I have been suddenly feeling hopelessly off for a few days, anyone else?

[rumpel]

I am trying to pinpoint what it is..and reading all sorts, trying to learn, trying to get myself out of this rut.

I know, what I am feeling is the microcosm of what is going on in the macrocosm and certainly not unique.
There was a sort of hopeful energy for many months, which kinda sorta got me through - and this, I think, was made possible by choosing to be in in a place of love. But it is a very fragile state of being...
In a sense, we can choose to enjoy the tiny flower that grows out of a crack in the concrete of a parking spot, rather than the sticky oil stain attracting all sorts of dirt. Then I would think, is it just avoidance? Both realities exist.

I guess it started with the matters surrounding the ex, which always draws me into a negative energy field (I was hoping it will finally be over yesterday - but no, there is a delay) Then, perhaps a realization that what little I was doing to potentially generate income - I end up dealing with a corporation, which is the representation of the old, arrogant and repressive. I always get bit, when tell myself, maybe it is not that bad.

At the base of it all, is the sticky muck of reality that over the past 3 years, everything we had is gone, literally only what we were able to grab. All of it is something I created, but sure as hell is difficult to get out once you have reached this state.
I thought I knew how, I thought I was working on it - all of that crumbled - too much disappointment, I guess, over the years I have learned not to make expectations, but I guess I was expecting basic human decency.

What caught my eye is about surrendering:
Even those who have been on an awakened path for a long time are finding themselves surrender deeper than ever before. What are we surrendering exactly? We are transcending every last part our small self, the victim, the part of us that continues to live in the past, and the story we no longer wish to recreate.
http://spiritlibrary.com/emmanuel-dagher/energy-forecast-surrender-mode

When Rick posted the 0 point Aries, I started looking at asteroids and dwarf planets, so I can confuse myself
:P even more - but found it quite interesting. I do have an asteroid in my natal 2nd called Ixion, one of those in Mr. Pluto's neighborhood, which is about: Tyranny, control and ownership of the feminine, deceit and attempted annihilation between authoritarian figureheads, the taking of kindred blood. Since Pluto is way out there, I presume it is our generations collective theme as well as our individual theme.

Whatever is influencing me from within or without just makes me feel like throwing in the towel - it just feels like I just can't anymore - I ran out of steam, and even if I can not buy food or stay here - I just am out of ideas - question is do I surrender?

[Sanity Claws]

1. I'm in a similar position

I started feeling very lethargic late last week. Then yesterday I started feeling depressed.
It makes me feel better to know that it's not just me.
Maybe it's astrological.

[rumpel]

5. Yes, I think we are being hit hard

by whatever energies..

Just have to pull through - while its taking a long time, nothing stays the same. I guess we have to plant the seedlings of something better for us now - while things are bad.

[OneGrassRoot]

2. So much of what you share here ...

echoes my thoughts and feelings.

I'm still hopeful though, for which I'm grateful. Feeling hopeless is the absolute worst, IMHO. :hug:

I think so many of us are beyond tired...so tired that perhaps the only option remaining is surrender, even if we don't realize that's what we're doing.

These last few years have been brutal, and you have really been through so much, rumpel. All I can say is that I am hopeful that something new...a shift of some sort, the kind we've been working towards...is truly around the corner. It won't necessarily solve our problems or issues, but maybe it will open up SOMETHING to show us that we now have new ways of doing and being...and we won't feel so limited and constricted.

In the meantime, I send you abundant hugs of support.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[rumpel]

6. Thanks OGR

I was just reminded that I have to get to the core of what it is within myself - I think I am still hanging onto the victim/injustice energies in my subconscious.
I have to truly clear it once and for all so I can let the other energies flow freely.

:hug:

:hi:

[OneGrassRoot]

9. I think there's something huge there right now....

with the "victim/injustice" energies.

I've witnessed and encountered quite a bit of that of late. Many have been victimized by so many experiences. It's hard to rise above and see the bigger picture (kharma/dharma perhaps) when in the throes of pain and suffering.

Yet that energy seems so destructive -- destructive to the person embodying it. It doesn't allow anything else in and seems to take on a life of its own.

It's been coming at me heavily of late. Not with me personally feeling those energies, but encountering others who are angry at the world, and when nothing I say or do helps, I become the "enemy" in their eyes -- so there's no doubt a mirror I need to look at about this issue. Trying to "do" is met with resistance; trying to simply listen and "be" is also offensive.

I applaud you for recognizing what's going on with you and seeing a path out of it. Don't beat yourself up if it's one step forward, two steps backward.

I wish for you a giant, graceful LEAP out of those energies when you're ready. :)

:applause:

Keep on keepin' on, Ms. Rumpel. :)


More :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[MorningGlow]

3. I know what you mean about being tired

I feel the same way. In my personal life and in my "place in the world", I've ceased...trying. I've stopped trying to accomplish things, trying to push the calendar...I've even stopped...caring. Oh, I care about my family and friends, but I can't get beyond that.

Come to think of it, didn't Lildreamer start a thread about the same sort of thing a couple of months ago?

In any case, I think it's necessary. Giving up, going with the flow, not trying to MAKE things happen but instead react appropriately to the things we observe--it's part and parcel of these "interesting times".

However, if that doesn't resonate with others, that's fine too. Neither stance (giving up or continuing to fight) is "correct" and the other "incorrect"--just appropriate for each person at whatever stage they're at in life.

If you feel like you should be lying low for now, "going underground" as we in the pagan community refer to it when the energies get to be too much and we're too much "in the world", then that's exactly what you should be doing. It won't be forever--don't make it forever--just pay attention to your instincts and do what you need to do.

In the meantime... :hug: :hug: :hug:

[rumpel]

7. funny things is

that sometimes, when I get my hissyfit (which is quite rare) and say f.. it! things start to move..

So I understand what you are saying.

:hug: back

[Fire Walk With Me]

4. Surrender to the Light is not defeat. It is victory.

:hi:

[rumpel]

8. FWWM, :)

thanks -