Another Awkward Sex Talk: Respect and Violence

[groovedaddy]

Not long ago, in the clinic, a fellow pediatrician and mother asked whether we were still teaching our sons old-fashioned elevator etiquette: stand back and let the ladies off first.

We all protested that we don’t particularly like it when men pull that elevator stunt — hospital elevators tend to be packed, and the best thing to do if you’re near the door is get out promptly — but we had to admit we thought our adolescent sons should know the drill.

Once you start asking about whether there are special lessons that should be taught to boys, people jump pretty quickly from elevators to sex (or maybe that’s just the crowd I run with). Sex, after all, is a subject on which pediatricians give plenty of advice. And it becomes very tricky to formulate that advice without making some unpleasant assumptions about adolescent sexuality.

It has never been easy for adults to deal with young teenagers honestly and sensibly on this subject, and it isn’t easy now. We live with an endless parade of hypersexualized images — and a constant soundtrack of adults lamenting children’s exposure to that endless parade. There’s increasing knowledge of dating violence, including well-publicized celebrity incidents. And there’s always a new movie to see about how adolescent boys are clueless, sex-obsessed goofballs.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/14/health/14klas.html?th&emc=th

[lumberjack_jeff]

1. "Respect" means the other elevator occupants are as capable as you.

If I'm next to the door, I get off first.

[Warpy]

2. Exactly, and if I know I'm getting off at an upper/lower floor

I tend to stand to the back. If I'm blocked in, I'm perfectly capable of saying, "excuse me, this is my floor."

Etiquette rules need to be rewritten to reflect common sense.

For instance, if I go through a door and notice a person coming close on my heels, I'll hold the damn door. I am a woman and the sex of the person following me doesn't matter. It's just common courtesy to hold it rather than slam it in his/her face. If someone holds a door open for me, I thank him/her. The policy of expecting a woman to wait until a man appears to open the door is silly, as is the policy of expecting a man to be a doorstop until all women in the area have passed through it is silly.

So go ahead, get off that elevator first and don't block my way or the way of anyone else, it's both courteous and common sense.