I'm blown away, remarks from a woman re : OJ Simpson...

[bliss_eternal]

Are you sitting down?

This completely blew my mind. Frankly it is still blown. I've been depressed all day. Not just these comments but what it represents on a bigger scale.

Don't even know how this conversation started. I just wish it had ended much sooner.

Her comments (these aren't quotes, but the general ideas she stated)...

I don't blame OJ, she stayed with him despite him (allegedly) beating her...

MAYBE he was abusive of her, but he probably wasn't the one that killed her...

:wtf:

When are women in society going to own up to the fact that a man that abuses a woman is capable of murder--not only capable, but pretty much guaranteed to end up killing her?

Sorry ladies, I just don't understand a lot right now...

[Eloriel]

1. I've posted this before but I'm going to repeat myself

One of my hot buttons is domestic violence and all violence against women. Not sure why -- I was never abused nor did I come from a family with any domestic violence. But there it is. And that's why I'm such a demon on ugly names for women: what do you think that man is calling her as he's punching her or kicking her in her pregnant belly or raping her or ... etc. You get the idea. Anyway, he's NOT calling her "sweetheart."

I've done a little activism and volunteer work in this area and considered myself fairly well informed. I always knew that abuse escalates, and there's a cycle of abuse that includes a phase where the abuser promises to be a good boy hereafter and never do it again, and the women is convinced, and so forth.

But there was a case in Georgia a nearly two decades ago that taught me something new. A woman had left her verbally abusive husband up north (Pennsylvania, Ohio or some place similar) and had come to Georgia to stay with one of her married children. She'd left him before, and always went back, but this time she'd had enough of his verbal abuse.

That man hunted her down and KILLED her. I had not believed that living with a merely Verbally abusive husband could turn lethal once you left. I didn't know -- and would have had trouble believing -- that verbally abuse could result in homicide once she decided to stop putting up with the shit once and for all. Even now, after all this time I'm still shocked by that story.

There was another story around the same time that also got my attention -- and demonstrates just how sick these narcissistic losers can be. A man committed suicide (IIRC he did the carbon monoxide in the garage trick) and set fire to his house at the same time. Wife and children perished. He left a note in his brief case explaining his logic: He knew how "lost" his wife and kids would be without him, so he decided to spare them the misery of living without him.


Thinking about these two stories makes me just shake my head in grief, rage and astonished wonder. Some DUers may wonder why I get so angry about the sexism here at DU, or at some of the men who make it possible for a climate of misogyny to continue right here at DU... you just can't think about these things, some of these individual stories or the horrific stats about women dying, getting raped and assaulted by the men who SAY they love them, without going nearly crazy with anger, rage, etc. Well, I can't anyway.

Just like with anther subject (pornography is another hot button issues for me -- but then, jeez, aren't they all?): I would challenge anyone to read Andrea Dworkin's "Letters From A War Zone" and not come away forever changed. I think -- I hope, actually -- that it would be impossible.

So, bliss, who was the woman who came up with these treasures?

[bliss_eternal]

2. Someone that I don't know very well (obviously).

We've occasionally chatted when I get my hair cut(she works at the salon). Seemed nice enough. I guess you just never know with people, do you?

I shared the story with another friend, her theory is that some people just can't open themselves up to reality, for whatever reason. Maybe it hits to close to personal experience or whatever, I'm not sure. I suppose that makes sense...

I'm just emotionally spent. It's been a real rough week. I'm getting very burnt out by those that are actively choosing to see things in ways other than the way they are, for women under this administration, for myself in regard to the family I walked away from, it just seems to be a running theme right now. Tired of it...

Thanks for your response, Eloriel. Sometimes one just needs to check their reality. You hear so many people saying the sky is orange, you start to wonder if you are seeing clearly, if that makes sense. ;)

[WildClarySage]

3. A lot of people believe that they are immune from being abused

and can't imagine that they could find themselves in that situation... and so they blame the victim. ie. Why doesn't she leave him? I would never put up with that, I'd be gone. Why isn't she thinking about her kids? etc.

Until you've had your self-esteem destroyed by a master manipulator, you may well think that you're wayyyy to together to have someone abuse you, but it happens all the time and not just to dumb women, or poor women, or women with low self-esteem (though they are more often targeted by abusers, it must be noted)

it makes women feel safer to blame the victim. That's often why rape victims blame themselves--- if I'm to blame for the rape, and I could have prevented it by not doing/wearing/talking to... then I can protect myself in the future.

Until we start holding abusive people responsible for their abusive actions, and stop blaming victims for being vulnerable, we will see these kinds of comments over and over.