Bush's Lost Years

[DrFunkenstein]

Born with silver spoon in his Connecticut yankee mouth.

Gets lousy grades in school, seems more interested in partying and disappointing his wimpy father.

Becomes an alcoholic, arrested for drunk driving (no one killed, thankfully). Daddy bails him out repeatedly.

Begins period of, in his words, "young and irresponsible" cocaine abuse.

Given the choice between hockey and football, he chooses cheerleading.

Graduates during the draft, has Daddy bump him up the list to dodge the draft flying discontinued planes in Texas.

Flying privileges are stripped after failing to report to any medical exam after drug tests are required.

Apparently lives a friendless existence, as no one can recall his presence during a period when no records are available that haven't been destroyed.

Can't get into law school, tries business school. More lousy grades.

Lousy grades turn into lousy business practices. Bush has the opposite of the Midas touch, and bankrupts just about everything his Daddy can't bail him out of.

Pulls a Martha Stewart and pulls out of Harken at a particularly fortuitous time.

Rides his father's popularity, rather than his business acumen, into the almost-entirely symbolic Governorship of Texas.

Repeatedly employs one of the few functions the position entails: the death penalty. Goes into the history books for most executions.

Runs Presidential campaign as a compassionate conservative that disdains nation building and leaves same-sex marriage as an issue of states' rights.

Fails to win popular vote, successfully stages protests to pressure courts into stopping an accurate count of votes.

First official not to walk to the White House over massive protests.

Begins era of "uniting, not dividing" by spreading false rumors about the outgoing administration.

[JSJ]

1. that's 'our' boy n/t

[shraby]

2. I'd just like to know who the

"genius" was who decided to run the loser for pretzeldent. I'd have some choice words for him/her.

[Debs]

3. Apparantly

According to George it was God

[murielm99]

4. So the governorship of Texas is largely symbolic?

I did not know that.

More info, please?

[displacedtexan]

5. The Lieutenant Governor does all of the real work.

The Governor of Texas is a glad-hander.

[tomfodw]

6. Not only that...

...the Texas legislature meets for a relatively short time (no more than a few months, possibly not even that much) only once every other year. Texas barely has any full-time elected statewide government. Given the officials Texas tends to elect, that's probably not such a bad thing...