Frustrating customer support calls.

[Madrone]

My best one of the day - (so far). I also do NOT feel well (doctor yesterday determined I have a sinus infection, AND a cold) - so my patience is wearing a little thin.

Anyway - on to the frustrating call. (please know this person has been an internet customer for 4 years, it's not someone that just signed up)

Customer: Hello, I'm having trouble with my internet.

Me: What kind of trouble are you having, sir?

Customer: It just says "page cannot be displayed"

Me: (while checking the log file to make sure what I was saying was indeed correct) That is because you have not dialed up and connected to the internet. You must connect to the internet before you may view webpages.

Customer: How do I do that?

Me: Do you have a shortcut to your dial up connection on your desktop?

Customer: ...

Me: On your desktop, do you see an icon that says something like - shortcut to xyz's dial up account?

Customer: All I can see is "page cannot be displayed"

Me: Sir, you must close that window, the desktop is behind it.

Customer: I can't.

Me: You can't? What do you mean you can't?

Customer: It won't go away.

Me: Try clicking the little "x" in the top right hand corner of the window.

Customer: I did.

Me: What happened?

Customer: Nothing.

Me: Nothing? Is your computer frozen? What happens when you click the "start" button - does that come up?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Okay, so your computer is not frozen. How about the "minus" in the top right hand corner? Can you click that? We need to get behind this window so we can see your desktop.

Customer: Nope.

Me: ...

Customer: Oh wait! Nevermind - here it is!

Me: (stops banging head on desk) Okay, on your desktop do you see an icon called something like "shortcut to xyz's dial up account?"

Customer: ...

Me: It may be called shortcut to XYZ Internet instead - I'm not really sure what you have it called on your computer, but it will probably be like the 2 things I mentioned.

Customer: ...

Me: ...?

Customer: Oh, yes. There it is, I found it.

Me: Okay sir. Doubleclick that icon. You will see the dial up box open, and there you click "Connect" to begin the dialing up process. Are you on the same phone line that the computer is on?

Customer: (as I hear the computer try to engage the phone line) Yes.

Me: Sir, you cannot dial up while we are on the phone. When we hang up, click "connect" and after your computer dials up double click the "netscape communicator" icon on your desktop.

Customer: It says "Page cannot be displayed"

Me: Sir, that is because you are not connected to the internet. You must dial up and connect to the internet first to view webpages. You will be unable to do this until we get off the phone.

Customer: It says "a connection could not be established. No dial tone"

Me: That is because we are on the phone. You must hang up the phone before you will be able to dial up.

Customer: Okay.

Me: Okay, so we will hang up now, and as soon as we do you will double click on "shortcut to xyz's dial up" and wait for it to dial up and connect. Once it does, you will double click on Netscape and be online.

Customer: What?

Me: When we hang up, click "connect" and after your computer dials up double click the "netscape communicator" icon on your desktop.

Customer ...?

Me: First, you will need to click on "shortcut to dial up", then click on "netscape commmunicator".

Customer: I never had to do that before.

Me: I understand that, sir. Unfortunately, this is a common issue w/ Windows. Sometimes the autodial functionality just stops working and there's not much that can be done about it. You will now have to click on 2 icons to get online and open your browser.

Customer: Maybe I ought to stop by the office for written instructions.

Me: I see no need for that, sir. You simply have to double click on "shortcut to xyz", dial it up, then click on "netscape communicater." That's all there is to it. Just those 2 things, that's it.

Customer: ...? ... ... ... ... ...

Me: Alright, sir. If it would make you more comfortable I will write down on paper those 2 things you need to click on, and you can drive all the way over here to pick it up.

Customer: Yes, thank you. I think that's what I'd better do.



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*still banging head on desk over that one

[NewHampster]

1. I feel your pain - If you never read the chronicles of george

It'll make you feel better.

http://chroniclesofgeorge.nanc.com/index.htm

[Madrone]

5. I saw that before -

It was probably you that posted it. *L* I have to deal with a person like George from time to time. We give free inet to the husband of one of the ladies we have working in another of our phone exchanges across teh state. We provide internet there too, but Internet does not have a physical presence at that location. Because the people in my area have the benefit of hauling their puters into the office for us to look at and it wasn't fair that the across state people didn't have that option, we give free internet to this man to help out with those issues.

He is a COMPLETE George. Nonsensical one-liners is about all he can manage.

[NewHampster]

7. Do People still use Dialup?

I thought that was outlawed when we ran out of exchanges.

Where's the any key?

[ET Awful]

10. LOL . . . the first on page 18 is a riot!!!!

http://chroniclesofgeorge.nanc.com/tickets18.htm

orgamic keyboard. . . BUAHAHAHAHAHA

[NewHampster]

11. I never got that far before. LOL

[donviti]

2. Was it george

I wonder if that was our President. I hear he has someone read him the paper in the morning too.

[KinkyDem]

4. you MUST be havening to read this

this web sight is mostly funnyerouse. It is havening great fun with.

[KinkyDem]

3. I don't know if I should laugh or cry!

Oh, god, how I hate people. Stupid fucking users ... grrrr ...

Oh, how I wish was back doing that! The darkened room. The stale smell of soda's fermenting on the desk. The pale green glow of the router lights, going blinky ... blinky ... blinky ...

Your comapny hiring? Tons of experience. Work cheap ... at least compared to what I USED to make.

[NewHampster]

6. No Users, No Jobs - Funny how that happens

Users are my coffee and my blood.

when we forget that it's time to go work for the State

[KinkyDem]

12. Hey now

Just because I loath and despise users doesn't mean I can't and don't provide superior customer service.

Dial up support, two years
NOC bitch, 2 years
International support for multi continent network, 2 years
hearing AOLusers screaming into their phones for lack of support, timeless.

[NewHampster]

14. Still alive huh?

I count like 6 years. A human isn't supposed to last that long in support.

[Madrone]

8. Not hiring...

We're just little and local guys....

I will tell you one thing - whomever created the "autodial feature" in Windows should be strung up by the balls. I fucking HATE autodial. It coddles people so much that when it goes tits up and they have to click 2 things to connect instead it's like the fucking WORLD is coming to an END. People get real pissed if they have to click TWO things instead of ONE. The horror. The horror.

[mr_hat]

9. "I can't find the any key."

[nini]

13. LOL

I did tech support for about a year in the early 90s. I learned so much patience and that there are a lot of stupid people it the world.

I feel for ya.

[NightTrain]

15. In a similar vein...

...I've been getting earfuls from customers who are only now hearing that the store is closing next month. Our local customers, almost all of them elderly, lament that they know of no other drugstores in town that deliver, while our group-home customers complain that fewer and fewer pharmacies are willing to do business with them--which I understand fully, considering what a pain in the ass group homes are to deal with. I swear, you can't often tell the residents from the staff! :eyes:

Anyway, my stock answer to the customers is, "A month from now, I'll be out of work and you'll be out of luck." Then I give them the owner's office number. I'm just sorry I don't know the bastard's home number! :evilgrin:

[bleedingheart]

16. One of my most troubling customers was fired due in part to me

I provide engineering consulting/support for a speciality software product. I am very lucky because my clients are smart and courteous...when they call me it is due to a bug or they are calling for consulting.

However about seven months ago I started taking calls from a person who was employed by a very well known organization. This organization supposedly has very high standards...

This person (Mr. X) called me daily for me to do job. I kept explaining that I provided limited consulting and that Mr. X should probably hire one of our full time (traveling consultants)...Mr. X ignored me and kept calling our group. Our contract with our clients limits what we will do and then if they want more they have to pay extra. So we finally drew a line in the sand and Mr X's boss called to bully us into helping Mr X.... and then asked for records of what kind of support Mr. X had received...(the Boss had no idea what was going on..)

we heard nothing for about two weeks.... and then....

an Apology from Mr. X's boss appeared...along with an admission that Mr. X had been having us do the classified work Mr. X was supposed to be doing....

Mr. X got fired because Mr. X couldn't do the job he'd been hired to do...

I guess I could feel bad but Mr. X had a PhD and was rude and arrogant with us...treated us like servants....and then got fired.

[Madrone]

17. Youch!

Comeuppance! He sure got his! :)