What horrible disease did you think you had but didn't?

[spinbaby]

I was sitting in the bathroom this morning attending to business when I noticed that the tiled floor had a distinct curvature. In fact, it had a large, moving hump in the middle and kind of swirled off to the side. After contemplating strokes and eye disease for a bit, I remembered I'd just gotten new glasses with progressive lenses.

[MiddleFingerMom]

1. BAM (right from the first post)!!!!! Secondary syphilis...

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When in the Army, I went on sick call with a grossly swollen, CHERRY-RED elbow -- with
no known history of recent trauma. The doctor sent me to the hospital with this possible
diagnosis (unbeknownst to me) -- as that is one of the signs/symptoms of that.
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When I was examined in the ER, the doctor took me to another room where the young
doctors and residents had gathered for him to lead them around on rounds.
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He described my case and asked them to figure out what HIS findings had been.
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It turns out that several days to a week before, I had been ironing my uniform and just VERY
briefly touched the iron to my wrist -- long enough to SNATCH it away and say "FUCK!!!,
but not long enough to leave any burn -- just a pinkish mark.
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That had been enough for bacteria to enter and travel up to the next nearest joint to my heart --
my elbow.
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He used my case to demonstrate how they should always rule out the common and usual causes
before moving along to the exotic.
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Fucking PHEW!!!!
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[cordelia]

2. Since I woke up?

I have diagnosed myself with godawful diseases since I was little. I was convinced at the age of 8 that I had a brain tumor.

I won't go through the whole litany, but I have diagnosed problems with organs I don't even have. Tell me a symptom, and by God, I'll have whatever it is by sundown.

Now, I just laugh at myself and go on about my business. I do get regular checkups and see a doctor if I think there is a real concern.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

13. Ha, me too! You name it; I've thought I had it.

My mother was a nurse, and when I was a kid I got into her old nursing school textbooks. OMG! I had *everything.* Especially polio. I was sure I had or would get it and would end up in an iron lung. And tuberculosis. We had to get those mantoux tests in school, and every time I just knew the test would be positive and they'd send me to a sanitarium where I'd cough myself to death. I also thought I had leukemia because sometimes if I brushed my teeth too hard my gums would bleed a little. That had to be leukemia. And then sometimes I'd get a wart or some other blemish; that would would be cancer, of course. If my heart beat fast it meant I was having a heart attack (at the age of nine). It was always something. And I haven't entirely gotten over being a hypochondriac. It doesn't help that I hate doctors and hospitals.

[pink-o]

14. I did the same thing! But even better: my mother was a PSYCHE nurse!

I got into HER nursing texts and was convinced I had schizophrenia, manic-depression, narcissism (well, yeah, that was true at 13)or at least a borderline personality. And I'm incredibly sound-oriented, I can access music in my head just as easily as I hear it externally. So OF COURSE I was convinced I was hearing voices! Thank god they only ever told me good things.

But ironically, I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 7, something I actually didn't have. So I took anti-seizure medicine for 5 years; a completely useless treatment. So like you, I learned to totally distrust the medical profession. I think it's a good thing, I question anything the doctors tell me now.

[rug]

3. Kuru, but then I realized I was only drunk.

[nolabear]

4. When I was training to be a shrink I thought I was a walking DSM IV.

I mean, I hate being abandoned, I'm insecure about some things, I get psychosomatic symptoms, I have mood swings, I get unreasonably paranoid, and so on and so forth.

When I started practicing I learned two important things...that we ALL can go to places that, were they chronic, would fit into a diagnostic category, and that words are inadequate to describe the intensity and pain of an actual disorder. Takes the smug right out of you to realize that, which in my profession is a good thing.

[Swede]

5. I thought I was an alchoholic.

Drank every day,so I just assumed that. Then I turned 30 and the drink slowed down. A lot.

[Tikki]

6. Dreaded Flesh Eating disease

Narcotizing Fasciitis...
Scary stuff...I am as scared of this as anything..


Tikki

[REP]

9. I've had necrotizing cellulitis

Much, much less severe than necrotizing fasciitis, but does cause some disgusting green wounds.

[Lisa0825]

7. I thouht I was having a heart attack once, and it turned out to be gas.

It had been a horrible few days.... I had come home to find that my husband had moved out, with no warning, and left me a note on an index card. Fucking coward. Anyway, I felt so awful and was barely functioning. I slept in the guest room because couldn't even go into "our" bedroom. I woke up in the middle of the night, and I felt like a HUGE WEIGHT was on my chest. I could barely breathe, and the pain was the worst thing I had ever felt. I was sure I was dying of a heart attack, and in my dying thoughts, I would blame my SOB ex for the stress causing it. LOL

Then I remembered seeing a movie in which a guy called an ambulance because he was having a heart attack, and when the doctors examined him, they determined that it was just severe gas, and said that it was actually a pretty common thing for someone to confuse it with a heart attack.

So I managed to stumble across the hall to the bathroom and took some Tums. Within a few minutes, I felt completely fine.

[spinbaby]

11. Watch out weird chest stuff

Women especially can have all kinds of weird symptoms instead of chest pains while having a heart attack. I never felt mine.

[REP]

8. SLE, since the test was positive for it

My doctor doesn't even remember why she ordered an ANA for me, but it was positive. The anti-DNA was negative, though. Whew!

Usually, though, it turns out I do have some crappy disease.

[Graybeard]

10. Macular degeneration.

Being of a certain age and seeing all of those TV ads about how dangerous blurred vision can be I was convinced that I would soon be blind.

I hadn't an eye exam for a long time so when I went for a complete check-up I learned that my condition was "just" cataracts (no surgery needed.)

If you think something is wrong go...to...a...doctor.

[Arugula Latte]

12. I had many weeks believing I had MS or a bad neurological condition

This was a few months after my second child was born, and I had many MS-like symptoms. I had a hellish couple months but all tests were clear and the symptoms eventually went away. We never did figure out what it was -- maybe post-partum something or other (hormonal?), maybe calcium deficiency, maybe combo, or something else. That was 10 years ago.

[era veteran]

15. I was told by a world famous cancer Doc I had lung cancer, which

Turned out to be scarring I got from URI while in Army basic training. The radiologist doing the scan aided biopsy told me right before the procedure that he knew I didn't have cancer but since Docor God had spoken we went ahead and did it. My lung collapsed and I spent another day in hospital. They did find a tumor on a nerve between my lung and heart but it is benign and stable. I was freaked out and happy but he scarred the he'll out of us. R

[Pool Hall Ace]

17. So you're not being facetious with the "world famous" description?

A real "M. Deity", eh?

Because I find your story fascinating! :D

[era veteran]

21. Lots of on the wall doctor at-a-boys and international this & thats

Smug a bit, when I tested no cancer I think he thought the relief we felt would make his bad call go away. Four weeks of death thoughts changes you.

[Withywindle]

16. Herpes.

Long story. It was an ER doctor's best guess, and I knew I'd been exposed so I accepted it. Turns out, many blood tests later...nope.

[leeroysphitz]

18. The same thing happened to me with syphilis

and gonorrhea and chlamydia and mononucleosis.

[Withywindle]

19. Well, I really did have chlamydia once

But that's something two weeks of antibiotics will take care of.

[NNadir]

20. Recently I thought I was suffering from macular degeneration.

I thought I was going to go blind in one eye.

The eye however proved to be fine.