What are some things you wish you'd known about engagement rings before you bought one?

[BlueIris]

Or helped pick out the one that would be bought?

(Post Valentine's fall out thread)

No one here is engaged. I'm just wondering. I checked out some of the price tags on the stuff I would want if I were getting engaged, and I think it'll be important to know the risks/pitfalls.

[quakerboy]

1. If you plan on losing weight

you may need to do something other than what I did.


Which was insist I had not lost that much weight, and that it still fit. Then proceed to take it off in many circumstances because it was too loose to stay on while, say, washing dishes, or sometimes during typing.


I do not currently know where the ring is.



This is bad. I advise against doing this.

[Haole Girl]

2. Platinum is hypoallergenic. nt

[XemaSab]

3. Diamonds are bullshit

n/t

[KG]

5. diamonds are bloody.

[Brigid]

21. Don't forget . . .

That the ring comes with a spouse. :evilgrin:

C'mon -- somebody had to say it. :p

[PassingFair]

4. Since you are getting married and joining your "fortunes", remember that...

YOU will be paying for the ring.

I opted to buy a house instead of an
engagement ring (my husband wanted to
buy me a ring).

We got a house for $12,000 in a depressed
housing market here in Detroit.
A WHOLE house.

I NEVER missed the diamond ring.

Then, my childless aunt had to go into
a nursing home...

Guess what...I'm dripping in diamonds now.

If you've got money to toss around, go ahead
and buy a ring.

If you have other priorities, don't waste your money!

[BlueIris]

6. A part of me thinks (seriously) that should I ever choose marriage,

I won't be doing the "ring thing." At all.

[BlueIris]

7. Oh, and before anyone warns me, "Don't get a bad one at a chain retailer!!"

I like the smaller sellers. That was the first thing I learned about engagement rings, really--what's in retail? Even the high end of it? Not worth it.

[Kali]

8. heirlooms, antiques, custom made would be a choice if I were to do that again

also: renter's insurance may cover a lost ring but not if the stone falls out of the setting :eyes:

[seabeyond]

9. make sure the gal wants one. i didnt. would have been disappointed if got one

hurt soon to be hubby feelings when i returned it.

just saying.

[BlueIris]

10. Good point.

Yeah, that would suck for both parties.

[Phentex]

11. If the person is pretty active, avoid a prong setting...

and go for a channel setting so it doesn't snag, scratch or maim. :)

[BlueIris]

12. Oh, good insight. I was kind of wondering what the difference was.

Between prong and channel that is. And I have been very concerned that should I ever receive a ring, it may not fit in with my lifestyle or wardrobe.

[Phentex]

15. I love my ring. However...

it's an emerald in a prong setting and I ended up taking it off all the time (can't tell how many times I scratched a baby or snagged it on something. Plus, emeralds are somewhat fragile as far as cracking. For my 10th anniversary, I got a band and it's much easier to wear.

[noamnety]

16. Great advice.

I don't wear my ring because I sleep sometimes with my hand under my face, and I was waking up scratched up.

So the thousand or so dollar ring never sees the light of day and instead I wear a plain silver(ish?) band I bought for $3 at big lots which I like a lot better.

[tigereye]

13. never got one- just did the weddings rings...

We had limited funds for jewelry at the time! :rofl:


Every now and then I think I should get a cool old fashioned ruby ring, or something, but end up paying my kid's tuition instead!

[Chan790]

14. Do what my mom did...

buy realistic-looking costume jewelry in gaudy cuts and sizes. (Why yes, that is a 5ct. piece of ruby-colored glass!) I used to tease her about it, but now that I'm older and dating women who expect to be surprised with jewelry (Oh honey, it's too much. Thank you so much! *squeeeee*) I now understand why my mom refers to the fake stuff as her secret to remaining wealthy.

Maybe I'm too practical, I really can't think of anything pretty and useless (except art) that I'd prefer as a gift over something functional and fun. The last serious girlfriend gave me a dirty look when I tried to horse-trade a diamond solitaire for a Vespa in an engagement quid-pro-quo sense. She'd get a ring but I wanted the bike. She wanted a ring and she wanted me to be happy that she was going to buy me a ring too. I don't want a ring, I want a scooter. Suggesting that we could be engaged and she could buy herself a ring while I bought myself a Vespa went over less well still. I was flexible, I'd have settled for a Herman Miller Aeron desk chair.

[fizzgig]

18. that sounds like a perfectly reasonable trade

[JVS]

24. You should have seen my dad's wedding present to my mom.

A brand new Sony Trinitron!

[av8rdave]

17. Wish I'd known more about everything that happens after you give it to someone

[Manifestor_of_Light]

19. Ask the lady what she wants.

i used to work in a lease department (jewelry dept owned by another company) in a major department store chain. Foley's was the store. The company was Finlay Fine Jewelry. What a misnomer of a name.
The markup was three or three and a half times, and it was still bad stuff.

I never got a job in a good jewelry store selling properly graded stuff.

I was SO ASHAMED of the crappy jewelry we sold. In my GIA courses we called it "fish gravel". Not worth carrying out of the store. Should be in an aquarium, or it should die and be reborn as a grinding wheel.

I can spot the good stuff due to my GIA courses in Colored Stone Grading and Diamond Grading. This makes my upkeep expensive sometimes!! There are other stones much more interesting than diamonds, but diamonds make nice side accents. Asscher cuts are very hip now.

I would recommend estate jewelry for interesting stuff. I think most women are into jewelry of some sort, but it depends on what they like. And I have NO PROBLEM with zircons.

And yes, platinum is hypoallergenic, does not tarnish, is so non-reactive it is considered a noble metal (like a noble gas-the ones in neon signs) and more durable than gold.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

20. I got the most beautiful ring when we got engaged and married....

And now it's 5 years later and I have downsized to a single band with a green amethyst. It is so much prettier than a diamond and we didn't spend anywhere NEAR what we paid for the diamonds for our wedding set. Funny thing is, this many years later, my husband's 10 dollar sterling silver ring looks prettier than mine. I was hard on that thing, and I didn't even know it. It got knocked around and I never cleaned it. LOL And it is just too bulky. And in the winter it is far too big for gloves and for me since I shrink in the winter. =)
Duckie

[applegrove]

22. My cousin's fiancee bought her a ring. But the stone was too big. And she wanted the ring he bought

for her but smaller. So she took it into a jeweler and asked if they could make it smaller. Needless to say it really confused the them.

I'd bring your partner with you when you choose the ring.

[JVS]

23. Never bought one. I like those artificial labratory diamonds the Russians make.

[Arugula Latte]

25. I'm happy we didn't fall for the "spend two months salary at a mall jeweler" kind of hype.

We got an estate ring and band from the 20s for a very nice price (can't remember exactly -- maybe $200 total?). It is filigreed white gold with a half carat diamond. I'm not a big diamond person, so a honkin' huge diamond wouldn't be my choice. To this day I'm glad we made the decision we did. The engagement ring looks a little something like this:

[tigereye]

33. that looks like the one my grandmother had- love those

old style rings... more subtle, nicer details, not gaudy.

[Arugula Latte]

36. Thanks. The ring always felt like "me" and it still does.

[old mark]

26. We were looking at new rings and were not happy with them-quality is terrible.

We found a beauty at an antique jewelry shop in a local flea market...a ring from the 1930's, 12 K gold and platinum with a 1/4 k+ diamond, unused, or nearly so. We bought it for $300, and my wife still loves it 18 years later.
FWIW, the quality of most new jewelry is terrible compared to anything from before the 1960's and gets worse all the time.
I used to buy and sell estate jewelry at flea markets, and nearly anything you will find at a mall jeweler these days
is shit.
mark

[seaglass]

27. Try different shapes on before deciding. When I got engaged marquis cut was unusual

and I liked the shape but with my boyish hands it did not look good. Also no matter the quality of the diamond, emerald cut will never sparkle as much as any other cut.

[RandomThoughts]

28. Even the sparkle of a gem is a competition?

LOL, I actually think the concept of buying things like diamond rings is very sad. It was a manufactured consumerism ejected into society for profit of a small company. Although I can understand how some have translated money to diamonds to joy, it is a manufactured effect done for wrong reasons.

Basically the concept that buying a diamond means you love someone was loaded into the macro of giving something like a diamond. So that when someone gets a diamond, they get that loaded cultural feeling.

Although it was loaded for selfish profit reasons, not for sharing love. It is like a spell, it creates an effect by an artificial marketing done years ago by a monopoly company, then supported by culture.

But people find joy in it, but joy should not be made to move profit to some group artificially.

[seaglass]

37. No why would it be a competition? I have an emerald cut that I love.

Is it just diamonds that make you sad or would candy and flowers on valentine's day also be sad?

[RandomThoughts]

39. Diamonds don't make me sad.

The creation of that 'cultural item' for the profit of people to make a joy item that cost money to be given to a group is sad.

I understand the joy, it is from the loaded macro, but it was done for the wrong reasons. That is what is sad, that some would create an artificial way to be happy because they have monopoly control over something like diamonds.

Although the rules applied back on that are fascinating.

[BlueIris]

40. Ah, but see, I love emerald cut. Far and away more than any other diamond.

That probably tells everyone too much about me.

[Bunny]

29. I'm not likely to get married again, but if I do, I want the biggest,

tackiest cubic zirconia ring they make. This would probably work, except I think I'd like it a little bigger:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

30. A mossanite is sparklier than a diamond.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

31. A mossanite is sparklier than a diamond.

[hedgehog]

32. I chose my birthstone instead of a diamond, and later added

my kids' birthstones.


The nice thing is that my daughter chose a colored stone as well, which was a lot easier on her fiancee!

[tigereye]

34. well, diamonds have a lot of political baggage attached

I would rather have an antique ruby or emerald, myself.

[BlueIris]

41. Aw.

Kids birthstones are a nice touch.

[dawg]

35. No real regrets about the engagement ring I bought.

I spent too much, but I didn't want to be a cheapskate. I paid lots of attention to the cut, color, and clarity of the stone. I was more concerned with quality than with size. The stone in her ring has these neat little cuts all around the border between the top and the sides that can only be fully appreciated under a magnifying glass. But it does make the stone more *sparkly* to the naked eye. With most stones, that border is just ground smooth.

I put thought into it.

I hope that it made her feel like she was really special to me. That was my intent.

[LuckyTheDog]

38. Don't go to a chain store

I bought my wife's ring (which she was not expecting and which I sprung on her as a surprise), at an old-fashioned jeweler that was more than 100 years old. I know I probably paid too much. But those dudes really knew a lot and basically gave me a seminar in diamonds before I bought.

The fact that the salespeople clearly loved their work and considered it to be a career (and were not just marking time at the mall till they could get a job at Sears) made the experience a lot more satisfying.

[BlueIris]

42. I was turned off to chain retailers right away.

The rings I want all come from a tiny store with career jewelers in it.

[Missy Vixen]

43. My ring was made by a goldsmith

I wanted something unusual. The ring I chose was significantly below the DeBeers recommendation of 2 months' salary. DH was convinced it would be less money elsewhere. He dragged me off to the chain jewelers and said, "Is there anything here you'd like?"

I pointed at a two-carat solitaire. Needless to say, I got the ring from the goldsmith's. It's channel set, so I never had to worry I would lose the diamonds in my ring.

I was pretty easygoing on everything else - we didn't have a big wedding, we didn't go on an expensive honeymoon, I did not go insane over a dress - so the ring was pretty much a deal breaker. I wanted something I'd be happy wearing.

IMHO, YMMV: I still love my ring 18 years later. Your intended should give you a ring you will love wearing every day.

[Rabrrrrrr]

44. Thankfully, I already knew: they're a goddamn waste of money and diamonds suck.

So buy a ring that's nice, but isn't a downpayment on a home.

And if the chickypoo feels that she can't be married without a big rock, tell her to go fuck herself and leave her at the curb. She'll cop that same attitude the whole fucking marriage, so might as well save the misery.

Actually, one thing about looking for an engagement ring that IS a wonderful and good thing: you'll find out who your potential spouse REALLY is.