Contact from the departed

[Ino]

I have a question to put to you:

My sister believes she was contacted by the departed on two occasions. Once by my aunt who had just died peacefully in a hospice. Another time by the little girl who lived next door, who had been abducted & murdered. Both times, my sister was very distraught & crying, and suddenly felt their comforting presence. She was not expecting this, or hoping for it... it just happened. She's not into psychic phenomena at all and would be skeptical if anyone else claimed to have been contacted, but she KNOWS this happened with her.

My father died in 2001 from cancer, but without any pain. He slipped into a coma and died at home surrounded by his children. My sister has been waiting for him to contact her. Now she is expecting it, and is rather upset that he hasn't checked in with her. I asked her why she wanted him to contact her, and she said "So I know he's all right. So I know he still exists." She seems downright =peeved= that she hasn't felt his presence, along with being sad about it. She hasn't had any dreams about him even.

I suggested that maybe he doesn't feel a need to do so, that he knows she's all right and doesn't need comforting. Maybe he's moved on. Maybe she's trying too hard. Maybe he doesn't want to contact someone who's angry that he hasn't done so yet (I didn't tell her that, LOL). But I don't know a lot about this.

Why would he not contact her? 8.5 years later and she's still waiting and hoping for it. What can I tell her? Is there anything I can suggest?

[MagickMuffin]

1. If it is going to happen, it will happen

We can't dictate when we will be contacted. So, there is no need for your sister to fret over it.

My best friend died back in '93 and I kept waiting for him to contact me. Just recently I have been having dreams with him in them. Some good ones and some interrupted by other people (who I don't consider my friend anymore) so we dream turned out to be what I consider to be bad ones.

Wanting someone to contact us will only put unnecessary pressure on us, and isn't constructive. That's my take on it.

[Ino]

8. I agree.

She's putting a lot of pressure on the event to happen with her expectations. She needs to let it go.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. My contacts with those who have passed over

have always come unexpectedly and were not something I was thinking would happen. I believe if you really really want it to happen, the anxiety itself can keep it from occurring.

What I think happens is that there is direct contact when there is distress on this side that those who have departed can alleviate. Case in point: About 2 1/2 years after my grandfather died, Gramma was feeling very depressed, thinking there was nothing after this life, etc. Anyway, that night he came to her, and told her he was all right and that everything was all right. She physically felt the brush of his lips against hers, which caused her to become fully awake. She then smelled the special combination of salves and medications he'd been using before his death--products that had been long gone from her house.

Now when my Gramma died, she didn't realize she'd crossed over, and I was the one to tell her--again, quite unexpected. But the point is that in both cases, there was a real need fulfilled.

[Ino]

5. "when there is distress on this side"

The first two times she felt a presence was when she was grief-stricken. With my father, we had much time to get used to the idea -- not that she wasn't sad he died, but to my knowledge she wasn't in a turmoil. She doesn't NEED his contact, rather just EXPECTS it. Putting too much pressure on the event, like you say.

[Kind of Blue]

3. It seems like your sister

has a lot of conflicting emotions about contact from the other side that could be causing a blockage, especially with high expectations thrown in for contact from a beloved. As mentioned by MagickMuffin and ayeshahaqqiqa, the contacts come when you least expect them and that's always been my experience, as well.
From advice I've read in the past about people wanting contact, the first thing is to let go of expectation because there are just too many emotions charging it. Sometimes contact doesn't come in dreams but from surprising events. For instance, after my FIL died, my SIL who is not a believer kept finding pennies or pennies constantly landing at her feet, on her windshield, at her front door, et cetera. She knew it was her dad, a depression era child, who always urged her in particular to save her pennies because she is such an extravagant spender. Pennies stopped coming when she shouted in joy, I know its you, dad!
So your sis may want to let go of it coming in a particular way and think of your dad fondly, which I think always helps. I was told once that when you begin remembering the dead out of nowhere with love and joy for the times spent together that is when they are with you.

[Ino]

7. Oh, good point!

I'll suggest she be open to "coincidences" like the pennies.

[MorningGlow]

4. Some visit, some don't

It's not always a guaranteed thing.

I'm sorry your sister is in such distress about it--and 8 1/2 years is a very long time to be caught up in something that's causing her so much pain. He definitely still exists, albeit in another state. Has she tried reaching out to him? Does she know how to meditate and send an intention to the Other Side?

[Ino]

6. I mentioned meditating to her...

with an emphasis on picturing such a contact in great detail with great emotion, then letting it go. She seems to think that would "trick" herself into feeling a contact that's just her own imagination. It kinda makes me laugh... I keep getting this image of her sitting there with her arms crossed, very petulant, waiting.

[northernlights]

9. my contacts have always happened when

I had a deep need for support, when I was grieving too much, and anguished. Sometimes when blaming myself; sometimes just feeling helpless as events swept loved ones away. Or in the case of Luna, helpless (period) about the plight of homeless dogs and cats.

They've never been "on demand" because I expected or wanted it. Only because I desperately needed comforting and couldn't let go of them. They usually stick around until I've healed enough that I could stand on my own again.

The exception was my beautiful budgie, Kiwi, who I had rescued. He just hovered around me for years, and I could "call" him to me just by thinking about him and remembering his beautiful singing. Then for a long time he stopped coming when I thought about him, and I thought he'd just flown off with his mate, Mango. But he did return for a visit not long ago. So I know he's not so far off, after all...

[SheilaT]

10. It does seem as though

her expectation may be out of touch with reality. He may simply have better things to do than to contact her. Or he may have tried and couldn't get through because her expectation that he must contact her is somehow making it difficult.

Here's my one story of contact: Several years ago I was staying with a friend to attend the college graduation of her only son. The father, her husband Keith, had died unexpectedly two years before. A couple of hours before leaving to attend the graduation, while my friend was taking a shower, I was listening to some classical music and embroidering. All of a sudden I had the briefest glimpse out of the corner of my eye of someone who looked sort of like a pirate, nothing at all about the deceased. But I KNEW it was Keith. When my friend got out of the shower I said, "I don't know how to tell you this, but I think Keith is here right now." All that day I kept on feeling his presence, and it was the oddest thing I've ever experienced. I didn't see him (other than that brief glimpse at the start) and I certainly didn't hear voices, just kept on getting these strong impressions. And I'd find myself compelled to say something or anther that would make my friend laugh and say that it sounded just like Keith. Later on during the day I spoke by phone first to my husband, and later to my son (the same age as the graduate) and I found I simply had to tell them that Keith said hello.

It was so subtle and so strong, quite unlike what I had thought such a contact would be. I even wondered out loud to my friend why Keith would come to me, and not her, and she said it was probably because she was simply too tense and anxious for him to come through at that point. He had come through to her before and since, she is completely certain, and so didn't feel any jealousy that he was coming to me that day, not her.

[NJCher]

11. maybe the conditions for contact are not there?

I wonder if it has to do with some factor unknown to us now that has to do with receptivity. Or possibly intention. Maybe one person is more receptive than another. Maybe it has to do with conditions in the atmosphere. Maybe it has to do with having a message to convey. Here are some examples.

In the death of my friend Gini a few Septembers ago, I heard from her immediately and so did her son. In both cases the contact was imaginative, creative, beautiful and artistic in its expression. We marveled at how clever and witty it was--but of course--so like her. She was an artist.

Yet her daughter, to whom she was very close, has not heard from her. It is just the oddest thing. I know that if Gini could contact her she would. So it makes me wonder if it has something to do with receptivity.

In the death of my neighbor's dog Crumpet, I heard from Crumpet a few days after she crossed over, but my neighbor herself did not. She and Crumpet were very close. Her husband had some dreams where she came to him a few days later. In the case of contact with me, however, Crumpet had something specific to tell me. When I was eventually able to tell the story to my neighbor (it was so emotional for me I could barely articulate it, even weeks later), my neighbor confirmed that Crumpet had been trying to come to my house for weeks before she died. She was so old and blind, though, that she was only able to make it part of the way each time. It means the world to me that she tried so hard. The message that she conveyed was very meaningful because I was truly unaware.

When my brother's cat crossed over, he visited me in a dream a few nights later to show me his new "digs." He gave me the grand tour and I saw the house he was living in from a cat's point of view, 10" off the floor. The dream was very long and I spent a good deal of time with him. I really got a feel for his new "human." I even saw her walking across the house from the cat's point of view (her heels!). I experienced how happy and comfortable he was in his new home.

So the kitty contacted me but not my brother. Why? My brother would have loved that reassurance yet it was I who was visited and not him. I told my brother the story but at the time I do not think he was very receptive to it. Over the years he has changed, however.

Now, putting the shoe on the other foot, my brother had contact with my beloved Mitzi after she crossed over. He actually saw her. She materialized in front of him and played with him briefly. I was in the same room and saw him interacting with her but I did not see her materialize. In fact I did not even know what happened until he told me.

I had many other afterlife experiences with Mitzi but none that involved materializing except for when she appeared in a photo with Bitsey, my other black cat who crossed over.

So from these examples, you might suggest to your sister that it could possibly have something to do with the conditions for contact. It also might have something to do with intention, i.e., something specific to communicate.


Cher

p.s. I enjoyed reading everyone's stories.

[Kind of Blue]

12. And I love reading your story.

So beautifully written and very uplifting. Thanks, NJCher.

Going through the same thing with my step-daughter, whose mother died almost 6 years ago. My husband and I have both had at least 2 contacts each from her. And just no explanation is satisfying enough for the child as to why her mom won't come, though she wants it so badly.

Anyway, the examples in this thread are great for her to read so that at least she knows that she's not alone in this experience. Thanks, Ino, for starting it.

P.S. I had a cat once name Peggy (he was a boy but didn't know it till later). Had to give him up because I'm terribly allergic to cats. He now lives with a cat lady who takes in cats on a beautiful ranch with a bunch of others about 3 hours away. When we dropped him off he totally blew me off, and immediately started playing with the other cats and kittens. I was so hurt. Even though, I know Peggy is still alive, he comes to visit every so often. I'm grateful for this because I know he thinks of me sometimes, I'm sure it's while he's asleep :)

[davsand]

13. I think contact is "need" driven.

I think that in some cases contact is so very important so that the spirit can release a bit and move on. If someone they love is in a large amount of pain that contact can maybe bring some comfort--can ease that passing a bit.

My father died one year ago March 7th. He had been ill for quite some time and his physical decline was something we all watched as it happened. he finally ended up in the hospital for quite some time with his condition declining to the point that we had to choose between letting him go and providing external life support.

We decided to let him go, and he passed quietly with us all in the room and my mom sitting there holding his hand.

The day he died my mother announced that her life was "over." You have to understand, they had an amazing relationship for the entire 58 years they were married. It truly was a love relationship, and my mom was devastated by the loss. My Dad did all he could to provide for her and make sure she was settled in a house she liked--and then he died.

The day my dad died, we came home from the hospital and my mom picked up his watch that was laying on the table by "his" chair. He had taken it off to go to the hospital that last time. The watch had stopped. It had not stopped at exactly the time Dad died but it was within a couple of hours of that time.

Mom commented on that and she and I talked about it a bit. We speculated that it might be "self winding" and that laying on the table for a couple of weeks had finally let it run down. Mom commented that she hoped that was the case because she thought that my nephew would like to have his Grandpa's watch.

A few days later--the day of the funeral--my mom said when woke up and felt that dad was there with her, and that she swears she felt him kiss her. She got out of bed and walked out to the family room, sat down next to that watch and realized it had restarted. She says that the time on the watch was about five minutes later than what it had been stopped at.

Mom has had a lot of bad days since Dad dies, but she talks about his visit and that watch--and it seems to bring her comfort. I have talked about my own experience with a visit from a friend who died, and that also seems to have helped her. I think she needed that visit from Dad at that point in time in order to keep going. I think he did it because he needed to know she was gonna be ok.

I am told that time does not pass for the dead the same way it does for us here in this life. I think they have a sense and a genuine caring for those who need, but any urgency they might feel about contact is something that is driven by the need of the living a lot more than it is by the dead except for feeling free to pass on without guilt.

I want to offer up one observation for your sister, I think that if she knew your dad was in the process of dying she may have worked thru a lot of stuff at the time, and your Dad may have as well. She may not hear from you father fora a number of years-and that is not a "bad" thing, nor is it reflective of any issues between them. It may just be what they both need, when they both need it.

Peace to you and your sister both.


Laura

[woodsprite]

14. For me, it was longer than that and only happened when I needed them.

For years, I had tried and tried to dream about my grandmother and my favorite aunt after they passed. As a teen it scared me because I felt like I almost couldn't remember them. I never ever dreamed of them until I needed them - they had information they had to give me. This just happened in 2006. I was entering a health crisis and it's because of my dream of them and what they said during the dream that I asked my doctor for a biopsy. It came back positive. Now I'm fine - 3 yrs cancer free as of last weekend. But that's the only time I've ever dreamed of them and my grandmother has been gone since 1976, my Aunt since 1978 and my mother since 2001.

I hope it happens for her, but she should know that he's fine. My father has never come to visit me (as far as I know or can remember). He died in 1990.