Anybody hate that whole "breast cancer culture"?

[GoneOffShore]

Mrs GoS has been diagnosed with stage 1 grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma.

So far, she's had a lumpectomy plus a re-excision to clear the margins. All is good in that respect.

Tumor was Her2neu positive (+3) and hormonally responsive.

And suddenly we're being told about "the journey", "being positive", "keeping you in our prayers" (that's ok as it means keeping you in our thoughts) and the whole "pink thing".

I'm going to puke.

This is not a "Journey", it's a fucking nightmare funhouse ride with no end in sight. Well, there is an end but it's a little soon to contemplate. And we haven't even started with the chemo yet.

[PassingFair]

1. One of my clients is going through it now.

She is VERY brave and a real shining example of
a person balancing acceptance with optimism.

She had to have a radical mastectomy (this is
her second time around), but she is happy to
have gotten through the treatment and is making
tentative plans for the future.

Eschew the "culture" and do what's right for HER.
She has you pulling for her, and that's what counts.

I don't pray, but I do hope she beats back this
scourge...

:hug:

[Kali]

2. it helps some people

how does your wife feel about it - I'd go with the flow if it is something she feels will help, if not joking around and ridicule can be therapeutic too

[GoneOffShore]

3. She hates it more than I do.

Feels like it's a diminishing and a PR stunt.

The whole "pink thing" -

[Kali]

4. I tend to be more into humor, myself

dark and sarcastic, especially. But like religion that stuff gets some people through some rough shit so make fun of it to your hearts' content privately and just ignore it publicly, and if somebody tries to force it on you, start with a polite "that isn't for us" and escalate as needed just like you would any other doctrine pusher.

[GoneOffShore]

8. That's what we're working on.

I've already been pushing back a little.

[gmoney]

5. There's a Penn & Teller "Bullshit" that touches on this...

IIRC, they talk to one activist who says there's all this money being raised for "awareness" -- when everyone is very aware of it -- but very little of it actually goes to research.

I do hope that her treatment is successful... stay tough!

[Haole Girl]

6. It's fine to be angry. It's not fine to paint such a broad brush &...

take your anger out on breast cancer survivors organizing, trying to increase awareness, and possibly raising enough money to make a difference.

Step back & ask yourself what you are really angry at.

I wish your wife well. It's a hideous disease.

[GoneOffShore]

9. Thanks for your thoughts.

I'm actually angry at what appears to be a trivialization of the disease by wrapping it up in pink ribbons and walks and all the sentimentality that our society endeavors to imbue to serious matters.

And breast cancer survivors don't seem to be organizing as much as being organized.

Raising money by doing walks doesn't "make a difference" - ask any pathologist.

Apparently heart disease kills more women in this country than breast cancer.

Susan G Komen just has better PR.

My real objection comes with the "pinking" of cancer. With it becoming a commodity, almost a product to be sold.

[LibDemAlways]

7. Twenty years ago I worked with a woman who had been

diagnosed with lymphoma. The only way she could get through it was not to think about it. She focused on work, lived her life, endured the treatments when she had to, but she never looked at herself as a victim and wouldn't let anyone treat her that way.

Obviously everyone reacts differently. There are probably those who feel comfortable being part of the "culture." Others don't. It's no one's business. Your wife will deal with this in the best way she knows how - even if it means politely telling people that she's not buying into the "pink thing."

I hope all goes well for her and that this is soon behind you both.

[dana_b]

10. "Bright SIded" by Barbara Ehrenreich talks about this

she also had breast cancer and was fed up with the culture.

As others have said, whatever works for your wife and you is fine. Don't let others push their ways on you. She and you are not wrong or crazy for thinking the way you do.

All my best to you both!

[wickerwoman]

12. Yeah, I saw her on Jon Stewart talking about it.

Got to love BE :hi:

[REP]

11. Read this essay - "Welcome to Cancerland"

She's not alone.

http://bcaction.org/index.php?page=welcome-to-cancerland-2

[GoneOffShore]

13. Thanks for pointing us in that direction

Sometimes anger is better than acceptance.

[Lars39]

14. I understand.

Some people are really dependent on the hoopla...others are more independent in their thinking, etc. I fall in the independent category. I made the mistake of going to Camp Bluebird once. I was sooo miserable there. It seemed a little self-destructive to me to wallow in it the way some did. Take the support you need and winnow out the annoying stuff. But talk with each other about what's going on....get professional help in dealing with it if you need it, especially if you have kids. Five years down the road from my diagnosis and my spouse is just now able to voice some of his fears. We were frozen for much of the nightmare. Best wishes to you and your wife. :hug:

[emilyg]

15. I had invasive ductal

carcinoma. It was a nightmare. Never bought a pink ribbon but did buy all the books I could find on breast cancer.

Hugs and best wishes to you and your wife.

[Maralee]

16. You are not alone

Sorry to hear of your wife's breast cancer ... the whole ordeal sucks!

Been there, done that and finished my treatment 4 years ago. You are not alone with wanting to scream at all the 'think positive' 'pretty pink ribbon' stuff.

If your wife is so inclined the breastcancer.org discussion boards have lots of good practical information to help get through treatment.

Plus, we do lots of bitching and complaining about the same things you are talking about. It's a good place to get it out of your system so you don't go off on some well meaning, but clueless, friend/family who makes a boneheaded remark. :)