Karl Rove...on the phone...five minutes ago:

[LowerManhattanite]

(SOUND OF PHONE RINGING--THEN A PICKUP)

ANDREW CARD: Karl. What's u-

KARL ROVE: Shut up! (BEAT) Find a private spot to talk.

CARD: Private spot? Jesus, I'm on a soccer field with the kids-

ROVE: Then go get in the goddamned car! Don't give me any sh*t...we've got a problem!

CARD: Okay, I'm in the car. What's the problem?

ROVE: You f*cked up. With the swiftvets. You let Cordier do that f*cking ad! He's on the campaign website as being onboard!

CARD: "I" f*cked up? Those guys were your idea Ka-

ROVE: Oh? Now we wanna play the blame game! We f*cked up!

CARD: Goddamn Karl, just get the webmaster to remove it. Okay?

ROVE: What do you think I am. stupid? I already did that!

CARD: So what're you in my *ss about?

ROVE: It was still in the Google cache.

CARD: F***********ck!

ROVE: And I didn't even know it. For hours!

CARD: Oh f*************ck!

ROVE: People got screengrabs; thousands of 'em before I could scrub the cache!

CARD: F*ck! F*ck! F*ck! F*ck! F*ck! F*ck! F*ck! F*******ck!

ROVE: Olberman got one. He reported on it. The bastard led with it! Hello? Andy?

CARD: Hold on a second-(TO HIS DAUGHTER AS HE ROLLS DOWN THE WINDOW)-Why are you crying? Why? Wha? I missed your goal? That's it? You interrupted me to tell me-GET THE F*CK BACK ON THAT FIELD! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY? JESUS! (TO KARL) Now I'm hoping you didn't say Olberman led with it...

ROVE: The scumbag did. I swear, I'm gonna call a Mossad guy I know--the godfather of the poisoned umbrella tip thing.

CARD: Okay...stay calm. It's a Saturday. This'll die on the vine. We're okay on this...

ROVE: We're not.

CARD: We're not? How can we be not?

ROVE: I've been on the phone for the last hour. We got swiftie ads on official GOP sites all over the place? I can't reach the people to scrub 'em all and the sites hit meters are off the charts all of a goddamned sudden. These Red f*cks are taking pictures of swiftie flyers in our office windows! They're digging around...like pigs for truffles! (BEAT) I'm calling my Mossad guy, now!

CARD: Oh God. What the f*ck, Karl! You're a professional! How could this happen?

ROVE: Me? F*ck me! We're all in this together, you little sh*t!

CARD: (BEAT) Does the boss know?

ROVE: Ahhhh, he's sleeping it off, thank God! Some idiot down the road brought a jar of sour mash. Bless his snaggle-toothed heart! What're you gonna do?

CARD: What am "I" gonna do? God! I-uh-oh! Tell me those DU *ssholes didn't get a hold of the info. Tell me that please. (BEAT) Karl? Karl!

ROVE: (A LONG BEAT) Lemme put you on hold...I'm callin' my Mossad guy...

[Name removed]

1. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Ohio Dem]

6. I'm assuming you mean the attempted cover-up was real dumb.

I agree.

[ruggerson]

13. I smell a disruptor

[DemBones DemBones]

24. Nice tombstone you're wearing now.

:nopity:

[David Zephyr]

2. Made My Evening!

:)

[kikiek]

3. I think it's great!

[NMDemDist2]

4. ROFL LM you are too funny eom

[Ohio Dem]

5. LOL

Very funny. And probably true.

[Calm Like A Bomb]

7. Yes! I smell a Tony!

No, wait. It was my shoes. Nevermind.

[kentuck]

8. Excellent !

:)--~~

[rocktivity]

9. Your "Mossad guy" isn't in the U.S. anymore, Karl

He's under suspicion of trying to extort NJ governor James McGreevey with false sexual harassment charges, and had to take it on the lam back to Israel!

:headbang:
rocknation

[Sugarbleus]

10. Excellent.....lol...Your next Political Novel/Movie

Matter of fact, the whole "Bush Years" would make one hell of a movie..it would surpass "clear and present danger" by leaps and bounds..

Can't wait for the ending sequence though.......... :evilgrin:

[jimshoes]

11. Made me laugh...

and it might have happened just like that. :evilgrin:

[farmbo]

12. Followup phone call: "...Get Me Tommy Ridge..."

"Say Tommy...I need you and Asa to call another one of your Kick-ass press conferences tomorrow.

We're going to Red!"

[LowerManhattanite]

15. Exactly!

(SECOND ROVE PHONE CALL INTERCEPT)

TOM RIDGE:-Karl, I-I-can't! I was just on a week ago! Do you know what this makes me look li-

ROVE: What YOU look like? What YOU look like?! I'll tell you what you look like! A BLOCK-HEADED F*CK who's gonna raise the alert level when I tell him to! What "you" look like! Jesus! Remember Paul Wellstone! You could look like him, Tom! Things happen! THINGS HAPPEN!

[farmbo]

16. Ridge/ Rove transcript ...final installment (fantasy version):

(Ridge) Just wait a minute, Karl...cool your gumpers...I've carried a lot of water for you for the past three years, but I'm throwing up the Bullshit flag on this one!

First, what your suggesting now is outright treason and I won't have any part of it and that's why I'm leaving after November.

Second, unlike all those Swiftboat assholes you've unleashed on the American public...I DID SERVE with John Kerry...I WAS in Vietnam in 1969 humping through the Central Highland with a f*ckin' rifle company taking fire from V f*ckin' C, while You and Cheney and that Numbnuts in the Whitehouse were pulling more strings than a sweatshop weaver to get out of Nam...and I'm NOT going to stand by and let you do your little Texas two-step on an honorable man's reputation, even if that man is John Kerry.

Listen Karl...I got a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart over there just like Kerry...and you know what...If I had 10 years to do it, I couldn't show you anything in writing which would "prove" that I did anything heroic...and I'm sure you could find 10 guys from my company who would swear under oath that I was a first grade f*ck-up.

I know what your doing...it reeks...and pretty soon the American people are going to figure you out for what you are: a well-dressed, Gucci-loafered, Tex-a**hole!

Eat s*it and die, Karl!

(Rove)...Well...Gee Tom...if that's the way you feel, I'll just take this up with Asa Hutchinson.

Good night!

(Rove) Hello...Overseas operator...get me Tel Aviv...Mortichai Kimmelman...Mossad.

[LowerManhattanite]

17. LOL!

I'm picturing Ridge pacing around his den in pajamas and a robe, holding a tumbler of Pepto-Bismol as he rants your rant--while Rove is in a parking garage!

Split-screen.

Perfect! :)

[Cha]

14. That riff on rove and card had me laughing..

You must have had fun writing that!

[Walt Starr]

18. Karl Rove phoning Donald Rumsfield 4 minutes later

Karl: Don, tell me, what the f**k is a DD214?

Don: That's the discharge paper. Lists all sorts of things about service. Why?

Karl: Some DU f***er pulled Georgie's picture, you know, the nice one with his wings and awards. Looked nice, but this f***er noticed that Georgies Air Guard discharge thing didn't list the awards and went poking around tring to find out what was what.

Don: But didn't we cover this with some military biography or something?

Karl: I thought we had, I was assurred we had, but this DU f***er is saying the biography lists something he called an NDSM and the picture has an AFOUA.

Don: F&#@$&@!!!!!

Karl: Nobody will notice the difference, right?

Don: We've got problems.

Karl: Oh come off it, it's just a ribbon thingie, right? No big deal.

Don: Think about it, Karl. The Swifties are slamming Kerry over combat medals and Georgie was wearing something he had no right to wear.

Karl: F#$@!!!!!! Can we get a phony DD214 set up?

Don: Karl, making the old one disappear without anybody noticing it was tough enough, that's a tall order. We can;t make that happened and it not be noticed!

Karl: F**k it, I'm calling Mossad...

<click>

[LowerManhattanite]

19. You nailed 'em Walt! LOL!

You got their "voices" just right! I'm saving these phone call posts for posterity! Love how you kept the "Mossad call" bit in there for consistency.

And your posts earlier about the medals were an eye-opener. Great work! I get the feeling we're gonna hear a story about those soon.

Best,
LM

[farmbo]

20. Karl's call to Mossad...

Rove: Mortichai...what's shakin'... l'hiem and all that...this is Karl Rove over in DC...yes... I'm callin' on behalf of you-know who...

Mossad Agent: Prime Minister Sharon?

Rove: No Hell No ...you know...the Big Guy George Bush.

Mossad Agent: Oh.

Rove: Say...We got a problem over here...I need you to load up some kiddie pornography on the computer of that go*dam DU'er Walt Star.

:argh:

[Walt Starr]

21. Mortichai's answer

Oh come off it, Karl. That guy has been an IT professional for the better part of the past quarter century. Hell, he is even in charge of security architecture at his current job! It would be harder getting into his computer than breaking into Cheney's undisclosed location!

Karl: F**$#$@$#!!! Do you have any connections to Bulgarian chemists?

[Spazito]

22. ROFL! That is great!

All the phone "logs" posted here were very funny and, I bet, parts, at least, are very true! Thanks for the laugh!

[buycitgo]

23. nostamj! you should add this to the revue!

the two of you should get together

also, add that Michelle Malkin song

that killed

[Selwynn]

25. I just don't see how this is as big of a deal as everyone thinks it is..

[Karenina]

32. Stay tuned!

We'll be back after these messages!

[AuntPatsy]

26. The Paraody was extremely entertaining...

I'm glad I was directed to this site, the best one I have had the pleasure to visit. Perhaps it is because it is the First one where talking Dubya dolls echoing from hollowed out heads is an extreme No No....All that fussing going on in mixed circles can make one's dinner not sit to well...

[PurityOfEssence]

27. Fabulous!

'Specially that bit about the shine...

[LowerManhattanite]

28. Rove Dials Again...

ROVE: (IMPATIENT) Come on...come on, you f*cking has been, pick up! Pick u-

STEVEN SEAGAL: (SITAR MUSIC IN BG ON STEVE'S END) Mahavishnu Seagal here.

ROVE: Maha-what? Listen *sshole, put Steve on!

SEAGAL: (SIGHS) Speaking.

ROVE: Steve! Karl Rove here.

SEAGAL Hello Karl. Long time no speak. You have a bill outstanding...

ROVE: Take that up with 41. I wasn't in on the Bill Casey hit. (BEAT) Good as it was.

SEAGAL: What can I do for you Karl?

ROVE: The usual. Pest removal.

SEAGAL: You insult me Swede. I spoke to Mordechai an hour ago.. And I don't play second fiddle to anybody.

ROVE: What do you want? Money? Women? Lipo? Name your price!

SEAGAL: Get the snowmobiles outta Yellowstone Swede. And subsidize the hybrid cars-

ROVE: Steve! What the-what the f*ck happened to you? You broke arms! Snapped knees! Now look at you! One movie with Jah DMX and all of a sudden you're...f*ckin Hootie Owl! You f*cking know I can't do those things!

SEAGAL; Then I can't do the kill.

ROVE: (MOCKING IN A KID'S SINGSONG VOICE)" I can't do the kill, I can't do the kill!" Bullsh*t! You kill a box of Krispy Kremes every goddamned day and you can't kill three measly commie nuts?

SEAGAL: Who are the bugs? Osama, al Zawahiri, and al Zarqawi?

ROVE: Nope. It's Skinner, Walt Starr and nostamj. If I pay you up front, can I eh...can I get a discount on one extra? Some f*cking Lower Manhattanite bastard? C'mon...you can make 'em look like suicides (WHISPERS). Like Incent-vay Oster-fay? Only etter-bay?

SEAGAL: No can do Karl. I've put that behind me.

ROVE: 41 trained you! There's no f*cking "getting out, OPEC hair! These people are enemies of the state!

SEAGAL: You want me to snuff Will Smith? Can't do that. (BEAT) Man owns a Prius-

ROVE: Okay Steve, screw it. Forget I called. For-GET I called! (BEAT) Listen, you got a number for Sammy Gravano? I know you've got a number for Sammy, the Vise, somebody if you know what I mean-

<click>

ROVE: Hello? Hello? Goddamned traitor!

[AuntPatsy]

29. You guys are good....

Am I the only one on this board who has no clue as to what 41 means or is or whatever?? Please someone tell me?

[LowerManhattanite]

30. Forty-One = Bush Senior Forty-Three = Dubya

Their numerical order in the count of presidents.

[AuntPatsy]

31. Thank you