How the blue states can deal with the red states.....

[whistle]

ADOPT US, O Canada!

As a blue-red split continues in the Divided States of America, we note that every blue state is contiguous to Canada or to another blue state that is contiguous to Canada, except Hawaii - that's not contiguous to anything but a lot of blue water that's contiguous to Canada.

Therefore, we've got an idea. How about a sort of second American Revolution, Canada, in which you annex all the blue states, liberate us from King George, and thus become the world's sole superpower.

What Canada Gets:

* Higher education: All eight Ivy League universities, Stanford, U. Chicago and Northwestern.

* Serious sports: Forget the Super Bowl. With the Eagles, Patriots, Steelers, Jets, Vikings and Packers, the Grey Cup is where it's at. You get the Expos back as they're now in D.C. But who needs the Expos when you've got the Red Sox, Yankees, Twins, Mariners, Giants, Dodgers, Angels, Padres, Phillies and Pirates. The World Series is coming! The Raptors are Canada's
favorite basketball team? We don't think so. What about Flyers-Maple Leafs? Flyers-Canadiens? Settle the strike and drop the puck.

* Warm-weather vacations: Sun yourselves whenever you want in Southern California or Hawaii at Canada's beautiful beaches.

* The cultural arts: Tourists will love Canada's museums including the Smithsonian, the Museum of Natural History and the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Plus, in addition to Broadway, the Kennedy Center and top regional theater, we're throwing in our best orchestras - Philadelphia, Boston, Chicago and L.A.

* The entertainment industry: You already love our movies and TV shows more than those red-staters and now when that rare production shoots in California or New York instead of Vancouver or Toronto, you still get credit for the jobs and the tax revenue.

* The automobile industry: Ohio can keep its Honda plant. GMs, Fords and Chryslers are made in Canada.

* The biotech industry: With many of the world's top biotech firms located in Massachusetts, New York, Washington and California (thanks to $6 billion in new stem cell research funding), it's likely that Canadian scientists will cure cancer and heart disease within the next 50 years.

* The computer industry: That's right, we keep Microsoft, Apple, Hewlett-Packard and Silicon Valley. "America" gets Dell.

* A burgeoning tourist industry: You've now got a lot more to sell than Toronto, the Cabot Trail and the glaciers in Banff. Even red-staters love to visit Atlantic City, the Liberty Bell, Maui, the Space needle and Disneyland (now Disney Canada).

* Fresher produce: Canada, the artichoke, garlic and strawberry capital of the world. And Canadian wines just got a whole lot tastier.

* Arnold Schwarzenegger: He can't be president but he'd make a swell Canadian premier.

What the Red-Staters get:

* Exactly what they want.

What Blue-Staters get:

* Canadian citizenship: And we don't even have to move.

* "O, Canada": A national anthem that's much easier to sing than "The Star Spangled Banner."

* Free flu shots. (Not to mention free health care.)

You don't like our "values," red-staters, you've got your wish - we're out’ta here.

But remember, the next time you want to see a Broadway show, visit wine country, Hawaii or the birthplace of liberty, don't just bring your Visa card, bring your visa.

You're in Canada now. And we're tightening our borders.

(Thanks to a democratic friend for this chuckle on Sunday morning morning. She holds several important political positions in up-state New York and is a very patrotic and loyal American.)

[sadinred]

1. are you forgeting that

a) the machines were fixed
and, b)in the red states it was close. Bush didn't win by much.

I am red stater born in NYC and raised in Boston. I am tired of being grouped with morons because of where I currently reside!

[lapfog_1]

2. That's great

especially the line "Don't bring your Visa card, bring your visa!"

But one nitpick. Please, let the Red state morans have the Gropenator.
We'll arrange some sort of forced extradition for him. Don't inflict
him on our new countrymen. Otherwise, let's do it.

Oh, also mention that Canada gets a real navy, army and airforce,
complete with nuclear weapons... because we really can't trust
the theocracy which is the new CSA (Christian States of America).

[Darth_Kitten]

3. Think the old Canada had it's share of "benefits" to add to the mix...

as well.

Arts, culture, museums, great vacation spots, great universities...etc.

[Wright Patman]

4. I wish it were that simple

but I can tell you that most of the nuclear weapons and military bases are in red states.

If this scenario were to begin to occur--and I've thought a lot about it because even though I am in Texas, I see this as the only way out: an amicable split of two different nations of people whose Weltanschaaung (world view) is ireconcilable on a whole host of issues--the neoconfederate empire forces of the South and West would begin a "shock and awe" air campaign on the cities of the NE, Upper Midwest and California.

A lot of people would be killed as cruise missiles plowed into tall buildings all over the Blue States. It would be a large-scale replay of what happened in Belgrade in 1999 and Baghdad in 2003.

The rest of the world would look upon the carnage with a horrified expression (just as it did during the first two scenarios), but nothing would be done to stop it.

[whistle]

5. Some people think that war already began on September 11, 2001

[lapfog_1]

7. Most army and air force in red states

But the navy is located mostly in the Pacific. That means Hawaii
and the west coast. We'd get a lot of surface ships and air wings
BUT the cream would be the boomer sub fleet.

And yeah, oh, the new Canada tells the CSA that it has signed many
new treaties of mutual defense with our European allies including
the old Warsaw pact and Nato.

[Wright Patman]

8. Say this were to happen

tomorrow. The occupant of the White House would suddenly find himself in New Canada. But he would immediately order all the branches of the armed forces to support him as the new Lincoln fighting to bring the blue rebels back into the 'red nation' union.

I can almost guarantee you, with the fascist mindset of the U.S. military, that 99 percent of all generals and admirals in whatever colored state or whatever ocean would immediately pledge allegiance and loyalty to the Chimperor and proceed to crush the 'lib'ruls' in the North and West.

[lapfog_1]

9. Oh no, I am NOT preaching sedition

If this were done, it would have to under an agreement.

Really, I think they want to be rid of us as much as we want
to be rid of them. And we must remember that the CSA would
still be our largest trading partner, probably for decades.
It's just that they could create their ideal more perfect union,
full of white Christian conservatives and without us moral
degenerates... and we would be rid of them. Our best resource
is US (the people of the blue states), plus some scenic beauty.
THEY would own most of the farm land and mining areas (some of
which I will be oh so sad to see fall into their hands... but
it's in their hands now I guess so...). At least we can try to
preserve what we have. I just don't see why they wouldn't want
to do this (there are already calls for this "expulsion" on
conservative web sites, and not just from bloggers).

Anyway, why would Bush start a war with us right away. No matter
what else we are, sad to say, we would be closer to the CSA than
perhaps any other country (culture and language and so on, despite
our immense differences). Of course, the problem for the Chimperor
is that he would be in charge of a much diminished nation,
perhaps with a reduced ability to influence the world.

[Joy Anne]

6. Plus Canada gets DC

We can charge some pretty high rent for the White House, and we'll keep the Lincoln Memorial and other sites blue-staters treasure.