So, I just bought a duffle bag

[blueamy66]

and filled it with toothpaste, toothbrushes, razors, shaving cream, boxers, socks, shampoo, conditioner, soap, sweatshirts, t-shirts, etc. for my fiance's homeless brother. How effing depressing was that? I never thought I'd have to do this in my life.

When my guy gets back to Vegas to the homeless shelter, he's taking him to buy pants and shoes.
...on Monday

Holy hell....what a friggin' nightmare.

Need vibes....even from those that don't like me. :-)

[HopeHoops]

1. Did you remember to buy some duffle?

WTF is duffle anyway?

[blueamy66]

2. That's all you got?

love DU

talk about my life issues and you make a joke....eff you...I'm beginning to hate this website

[siligut]

4. Making light of depressing things is a DU Lounge thing

It used to surprise me too. Good vibes to you and the two guys. The brother is lucky to have you both.

[Kali]

5. it's a human thing

not just a lounge thing

many people use dark/black/gallows humor in the face of bad situations

[blueamy66]

14. thank you

:-)

[applegrove]

20. I had a good friend who made me laugh hard and a henious series of events I was going through. I owe

her big for getting me to laugh at my own pain. It humanized me.

[Bladian]

6. No offense, but that was a slight overreaction.

He/she was probably trying to lighten the mood. C'mon now.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

8. minimizing others problems doesn't help lighten a mood

if you cant have empathy, just stay away from threads that are clearly looking for some empathy

[Bladian]

9. I don't think that was minimizing it at all.

The poster didn't say, "Oh, he can just go to a soup kitchen!" They just cracked a joke about duffles. I don't think the person intended to be insensitive, just like I'm not trying to be insensitive. It's an awful situation. People just deal with things like this in different ways, so maybe they were trying to help the OP by making them laugh and/or smile.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. if you cant see that as hugely inappropriate given what the OP is saying

i am not sure, i can explain it.

[petronius]

11. I disagree: it was a rather innocuous joke (I thought it was funny, actually),

which is often helpful when people are hurting. The OP apparently isn't someone who likes that approach, and said so, and I doubt HH will repeat it. But to call it "hugely inappropriate" or "minimizing" is way off target IMO.

To the OP: I am sorry you're going through this, but it's extremely kind of you and your husband to make such an effort. We have a similar situation in our family, and it's agonizing - especially the feeling that no matter what you do you may not be able to solve anything...

[blueamy66]

15. what to do?

We are at are wit's end at this point.

Do we stop now or keep trying to help?

[petronius]

22. I think you always keep trying, as long as you're able

But - and this sounds sort of cold - you have to keep an eye out for your own well-being and happiness. Things like not beating yourself up when there's a relapse, or making an honest appraisal of how much you've done (and not comparing it unfavorably to the infinite amount you may think you could have done), or recognizing that you simply can't do everything that you might want to, or (most importantly, perhaps) making sure that your own relationship is always central and healthy...

:hug:

[blueamy66]

23. Thanks for caring and the post and the hugs

My guy left at 3 for Vegas and turned around and came home after a nap at a convenience store. He is freaking worn out. He was on the phone with the siblings all day and decided he just couldn't drive to Vegas today.

I cooked him a nice spaghetti dinner and he is asleep. He got in touch with his bro and I think he's gonna bring him back here to AZ and then figure it out then.

My guy is not one to show emotions....total HE-MAN....this is killing him and me.....we're arguing, which he knew would happen...not worth it....gotta love family

[blueamy66]

29. picked him up at the Salvation Army corner

got him 2 nights at a nice hotel......the bro loves the duffle bag full of stuff....hope my guy brings him back here to our house....can't imagine taking him back to a homeless shelter......get him back here, clean him up and put him on a plane to Chicago......I didn't have this $600 to spend, but what the hell????? I still feel guily about my own bro's death....gotta make it us somehow....

[blueamy66]

18. He's living in a soup kitchen

WTF...

[HopeHoops]

28. You're right. That was insensitive and inappropriate. I sincerely apologize.

That's just been a "reflex joke" for about 35 years - when I made my first duffle bag in Home Ec class in jr. high. WTF is duffle anyway?

Seriously, I didn't mean it to be offensive but it obviously came across that way. Please accept my apology.

HH

[blueamy66]

30. thank you

nt

[sarge43]

3. The man has people who care for him.

As depressing as his situation is, it could be much worse.

Pack some baby wipes and zip lock plastic bags -- very handy when you're living out of a duffel and suit case.

Good vibes to all and bless you for caring :hug:

[blueamy66]

13. never thought about the baby wipes....thanks for the heads up

I'll get some of those tomorrow...

God, this is sad....

[La Lioness Priyanka]

7. He cant come live with you?

how terrible for you. so very sad.

[blueamy66]

16. He won't come.

He's had 2 bus tix to family and has fucked with both of them. Mental issues, i think. We are just trying to keep him clothed, fed and warm.

Scary for me.....

[Phentex]

12. Good vibes to all of you!...

Sounds like a very nice thing you are doing for him.

:hug:

[blueamy66]

17. thank you very much

it's tearing us apart

[handmade34]

19. I get it... been there

just a wee hint for the future... a bag with wheels is best for the homeless

[blueamy66]

21. I think that we are done with spending money on him.

We've offered to take him in, spent enough $ on stuff, 2 bus tix...if he doesn't want to help himself....we're done...

[rurallib]

24. I can't do much but wish you the best possible outcome.

hope you can keep it together.

[blueamy66]

25. thank you

it's getting a bit outta control....but he can't just "let his bro go"....even though he's a pain in the ass.....they got in touch.....my guy is leaving at 4 am tomorrow for Vegas.....sleeping like a baby right now.....have a feeling he's coming back with him to our house...oh god.....if so, I'll take good care of both of them

[Quantess]

26. I knew this thread would be worth opening just by the title

That's nice and thoughtful of you, even though I can see how it would be a real bummer.
I think socks are vital.

[blueamy66]

27. the sox are in the bag

for a while, it seemed the bro wanted to be "homeless"....no job, no responsibility, no nothing, but I believe he's changed his mind.....my guy is just freaking beaten down....I hope he brings the bro to AZ, even tho he doesn't want to.....it's just the right thing to do.....we'll see...cause I'm done trying to talk to my guy......he's had enough and just has to do what he wants to do..... :-(