Those who have had pets put down: Did you stay with them through the proceedure?

[cherish44]

I had my 17 year old kitty Elmer put down yesterday. I opted to stay with him through the whole thing...It was definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was sobbing. But you know, afterwards I felt so good knowing I had been with him. It really was very peaceful, it's just the waiting that was gut-wrenchingly hard. I've had pets put to sleep before but could never stay with them, it was too painful. Just wondering what others have done...I've been in both places so I can understand either decision. Anyway, I'm feeling a little better today. My lap and arms are very cold and empty this morning but I feel him in spirit. (I have 4 other young and full of life kitties chasing each other right now so I like to think Elmer is that way again now so that makes me smile a little)

[HopeHoops]

1. Yes, and I always cry.

[Richardo]

2. I've stayed with mine...

...and I've had to do it several times.

It's difficult, but for me it's harder to think of them going through all that with no friendly face to look at, or familiar hand touching them until they're gone...

Peace to you and Elmer.

[raccoon]

3. I stayed with mine. nt

[KurtNYC]

4. On my lap

:hug:

[hifiguy]

5. Yes.

When my Max's time came fourteen months ago he was in my arms when the vet gave him the shot. He was gone in a second. I was inconsolable for days and cried every day for a month.

Peace to you and to your buddy Elmer. :hug:

[rurallib]

6. no - I simply could not.

I always feel like the biggest asshole in the world -----

[GreenPartyVoter]

23. Don't feel that way. *hugs*

[hamsterjill]

28. Ditto!

I always feel guilty, but one of the vets that we use sat down and talked with me one day and told me that she felt the same way. She can put down someone else's pet, but she cannot be present when one of hers is being let go. We both agreed that in our cases, it is because we very much want our last memories of them to be with them running around, etc.

What I'm really trying to say here, in a clumsy way, is that it is the care that you give them, the love that you give them, the ache that you have once they are gone. That is what is important. Whatever decision you make for the final few minutes is a hard personal choice - either way. But it is the lifetime of love that is truly important.

[trof]

7. Not the first time, but later I did.

After I turned that first old, sick, hurting dog over to the vet and walked out I felt like an absolute shit.

Twice since, I've held the head and paw and stayed with them.
It's painful as hell, but I feel better about it.
So sorry for your loss.

[City Lights]

8. Always.

We've had to make the decision 5 times and have always stayed. One of us always holds the kitty while the doctor injects the medicine. The latest was with Isaac over the summer. He was the most difficult because he we had to put him down without ever finding out what was killing him. He was only 3 years old. All we knew for sure is that he was fighting off a horrible infection, but all the tests the docs did came back negative. We suspect he had FIP, but we decided not to do an autopsy to confirm. He lost the vision in both eyes. One eye on Monday and the other on Wednesday. We ended up putting him down on Sunday after he vomited 4 huge puddles of fresh blood. It was absolutely heartbreaking. :cry:

One of the cats we had to put down was my daughter's. She was only a junior in high school, but held him while he purred until his heart stopped.

I'm so sorry you lost your beloved Elmer. :hug: It hurts like hell. Peace to you.

[hamsterjill]

39. FIP is just horrible.

My sympathies. I've lost cats to it and I keep hoping that, one day, a cure will be found.

[City Lights]

44. Thanks...it's much appreciated.

We've had to say good-bye to six cats. Two had cancer, one had a heart attack, two had congestive heart failure, but the suspected FIP death was the worst by far. We felt so helpless watching him slip away, and because we didn't know what he had, we didn't want to throw in the towel. The doctors kept hoping the next test would reveal the illness so he could be treated. Looking back I wish we had decided to have an autopsy so we'd know for sure, but when it was time to put him down, we'd had enough. I, too, hope a cure will be found. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. :-(

[hobbit709]

9. Every one of them.

[mike_c]

10. always....

Hardest damned thing I've ever done, I think.

[undeterred]

11. I stayed with my first dog through the procedure.

My second dog died of natural causes in my arms. Best way to go. He tried to crawl off to be alone to die- I think that is in their nature. I put him on my bed and was petting him as his body shut down.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

12. Yes. I know he would have stayed with me if it was my time to go.

[Denninmi]

13. Both of my first two dogs died in my arms.

One at home naturally, the other at the vet's by euthanasia. Both had cancer, and it was time for both to go.

One of the hardest things I've ever been through. I don't know what it says about me, but I almost think it was harder than the 24 hour vigil at the hospital when my dad lapsed into a coma and died (also of cancer). I guess because they were my children to me.

I was glad for them that I could hug and pet them and tell them it was OK as they went.

I'm glad you have others. My current dog was 10 months old when the second was put to sleep, and it did help. I knew it was coming, which was why I chose to get another puppy prior. I went three months without a dog after the first one died, and it was a cold and lonely time for me, especially coming home from work and not being greeted.

[TorchTheWitch]

50. You aren't alone regarding what you said about your father

It was the same way for me, and I'm so glad you mentioned this because I've always thought it was just me.

When I lost my first dog it was a few years after losing my dad to cancer. I felt very nearly as bad and had much the same painful grief process as when my dad died. I felt terrible guilt about this and finally talked to my mom about it because it bothered me so much. Bless her heart, she believed it was entirely normal and explained that my relationship with my father was a mature one whereas my relationship with my dog was like that of a mother and a young son though he was "just" a dog. She also said that the relationships were also very different as for a number of years I only saw my parents a few times a year because of their traveling whereas the dog was a constant physical part of my every day life. After that conversation I could let go of the guilt, but until you mentioned this about your similar feelings I always still had a nagging feeling that it was only me that felt this way and wondered what that could mean about me as a person.

Thank you so much for mentioning this. It makes me feel so much better that it really isn't just something strange (and maybe not very good) about me. I feel like a small weight I didn't even know I was carrying for years suddenly lifted off my shoulders.

:hug:

[Bake]

14. Yes I did.

He'd been right there with us through everything else; I was not about to leave him at the end. I was holding him when they put the needle in. Boo was looking right at me the whole time, until his eyes went glassy. I told the vet to just give me a few minutes with him. I cried my eyes out.

Fifteen years later I'm still crying telling you about it.

Gotta go. Goddamn it. He was a good one.

And I woudn't trade BoobBoo, or that moment, for anything in the world.

Bake

[GoCubsGo]

15. Yes.

I had to do this back in April. I didn't want him to die alone with strangers. I just wish I had asked if the vet could come to the house and do it. My first kitty died on her own at the vet's office, and I wish I could have been there with her. I didn't want that for my handsome boy. It was bad enough that I waited too long to let him go.

My condolences to you for Elmer's loss. Don't be surprised if you catch a glimpse of him strutting down the hall one day soon. This comes from somebody who doesn't even believe in that kind of thing, yet saw her boy walking out of "his" bedroom toward one of the others one night a few months ago.

[LanternWaste]

16. I did. The only time I've ever cried in front of strangers.

I did. The only time I've ever cried in front of strangers. I lost it completely.

I felt as though I was betraying her, and I still feel that way quite often. Regardless of who I rationalize it to myself, I'll never shake the feeling I let her down.

[GreenPartyVoter]

24. Were you saving her from more pain or a difficult life? That's not a betrayal. *hugs*

[LanternWaste]

64. Academically, I realize that I did the most humane thing.

Academically, I realize that I did the most humane thing.

Emotionally though, I do feel as though I betrayed her; and I can't simply logically rationalize myself into believing one way or the other.

Thanks.

[Bake]

17. And whe it's Muffin's time, I'm gonna be right there with her.

She's been a great great dog. I'm her favorite human (she LOVES to share my bourbon and cok more than anything!), but by golly, when I come to bed, if Mrs. B is already in bed, Muffin (because of her breeding) threatens to tear my ass UP!

But when her time comes, and it's probably going to be sooner rather than later--she's fiftenn human years old--I'll be there with her. Nobody else. And I will cry my eyes out. Muffin, Daddy loves you!

Dogdamit, who started this thread, anyway??

Bake

[Orrex]

18. Yes, even with the cat that I mostly couldn't stand

Seemed like the right thing to do.

[Arugula Latte]

19. Yes. I kiss their little fuzzy heads and tell them they were good kitties.

Because they all were. :cry:

[fizzgig]

20. i did the last time

our big male, yossarian, had been with us for about 14 years when it was his time. we found a vet that would come to the house, we took him outside so he could feel the sun at the end. my dad held him in his lap, my sister and i each held a paw. i cried, but it was a very humbling and enlightening experience.

rest easy, elmer, and a :hug: for you.

[Brickbat]

21. My first dog went off to die and I never found his body. I wish for my kids' sake that he would

have stuck around to die, or that he would have lived long enough to be put down, so we could have had more closure. I think it's a kind thing to sit with your animal when you have them put down. I can't imagine not doing it.

[GreenPartyVoter]

22. Yes, and it was the kind of procedure where his eyes stayed open the whole time. That was hard. He

was there, and then he wasn't. I stayed with him quite a while after that.

When your younger kittehs are staring off into space, they may be looking at Elmer. I liked to think that's what Pickles was doing after Pretzel was gone. :hug:

[Avalux]

25. Yes.

My sweet Ellie girl was old and in kidney failure; the vet said it would be the best thing for her. I petted her and talked to her and she looked into my eyes until she was gone. I felt I owed it to her to be there, so she wouldn't be alone.

Geez, now I'm getting teary eyed....

:hug:

[Angry Dragon]

26. I always figured I owed them that

[HERVEPA]

27. Yup. And had it done at home. Better for him and for me.

[meegbear]

29. No, I couldn't do it ...

I saw him in an oxygen tent with tubes and just burst into tears. I had to walk out and had them do it.

It was 3 years ago and I still get depressed when I think about it.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

30. I'm so sorry, my dear meegbear...

May time and your good memories help erase the pain you're feeling, sweetie...

:hug:

[cherish44]

45. Sorry about your experience...I understand about it being too hard to watch your beloved pet die

Now that I've done it, I'll always be there in the future for my other kitties if it becomes necessary because the death itself is so very peaceful. It's the goodbyes that is hard...and really we're going to have to say goodbye whether we stay or don't stay.

I try not to guilt myself about other times when I couldn't stay. Pets love so unconditionally I think they'd understand.

[Polly Hennessey]

31. Saying goodbye

Yes. I would do nothing less for my best friends. I have had to do it too often and it is the hardest thing I ever have to do. I talk to them for about thirty minutes before and I stay with them about 30 minutes after. I remind them of all the fun we had and how much they are loved and that they will not be forgotten.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

32. Absolutely.

My kitties have always stuck with me through thick and thin, and I would feel like a coward if I had abandoned them when they needed me the most. :( Staying with them was the least I could to do thank them for their years of unconditional love.

[queenjane]

33. I stayed with them, held them, talked to them, sometimes sang quietly

It is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done, making that decision, but it was always the right one. They can't speak for themselves. I'm their Mom and I have to do what's best for them, not me. In one case, I waited way too long and made Percy suffer because I could not bring myself to let him go. I will always regret that.

Hugs to you and your babies.
:hug:

[RebelOne]

34. Yes, I had my Rottweiler put down July 20 last year.

She was almost 13 and had bone and liver cancer. I was giving her all kinds of meds and pain killers, but it got to the point where she could not walk any longer. So I had to make that awful decision to send her to doggie heaven. I stayed with her the entire time because she would have thought that I had deserted her.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

35. I once told the story here about the day my Nashville Cat died.

It's a hard thing to do.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8875710

Also, this is one is about an injured stray puppy that showed up outside my door on a dark and stormy night...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7582240

[haele]

36. Yes, Laz and I stay with them. I think it helps them not be so anxious.

I had the vet come over for my old boys because as cats, we could bury them in the yard without much trouble, and we took Shari into a special room the clinic had for euthanasia that was set up more like typical living room rather than a vet's office.
They all went to sleep with mommy and daddy petting and talking to them, which took some of the apparent surprise from the initial shot away.
I know it's much better for me, even though it still makes me tear up.

Haele

[Lance_Boyle]

37. Absolutely.

You do not leave a life long companion on a vet table alone wondering WTF is happening at the very end of his/her life. As pet owners we owe it to our pets to be with them at the end. Yeah, you're going to cry. Yeah, it's going to suck. But you have to be there for your pets, right to the end. Any other choice is irresponsible and selfish, IMO.

[ceile]

38. Oh yes.

One of the dogs we had done at home. My cat- there was no way I was going to leave her. She purred up to the very end.

[cherish44]

47. I would have loved the option of doing it at home but didn't have the option

I hope that final car ride and that vet's office didn't scare him.

[Orsino]

40. Yes. I don't know what good it does them...

...but however much it eases their passing, I do it.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[TrogL]

41. They haven't been allowing it up until recently

I figure I've got about 5 years left for Leo and intend to do it then.

One of the cats may go earlier. I keep saying he can have one more summer because it's too painful for him in the winter with his arthritis and all, but then he pulls through for another year.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

42. I'm so sorry for your loss

:hug: And the answer to your question is yes, both times. Heart-wrenching both times but ultimately it seemed very peaceful for them and, in the second case, our dog was in a lot of misery and discomfort so I like to think that it may have been a release for him into a better world.

[WillParkinson]

43. Yes and no...

When Misty was put down I was there cradling her. She was pretty much gone already and I knew it in my heart.

Heidi was a different story. She was 16.5 years old and still getting around but had stopped eating. I was willing to do whatever it took to get her another day of life, including intravenous drugs. Paul knew it was time and he stayed with her while I went out and cried.

[cherish44]

46. Thanks for sharing your touching stories, I'm tearing up reading them!

I think people the love pets are the coolest, most awesome people on the planet! I still grieve over pets I've lost years ago too...but the joy they brought is immortal and trumps the sadness I feel about them being gone.

[AngryOldDem]

48. Someone here once posted a Canine Ten Commandments.

I can't reproduce it because I copied and pasted it without the link. But I will share this one with you:


"10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, 'I can't bear to watch it,' or 'Let it happen in my absence.' Everything is easier if you are there.

Remember that I love you."

Same goes for cats.

[TorchTheWitch]

49. Absolutely

I wouldn't have it any other way. As unbearably hard as it is the thought of them thinking I'd abandoned them at their most important moment is far more unbearable and the guilt would last forever. It was also reassuring to be there with them for the whole process so you know absolutely that it was a peaceful end and not plague yourself with terrible thoughts of it being a horrible experience for the pet. That not knowing for certain would eat at me forever if I hadn't been right there with them for the whole process.

I didn't do this with any of the family pets when I was a kid because I thought it would be too traumatizing to me, but I was reassured because I knew my parents would be right there with them for the whole process, and all the family pets were closer to either of my parents than they were to me anyway (the dog was attached to my dad, and the cats loved my mom best). Those pets weren't "mine" though, and that makes a huge difference to me. With the dogs I've had that were absolutely mine alone there was no way I wouldn't be there with them for the whole process no matter if it killed me.

With both my dogs I didn't cry during the process probably because I was so focused on them rather than on myself. The second it was over though I fell apart. With the first dog I managed to get as far as the front desk keeping the sobbing at bay, and with the second dog I started sobbing almost as soon as he passed while I was still in the room with him. I think I lasted a little longer with the first dog because I wasn't so familiar with the vet that did the deed and was more inclined to feel embarrassed breaking down in front of her. With the second dog I was much more familiar with Dr. P and had sobbed in his presence before, so I didn't have any of that need to cling to self-control in front of him.

Both times other clients that happened to be at the clinic with their pets were unbelievably compassionate and rushed to me with long hugs and reassuring me with just the right words that I desperately needed to hear. Lovely people. I'll never ever forget them.

I make each of my dogs a solemn promise when I get them that they will have a good life with me, that I'll always love them and tend to their health and well-being even more generously than my own, and when their time comes I won't let them suffer for my sake and I'll be right there with them for their final journey save for an unforeseen event that makes such a thing impossible. And I keep that promise come hell or high water.

[Curmudgeoness]

51. I always stay. It is always painful. When I asked my vet if I could,

that first time, he went off on the people who just leave the pets to be alone at that final moment in their lives.

I will never leave my babies to strangers (who all of mine have hated because, well, they hate the vet's office). It is so hard to do, but I wouldn't do it any other way. I think it is selfish to put your discomfort ahead of comforting a loved one in their last experience.

[Demoiselle]

52. Yes, always.

I try to have them put down at home if it's possible.
In any case, I want them to see me and know how much I love them when I send them on their journey.
And yes, it hurts like hell, always.

[RSillsbee]

53. You owe it to that animal to be there.

How would you like it if your family left you alone to die?

[Ilsa]

54. Yes. nt

[applegrove]

55. Yeah. I couldn't stop balling my eyes out the whole time. Monster

was calm before he was given the sedative so I was glad about that. I wanted to change my mind so bad.

[Taverner]

56. Yes. It is the least I can do.

I missed my first two - Clancy and Snooky. Soft Wheaten Terriers.

Clancy died when I was 7, which doesn't bother me so much.

Snooky died when I was 14, and I wasn't there. I feel like I let her down.

Since then I've been there for all other pet's passings.

[BiggJawn]

57. Stayed with them all.

Last year was rough, we lost 3 cats and the dog. They all had had good, long well-loved lives.

[tammywammy]

58. I had to put down one of the stray cats I take care of

Sweetie was very sick, so I took him to the emergency vet late one night. He was very dehydrated, I had been squirting gatorade in him, but wasn't sure how much it was helping. He had also had diarrhea and had willingly let me bathe him and dry him off. I was worried he wouldn't make it through the night. My two inside kitties knew something was wrong, they didn't make one squawk about Sweetie being inside the bathroom. The vet said there was something wrong with his liver, he was very jaundiced and his temperature was already dropping. Unfortunately it was his time to go. I started crying after I had made the decision and Sweetie just laid down and put his head on my hand.

I couldn't stay with him while she put him to sleep. I knew it was the right decision and though I'd always tried not to get "attached" to my strays I was. He was a sweetheart, that's why I called him Sweetie. It was such a hard thing to do. The vet was so compassionate and reassuring that I was making the right decision. I cried for a long time that night and hugged my two kitties a lot.

[nolabear]

59. Yes, I stayed always, telling them what good girls and boys they were.

It's funny, I never (and I've done this several times) wanted to say anything except that one phrase they always seemed to hunger for, that they were very, very good.

*sigh*

[Digit]

60. I had to put my 20 year old kitty to sleep about 2 mos ago

My daughter (a grown woman) and I stayed with her throughout the whole procedure. Her kidneys had begun to fail and they found she was in liver failure. She hid her pain well.

We both openly cried while telling her how loved she was. I miss her so much, but have not had the heart to get another kitty.

Along with some of you, I also had feelings of betrayal.

I had her cremated and she is on my mantel.

[flvegan]

61. Absolutely.

Stressful situation for them, and not for the sake of my emotion would I put them through their final minutes or seconds without my loving hand, voice, smell.

[MrMickeysMom]

62. I wouldn't do it any other way...

Really... I know what you mean.

The very first time I had to decide to put my cat down, I hovered over her at the moment of injecting her in a humane and peaceful way... I have always felt that I somehow assisted her travel to our rainbow bridge that way.... at the same time, all my dears go on living in my heart...

Bless them...

[emilyg]

63. Yes - with every one.

[sinkingfeeling]

65. I've stayed with each of my dogs. I could never not be with them til the end.

[Mad_Dem_X]

66. I did with my rabbit back in '01.

He was 11 years old, and my little buddy. I made myself stay with him through the entire process. It was heartwrenching. I think if I have to do that again, I will leave after they put the animal to sleep (and not stay for the final needle).