I just had a VERY sexual talk on facebook with a woman I used to date and is now married.

[LostInAnomie]

I didn't trigger it and I tried to avoid it, but she kept bringing it up. I'm pretty good friends with her now and I talk to her quite a bit. I don't know why she started down that road, but she made it very clear that she would be interested in starting a sexual relationship with me again. I'm not looking to split up a marriage or anything.

Any advice?

[rcrush]

1. Does it look like her husband can beat you up?

If not then you should be ok.

[LostInAnomie]

2. Haha... I'd kick his ass.

Still probably isn't a good idea to bang his wife though.

[MajorChode]

30. Well, if she's going to sleep with someone anyway....

it might as well be you. Just remember .357 is the ultimate equalizer and quite a few guys go batshit crazy when(and it is always just a matter of when) they find out someone else is getting water from their well. Sounds like perilous waters you'd be sailing into.

[debbierlus]

3. You didn't try that hard to avoid it

You were on a chat board. It is pretty easy to click the x button and end the conversation.

She started down that road because she still is attracted to you. But, this isn't about her, it is about you. Are you thinking about taking her up on it (honestly)? Why? Do you still have feelings for her? Do you want to renew your old relationship?

If you do want a relationship with her, tell her that you will not engage in one while she is still with her husband. And, then, leave her alone (there is a thing called a block button on facebook).

If you just want sex but don't want to break up a marriage, stay the hell away from her.

And, don't pretend that you can be 'just friends' now that she has made her intentions clear.

My sister is a couple's therapist and facebook is a huge issue in the extramarital affairs she sees daily in her practice.

[LostInAnomie]

4. Usually we just talk about politics.

She kept veering the conversation that way. I didn't want to be a dick and just X out the conversation, so I kept trying to move it in a different direction. I kept reminding her that I didn't think her husband would appreciate her talking to me about that stuff.

I think I'm pretty safe from having to worry about anything actually happening. She lives about 4 hours away now.

[Chan790]

9. 4 hours.

Well...if she were serious about having an affair, it would make sense to choose someone close enough to be available on an ongoing basis, but far enough away that there would be near-0% chance of being eyewitnessed in your presence by anybody she knows or running into a friend or you inadvertently giving it away by coming into contact with her day-to-day life...4 hours would be about ideal from her standpoint.

Edit: Clarity. That tells me she's, more likely than not, actually serious.

[lillypaddle]

5. It's clear you are considering it

but of course you know it's a dead end road. She's married. If she's up to cheating on her husband, she will cheat on you.

If you are VERY young and don't have much experience, you may go for it, consequences be damned. However, if you are looking for more, look elsewhere.

it might be exciting to do this. And you probably will. Regret it, that is. In the long run.

Best wishes to you.

[yawnmaster]

6. If you really want to complicate your life, then this would be an avenue to take.

Its all fun until someone gets their eye poked out.

[kayakjohnny]

7. "Any advice?"

Yes. Just back away from the whole thing. These episodes just don't seem to end well, mostly. The 15 seconds of glory wouldn't be worth the weeks of worrying about getting caught, or getting her pregnant and surely getting caught. Just fantasize about the 'what ifs' and leave it be.

[Chan790]

8. Well.

1.) She's clearly decided that either her marriage is over or that she needs an open arrangement to see other penises. In either case, she needs to speak to her husband...I'm not the great condemner of marital infidelities, I know a few people who have very healthy relationships with their spouses predicated around the fact that they're both having affairs. Whether spoken or unspoken as to the details, there are no secrets there. Everybody knows the score.

2.)If you're not interested at all...tell her so. Be forceful and blunt. Break off the conversation. Wait until you talk to her again. If she continues this path, repeat. At some point, she'll take the hint or she'll break off communications or you'll decide that you simply choose to no longer associate with her because of her behavior.

3.) I can't tell you to not be "the other man" if you want to...because you'll do it anyways. Just know that you're likely just a fling to fulfill some need of hers and that you're probably never going to be "the man" in her life. Also, that if she's not going to be honest with her husband, you're wrecking her marriage. Also, if she's seeking out extracurricular sex in any overt way, then likely if not you then someone else instead.

Ultimately, it comes down to whether she's going to talk to her husband and whether you're gonna take the karmic hit.

[kayakjohnny]

12. Well said. I esp like the part about the karmic hit.

But shouldn't the plural be 'peni'?

kdn,jst kdn

Good post tho.

[madinmaryland]

10. Walk away, right the fuck now. Unless you want a quick f**k.

If she does it to her husband, she will probably do it to the next one (which could be you).

Just walk the fuck away from that nonsense.

[liberaltrucker]

11. Put your hands in the air and back away from the nookie

Trust me, it ain't worth it.

x(

[kayakjohnny]

13. Besides, I think your avatar says it best.

Not the fat hairy guy, the other thing.

[carlyhippy]

14. Play Farmtown, it would be safer for you :)

C

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

15. I dunno....

Those sheep are awfully cute!

[carlyhippy]

31. LOL!!!!!! n/t

C

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

16. Oh, man, I've been down that road before.....

....attractive woman, husband never home, bored out of her mind.....

She was about ten years older than me too, so I kept trying to tell myself she knew better and it was her character being tested, not mine, but still.....

[kayakjohnny]

17. Was her name Rhody, by chance?

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

18. No, but I was proud when I was there and I didn't go home blue after!

The shame did kick in later, though......

[kayakjohnny]

21. Hahahahahha - good one!

You are funny. Cheers!

[zonkers]

19. What would Tom Haverford do?

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

20. Assuming the sex

was tremendous and would leave you panting and exhausted? :)
I'd not touch it no way, no how. It's not an honest thing to do......... :shrug:
She's committed to someone else. What if you were him, what would you think?

[smalll]

22. Looking for advice? Looking for one of these instead, I think:

Perhaps you want another one for being able to, as you said upthread, "kick her husband's ass?"



:eyes:

[cbdo2007]

23. I'd go for it...I think you get a "pass" for anyone you've already had sexual relations with.

That's not cheating for her or for you if you've already done it at some point in the past.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes and how the sex is!

[seabeyond]

24. cool.... will let hubby know the rules. sure he will appreciate. nt

[kayakjohnny]

25. Nice logic there, bub.

The sarc is implied. And therefore you need no smilie to indicate such.

Especially if you mean by "pass" a shotgun blast to the face.

[Generic Brad]

26. It is I who should be asking you for advice

You must be a sex god!

[Odin2005]

27. Um, cheating is bad, OK?

:shrug:

[EndersDame]

28. You wouldn't be breaking them up obviously they have problems but if you dont want to be a dick wait

until she splits or see if her and hubby are in an "open" relationship

[mreilly]

29. Please learn from my mistakes

Back in my early twenties, I both cheated on my girlfriend with another girl, and cheated on a friend by messing around with his girlfriend behind his back. Even though I was young, stupid and easily self-deceived, both mistakes have haunted me for over fifteen years and probably will do so for the rest of my life. Amazingly, the friend I mentioned is still my friend, and a good one, but it's impossible for me to associate with him without still feeling guilt and remorse; trying to "make up" for whatever happened hundreds of times over. Something like this just keeps going and going.

My situation may be different from yours in the sense that there's no one close to you that you risk hurting, but these kinds of things have a way of turning nasty very quickly and regrets of one kind or another are inevitable, if you are the type of good person that I'm sure you are (being a fellow member of this board and all :-)

Sounds like you might be tempted by this so long as it's casual. My advice: be flattered that you're attractive to her, then walk away and don't look back. Cheating on someone or being the cause of someone else's cheating with you is not baggage you want to lug around for years, trust me.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

32. Advice

Some people in life like to do things the hard way (no pun intended). If you were to start an affair with a married woman, this would qualify as doing things the hard way. If you are not looking to split up a marriage then do not have affair with this woman. Pretty simple solution.

[old mark]

33. I have an old GF who has made it very clear on several occasions she woud like to

get back into a sexual relationship. We are both married to others. I have not called or spoken to her in around 5 years, and have no intention of doing so.
I like her husband, I like my happy marriage, and don't need the agravation.

mark

[bif]

34. It'll come back to bite you in the ass.

Don't do it.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

35. sounds complicated

[Deep13]

36. Explain that while you subjectively find the offer appealing...

...there is no way you would have an affair with a married woman. The secrecy and other implications are simply not worth it.

[MrScorpio]

37. Did you have a hard-on during the conversation?

If so, what direction was it pointing?

You've got to keep a close eye on that puppy before it starts to wander.

[hunter]

38. You should probably just castrate yourself right now.

If this relationship doesn't become malignant, others will.

:yoiks:

[MilesColtrane]

39. Run away.

(from her, not with her)