I just had a bad fight with my cousin.

[SemiCharmedQuark]

My cousin Antonio's mother was going to give him up for adoption when he was born, but my grandmother said she'd raise him. Then, when my father ran out on my mom and she needed someone to watch me, my grandma moved in with us. So it was my mom, my grandma, me and Antonio. Tony and I were raised like brother and sister.

Anyway, he always would say stuff about Mexicans and the like and it really bothered me-but I always thought he was just making stupid jokes. Then along came facebook. He's friends with some real assholes. These people are out and out racists. So, in an effort to appease them, Tony has been upping the rhetoric on Facebook. Wednesday he wrote: "Why is it OK to be mad about white presidents but not ok to be mad at blacks? the marches arent about race. he's stupid". And here comes the racist dipshits to agree. So I replied, "Don't be stupid. It's one thing to disagree with policy, it's another thing entirely to hold up signs saying Obama belongs in a Zoo, Obama has a bone through his nose, The White House will replace the gardens with watermelons and fried chicken, Obama is a Muslim, etc." Then I added "I know you think that playing the nihilistic racist is cool, but you're 30 years old now. It's time to grow the fuck up."

So he replied with some bullshit about HR 3200 providing care for illegals, and I rebutted that. And then he brought up more bullshit and I rebutted that too. Then he posts "You are the weakest link, goodbye. When you can behave, you can send me a facebook friend request again"

So I texted him on his phone and he tells me that if I don't like his views, not to go to his page. I told him that if he didn't want to get called out, he shouldn't post half truths or outright lies. I told him that I didn't reply with opinions but facts. HR 3200 didn't cover undocumented immigrants and he was wrong. People holding up some of these signs clearly ARE upset about Obama's race and that's a fact too.

And then my husband tells me (he is also Tony's friend) that Tony continued the argument when I couldn't defend myself. One of his racist friends said he should run me over with a car. The REALLY racist asshole cheered him on about Oballsack (How long did it take him to come up with that???) and that they should get a drink.

What I really feel like saying to him, and I'm sorry that I didn't get the chance is this: You aren't white. You are never going to be white. Quit putting down minorities to get in the good graces of racists.

He's like the Michael Steele of our family. He thinks by selling us out, by hanging out with racists and telling them what they want to hear, he'll get somewhere. "Well, if the Mexican makes jokes about Mexicans, it must be alright."

We were going out to the lake next week, but I canceled through my husband and we haven't spoken since.

I'm so so angry, I feel totally betrayed. He's like my brother, but he throws me overboard to get in the good graces of an immature racist fuckwit?

[Fire1]

1. That's truly sad. It's going to be even worse for him when

they 'turn' on him (and they eventually will) and he finds out what they really think of him. That he's "just like the rest."

[firedupdem]

2. I'm so sorry that happened....

My brother just called me ranting about the black folks that make fools of themselves on fox tv. I don't understand how people can put themselves down that way. Just as fire stated, they will turn on him at some point.

[cyndensco]

3. But when they turn on him,

will he even notice?

Sorry SemiCharmedQuark, your cousin seems lost. :(

[firedupdem]

4. A friends son found out the hard way. They moved to a pretty

affluent area in michigan when he began high school, and while it was diverse he became friends with ONLY white kids. When he went away to college, he only hung out with ONLY white guys. He went out of the country on a trip with his buddies and something racial happened and they left his ass hanging. He finally admitted to his mother that he had played along with what he considered jokes etc. but found out that perhaps what he considered jokes, were really their true feelings about him. When the going got tough, not one of his "friends" had his back.

**You do have a point though...while he came home all hurt from his bad experience, he still has nothing to do with black folks. Doesn't come to family functions, has nothing good to say about black folks, so I don't know. Lost is definitely the word for it.

[Fire1]

6. Yeah but it's only happened to him ONCE and doesn't sound

like anything of any major consequence. Wait until it becomes 'devastating.' You can PM me with an answer but I'm willing to bet it was W. Bloomfield H.S. Right or wrong?

[firedupdem]

9. I pm'd you. I don't know what it would take for him to quit acting

a fool. He's LOST

[cyndensco]

7. How does your friend deal with her son's inability to relate to black folk?

I cannot imagine how I would deal with either of my sons feeling uncomfortable with their own. (Having sent them to predominately white schools, it was, and occasionally is, a concern).

Maybe your friend's son will eventually "come home." It sounds unlikely.
,

[Number23]

8. It would be like a knife in my heart to have my children reject black people/culture

For all of our faults and flaws, there is a reason that black American culture is one of the most emulated and (in so many cases) respected cultures in the world.

The Civil Rights Movement has been a beacon of hope to oppressed people all over the world. Our strength and perseverance is the stuff of legend. I am astounded every time I learn how many cultures throughout the world give SERIOUS respect and recognition to black Americans and black American history. And our music, manner of speech and dress, dancing etc. are imitated by the whole damn planet.

It would kill me to have my children reject all of this out of some bullshit, ignorant "belief" of what we're supposed to be about instead of what we we really are, which is nothing short of amazing.

[cyndensco]

11. "It would be like a knife in my heart to have my children reject black people/culture"

I feel EXACTLY the same way but did not want to come on too Draconian here.;-)

I sense the relationships my son has with his white peers are, in part, based on the 'flava' they perceive he brings to the group. That is not to say they don't genuinely like him, but let's say I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. So far, it hasn't. (Which might be a good thing). :shrug:

My kids know how I feel. They know how absolutely proud I am of our culture and how it would kill me if they did not embrace it. If either chose the road SemiCharmedQuark's cousin or firedupdem's friend's son did, I would be totally crushed. I would still love them though.

[firedupdem]

13. oh wow....you just used the words I've been searching for....

my youngest is in that situation. He's quite popular and he's an athlete. I wonder about the "flava" myself.

[firedupdem]

10. She gets very upset at how nasty he can be about his own race..

but then again she makes excuses and kind of protects him. Her daughter is the opposite. She has a diverse group of friends and has never shunned her own. I think this kid is just wired differently.

[angee_is_mad]

5. Dreadful

that self-hatred persist in our culture.

[noiretextatique]

12. nothing sadder than a deluded person of color

thinking he's getting "brownie points" by denigrating his own people. that person is truly a pathetic pos, imho. i had a friend who used to tell and laugh at n*$&#@# jokes with white people. i pulled her aside and told her i never used word, and especially not in front of white people because i didn't want them to think it was ok to use it. i've had a few issues with some white acquaintances lately that have really made me very angry. i am not one to swallow shit, so i confronted them, and to a one, they refused to take responsibility for their behavior. it's not them being rude, disrespectful or condescending...it's me being "angry" or "sensitive". :puke:

how sad your cousin must be with so much self-hatred inside. he is really and truly pathetic and likely a lost cause. it must be very hurtful :hug: not to mention maddening.