letter to the editor please help

[mimitabby]

this is what i wrote so far:
what do you think?

After George Bush was elected 4 years ago, I decided to give him a chance. I heard him in the debates, and he actually sounded so aligned with Al Gore’s opinions that I figured we weren’t losing too much with him in office. His very first moves as a president proved me wrong there. I have watched this president for 4 years and have waited for him to safeguard our environment - while in fact he has steadily whittled away the protections we already had; I have waited for him to improve our economy and increase jobs - while the only jobs that have increased in this country pay minimum wages; I have waited for him to improve benefits for our veterans – here he has done a terrible disservice; he has actually made things worse for them, cutting benefits, trying to take away dangerous duty pay, sending soldiers into war without safe or proper equipment. In short, he has proven only one thing to me. That he will lie. He will lie to you again, fellow Americans, in hopes of you buying his sales pitch again.
I hope you will look closely at what he promised you 4 years ago and what he’s delivered. When he makes the same promises to you again, I hope you can say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me… And vote for Kerry

[LittleClarkie]

1. Only one thing I would change

The series of semi-colons in the one sentence.

Change them all to periods.

Aside from that, it's golden! Go for it.

Erica (who proofreads for a living and will proof anything y'all want me to for the campaign)

[wryter2000]

2. My only suggestions

Is to remove the word "there" from "he proved me wrong there." Let it end with the word "wrong."

Good letter.

[mimitabby]

3. okay, here's it changed a bit

After George Bush was elected 4 years ago, I decided to give him a chance. I heard him in the debates, and he actually sounded so aligned with Al Gore’s opinions that I figured we weren’t losing too much with him in office. His very first moves as a president proved me wrong. I have watched this president for 4 years and have waited for him to safeguard our environment. Instead he has steadily whittled away the protections we already had. I have waited for him to improve our economy and increase jobs. But the only jobs that have increased in this country pay minimum wages. I have waited for him to improve benefits for our veterans. Here he has done a terrible disservice; he has actually made things worse for them, cutting benefits, trying to take away dangerous duty pay, sending soldiers into war without safe or proper equipment. In short, he has proven only one thing to me. That he will lie. He will lie to you again, fellow Americans, in hopes of you buying his sales pitch again.
I hope you will look closely at what he promised you 4 years ago and what he’s delivered. When he makes the same promises to you again, I hope you can say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me… And vote for Kerry

[HootieMcBoob]

6. I have a suggestion

maybe replace:

"I have waited for him to improve our economy and increase jobs. But the only jobs that have increased in this country pay minimum wages."

with something like:

I have waited for him to improve our economy and increase jobs. But during his time in office we've lost nearly 3 millions jobs and the few jobs that have been created to replace them have been primarily minimum wage service sector jobs.

or something like that. just basically mention that there have been 0 net jobs created under the Bush administration. The worst record of job creation since the great depression.

:thumbsup:

[KurtNYC]

4. Some more tidbits from the debates

I like your letter and the only thing I could add is perhaps one specific reference to anything Bush lied about in the 2000 debates. Bushies tend to doubt that Bush has lied about anything and when you say so they just tune out. One quote (see more at link below) might help a lot in breaking through that denial. The 2000 debates included these gems:

I'm worried about overcommitting our military around the world. I want to be judicious in its use. You mentioned Haiti. I wouldn't have sent troops to Haiti. I didn't think it was a mission worthwhile. It was a nation building mission,..

more:
Maybe I'm missing something here. I mean, we're going to have kind of a nation building core from America? Absolutely not. Our military is meant to fight and win war. That's what it's meant to do. And when it gets overextended, morale drops.

I'm not so sure the role of the United States is to go around the world and say this is the way it's got to be. ...but I think the United States must be humble.

http://www.debates.org/pages/trans2000b.html

These only scratch the surface. Too many to cite. Bush knows what people want, he talks about it then does whatever. We wanted to get bin Laden, Bush says we will get bin Laden then bingo...Iraq and Osama been Forgotten. Bush will be lying again and we need to have people remember the lies he told in 2000 as a defense.

[BillZBubb]

5. Good work.

It's good enough to submit as is, but you'd have a better chance if you shortened it a bit. I know it's tough, but editors prefer shorter letters. Take a hard look at each sentence, and chop. Here's my edit on your first three sentences:

In the debates four years ago, George Bush actually sounded so aligned with Al Gore’s positions that I felt we would not be losing too much with him in office. His very first moves as a president proved me wrong.

Anyway, good luck, I hope you get published!

[ollie3]

7. Emails for newspapers arranged by state

Why just send a letter to ONE paper?

I have made the following list of direct emails to newspapers. This is a great TIME SAVER. For one, the papers get your email directly, not through a middle-man like congress.org. For two, you can do an entire state in a few minutes by cutting and pasting your letter, and going down the email list, one after another. (Be sure to send each one individually instead of one long mailing with tons of copies).

Include your name, address, phone number and email, limit your letter to 200 words for best chances, and be original. A heart-felt letter is gonna be more likely printed than a slick, professionally prepared form letter.
########

Action Alert! Florida, Ohio, Penn Emails

TN, WI, MN, MI, ME, ND, CO, NV, WA, MO, OK, NM, AZ,IA, W.VA, VA, ARK, NC, OR, NH

For Letters to Editor.....

If you have written a letter to the editor, why just send it to your local paper? Why not send it to other papers in your state? Or, if you get ambitious, to selected "swing states"?

There are several resources available that can help speed things up. One is congress.org You can find the section on media outlets, click on a state, and it will list the newpapers (and other media) in that state. It also has a form to fill out, and it will send your letter onward.

A more direct approach, without the middle-man, is the Internet Public Library. http://www.ipl.org/div/news/browse/US/ I prefer using this, because I think it gets a better response, since my letter comes directly from me instead of through congress.org so it probably seems less like a form letter. This resource shows links to all the newspapers by state, and you can go to their website, and find on the site where you can send your letters. Hint: look in "contact us" "about us" etc. It will often show a direct email for letters, and other times you fill out a form and insert your letter in a box.

Needless to say, if you use your computer to cut and paste your letter, you can write duplicate letters in a very short time, if you know the addresses. Be sure to include your personal information in your letter (name, address, phone #, and email). This will increase the chance of it being published.

Emails for Ohio and Pennsylvania:

I have used the internet public library, plowed through it. It took me about 5 hours for all the emails in these two states, but I still like this way because it is more direct. So I am going to send along the email addresses I copied so you can save hours of time!! Now, you don't have to plow through all these websites, you just copy your letter, insert the email address and shoot it off! (Note, be sure to still email them one at a time, otherwise the recipient is gonna put it along with its pile of junk email.)

So here goes, for these states. Soon I will update this with more emails from other states. And if anyone can add to my list, please do so!

I would love it if every newspaper gets a flood of Clarkies' letters between now and the election. You know there is gonna be a flood of Republican letters. So fight back!

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Tennessee Emails:



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Wisconsin Emails

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Maine Emails

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North Dakota

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Washington emails

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Missouri emails....

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Oklahoma emails....

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New Mexico emails....

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Virginia emails....

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West Virginia emails....

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Arkansas emails....

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Oregon emails....

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Suggestion: SHARE THESE EMAILS WITH FOLKS YOU KNOW IN THESE STATES!

[mimitabby]

8. thanks, i sent it to 5 local papers, not just 1

I will check out the website you recommend
m