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I have thyroid cancer, and of all the cancers one can get this is pretty much the easiest one to treat. The surgery to remove the thyroid and 21 lymph nodes was extensive (about 130-140 stitches) and that part sucked. But the actual radiation was just in pill form, and I didn't have to go through chemo, so really it's just the mental side of things, the nagging wondering about it. But that's it.
In comparison, my mother had breast cancer, went though massive radiation, chemo that did a number on her, and then, after seven years of being free of breast cancer she discovered a brain tumor, and that cervical cancer had spread to her liver, lungs and bones. She died 5 weeks later. Hard to feel sorry for myself in light of that, and I do feel guilty sometimes telling people that I have cancer myself, unless it's in a supportive way that might help someone else.
The second way is something I just discussed down here not too long ago. My counselor is pushing me to discuss PTSD in my case, and I've been very resistant, because to me PTSD is something that soldiers returning home from war have to deal with, or something victim's of sexual abuse have to deal with. I was never physically or sexually abused in any way, I just had no parents on the scene from age 10 onwards. I understand that neglect is a form of abuse, but I still feel so uncomfortable putting myself in the same category as people have gone through so much worse. My teen years were completely chaotic, but actually kind of fun, because there was no one telling me what I could or couldn't do. I can remember a bunch of hellish things, but I also remember a bunch of really cool things about that time.
But...
I think this position that I'm holding on these issues, and the one you're feeling, may be wrong. Maybe we shouldn't feel guilty. Maybe it's not a comparison of who has gone through what. If there's something there there, then so be it. Let's accept that and move on to dealing with it for what it is (some kind people here have just recently made me rethink all of this).
As for your depression, in my opinion there's no such thing as "minor" depression. Anything lasting more than a day or two starts to affect us in bad ways. I've had depressive episodes that have lasted for 8 - 10 months at a time (one so bad it cost me my marriage, despite my ex and I never having a single argument or raised voices with each other over anything...it was just too much on her to see me so far removed, from her and everyone else. It took her leaving, and a suicide attempt a few months later for me to finally get help). Like you said, it just goes on and on, and no matter what the reason that's a hellish way to live each day. I'm bipolar as well, but I'll take that over even moderate depression any day. It's just so soul crushing. But I've learned that I'm not alone in this, and I hope you can learn that too. Misery does love company, not because we want to see people hurting, but because it helps you realize that others CAN understand what you're dealing with. For the longest time I felt there was no way I could relate to someone on the topic of depression. Not that I felt mine was the worst case in the world, just that it was unique. But it really isn't, and finding that out actually made me feel a little better, and let me open up those who I do think understand it (like I'm doing here with you. :) ) Five years ago I never would have said anything like this about myself to anyone, let alone a message board full of strangers. I still suffer from bouts of massive depression, and I suspect I always will. But I no longer feel alone in that, and that does help a lot.
Your posting in this forum will never be a bother. :hug:
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