I need some real groaners - I'm planning on making my own

[hedgehog]

Christmas crackers and I need some really, really bad jokes/riddles to put inside them.

Example:

She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.

[Ptah]

1. Help! I'm trapped in a Christmas cracker factory!!

[yankeepants]

2. He was so bright his mom called him sonny

[woo me with science]

3. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he didn't have the guts.

[yankeepants]

4. Two toothless termites walk into a bar

and ask "Where's the bar tender?"

[BlueIris]

5. What does a dog say goes on top of a house?

Woof, woof!

[yankeepants]

6. A Skeleton walks into a bar

and orders a beer and a mop

[yankeepants]

7. what do you call a flly with no wings?

a walk.
First joke I taught my niece

[Richardo]

8. What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

[rurallib]

9. looks like an excellent spot for some of those old Tom Swifties

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

(I stole that one here - http://www.fun-with-words.com/tom_swifties.html)

[Capn Sunshine]

10. "we don't serve faster than light neutrinos in here" says the bartender

A neutrino walks into a bar
>
>
>
>
>
Physics joke. :P

[Capn Sunshine]

11. "we don't serve faster than light neutrinos in here" says the bartender

A neutrino walks into a bar
>
>
>
>
>
Physics joke. :P

[dimbear]

19. To be completely fair, that neutrino has

causality for complaint.

[liberaltrucker]

12. Two lions are walking in the jungle

One licks the other's ass.

"Hey WTF are you doing?"

"Dude, I just ate a lawyer. Gotta get
the taste outta my mouth".

:)

[Fire Walk With Me]

13. They were always pushing the envelope but in the end, it remained stationary.

[murielm99]

14. Why did the fly fly?

Because the spider spied her.

[IcyPeas]

15. what does a snowman eat for breakfast?

snow flakes



(somewhat appropriate for Christmas)

[suninvited]

16. How do you fix a broken tomato?

with tomato paste.

[pacalo]

17. Here you go...

Nobody does it better than Stephen Wright:

http://www.zbach.com/page%2016/stephen.htm

[Staph]

18. My nephew's joke, composed at the age of six . . .

Why did the cactus cross the road?



It was stuck to the chicken!

[hedgehog]

20. Many thanks!