I might try and shack up with a friend but I dont know if that will work out. Im really at a loss here...I need to save a big chunk of dough for China, not to mention my best friends wedding (and the bachelor party I have to coordinate) and I just dont know how Im gonna be able to do that while paying my 'rents $450 a month. I make $8 an hour, so pre-tax that will leave me with about $850 a month after I pay my parents. After taxes I think that will be down to $600 a month. Since I will be here another 4 months (I leave in the beginning of August) that means I can save up $2400 max if I dont spend a cent anywhere else. Considering that the plane ticket to China is $1000, its not looking good amigos...

edit: spelling

[Bertha Venation]

1. I wish to Almighty God that I had your problems, kid.

Good luck.

[AlecBGreen]

5. I know...

I do have it easy compared to MANY other people...but isnt it human nature to see what is and ask "WHY does it have to be like this?" I just feel like they're barking up the wrong tree. If they want me to develop financial legs, then browbeating me into submission hardly seems like the best way. I hate to keep beating this issue to death, but it really hurts to have your parents call you a worthless ingrate.

[southerngirlwriter]

7. They should meet a guy I know.

He lives in his mother's basement, drinks and smokes pot all day, works 15 hours a week making pizza to buy his booze and marijuana, and doesn't help out around the house at all.

THAT is a worthless ingrate.

A young man who's completed the not-so-easy task of graduating college, is working two jobs and doing chores around the house?? PUH-lease. Yeah, you have it easy compared to many people but so do they.

My friend Diane goes to the cemetery to talk to her son. THAT is a difficult place to be as a parent, not having you for a son. Christ.

[BiggJawn]

42. I'm with you, Bertha...

Sounds like the baby bird is getting pushed out of the nest...

When my folks told me they wanted $200 a month (this was 25 years ago, OK?) I took the hint and got my own place.

Ahhh....no bitching about the ashtrays, nobody drinking my beer, and I could bring women home and SLEEP with them!

[Bertha Venation]

47. you lived alone and SLEPT with the women?

Did you miss some vital information about the common fun men and women can have alone together? ;)

[BiggJawn]

54. Oh, OK, so it was more like "collapsed from exhaustion"....

Those were the days....Ah, Nostalgia...And the only thing that was "Incurable" was Herpes.
:evilgrin:

[NicoleM]

2. This might sound mean

so if it does, please forgive me--I'm nine months pregnant and that is making me very crabby. BUT,

Do you have any idea how lucky you are?

You have so much--parents who obviously love you, a place to live if you need one, a job, a chance to go live overseas. How many other people have all that? It sucks that it's not going to go down *exactly* how you wanted it, but that's life. When I was 23, I got a crappy job and a crappy apartment and saved $0 because I had to pay for stuff like food and heat. And I was pretty happy with that.

Count your blessings, hon.

[southerngirlwriter]

4. Nine months pregnant? Congratulations!

May you have a peaceful delivery!!

I am curious where you get the "obvious love" from in your post, though. If I had a college-grad son who was working two jobs and saving to do something terrific like go to China, and his childhood room was empty in my house, and he was doing chores around the house and pitching in for groceries and utilities.....

Well, I can think of a VERY long list of ways to show my "love" other than charging him almost HALF of his meager income for sleeping in a room that was empty anyway. :shrug:

[AlecBGreen]

6. they do love me

but then again, "I can think of a VERY long list of ways to show my "love" other than charging him almost HALF of his meager income for sleeping in a room that was empty anyway." Damn right girl.

[NicoleM]

8. Because I think

you can love your kid without spoiling him. I think it's better for kids to have to work for what they want. It would be one thing if Alec had been out in the world and gotten laid off from his job and had no prospects and they still wanted him to pay rent. But that's not the case. IIRC, they paid for his college and bought him a car--that's more than my parents did for me, and I know they love me. They've done their job. He's an adult now, and if he wants to live there I don't see anything wrong with asking him to pay rent. Maybe they're afraid that if they don't, he'll never leave.

And thanks for the congrats. :)

[southerngirlwriter]

10. Try not to have the kid on April 15th.

Everyone thinks that's a terrible birthday (it's my best friend's). People tease him constantly. :D

I appreciate your perspective. Were your parents ABLE to do more? Alec's dad is obviously well-off, as he is in the landlord business for his career.

I guess I think "spoiling" would be if THEY were paying for his trip to China. It seems to me like they're deliberately putting a large obstacle in his way. Maybe they're afraid that when he leaves he'll figure out he doesn't need them anymore, so they're making it very difficult for him to save the money, despite his two jobs.

Who knows how the mind of another works? ;-)

Back to birthdays -- a guy I know was born on Halloween. Every year on his birthday when the neighbors decorated their houses and passed out candy, he thought it was for him! He thought that the whole neighborhood was celebrating HIS BIRTHDAY. His parents didn't disabuse him of this notion until he was 10 or 11 years old. What a terrific self-image, huh? To think you're so special and the world is such a happy place that the whole neighborhood celebrates your birthday? He has excellent self-esteem as an adult, and I can't help but think that's partly why.

[NicoleM]

13. Jesus God in Heaven

April 15th is a month away! There is no way he's waiting that long. I'll take him out with my bare hands before that if I have to. :)

Back to parents--mine got divorced when I was six. My dad paid child support when he felt like it, which wasn't often. He still owes my mom thousands of dollars in back support--I'm 28 and my sister is 25. He didn't pony up a nickel for *anything*. If I had wanted to go live in his house when I was 23 to save up money to go to China. . .well, it just wouldn't have happened. When I said before that my parents love me, I was referring to my mom and step-dad. But I do have another parent who may or may not love me, I don't know, but he would never have done for me what Alec's parents have offered.

I just have a really hard time with adults who believe their parents owe them a place to live for free. It's nice if they do it, but I don't think it makes them greedy fuckwads if they don't. They have their own reasons, and we don't know for sure what they are.

[southerngirlwriter]

3. Your parents are fuckwads.

If this is, to use a wartime expression, the hill they want to die on, then let them die on it. Pay them if you can't find another place to crash, but make damn sure they know you will never forget that money is what they chose over a relationship with their son.

Nice to know that the value of their relationship with you is $450 a month, huh? That's more important to them than peace and family harmony as you're about to leave for the other side of the planet.

If you decide to cut them out of your life once you leave the country, you'd be more than justified.

FWIW, my parents are just as greedy and shit-headed. My parents could have kept me on their health insurance after I finished school for $125/month. They EASILY could have paid it, at a time when I didn't have a job or good prospects for one. They didn't. The $125/month was more important to them than my having access to health care.

I feel for you. Greedy asshole parents who value money over their relationships with their kids are a hell of a cross to bear.

On edit: Bertha has a point -- there are many worse problems to have than asshole parents and a forthcoming trip to China. So try to focus on the good stuff. :D

[nini]

12. OH NO YOU DON'T

Excuse me but his parents are doing the right thing in trying to teach their child some responsibility and giving him a reality check to how tough it is to survive in the real world. The first point being if you want to go live in another country it's going to be much harder than putting out 450 to live with them.

It's tough growing up and accepting the reasonsibility for your life is exactly that - YOURS. To call parents Fuckwads, greedy and shit-heads is disgusting. If you can do better, then do it.

Obviously you don't see it now, but maybe one day when you grow up you'll understand. Until then if you don't like your parents rules then get out on your own. You'll learn the hard way.

[southerngirlwriter]

17. OH YES I DO

I've been on my own since I was 16. That's 9 years.

When your parents want almost half of your income from you when you are saving up for just a few months to leave the country -- and in exchange for that money, you get to sleep in a bedroom that was empty anyway, they are being greedy shitheads.

Edited for clarity and a typo.

[nini]

20. Maybe you should not assume his parents are like yours

and then maybe you would be able to see the responsibility issues they are trying to teach.

There is NOTHING in the parent rules that say parents should do ANYTHING for an adult child. $450 still is one hell of a deal for anyone these days. If his China trip is that important he'll find and a way and he'll be damn glad he did it on his own even having to pay his own way now at home.. Do you think he'd EVER be able to save for that trip out in his own apt. etc.. NO.

You will have NO idea on what it's like to parent until you are in those shoes. Don't judge all of them until you're on the other side.

[southerngirlwriter]

21. a deal?

I pay $405 a month for a one-bedroom apartment in a great neighborhood with a gym, a pool, lightning-fast maintenance, and that includes most of the utilities.

He has graduated from college, has a solid plan for the future, is working two jobs, does chores around the house, and pitches in for groceries and utilities. Do you really see him as lacking in responsibility?? Really? What would define responsibility to you, then??

And if you do see a college graduate with a plan for the future who is working two jobs as lacking in responsibility -- is his lack of responsibility to the point where his parents need to take almost half of his small income for the privilege of sleeping in a bedroom that was empty anyway for just a couple of months while he's in transition?? Really?

If you really think this is reasonable, then I can see why you sympathize with my parents. You likely have much in common with them.

[nini]

25. Yes I agree with the parents.

If you are an adult you should pay your own way. He has the ability to pay his way so he should. If this seems unreasonable in his current environment he should go elsewhere. Which I believe from his posts he realizes thats it's a fair deal or he would leave.

Where I live... you couldn't rent a room without utilities for that. A decent/safe 1 BR apt. would cost you AT LEAST 850.00.

He has graduated from college, it is not his parents responsibility to make it easy for him to go on a trip, buy a nice new car or whatever he wants to do with HIS money.

I don't see why parents should have to subsidize their adult children in any way. If that's mean, then so be it. If he couldn't work for whatever reason then yes his parents should help him out if they can. But in no way should they have to continue to support him now.

The fact you are more pissed off than he is about this tells a lot about some unresolved issues you may have with your parents. If your comment about me having something in common with them is a slap to me, then so be it. I will not apologize for believing ADULT children with a college education and the ability to work should pay their own way. If you were asked to do so at 16 then I think that is wrong as you were not ready to do so at that age. Your situation and his are two completely different things and you cannot compare them equally.

[chicaloca]

56. well, we don't all live where you live

Around here, you can get a 1 bedroom for $600 and a studio for $350 if you know where to look. And that's in the city--in the suburbs it would be a lot less.

Also, what gets me is that his parents UPPED their original price simply because he tried to discuss it with them. That says to me that they don't need the money, but are being pretty immature and petty about it.

Finally, what is it that some posters here don't understand abou calling one's own child a "worthless ingrate," and other things? I think it's rather telling that those who are siding against him choose to conveniently ignore this fact. Does anybody honestly think that's an appropriate way for parents to behave? Maybe he'd have more respect for their decisions if _they_ behaved like adults. Why the hell is it that Americans think emotional abuse is perfectly fine and grand? My dad used to physically abuse me when I was an adolescent, but he also emotionally abused me from the time I was about 7. Long before he ever started beating me up, I had self-inflicted cuts all over my arms from hating myself. Right now, I live on my own (and work 50 hours a week for my rent, lest anybody here discount me for not being a workaholic) and haven't lived at home for 6 years. I still cut myself on occasion, because THAT'S what emotional abuse does to you. I don't remember the physical abuse much, but the emotional abuse sticks with you. And that is NOT okay.

[nini]

58. I missed the 'worthless ingrate' part.. where is that?

If they said that to him, then you're right they shouldn't have. I do not condone any kind of abuse, emotional or physical and sorry if you had to go through that. But this to is not exactly what he describes therefore cannot be compared to on the same level.

If they are expecting their college educated son to pay is way they have the right to. I remember being pissed about this same thing when my mom did it to me, I now understand why she did it and appreciate that she did.

Some are missing the point that he is not worried about making ends meet, he is worried about his summer of fun and his trip to China which are both not necessities though I commend his China plans. He needs to learn to plan and save for those. If I was him I'd get a second part time job to save the money faster and get the hell out on my own.


Oh to be young and see the world through children's eyes!

[DS1]

27. Cold storage in some areas cost near that amount

[Interrobang]

39. Spoken like a Baby Boomer

Baby Boomers grew up with the spectre of the just-past Great Depression hanging over their heads, and they *knew* they survived Hard Times...just in time to come of age during a time when government subsidies got you excellent access to education, the middle class was at its most affluent, there were labour shortages in many areas during the middle '60s, and almost all you had to do to get a job in those days was to show up having something resembling a pulse.

When my parents were my age, they had a combined income (in adjusted 2000 dollars, the latest year I currently have figures for) of something approaching ~$80 000. They worked shorter hours with shorter commutes at larger starting salaries, comparatively speaking, than most people of their age find today. My fiance and I have a combined income of ~$40 000, and I consider that neither of us is doing too badly. Add to that the current shortage of affordable housing, the hugely rising cost of education, and the incredible debt many people like us have had to incur just to become employable ($15 000 to go before I hit flat broke!), the situation is totally different! I don't even want to discuss the paradigm shift in hiring practices; we'd be here all day!

Baby Boomers practically had everything handed to them on a silver platter just by an accident of birth, yet they think that for parents *not* to make things deliberately hard on their children, so that they'll become "independent," is "spoiling them." (That's also, btw, the same argument neoconsservatives use to justify cutting Welfare and other social benefits -- if they're too big, people will get "dependent" on them and not want to work. You and Milton Friedman...) I've got news for you -- the people who do the best in life are the people who get the best start. That means *not* having to scrimp and save for everything all the time; it means *not* having to work two jobs, and it means maybe being able to afford to do some unusual "standout" things like unpaid internships or trips to China that look really good on resumes. Those kind of things count for a lot in the long run, and people who don't have them are actually at a disadvantage.

Incidentally, paying almost 1/2 one's net income for rent does not fall under "affordable" housing by anyone's standards (the cutoff is 30% or lower), and for someone's parents to be charging that is nothing short of usurious.

While I agree that the parent poster's problems are not as bad as some people's, I also think his parents could be a little more reasonable about his rent. 30% of his net income should be the maximum, or at least slightly under market rate for something comparable.

[nini]

46. Baby Boomers practically had everything handed to them??????

PUHLEASE.. generalizing a bit aren't you?

You know nothing of me. I was one of 6 kids raised by my mother after my parent's divorced. For a while the whole family lived on $300 a month. My mom made our clothes from anything she could find, we ate leftovers for days, didn't have a million pairs of new shoes etc. Sorry, we weren't 'given' anything and all of us worked our way when we reached adulthood because we had to.

If they poster doesn't like his situation he has the right to leave.. the fact that he isn't tells plenty.

[Deja Q]

60. You're a real help...

:eyes:

See post 59.

This dude is very naive and you're doing nothing whatsoever to HELP him.

They are trying to WAKE HIM UP AND TO SHOW HIM A TASTE OF WHAT THE REAL WORLD IS LIKE. $450 is NOTHING.

Unless we change society (hah, good luck), he's got to know what life is like before he does something stupid. Like I had.

[radwriter0555]

9. Hmmmm, I thought you were working for your dad remodeling some

properties he has?

Sounds like with your smarts you could land a job that can pay you a LOT more money than that. You've been to college; hit the temp agencies and do some office work for $12 - $15 an hour. There are PLENTY of jobs for such a smart guy like you, making a lot more than that. Selling yourself short to create drama is a LOT of work.

Don't tell the new employers you're leaving for china, but go out and land a gig that pays more money. Simple solution.

Your dad can then hire someone else to remodel the apts.

[truthspeaker]

11. I can see charging rent after a certain amount of time

You're an adult; they have no legal or moral responsibility to put you up at all.

But given that you are only going to be there for 7 months and have concrete plans for what you are doing after that period, I think it would have been nice on their part to let you live there for free.

[Another Bill C.]

14. I got fed up and moved away.

I was in my early 20s. We were having problems over kitchen privileges and my music. I thought I'd show them and moved out one weekend when they were gone.

The neighbors say that you could hear the whoopin' and hollerin' for at least a block in all directions. They sold the house and started traveling. They proceeded to have the best years of their lives -- without me.

[bratcatinok]

15. I have a question.

How do your parents feel about you going to China? Are they all in favor of it and supportive?

Just a thought but if they aren't completely 100% behind your China job could they be doing their best to sabotage you being able to leave?

[southerngirlwriter]

18. That's my theory.

Parents who are this obsessive about money tend to be control freaks. The idea of him being in China, far away from their control, may be terrifying them, even subconsciously, so they're sabotaging him.

[bratcatinok]

19. It might not be as control freaks though

It could be just plain fear. Afraid of what someone who has never supported themselves experiencing in a country far away where they can't immediately help if it's needed.

I'm not saying it's right by any stretch but being the Mom of a 27 year old it's the only reason I could think of to start charging rent.
My son never paid me rent and he lived with me until he was 23. Most of the time he was going to college but even when he wasn't I didn't charge him rent because I wanted him to learn to save his money for all of the things he'd need to live on his own.

[AlecBGreen]

23. they are supportive, kinda

They are excited that I want to go, but they also think its just another way for me to avoid entering "the real world." I think living on my own in a foreign country IS the real world, but I guess they dont. They are also dumbfounded that I can be brave enough to live in another country for a year but I cant find in my heart to pay them $450 a month.

[southerngirlwriter]

24. Your HEART?

Like forking over half your money to your parents is an issue of KINDNESS???? :puke:

[radwriter0555]

35. a 23 year old with a college degree should be making more than $1000

a month.

My favorite tenant graduated USC at age 23 and landed her $55,000 a year job before she even graduated.

My current tenant makes more than that teaching biology at USC to pay for her tuition in film school.

It's not hard to make money.

[AlecBGreen]

36. i should be making more than $1000/month

but who will hire me for 4 months? i had to take the first job i could find just to pay the bills. $8/hour is better than many people make but its gonna damn near impossible to raise the $ i need for China with this new arrangment.

[radwriter0555]

38. Don't TELL them it's for 4 months. OR work TEMP gigs through an agency...

I'm hearing lots of excuses and no reasons.... 90% SOLUTION, 10% PROBLEM.

What city/town do you live in?

[AlecBGreen]

43. radwriter

Winchester VA

[radwriter0555]

48. Here are some temp agencies. No more excuses. (((hugs)))

http://yp.yahoo.com/yp/Berryville_VA/Other_Professional_Services_Employment_Temporary_Agencies/11953016.html

Manpower, Labor Ready or Unistaff.

You could be working on MONDAY making more than $8 an hour.

Demonstrate willingness, a professional attitude and you should make easily 2K per month.

[southerngirlwriter]

49. It's that easy, huh?

Why have I, despite sending out/dropping off over 500 copies of my extremely impressive resume, been unemployed for 8 months? It's so easy to find a good job, after all. :eyes:

[radwriter0555]

50. Temp gigs are easy to find. You have to be willing to work and have

marketable skills. Heck in some cases you just need to show up and be polite.

A job is a job. a GOOD job really IS hard to find. WORK is NOT hard to find. You might not like what you have to do to eat, pay rent, but work is work is work, and I found the GOOD jobs by doing the crap jobs while having a good attitude.

I survived on temp gigs for more than a decade, between rock n roll stage hand stuff, being on tour and local shows and rehearsals, I'd work temp office gigs in between.

It IS that simple.

If you come to LA and want to work I can have you working by monday, if you want to load trucks with rock n roll gear.

[southerngirlwriter]

51. I am registered with four temp agencies.

Combined, since October, I've made $2,000 from ALL my temp assignments.

I'm an Olympic-champion level bargain-hunter, but even I can't live on that.

[chicaloca]

57. when's the last time you worked for one?

When I first started working for a temp agency (in 1998) it WAS really easy to find good, regular work with them. Sometimes I even had to turn jobs down because I got so many offers. Around early 2001, though, _nothing_ ever came through anymore, so I stopped using them. My brother's been signed up for a temp agency for the last two years, and he spent one of those years unemployed except for a few one and two-week gigs, and one that lasted about six weeks. After that one year, he said to hell with the whole thing and got a regular job at a local restaurant. He's still signed up at the temp agency, but hardly gets any calls. I think it really depends on the city and how the job market is.

[Deja Q]

62. While the real world is more than America... you're still very lucky...

Unless you plan to emigrate, the real world will ultimately be the United States. That might be their viewpoint. And if they are worried, it's because they're concerned for you and your safety. It's not always a control thing. Looking at my job and my life right now, and looking back, my parents were not about control and fascism. My employer is. Most employers these days are. It's disgusting and disturbing to see how fellow Americans will treat each other...

Please read my other posts. They are doing the right thing (well, for $300 they were... and if I had been smart back when my parents started charging me rent, I would have noticed rather than think it's just money taken away from my fun...)

In the real world, at $8/hr with a 40/hr week job, you'd BARELY be able to pay the basic necessities of living. With NOTHING left to spend. For ANYTHING. AT ALL. And MANY people have to live, on their own, at $8/hr. MANY have 2 jobs, each paying minimum wage. People who used to be in IT or other professions where they could make a decent wage.

On the other hand, if the corporate outsourcing doesn't cause our economy to implode, the subsiding of peak oil will. You can bet your bippy on that. I don't know. If there wasn't these two horriffic concerns, I'd be far more passionate in my pleas...

[ConcernedCanuk]

16. I'd do the "barn" thing !

.
.
.

Get myself a solar panel, battery and inverter for a wee bit of hydro -

hibernate and save the bucks!

It'll be summer soon, even way up here!

oh, one question - does that $$ include food/laundry whatever ?

That'd make a difference

AND,

I'd think about the "shacking up" with a friend, you know it's not permanent

That's all I can think of

:shrug:

[AlecBGreen]

22. it DOES include food

but no laundry. I wouldnt mind living in the barn (honestly) but I have a feeling they would charge me rent for that too...

[Xithras]

26. Ummm...count yourself lucky

My parents asked me to leave their house two weeks after finishing high school...even though I was only 17 at the time. There were no if's, and's, or but's about it; I was an "adult", I had a decent paying full time job, and I refused to allow them to treat me like a child.

Here's my unsolicited opinion: If you live in your parents home without paying rent, then you are acting like a child and they have a right to treat you as such...including the application of all reasonable curfews, dating restrictions, etc. If you are paying rent, then you are an equal member of the household and they have no right to tell you what to do or how to spend your time or your life. Make certain that they understand this before you pay them.

Adults are responsible for their own well being and should pay their own way if they are capable of doing so. It sounds to me like you are capable, but instead wish to squirrel your money away for things you "want" to do. Welcome to adulthood! I want to go to Hawaii. I want a new car. Heck, I'd like to visit China for the summer too. Unfortunately I don't think the bank would like it if I quit paying my mortgage with the excuse that "I need the money for a vacation". Your parents are introducing you to one of the more unpleasant side effects of adulthood...budgeting.

[DS1]

28. A trip to China, whether it's for teaching or not, sounds like the

elephant in the room. It's a luxury.

[bratcatinok]

40. That's kind of what I was thinking.

I have a friend who recently relocated to North Korea to teach English. He's 27, divorced, was a college professor while stateside in Tulsa. He had the experience of being self supporting and living in the adult real world before he chose to go to NK.

[havocmom]

29. I know 2 brothers, both college grads

One worked and lived on his own for a few years then has struggled through grad school (still working and living independently). This young man has also managed several trips abroad on his own. The other got married, never really got employed and has lived with his folks for over 2 years, turning his nose up a jobs which were not in his field or at entry level (he feels he should start somewhere in upper mid level). There are hard feelings that a bit of help has turned into long term sponging.

Parents are getting close to retirement age and need to start adding to the nest egg for that time. It is expensive helping 2 lads through school. They have scrimped and denied themselves much that their sons could have a better foundation in life than they did. Now they have been supporting a supposedlygrown man and his bride. Oh, and they have elderly parents to help out and care for too.

Looking at you situation with a wider angle lens than you seem to be using, one could see that many parents see the need to push grown children toward independence. They also need to look to their own futures.

I guess your folks could let you live with the attitude that they owe you a lifestyle you cannot afford yourself. That is what you expect when you think the money you earn is for your own travel and party expenses and that they should continue to house and feed you. But your folks seem a bit smarter than that. Count your blessings

[La Lioness Priyanka]

30. i am sorry

i know your problems could get worse but as is i am still sorry that your rent got hiked...did you explain to them that you need more money?

[Vladimir]

31. I'd live in the Barn

seriously. Actually, fuck the barn, I'd just find the cheapest room I could and go there. That's should show them that you understand responsibilty well enough.

V

[ArkDem]

32. .

:nopity:

[CrownPrinceBandar]

33. I followed your first post...

but didn't respond. I feel for you Alec. Its a real tough situation that you are in.

I'm all for teaching children responsibility by pushing them out of the nest, but $450 a month for a room, including all the work they would like for you do do is more than a bit overzealous. Especially considering all the work you did for them on that apartment.

My parents didn't have to urge me out of the house after I graduated, I was wanting to leave anyway. Not out of rancor, but out of a genuine desire to be on my own and set my own terms. However, I always knew that if I got sick, injured or suddenly found myself unemployed for long periods of time, I could always go home if I have to. This is because my folks know that I would take up the slack by working around their place. In fact, last year I moved back in with my folks (I'm 36) because I had to take care of my Mom after she had surgery on her foot and couldn't get around very well. By your parent's logic, that is a service I rendered, I could have charged them for the care I provided. But I didn't. One can make reasonable exceptions for family members in need.

I look at it this way: If my folks house burned down and they had no place to stay, they could always stay with me and I wouldn't charge them rent. If for some reason they wanted to relocate to where I am at, I wouldn't charge them rent if they had to crash here until they found a place of their own.

All in all, a suck-ass situation. I really think finding a place of your own, or crashing at a bud's house is the best situation. You'll not be under your folks rules and you won't have to pay them any $$$.

I have always felt that families need to encourage their children to establish their own lives with a gentle nudge, not being thrown out of the nest lock, stock and barrel.

[cally]

34. I'm sorry Alec

My parents would never charge me rent. I would never charge my children rent. I agree with others that it might be the wisest thing for an adult child to pay rent but I just couldn't do it. I'm 45 and I know that I could move into my parents house tomorrow if I needed to. Of course, I moved out at 18 and I would have to be extremely desperate to move back with them and I would go insane within days.

If I were you, I would look for another place to stay. It seems your parents are trying to control you with money. Are they having financial problems?

[AlecBGreen]

37. Cally

They arent having financial problems (my dads a financial planner) but they have a very zealous hatred of "freeloaders." My mom's brother and sister fall into that category (as far as my parents are concerned), and they dont want me to be like that. I think thats part of the problem: they are so focused on making sure im not another Bob or Sue that they cant/wont see what I actually am. I feel like I am showing good progress toward developing financial maturity: I offered to pay food/utilities, do chores, save up on my own for this trip to China, etc. They just feel that Im not moving fast enough and that Im not making the progress that they expect. I guess thats what this all boils down to: I feel like I am doing OK, and they think Im not.

Do you think I should suck it up and pay them what they want or should I move out and say to hell with it?

-Alec

edit: gRaMmmar. and speling

[SoCalDem]

41. Go to China earlier than you planned..

You probably have a place lined up to stay when you get there.. Call the people you are going to be working for, and ask if you could start earlier.:)

Problem solved.:)

[AlecBGreen]

44. good point!

That would solve everything nicely. It couldnt work though, cause my best friends wedding is on August 7th and Im the best man. I cant miss out on that. Besides, I have a bachelor party to plan :evilgrin: Unfortunately with my new financial situation, hes gonna have to settle for Coke and popcorn at a Howard-Johnson instead of living it up in Atlantic City ;)

[cally]

45. I don't know how much another place would be in your area

so I can't really answer your question. I think I would move out just to establish my independence if you can possibly do so. From what you have posted, I think you are doing great with your life. You have a college education, plans for the future, you are working, help out where you live. I think your parents have some difficulties with money and power. That's why I left home at 18 and would have to be desperate to move back.

[hel]

52. Oh my..

I have no advice or anything for you, since I'm completely baffled. Just wanted to ask, is this paying rent to your parents stuff considered normal in the USA? It is so unbelievable!

[TXlib]

53. I'm kinda walking the line on this one...

Since I know nothing of the history you have with your parents, I'l just wing it.

If, after putting my kids (currently 2 and 4 yo) through college, they can't find a reasonable job commensurate with their education, and they want to move in until they do, I'd let them. But they'd earn their keep in chores, to the extent that it doesn't interfere with their job hunt.

If they moved in with me for convenience's sake, and had a job, I'd charge then for the incremental cost their being there incurred. If the convenience stay was going to be for a while, i might also charge them rent, on top of that, to encourage them not to stay too long.

Assuming the convenience stay was to reach a financial goal, I'd prolly keep their rent money safe, and return it (surprise, surprise) to them when they were within that amount of their goal.

If they were wasteful with money, I'd charge them a bit more in rent... forced savings, you know.

[Butterflies]

55. $450.00/month is too much

to be paying to your own parents. It doesn't make sense that they'd pay your whole tuition and buy you a car, and then turn around with their hands out trying to get half of your income unless they are having serious money problems and want a return on their investment (the investment being your college education.) When the amount was $300.00 I'd say you should probably just pay it to keep the peace (you'll be away from them soon), but $450.00 is too much. If you don't have a friend to room with, you should be able to rent a room or a one-bedroom apartment for that amount of money. Here where I live (very close to VA Tech, by the way ;-) ) there are lots of apartment complexes with 6-month leases.

Or maybe they'll cool down and realize they're being too heavy-handed, and they'll bring their price back to $300.00. You can feel comfort in the fact that you'll be away from them for a long time, and you probably will never live with them again because you'll get the money and independence while living overseas to take care of yourself. Good luck!

[Deja Q]

61. This guy is on the start of the path I'd taken...

My parents did the same with me, but were too soft... They paid my tuition as well (and then I got into a career that had nothing to do with the studies I'd taken at vocational school!) And got me a car. Very nice of them.

They're both retired now, late 50s.

They were not in financial trouble when they imposed rent.

They made it clear they were trying to gently adjust me to the real world.

But I didn't understand. It was just $200 away from me-me-me.

I never saw real bills.

HERE is where this guy is at right now. I'm about to mention a path he might actually take... he reminds me of ME.

When I moved out in 1997, the shock of real-life costs came to me.

So did the credit card offers.

I started using a card to pick up necessities and, of course, lots of yummy wants.

Then the card was maxed.

I had no clue how to manage a budget.

So I got another card, split the bill to ease interest payments, and swear I'd not use it.

Guess what? I used it anyway. Our society thrives on people spending money for frittering things.

It took me 6 years, but I finally know the value of a dollar.

But it'll take me 4.5 years to get out of debt.

Meanwhile, my car is starting to fail.

My dept head threatens job cuts at every turn, if nothing else than to scare us but she seems sincere with her desire to outsource us all (I won't go into details, but my employer is hell to work for).

There are no jobs out there that pay even remotely well.

I don't want this guy to get into the same situation I had.

On the plus side, he's got friends. People to have fun with and to socialize with. Maybe he won't get into the hellhole I had. For I never had friends. Just people who hurt me physically or emotionally. That's why I turned to things. And it'll cost me my life. (but that's okay, with peak oil subsiding within 5 years, I'm already prepared knowing my end is near.)

[Deja Q]

59. Compare and learn:

$300 was a great deal!! Compared to reality, $450's not very bad either.

I pay $675 just for a one bedroom apartment with external garage and pool I could care less about.

Plus:

$50/mo electricity/heat

~$200/mo for groceries, can be as much as $250. (And I am but ONE person. I :scared: at the thought of what a family of 3 have to pay per month.)

$25/mo telephone

$25/mo internet

~$40/mo gas for the car, and I route my trips directly after work to save on mileage and extra gas costs.

$12 cable (basic channels plus the few channels they forgot to switch off, which is why I still have cable AT ALL. I don't even need broadcast tv anymore...)

$50/mo cell phone. (needed for my car.)

$75/mo savings account I try to maintain for emergencies, even though everyone tells me to put it toward:

$625/mo credit card payments because I was young and naive once... And I know I don't have 5 years (which it will take to pay off my balance, so go add that up to see just how naive I was...) so why haven't I declared bankruptcy? Won't do any good and the cost of bankruptcy is far more reaching...

Other people have to pay other utilities such as water, lawn maintenance tools, stove, fridge, replacement caulk/grouting for bathroom, et cetera. (apartment dwellers don't.)

Please don't let your naivity hurt you any more. You've got it really good. $8, for you, is a very liveable wage given the circumstancves. I fuckin' ENVY you!!!! You have $600/mo to fritter away. I have $100/mo to fritter with and I have to be very damn careful, and I've had unexpected bills and problems to pay as well.

Count your blessings. Grow up. Or else you'll head down the same path I'd taken. You do NOT want to go down that path. Trust me, especially in today's pro-corporate, rape-the-customer attitudes. It's quite vicious out there...

I forgot to add: Health insurance. I'm lucky I get good insurance through my employer, but I still had to take out 40 vacation hours to pay my part of the costs. Trust me, that ends up being a lot of money. And having to need to use health care services, I'm fucking OUTRAGED at the cost compared to what we get in return. I'm beyond livid... But I'm lucky here. Many aren't. Insurance, let alone clinic ad hospital costs, are EXPENSIVE AS HELL.

Grow up, man. Soon. Please. You'll do yourself a favor in the long run.

[SarahB]

63. Sorry to hear that

My parents informed me a month before I was to start college that they couldn't afford to pay anything toward my tuition (my father's an attorney and my mom is a nurse) and I'd better find another place to live.

My mother has her own serious issues and made the decision when I was 3, that I was "evil" and to this day feels the same way and no amount of sacrificing myself has proven her otherwise, so I gave up. I paid my way through college and had excellent grades in the process. Now, at 32, I'm going back for another degree because it's better financially for me.

Life was not easy, but I did it without their help. Face up to your priorities, find a couple roommates, and deal with reality for what it is and be a grown up (i.e. bachelor party might have to come out of someone else's pocket and a true friend would understand, give up any and all "fun"). Lots of us have dealt with far worse circumstances. Excuse my ranting and lack of empathy, but you honestly don't know how lucky you are.