Lunabush's Friday humour for the Gungeon

[Wickerman]

Having been raised an Iowa farm boy and then waking up after a bad drunk in the Air Force I can identify with this letter. ok, maybe not.

LETTER FROM A FARM KID, NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT

Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop,feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind Of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route"
marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.

The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And It ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes!

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers
get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter, Irene

[FatSlob]

1. That was cute.

Definitely cute.

[Wickerman]

2. One friggin' comment?

and it was "cute". Dammit all to hell. I have half a mind. And it thinks I should ban the lot of you! That would be mod abuse, wouldn't it? Actually, mod abuse is all the alerts youse guys send. I digress.

:grr:

[Superfly]

3. Ummm...hate to tell you this...

but it wasn't that funny.

**Ducks out of the way**

[Wickerman]

5. Since when does funny count

in the gungeon? I thought you L---A---P---F---'s would appreciate the bit about reloading. Hell, last time I try to pander to you gun freaks. I guess I am just not part of your clique.

:sniff: :cry:

[Fescue4u]

7. hehe

That was my thought as well..Cute.

I've archived it for future use.

I liked the last line

[slackmaster]

4. It's probably close to reality for a lot of recruits

The last line gave me a chuckle, but actually the bulk of it sounds a lot like my stepfather's experience in the Navy. He joined in 1934 at age 15 to get out of poverty. His mother wrote a letter giving his year of birth as 1917, when in fact he was born in 1919, to help him get in.

He was physically very strong for his size and an excellent shot, having extensive experience shooting rabbits and squirrels to feed his large family. He had six siblings.

[Wickerman]

6. see, Slack gets it

he contributes a personal antecdote, expounds on the story, feeds the insecure mod's ego and gets to keep posting on DU. :P

[FatSlob]

8. Everybody, I think lunabush needs a hug.

The lunatic asswipes love you, lunabush.

[Wickerman]

9. Thanks Slob

I'm glad you spotted my subtle cry for help.

[iverglas]

10. yeesh

I gave up on all that in grade 1. The great big mean old teacher (and she was that) left the room and told us all to stay shut up until she returned. Everybody started talking. Not I. Five minutes later, everybody's talking ... and I succumbed and turned to say something to the kid behind me. At that moment, the teacher stormed into the room, silence descended, and she demanded to know who had been talking. (Obviously everybody had.) Not a peep. Another demand. I, out of sheer dumb honesty and fear, put up my hand. I, for being honest, got to go home on time for lunch. Everybody else got to stay behind for 5 minutes of silence. I was actually just scared as hell of the teacher and suffering from a failure of common sense to catch up to moral sense, but I became a suck-up. And I learned my lesson.

Nope, not sucking up no more. Even if I think it was cute, I am not saying so. Honesty can be a really dumb policy.

Anyhow, *my* alerts are entertaining, so I got nothing to suck up about. ;)

And I did not just suck up.

.

[Wickerman]

11. Dammit, you didn't

this is some pretty slow sledding here today. Tough when a mod can't even threaten adulation.

:argh:

[Columbia]

12. One slight problem

I know this is going to seem nit-picky, but as a Marine, I think I have a duty to say it.

There are no women trained at MCRD San Diego. All women are sent to Parris Island, SC. Both men and women train there so it would have made more sense if that was the setting for the joke (which was amusing, but not really funny, sorry luna :)).

[Wickerman]

13. fuck it

I'm not even gonna try anymore. You damn technocrat gun worshippers, you.

thanks for the heads up.

[slackmaster]

14. Would that be a "Marine Corps porn detail"?

:evilgrin:

[Wickerman]

15. kick for those

who might have missed LunaB's Friday Masterpiece of Humor.

[MrSandman]

16. Hey that's good news...

I hope they still got such a deal when my little girl gets out of the 6th grade;-)

[demsrule4life]

17. A little Sat humor

At some Airforce base an Air Traffic Controller received a request for the time. The ATC asked the pilot what service he was in. The pilot replied "what fucking difference does it make"? The ATC then says "If you are Air Force it is 1500, if you are Navy it is three bells, if you are Army the big hand is on 12 and the little hand is on three, if you are Marine it is tue afternoon.

[iverglas]

18. okay, and for Sunday, the ever popular ...

Just in case anyone missed it when it did the email rounds years ago. I thought it was hilarious. Humour in Uniform, and all that.

http://www.snopes2.com/military/lighthse.htm

ACTUAL transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.

Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."

Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."

Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."

Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."

Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."

Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

Sadly, it seems to be old as the hills and not true. Although Snopes seems to have missed the point of this particular version, when it says:

Of the many flaws in the recent version, the most glaring is that there is no longer a radio crew - or any crew, for that matter - on any lighthouse on the U.S. coastline. The last one was automated 10 years ago, said Lt. j.g. Ed Westfall, the lighthouse program manager for the U.S. Coast Guard's Fifth District, based in Portsmouth.

... Canadian lighthouses aren't on (and Newfoundland isn't part of) the US coastline.

.