Looking for some opinions here...

[coyotespaw]

To most of the important people I deal with on a regular basis, I'm out; however, I work in a straight (perhaps redneck is a better choice of words) bar. A friend of mine came out to me recently, and told me he was in love with me. I've always admired how sweet this guy was, and I know that he'd do anything for anyone he cared about. Since we've started talking about how we've been feeling about each other, he's been saying that he wants to come right out and tell everyone how he feels. The thing is, that I've been "out-ish" for a lot longer, and I'm trying to tell him to be more cautious; not just for my own sake, but to protect him. He thinks I'm being too careful, I think he's being a bit too naive. Any input anyone can give would be helpful.

Thanks.

Coyotespaw

[bigscott]

1. i agree with you

i think he is being too naive. I think it is great that he loves you and wants to tell the world but to be honest the world (or at least a large part of it) is not ready to hear it. While we can all agree that is not YOUR problem, there are many who will make it YOUR problem.

i wish we lived in a world with no gay-bashing but we don't. we share this planet with a lot of less-evolved people.

i am very happy for you and hope this does not diminish what you two feel for each other. finding someone "sweet" is rare.

peace:pals:

[Fearless]

2. Depends on the situation...

As with most things in life, it depends on the situation. Those who say otherwise are doing so for purely ideological reasons.

In all likelihood, you're being a bit overprotective, which in the current state of GLBTQ acceptance is not all that uncalled for particuarly in certain types of company. If you feel you or him are in danger because of such a revelation, then it is best for the time being, until you can change the situation, to remain quiet about your relationship. I'm being practical not idealistic. The movement needs good people not dead heroes. Maybe at some point in the future, if you both feel more secure about your status in relation to your coworkers and society at large, then by all means, shout it from the roof tops.

If however, the concern you have is baseless, and as I don't know your particular situation I couldn't venture a guess, then by all means come out publically. Likewise, am I right to say that you are bascially out yourself? Then wouldn't it be obvious, at least to those who matter, that you are in fact seeing each other, regardless of if you officially tell them or not? So the act of telling would be inconsequential.

IMHO, do what you feel comfortable doing. It sounds like maybe you're just being a little overprotective. You're out and evidently nothing too bad has happened to you. In the end, you both as individuals will do what you need to do to fulfill your own needs, and if those actions bring you together, then you will be together, if not then you won't. Good luck!

NTF

[Creideiki]

3. My favorite quote from Hairspray sums it up

Motormouth Maybelle: Oh, so this is love?

Motormouth Maybelle: Well, love is a gift, a lot of people don't remember that. So, you two better brace yourselves for a whole lotta ugly comin' at you from a neverending parade of stupid.
Penny Pingleton: So, you've met my mom?

Minimizing the amount of ugly while allowing yourselves some safe places where you can be out could be a first step.

[SacredCow]

4. Everybody has their comfort zone....

I'm in a similar work environment as you, and I have chosen to keep my private life as my business. That means that my significant other doesn't come to my office functions, Christmas parties, etc... Early on, this caused some friction, but he ultimately relented that my comfort at work (where I spend 40+ hours a week) had to be on MY terms.

Are you being too careful? Maybe. Is he being too naive? Perhaps. Regardless, you CAN meet in the middle. Just don't let anyone tell you that what you decide is wrong (either for you personally, or for the gay life in general).

Wishing you the best!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. its not even really a question of naive and not naive. he doesnt have the right to out you

more than you feel safe and comfortable with.

and thats really all there is to it