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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-11-10 10:12 PM
Original message
Actual real ads:
http://www.ahajokes.com/ads01.html

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.


A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.


Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.


For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.


Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.


Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.


Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.


Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.


We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.


Great Dames for sale.


Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.


Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.


Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.


Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.


If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.


Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.


The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.


Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.


Stock up and save. Limit: one.


We build bodies that last a lifetime.


For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.


Man, honest. Will take anything.


Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.


Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.


UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!


Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.


Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.


Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.


3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.


Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.


Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.


Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.


Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.


Illiterate? Write today for free help.


Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.


Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.


Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.


And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.


We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.


Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.


For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.


Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.


Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person
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Odin2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-11-10 10:37 PM
Response to Original message
1. LOL!
:rofl:
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emilyg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-11-10 11:00 PM
Response to Original message
2. LOL
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soleiri Donating Member (913 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-11-10 11:05 PM
Response to Original message
3. lol, too
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jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-12-10 01:04 AM
Response to Original message
4. Love the graveyard of the immortals.
:rofl:
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jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-12-10 01:05 AM
Response to Original message
5. Then there's the classic "Lingerie, half off." nt
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texanwitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-12-10 01:38 AM
Response to Original message
6. One can't start working to young.
3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

A three year old might know about pre-school.
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meow2u3 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-12-10 12:07 PM
Response to Original message
7. I had the collection of "Anguished English" books by Richard Lederer
He receives submissions of bloopers from people all over the world and writes entire books about them. If you ever pick up this series of books, you'll die laughing.

Other funny headlines, signs, medical bloopers, etc., I've read, and remembered off the top of my head:

PUNISHMENT ARGUMENTS TO END TODAY IN SLASHING.



10 minute parking for cleaning customers only.

Preoperative diagnosis: herniated dick.

A science blooper: Elephants eat roots, leaves, grasses, and sometimes bark.

On a baby stroller: Remove child before folding.
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nuxvomica Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-12-10 01:00 PM
Response to Original message
8. May favorites are when they confuse item and buyer
Like this two:

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

:rofl:
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Rhiannon12866 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-13-10 08:37 AM
Response to Original message
9. Great stuff!
Actually made me LOL! Thanks for posting! :rofl:
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