If someone harms another person....

[CoffeeCat]

...and that perpetrator shows no remorse, and does not acknowledge the harm they
caused--is it ever possible to forgive that person?

Is forgiveness necessary for that person to heal?

[lisa58]

1. forgiveness isn't about the perpetrator - it's about the victim....

...forgiveness allows the victim to release the hurt, trama, guilt, whatever and not allow the event to define them. It returns them to wholeness.

[Speck Tater]

2. Harboring ill will toward another,

is like holding on to a red hot glowing coal that you plan to someday throw at your enemy. But in the mean time, you only burn yourself. Or so The Buddha said.

[jody]

3. Interesting question discussed many time over the millenniums. IMO Jesus taught that God is ready to

forgive the most egregious sins but only after the sinner has truly repented, e.g. "And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him." (Luke 17:4)

Thanks for posting.

I look forward to reading the various replies to your thread. :hi:

[Coyote_Bandit]

4. Ummmm

The victim enables himself to heal by forgiving the offender. Regardless of the offense we can chose to forgive. Question is what does that mean. I personally don't think it is a black and white issue. I think sometimes forgiveness comes in degrees and over periods of time.

The offender can make restitution, seek forgiveness and accept full responsibility from a victim who refuses to forgive - and the offender can know that they have done all they can do to right their wrong. And the breach will not be mended until the victim is willing to forgive.

Ultimately, it takes a willingness by both the offender and the victim to heal an offense.

Depending on the nature of the relationship and the nature of the offense I think that sometimes the victim is in a unique position to challenge the offender and to help the offender overcome various challenges.

[Igel]

5. Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

I don't see much remorse or acknowledgement of wrong by those Jesus was asking God to forgive. Presumably, he'd already forgiven them.

Forgiveness isn't necessary for the person who did wrong to heal. It can help, by resolving the tension caused by knowing that you did something wrong, something that can't be "fixed" by making double restitution of a thing or of currency. But if he's never forgiven, he can move on, as long as he's done his part in good faith.

Forgiveness on the part of the person wronged is part of healing, or at least a way of preventing further harm.

The church I was in split hairs on the matter, and got one part of the split hair wrong (IMO). If somebody asked for forgiveness, they were taught, you were obligated to forgive them. If they didn't ask for forgiveness, you're not obligated to forgive them, and it's probably wrong to do so. I'm sure the last clause ("it's probably wrong to do so") is simply incorrect, and egregiously so. It's wrong reason I'm not with that church any more. I think the first part of the sentence (forgiving those who aren't repentant) is difficult, but a goal that we're to have; however, it's a matter between the believer and God, and ultimately one that's also required to be met (or at least for us to meet to the extent we're able).

[Lydia Leftcoast]

6. It's for the benefit of the victim

If you continue hating someone who has wronged you, they still have control over you. You get stuck in the past. You wallow in your victimhood and become bitter and angry at the world.

In practical terms, forgiveness doesn't say "What you did is ok with me." It says, "I'm not going to let this wrong define my life anymore."

[Evoman]

7. Nah, it isn't necessary, but it helps.

Though, honestly, I don't usually forgive someone until AFTER I've made them realize that trying to harm me again is a really bad idea.

Some people will just keep slapping you if you just keep turning your cheeks.

Sometimes, forgiveness is a luxury.

[knitter4democracy]

8. Forgiveness is a process.

Most of the time, you can forgive something at first but then have to deal with it every time you remember, every time you're in a similar situation, every time you think of it. If you never work on that process of forgiveness, allowing yourself the time you need, it can seep into other parts of life. Unforgiveness can be really painful over time.