I want to ask an old high school classmate out?-Is this creepy?

[Politics_Guy25]

So, I want to ask this old high school classmate of mine out that popped up as a mutual friend on Facebook? We've exchanged 1 message already but I didn't hear back to my reply to the reply so I am worried that I have been judged creepy and/or crazy for trying to talk on FB. I can't go up in person since there's so much distance between us - about 4 hours.

I am under the impression that I have to try to be friends first, get to know each other and then ask for a date? The only problem is it's hard to spark something online. We don't know each other that well. We were not friends or anything. We just have a lot of mutual friends on FB.

Would it be even remotely appropriate to say something like "do you want to have coffee together the next time that you're in the area." I don't know if I've been judged creepy already. How do I compose a message so that the reaction isn't "oh god this creep again" if that's what is being thought.

The other thing I thought of trying is asking to talk on MSN. Which option is better? Getting to know each other through MSN first or being bold and asking for a date? How do I make sure I am not judged a creep when I am for sure not and it wouldn't be fair to be thought of that way.

We were in the class of 2001 in a class of like 130 so we definitely knew of each other. It's weird. I got a really nice reply back at first, 5 paragraphs and then radio silence, so I was really hurt by the silence. The silence makes me think I've been judged a creep.

[Kat45]

1. I often don't get a reply to a reply

This is to emails as well as to Facebook messages. And this can be with good friends as well as acquaintances. I don't think I'd read anything into it or think you were judged as a creep. It seems to be the way things go, and I really don't know why. Maybe because people are busy; maybe if they aren't able to reply right away they forget later. Just guessing here. All I do know is that it happens to me all the time and it bugs me.

I've reconnected with a lot of folks on FB that I went to high school with. I've also 'met' some friends of friends and occasionally corresponded with them. I don't think I'd ask her out right away. I'd probably try to have more correspondence first. One thing you could do is add comments to threads she's participating in. That way she'll be getting to know you somewhat in a very informal way.

[elleng]

2. I'd suggest be 'friends' first.

I've conmected with a lot of h.s. friends, LONG time ago, and just had a 'reunion,' which a lot of my classmates are doing. None of these are 'romantic' in nature, but 'friends' is 'friends.' Try it.

[Politics_Guy25]

3. Thanks for the helpful replies guys

Yeah I checked all 8 of our mutual friends and nothing that I can comment on in statuses. I guess I'll just have to wait and hope that a) I eventually get a reply to my last message or b)we start a conversation together through a mutual friend's status.

And yeah to reply #1, I HATE no replies to replies as well!!

[seabeyond]

friends can go out and have coffee, have a meal, chat

catch up with each other.

nothing sparks... then nothing sparks

you are friends.

i would not be bothered if an old high school friend asked me to meet up for dinner.

[seabeyond]

4. stutter

[antigone382]

5. Why not see about putting together a some kind of reunion/party...

...where you can reconnect with several of your classmates, and not just her. Phrase an invitation in such a way that it doesn't imply you're trying to date her, so she doesn't feel any pressure; make it more about catching up than kindling any romance...which I would suggest doing anyway. A five paragraph e-mail doesn't really tell you much about who a person is now, so it might be better to see her personally in a situation that doesn't necessarily imply any romantic involvement. If that goes well, then maybe suggest coffee some time. Of course, there's the chance that she won't go, but if there's any interest there, she probably will.

I don't know if you're the type to throw a get together, but maybe ask around and see if any of your other friends are interested. You could even do have a meet-up at a centrally located restaurant, or something.

[pitohui]

6. yeah it's a little creepy

my best friend was assimilated by facebook and NO ONE who ever friend requests him is someone he really wants to hear from or have scribble their right wing crypto-Nazi screeds on his "wall" -- it's kind of funny when he shows me stuff and says, jesus, can you believe <name redacted> still thinks we're friends?

all he's found out so far is that if you haven't been in touch w. someone since 2001...you know what...there's a reason?

if someone i hadn't seen for 9 years suddenly asked me out (on facebook or anywhere) yeah...i would have to make a judgement that they were a lonely heart and it was probably for a reason

if there's no one in your current life that is a real friend, fix that first would be my advice, don't be hunting down old "friends" from high school! well, i guess it's OK if you're around 80 and just want to see how many of you are still alive but much under social security age...it's just creepy

just my opinion of course, but that's what happens online, you get people's opinions

i'm not on facebook myself but a couple of times i've gotten friend requests and i'm not sure why, i just ignore them, sorry, if you're my friend, you have my email address and my phone number!!! if you have to contact me thru facebook YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND YOU'RE AN ACQUAINTANCE

[Iggo]

8. "Assimilated' is a beautiful word for it, by the way.

:fistbump:

[Iggo]

7. Do you want to be friends or do you want to date her?

Either straight up ask her out, or just let it go.

[FromNY]

9. Agree

"Would you like to go out to dinner?"

As another poster said, if the sparks fly, so be it. If they don't, nothing ventured nothing gained.

[Sanity Claws]

10. I don't think it's creepy

Go ahead and contact her.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[Politics_Guy25]

11. See yeah...

This is exactly why I will never have a relationship. There is no one in my life, well apart from 2 people still extremely close to me who have moved far away from me and so would never work, that I could have a relationship with and it's considered creepy if you try to talk to or meet someone new - and being judged a creep is something that I desperately want to avoid. So, yeah, I think it best that I never talk to a stranger or try to be friends with someone I'm not currently friends with. Just keep to myself and not talk to anyone so that I can avoid being called a creep. I would RATHER be alone than thought of as a creep.

[Sanity Claws]

12. Oh dear

I feel for you.
Let me make a suggestion. When you meet someone, think about that other person, not yourself. Think how you can make that person feel good, like offering a smile or a small compliment. Don't think about how you are being perceived.

It takes a lot of practice but it works. Really.

Humans are social animals. Don't fall into the trap of believing that you will never have a relationship. If you believe that, you will act accordingly and make it true.