Health Insurance - Leaving Job - Missouri

[wildflowergardener]

I'd sure love some advice here.

I am posting this in both the Missouri Forum and Health forum because I thought I might find helpful info in both

I may have acted without thinking things through. My job has been extremely stressful lately. I have been having some problems - mainly acid reflux, and nausea due to worry about my job. I have always had the problem that when I'm worried I feel sick to my stomach. Lately, I have been getting sick about weekly at just the thought of going to work. By afternoon at work I'm usually fine. When I'm away from work I'm fine. I decided for my own health I was better off leaving my job before I did have a serious problem. Yesterday I wrote a letter to my employer giving my two week notice. I'll actually be employed a little longer and have health insurance a little longer because I have about 8 days vacation time that will come after that.

I've always had health insurance through my job - I've never been without coverage. Yesterday, after I did this, I noticed a small round light brown spot on my upper back - hopefully nothing, but I think I should probably get it checked out before I leave my job. I wonder if it matters about whether I get it looked at now or later, in it being a pre-existing conditions. I have no symptoms, it's probably just a mole, but I'd want to be sure. I am worried about pre-existing condition exclusions, if I should leave my job and try to switch health insurance. Also, though I am pretty sure my other problems I have been having are due to my job stress - I'm fine when I'm away from my job - If for some reason it did turn into being something more, I worry other insurance would exclude me. I have a couple other small problems that I have medicine for, such as hay fever, but nothing serious. I am sure they would count the acid reflux as a pre-existing condition.l

I read that the new cobra coverage by the federal government does not apply if you voluntarily leave a job. I have been at this job for over 12 years - I think it's very possible my employer would "lay me off" so that I could get help on keeping the group health insurance if I asked him. I think it's also probable that he would let me change my mind and not leave the company after all. I did not try to blame him at all in my letter, just said that worry about the job was the reason I was leaving. The company is a small one - about 7 people - but I know people have been able to continue their health insurance in the past - I don't know if it's cobra or not.

My parents will help me with the cost of health insurance & expenses if necessary. They'd rather see me healthy than sick because of worry from work - which I new before I took this step. Because of the economy it's possible I won't be able to find a job that offers health insurance at first. I don't want to do anything wrong in terms of what health insurance I do get that would mean I'd get sick and not be covered.

One thing I think I read is that you are covered if you are under continuous coverage in Missouri, but you have to accept the cobra if it's offered. I am wondering if I'm understanding that correctly.

Then, if I were to miraculously get a new job that does have health insurance would pre-existing conditions be covered - I wonder that as well.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[MADem]

1. Go get some drugs. Seriously. Go to a doctor and get some anti-anxiety medications.

Maybe some uppers, too, if that's what you need. Your doc will know best.

That'll take care of the upset and nausea and panic and so forth.

Leaving your job, unless you're rich, in this environment is insane. You want stress? Try paying the bills with no paycheck!

Good luck to you, really...

[wildflowergardener]

2. Drugs

Are there really ones that would help? I think my boss probably would let me change my mind - I told him it was because of the problems I was having with anxiety about work. I still think it is the right decision to be in another job. I know now is not a good time though. I have been thinking about leaving since August.

I should also mention the other problem is I can't eat when I'm nervous, and lately it's been quite a lot. Then if I do manage to eat, I end up throwing up anyway.

Meg

[MADem]

3. Yes, there are. I have a friend who was in your exact same boat.

He was a basket case, frankly. So anxious that he could barely sleep, had panic attacks, even fainted once and everyone thought he'd had a heart attack. He was terribly nervous. And he wasn't always like that, it came on in late middle age (I suspect due to a convergence of work and family problems). He went to a doc, got a referral to a specialist, and got put on a couple of drugs--not huge doses, but "just enough." He's like a changed man, really, now. He's pleasant, relaxed, HAPPY, 'normal,'....he stops to smell the flowers, and he's enjoying life and his family, and he's a much more vital and engaging person now...AND he doesn't let his shitty job get to him anymore.

Look--it can't hurt. If it doesn't work for you, you can get off 'em, but it's worth a try, I should think. Anything's better than quitting work as your FIRST option.

Go on, give it a try. Call your doc and make an appointment. Call your boss and tell him or her that you will need a few days off for appointments.

[EvolveOrConvolve]

5. I agree with MADem completely - go see your doc

especially since you have insurance. I've been on anti-anxiety meds for almost two years, and honestly, they probably saved my life. I didn't believe that I could actually feel normal again. I look forward to work in the morning, even though I have a fairly mundane I.T. job.

Please, tell your boss you've reconsidered and go talk to your doctor.

[MADem]

6. You're giving great advice--could you cut and paste and repost your response

so you are replying to the OP instead of me? I hope she sees your recommendations. I can't recommend based on personal experience, only anecdotal from my own observations, but I have to say my pal ended up a changed man--and for the better.

It's a terrible thing when people feel so shitty--life's hard enough and short enough as it is.

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

17. There are very good anti-anxiety meds out there, see your doctor.

[nancyr]

4. Re-consider your situation.

This is not a good time to be out looking for jobs. The devil you know is perhaps preferable to the devil you don't know. It's not realistic to think a new insurance company would cover those pre-existing conditions. Don't shoot yourself in the foot.

[wildflowergardener]

7. Thanks

Thanks for the responses. This is good information to have.

Let me see if I can explain the situation more thoroughly, so perhaps you will understand. I feel I can probably back if I don't find something else pretty quickly. I would like to attempt to get out of the situation though before going back.

My boss has always been difficult, however lately he has been worse. We work in a one room office. He constantly tells everyone in the office how nothing the office does is successful. He constantly berates everyone in the office, for what a poor job they are doing. He threatens to lay everyone off every so often. He goes out and drinks at lunch - we think he has an alcohol problem. He tells clients we can do work in an unrealistic amount of time, then berates us when we don't get it done. He tells we have to spend all our weekend hours and evening hours studying on our own time in order to become experts in everything we ever might work on. We must be experts in everything. You can't look anything up in a book. The last two months have been a nightmare since my supervisor left and I have to work more directly with him. I'm afraid to ask him questions because he treats you like you are stupid if you don't know something, or if you ask a question, or he tells you you are spending too much time on something. I don't want to go back to that situation, if I can find another. I need to get away from that situation. If I can't find something fairly quickly I can go back.

I think I determined, I must take the cobra, otherwise I will be out of luck. I do already have some job leads. I have alot of skills I can use. I can't job hunt when I'm constantly worried about how he's going to act, and how he's going to treat me today, and how am I going to finish such and such a job that he's promised a client in the small amount of time he's allowed, and then how am I going to tell the client when it's not finished. I try working extra, then he comes in and tells me I'm doing everything wrong and ends up setting me back by days trying to redo things his way and making me miss the deadline. I don't know how much longer I can stand this. I just feel trapped because of the economy, but I know I can do something - if not, at that point I can always go back. I, of course have not told him the real reason I'm leaving is him - to leave my options open.

I just thought explaining my situation a bit more might help you understand why I did what I did. I have help - my parents are willing to loan me money until I can find another permanent job. It's spring which is the busy time for landscape architects. We are still extremely busy.

[EvolveOrConvolve]

8. Before you leave your job and go on the cobra insurance

please, please, please see your doctor about the anxiety. I see a lot of my own symptoms in you, and your doctor can help you more than you think. Even in a situation like yours, the amount of anxiety you're feeling is abnormal, and I'm speaking from experience. You don't want to end up without a job and too anxious to search for a new one - that's what happened to me, and it almost killed me. And if you're anything like me, the anxiety actually may keep you from seeing the doctor because it's just too stressful - don't let that happen!

(FWIW, I have chronic panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder)

[wildflowergardener]

9. jobs

I'm not too anxious to search for a new job. I'm actually looking forward to it, and the thought that I won't have to go back there after two weeks and can try something new makes me more able to get through the day at work. I just want to do something different. I've never had a problem before in any other job. I was fine here for 12 years, but with the recession he is 10 times worse than before and he was always bad - so I don't have a problem working with difficult people.

What my plan was is that I would give the notice (did that Friday), and use that time to finish up a job I am working on, then use my left over vacation time to find another job. I am not ready to go back and ask for my old job back, until I try to find something new. It's just too hard to do while I'm working, as busy as we were. If I can't find something, then I will go back maybe after a few months. I've always gotten by in between jobs doing temporary work. I am looking forward to a change and to get to do some different types of jobs for a change. Maybe I will find there are no temporary jobs, but it's not something I can even try or apply for while in my current job.

I'd rather not use medication if I don't have to. I don't like the side affects, or the feeling of being drugged. I'm perfectly fine when out of that situation, in the evenings and on weekends. I'm happy for the first time in a few months at the thought of just doing something different. The boss is also very controlling, he has to do all the designing, so there is never an opportunity to improve your skills (making it harder for you to leave). If I stay there even longer, it will just make it harder and harder to find another job without any design skills because he does everything, won't let you change anything - won't let you pick plants he doesn't like, criticizes any decision you make. He second guesses you so much you start to doubt whether you can do something on your own and feel afraid to leave. I really have been thinking about this for a long time and finally to the courage up to do it.

I realize it is a bad time to do this, but I really feel I have to at least try to get out of the situation. I think I can always go back - I know I am/was one of his favorite employees. He was nicer Friday, but I know it won't last. I will add, I don't really think the throwing up part is totally from stress. It's really a combination of the nausea I've always gotten when worrying, and bad allergies this season and post nasal drip from that in the mornings and an extra sensitive gag reflex that I've always had. I just feel I need to make an attempt to get away from the situation.

I will add - I really do appreciate the advice. I know that what I have done doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but I have to try. I will consider the doctor if this comes back, or if I end up having to go back there. BTW, my parents looked at the spot on my back and don't think it's anything to be worried about - like some things they had that turned out to be harmless, but I am going to go to the doctor anyway just to be sure.

[Why Syzygy]

10. You should see a doctor

and take medical leave if necessary. Tell your employer you've decided to get medical advice rather than resign. .02

IBTL

[wildflowergardener]

11. Update - maybe have a job already

Well I may possibly already have another job. My brother works with the sister of a person who owns a landscaping business and he is interested in expanding his business into design to sell his work - he's ok that I don't have a huge amount of design experience, because he was thinking I was probably overqualified for the job, being a landscape architect, but it would be on a commission basis so I might make $300 or so from a couple days work - he installs plants and hardscape design and is super busy, so I could learn to improve my own designs, and improve my skills while he expands - I told him my ultimate goal is a full time job with benefits, but I could do temporary office work as backup income and then do the designs for his clients evenings and weekends. At the same time I can improve my skills, and get confidence in my design skills - that I don't get at my current job, because my boss won't let us pick the plants or move even a line from what he's designed or if we do he tells us they are all wrong and changes them so after awhile you stop trying. I think that someday I could do this on my own, if I wanted to if I had some help like this getting started and could build some confidence in my design skills. If I ended up having so much work with him at some point, I could not take as much temporary office work, or do more of that in the winter. It is funny, what I am finding is that the residential landscape business does not seem to be slowing down like others - we are extremely busy at my current job - landscapers I've talked to are extremely busy - more so than usual even. The architects & engineers are very slow now, but I figure people may be more willing to invest in landscapes for their existing homes, then to build a whole new house or addition. He is interested in expanding in some areas like native plants and rain gardens that I am interested in learning more about.

Anyway, I'm excited and feel like maybe things are going to be ok.

[wildflowergardener]

12. Health Insurance question

So with all this said - I am looking for any good websites for researching health insurance so I do not make any mistakes choosing a policy, once the cobra is up - assuming I find out I do not have any pre-existing conditions. This would also be true if I were to end up going to business for myself. Does anyone know of any? I know people don't necessary agree with what I've done, but I want to do as much research on health insurance as I can before deciding on policies - so I don't end up regretting it later.

Any info on what to watch for in the fine print of insurance policies - websites that are good for that.

Does anyone have any ideas about that?

Also, they are having a free skin cancer screening in this area May 1, so I figured I can go to that, get the spot checked out, without there being a record on my insurance, if it turns out to be nothing. I would keep the cobra a few months until I am sure I have no pre-existing conditions and that the other problems go away once I've left my other job, then switch to another long term policy that may be less expensive than the cobra. My father thought it was just a Keritosis. It's not real big. They have had various spots removed by dermatologists so have seen what a lot of the various things look like.

Meg

[wildflowergardener]

13. Worrying

Ok - sorry to keep posting to my own thread, but this all has been very helpful. Regardless of whether or not I feel I made the right choice regarding my job, I see that maybe, though I always have been a person who worries more than I should about things, that maybe it doesn't always have to be that way. I would rather not have to resort to medication though, if possible. Medication affects me very strongly, even after it has supposed to have worn off. I read about anti anxiety drugs online, and it says many cause nausea, which is the problem I already have and other side affects. I would rather start with the suggestions I found on this page first:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anxiety_self_help.htm

I woke up worrying again this morning - now second guessing whether this other landscape job will work out. I have always had some trouble coping with new situations. I think this is partly why I stayed in my current job so long, when there were many many bad things about it. The unknown is always worse than the known problems - I knew what the day was going to be like which is comforting. Just reading the page with the link calmed me down and made me feel better. I think I'd rather start with trying to change the way I think, rather than medicating myself.

Thanks for everyone's responses. I know it may seem like I'm not following your advice, but it really has made me think that maybe there is a cure for the worrying habit that I always thought could not be cured.

Meg

[Why Syzygy]

14. If you're taking that tack

this is another very good resource for the worry habit:
http://www.recovery-inc.org/

They may have groups in your area, but the forum is very helpful in any case.
Best wishes.

[Celebration]

15. There are options other than drugs

EFT is really helpful for a lot of people, for instance.

www.emofree.com

Whenever I get anxious, I just take a couple of Valerian (herbal product). If that doesn't help, I go to the acupuncturist. It's amazing what acupuncture can do for anxiety.

Many get help from drugs but there certainly are options other than drugs. I don't take any drugs. I hate to see people think that there is a pill for every problem. On the other hand, I am glad they are available for people that really need them. Personally, I would probably only take them if all else failed. But, then I certainly would.

[wildflowergardener]

16. Thanks

Thanks for the links. I will definitely check them out.

I also saw a book in the library catalog called why women worry, and how to stop, and I'm going to go get that today. My supervisor, a woman, quit two months ago because she couldn't cope with him any more - she'd been there over 20 years. He has been way worse lately - the recession has done something to him - even though we are so busy and still getting new work, he's convinced that we are going to lose all our work and the solution to get his employees to do better is to be even more mean to them than he was before. He doesn't realize what good, honest employees he has - everyone really cares about there jobs and what they do, which probably would not be the case with everyone. Also it's hard because we can't hire anyone new with experience because of his reputation. I understand it must be very worrying to be responsible for 6 other employees right now - that must be a big burden. I don't dislike him - I just can't deal with his methods anymore. The men in the office don't seem to be letting it bother them as much, but then I don't really know what they are feeling inside that they don't say. I know I probably actually inherited this worry/nausea thing from my Father. He has said many times he used to have this problem, but eventually got over it.

Meg

[wildflowergardener]

18. An Update - Good news

I thought I would post an update to my previous post. I managed to get a new job already in my field. My old job's vacation time ends Thursday, and I start my new job on the following Monday. Pay is a little less, but it's worth it to me to be in a job I hope I'll be happier in. I get health insurance with the new company after 90 days, so will keep the Cobra until then.

I can't even tell you the weight I felt off of me when I didn't have to go back to that job anymore - I felt so much better. I'm no longer getting sick, and I'm excited again about being able to advance in my career again, getting to do more design work, and not having to go back to that situation anymore. I suddenly became ravenously hungry after not being able to eat, practically.

I also feel better because though I certainly hope things will work out with the new job, and believe they will, I registered with a temporary agency prior to receiving the offer, and was able to get a temporary job also for two months (which it turns out I won't be able to do after all) but they said I had really good skills so I think whatever happens, that I'll be ok.

I just got the audiobook , How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, by Dale Carnegie - at the library, and just started listening to it. It's an older book, but seems to have a lot of good advice that still applies, such as living in the day and not worrying about the past and future. I think that will be helpful in my new job.

Anyway, just wanted to post that I was extremely lucky and things worked out as well as I could have possibly hope - not that I would recommend what I did to others - but for me I felt it was the right choice to make - between that job and my health, and I felt confident enough in my skills that I'd find something else, so I took a chance - and luckily things are working out ok.

Meg

[Why Syzygy]

19. Good for you!

Glad you let us know. That's the way to seize the day!