I'd like to talk about how we cope.... when we do.

[Random_Australian]

I'm sitting here thinking, thinking clearly. Again I think I've solved a problem, and whether or not it will come back, I don't know (I'm thinking yes).

What occurs to me though, is that all of us here must have worked out some way of surviving, and it also occurs to me that if we learn from each other, perhaps the each of us can benefit. Well, I for one certainly would like to learn some more now.

So, what do you do when your head spins itself out of it's mind?

For me, ever the scientist, the answer has always been logic. I calm myself down, think about things slowly, and try and do some kind of limited cause and effect - not very good when it comes to emotional controls, but it has some benefits. Like that thing I was talking about in the 'positive' thread - meditating with my hands in the position I go to when I just want to curl up and shout, so when I did put my hands there in distress the calm would all come flooding back to me. And, another suggestion that immediately becomes apparent to the very logical is that when things go wrong, I could certainly use some new perspectives. Like posting this.

In other words, when something goes wrong, I sit down and try and trace out what went wrong.

So, I ask a last time, how do you do it? How do you keep yuorself together?

By the way, if you want more information from me, you only need to ask. In fact, please do. :) I'm quite friendly.

[DemExpat]

1. I had more trouble coping in the past whenever I tried to analyze

my feelings. My psychotherapy provided me with insight into where the feelings/chaos come from, by re-feeling the feelings and linking them to a past situation.


In other words, when something goes wrong, I sit down and try and trace out what went wrong.

Analyzing with my brain only, trying to find logic in the madness by thinking it all through used to drive me mad and send me into very precarious states of being. So this technique does not work at all well for me.

At present, whenever I feel stuck, negative, and everything threatens to meltdown, I don't go into a major action mode of trying to fight it, I find things to do focusing on my senses, not intellectual reasoning, which calm me down, like taking a warm bath, walking and playing with my dog, cocooning in bed with some good books and magazines, even cleaning or organizing something in my house or garden, etc......

The only order I do try to create when I feel overwhelmed is writing it down in my journal - not in any analytical way - just getting it all down on paper.

These coping techniques are some that work for me very well now for over 20 years. The psychotherapy was excellent for providing me with insights to use as reference points for all of my mental health problems.

Barb

[Random_Australian]

2. Thankyou for your input. The journal technique sounds very... interesting.

I wonder how it would affect me.

In fact, I intend to try all of the things you have listed - "always learn more" is almost my motto.

Once again, thanks for taking the time to respond.

[Forkboy]

3. I wish I could answer that

I don't know how I cope...other than badly.I'm basically hanging on by my fingernails and I'm pretty close to just calling it quits.25 years of this is just about enough.

Mediation,journals...you name it,I've tried it.My mind simply wont stop.I think I've had over 200 posts here just this week alone.I have six webpages open right now and I'm trying to read all of them at once :crazy: (need the NHL standings? I got them at my fingertips! :) )

[DemExpat]

4. Stop the mind with sensual experiences using any of the 5 senses.

you name it,I've tried it.My mind simply wont stop.I think I've had over 200 posts here just this week alone.I have six webpages open right now and I'm trying to read all of them at once (need the NHL standings? I got them at my fingertips! )

Yes, do call it quits by all means! By pushing away from the computer and its excessive information supply - which tends to focus energy up to the head - attention is then almost completely technically visual (not sensually visual like enjoying looking at a flower or scenery, etc.) - and into the mind -while your relief possibly might come from more 'sensual' experiences like those I mention above.

The trick then is not to become addicted to a particular sensual experience, like in over-eating, too much sex, etc......:silly:
And this is where meditation techniques come in handy - by teaching one to simply Pay Attention and not let some things get out of hand.

DemEx

[Forkboy]

6. I shut the other five pages down

:)

Honestly though,if I stop with the outside input the only input left is my own...and that will be it for me.Especially on days like today where I can't even go outside (it's about 10 degrees with a wind chill 20-30 below...though my room has no heat and isn't much warmer).I can't focus on books,movies or anything for more than fifteen minutes or so..tops.That's why I'm here.I can read posts in small enough chunks that I can actually think on them for a few minutes.

If I just sit here trying to relax I'll have another panic attack...and yesterday's in the grocery store was bad enough to last me a month.I try to focus on good things,and there are some,but my mind comes right back to the negatives in minutes.

Your advice is good,and I truly thank you for it.I'm just not sure I can do it.And afraid to try.I know whats waiting.

[DemExpat]

7. Panic disorder will drive you to the brink, and I lived with it for

about 14 years. So I know exactly what you mean by not being able to relax or turn your attention inward for long before a panic attack rises. I had major panic attacks in stores, on the streets, in theaters, all kinds of transportation vehicles, at home in my bed...... - pure Hell living like that.

First you need to realize what a panic attack really is - a rush of adrenalin through the body in the flight or fight response - and realize that THIS cannot harm you, can't kill you even though you feel like you are dying. When you can really *get this*, then you can slowly start practicing situations of panic attacks and regulating the physical sensations that preclude an attack by practicing and learning to just breathe them away. It takes a lot of practice, and it is uncomfortable, but it does lead to good self-control (not fighting the symptoms!).....there is a difference here. Then, and only then, in my experience, can you discover that YOU are much stronger than any Panic "Monster".....truly.

My favorite Panic "Bible" which I carried around with me in the years I was learning this is this book out of hundreds on the market:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Panic-Attacks-What-Happen-About/dp/0007106904/ref=pd_ka_1/026-0609009-7032415?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173204998&sr=8-1
Scroll down and read some reviews - they echo my own positive experience.

Very highly recommended, and it is written in a straightforward manner with practical advice, with some humor as well without belittling the situation we find ourselves in.

Grab it in a library, or go buy it to have at home to refer to frequently.

I was amazed at how much coping support I got from this book, even after years of therapy and meds.

DemEx

[Forkboy]

8. Thank you so much for the advice and sharing your own experience.

I'll have to get the book at the library but I will definitely look for it.

I did just take off for an hour with a friend and I was fine in the music store (a place I guess I always feel at home).I feel calmer than did earlier.

Thanks again...it means a lot to me.

[EFerrari]

10. One thing that has worked for me even if it makes me feel

like an idiot is going to a mirror, looking at me in the face and reassuring myself out loud. If I'm driving or somewhere where there is no mirror, I do it anyway, out loud. "I'm fine. I've done this a thousand times before. This is just like driving on my block or walking in my garden. It's okay. I can do this."

It seems as though some part of the brain picks up these statements as "information" and the system calms down a bit. :)

[DemExpat]

14. Much of the root of my mental health problems stemmed from

a lack of this loving, calm attention to my needs as a child, so this would in my view be part of the self-nurturing we can do now that we didn't receive from others then.

DemEx

[EFerrari]

18. Yep! Some part of our brain is still receptive to calming and positive

statements.

Whew!

:hug:
:grouphug:

[Forkboy]

15. Evey now and then that does work for me.I dont say it out loud but I do keep saying it to myself

I had a good night's sleep last night for the first time in weeks,so I'm doing better than I was yesterday.Hopefully things are slowing down a bit finally.

Thanks! :)

[EFerrari]

19. That's great! Do try it out loud.

It seems to work better by a factor of 10, no kidding. :)

[hashibabba]

21. OMG! I used to be just like you! It was awful! But when I get into a

mini-manic phase now, it comes back and I kind of like it. But I understand what you're talking about. Are you on any meds for it? I'm not sure which of my five meds (or more likely, all of them put together) is helping me, but that aspect of me is really gone, probably to the extreme!

You know, of course, that one medication might not work, but the next one might? They did a lot of trial and error before they found a drug *cocktail* for me that works.

Analyzing everything doesn't help me one bit, it just makes me even worse. In fact, overanalying everything helped make me as bad as I was for so long.

[stillcool]

5. I tell myself, that this too shall pass...

and remind myself of the scariest events of my life, and how I miraculously sailed through them. I try to ground myself in the now. Take notice of the moment in time, the is, the I am. I try to parent myself, listen closely without judgment and coax the wounded one to be still. I tell myself it's only life, my life, and what's the worst that could happen...I die? What's so bad about that? The darkest days have bits of light if I look for them. I try not to figure out the why until I'm secure in the now. Traipsing back to the trigger associated with the wound requires perspective, and when I'm on the edge I have none. I like to picture the ocean, and how if I go to the same place, at the same time of day, I will never see the same thing. That is all this is, a snapshot in time from the ocean of life...regardless of what is next it will be other.

[EFerrari]

11. I do that too. "This is just for now."

It works, it helps. :)

[DemExpat]

13. Yes, this does work.

It used to terrify me when feelings or a very negative state of mind would take hold of me - my "disaster" thinking would immediately warn me that this was it, now I would die, go crazy, lose it all, etc. etc.

Now that I have experience with riding out stuff and learning to cope better, I still get alarmed at the first signs,(Not this shit again....) but can quickly realize that this is very temporary....I do have faith now that it will pass.

DemEx

[EFerrari]

20. One of my friends calls it "catastrophizing"

which seems like exactly the right word to use when my thinking wants to gallop away in that direction.

But at the time, I don't analyze as much as I try to identify that really anxious feeling asap. Then, try to use calming self talk, activities, thoughts. It's a very powerful exercise that I can use/practice with a feeling or with a real emergency like an earthquake or an out of control person.

Amazing, how much we can really do in the privacy of our own minds. :)

[Random_Australian]

22. You're right, self control can really be something sometimes.

For me, I just scan what I am thinking for "unhealthy thinking patterns" (read: unrealistic thoughts, everything from 'death is waiting for me when I go out of my room' to 'everyone hates you, did you not know?' to 'I will become great, and all the world will bow before me!') and just sort of.... stop thinking it. That is something I have learned to do.

:)

[hunter]

9. When I'm crazy, off in my own world, I never know.

I'm crazy because the little flags that tell me I'm crazy don't go up; I'm speeding down a twisty road on a dark and rainy night and I don't see the signs, and worse, I don't feel like I'm speeding. I can be paranoid and irritable, rocking back and forth, and sucking the life out of everything around me, and I automatically assume the storm is external to my own head -- I'm totally blind to myself.

My family gets frustrated at times, "Didn't you think...???!!!" and I always feel like "How can I think about something when I don't think about something?" If I had thought about that something, I would have thought about that something, but the damned spark simply wasn't there. Duh. So, no, obviously, I didn't think.

So I try to set things up as rules, rules that seem to be second nature to other people. But sometimes I miss, and when I'm not in a good place I miss quite often, and being appropriate begins to feel too burdensome, and I just want to be left alone.

What I did learn early on was to develop diverse relationships of trust. I had some horrible experiences when I was too dependent upon my trust of just one person (I got used and abused) but if I have a few people around who are telling me I'm not right, I've learned to trust that I'm not right. But I still have problems that flare up, usually owing to the fact that I can fake some measure of sanity to the outside world, even when I've gone over the edge, which is always a great source of misery to the people who care about me, especially my wife.

Survival? I think if you try to go about it entirely within your own head, it's not going to work. There are various things you can learn to keep you out of trouble, to recognize subtle warnings, but part of the basic reason you get sucked into whatever trouble is going on inside your head is that some part of the feedback mechanism that suppresses that trouble is broken, and it takes someone else, hopefully someone who can be trusted, to tell you that it's time to put on the brakes, change your medications, put aside your obsessions, whatever...

You have to accept the fact that you can't always "keep yourself together" and work with other people from there.

[EFerrari]

12. And that would be called relating, a difficult thing that most people

don't understand. That's brilliant, hunter.

:hug:

[mopinko]

16. You have to accept the fact that you can't always

"keep yourself together" and work with other people from there.

great advice for anyone. having a trusted person in our lives is probably one of our most primal drives. not being able to trust those around you can cripple the best of us.

[hunter]

17. In a lot of ways I've been very fortunate.

When I was at my loopiest, living on my own as a young man, I mostly stayed out of situations where my trust in people was violated. People who have mental health issues similar to my own can find themselves in a place where it is impossible to trust anyone because they have been abused so badly by people they trusted.

I had an amicable non-combative demeanor that kept me out of trouble for the most part, even with the local police, who probably saw me as an amusing diversion from the usual drudgery and ugliness of their jobs. At two in the morning I was the friendly guy looking for my clothes on the beach, or running down the road with bloody feet. But a bad part of that was maybe there were too many people going out of their way to protect me from the stigma of mental illness. Then again, I think a lot of what might have been done for me during the 'seventies and early 'eighties could have made my life much worse. Some of the drugs doctors were commonly prescribing back then would have sent me far, far around the bend. Furthermore, there really wasn't anything in the books that described what I was about in any useful way.

As a society we do so much that makes things worse for people with mental illnesses or unusual thought processes. Under slightly different circumstances I can easily imagine myself homeless, increasingly combative, and entirely unable to trust anyone. If I'd been mostly shunned and harassed by my community instead of mostly accepted as someone who was engagingly eccentric, I'd have had some very serious problems. Our society turns fairly minor mental health problems into much greater problems of unemployment, homelessness, substance abuse, disease, and crime. We spend fortunes putting people in prisons or hospitals when, with a little care and at less cost, we could help them find a place of stability from which they might contribute to their community.