The Story of Baby X: thought piece on raising a genderless child

[benevolent dictator]

The Story of Baby X

Interesting thought piece on raising a genderless child. Almost makes me want to marry a gay man and have kids... almost. (You know, he can teach X to cook and clean and mow the lawn and I'll teach X to change the oil and do laundry and rule the world.)

[noamnety]

1. I love the idea of not telling relatives the gender

I could have done that so easily - I was in another country when my kid was born. A name that could have gone either way, and I could have had them guessing (and not sending stereotyped toys and clothing) for a few years.

[mzteris]

2. I haven't read the link yet

but - when I had my daughter (way back in 1981) as a "new feminist" - I wanted to raise her as 'non-sexist'/non-gender-ID'd as possible. So coveralls, not much pink/frilly (the grandparent clothes, you know). I didn't want "girly stuff" toys or clothes. The room was yellow/green - not pink.

It did dawn me at one point that "non-gendered clothes" were basically more "MALE" ....

She had trucks, she had "dolls", she had blocks, she had cookpots, balls, dressup (male/female dressup), and just "toys". I didn't "let her have a Barbie" until she was like 8. (Which was also when my friend signed her up for dance (I wanted her to play sports.)

Alas - it was all basically to no avail. As SOON as she was old enough to state an emphatic preference - she wanted "shiny shoes", lace stockings, lacy/frilly/pretty dresses, RIBBONS for her hair, NAIL POLISH!! (which I DON"T do!) I practically had to BEAT her to make her wear pants! lol She'd wear them under her dress/skirt when it was cold if she had to. .... (SIGH)

Howver, there was the whole "deal with the school" who told her she couldn't play on the monkey bars bacause "boys could see her underwear" - so she started bringing shorts to school to put on UNDER her dresses.

I seriously wondered if there had been a mix up at the hospital. (especially as my niece was the camo-wearing, "tom-boy" type and HER mom is the frou-frou kind...... lol)


The irony here is - when my daughter was six - her dad "came out of the closet" (we'd been divorced since she was 2.5). She's very comfortable in a gay-male world. (He's a bear, not a flamer, btw.) But she spent summers around all types. (Miss Chablis taught her to play pool.)

She's STILL very "girly". Into the clothes and "stuff". (BIGGER SIGH) I'm still NOT.

******

Now my SONS: I have a 12.5 yo and 7.5 yo adopted AA son.......they take kungfu, gymnastics, soccer, baseball - AND - tap, jazz and hiphop. They're toying with maybe taking ballet. They ahve more "girl" FRIENDS (NOT girlfriends) than boy friends. Girls think they're wonderful and kind and considerate and don't treat them like they're stupid. Some of the boys think they're a bit "weird."

They share said thinking freely with my older son - I think many of them think *he's * gay (he's not - it'd be okay if he WAS, but he isn't) - because he's slightly built and does all those "girl things" - AND he's very sensitive (vegetarian, animal rights, volunteers, dance, etc.)

Funny thing, though, with the younger brother - who does basically the same things - NO ONE makes fun of him. I'ma thinking because - even though he is the sweetest kid you'd ever meet (killer smile) - he "looks tough". Five years younger than his brother - he outweighs him (and it's all muscle.) So no one "picks on him". He did have a bad spate in preschool when the teachers wouldn't let him "play in the kitchen" or "play dressup" - only in blocks and cars. There was also a "bossy girl" who declared GIRLS and BOYS do NOT "play together" and the teachers were okay with that. We pulled him from THAT school. His "best friends" have always been girls!


So - raise 'em how you want - I think in the end - they make their own decisions - and their own personalities will win out.

Though I'd like to think I can take SOME credit for the "good stuff" and chalk the rest up to society. :)


edit to add some details of "stuff"

[Lydia Leftcoast]

3. Remember the horrible story of the boy who was raised as a girl

after his penis was mutilated during a botched circumcision?

Despite being dressed in girly clothes and given hormones, he always knew that he was different from "other girls" and was miserable in that role.

He later reclaimed his real gender identity.

I think that there are ranges of behavior that are typical of boys and girls, but they say nothing about any individual and nothing about legal and social rights.

[ismnotwasm]

4. The goal of X seems to be gender integration

Taking the best of both worlds, honoring what it honorable, examining what may be discard-able --"What good does hitting do, anyway?"

The gender differences exist as both a social construct a and physical reality. To me it's all about perception.

What has value? What is meaningful? What do we as society really find merit in? What do we respect? Modern women loses when these questions are honestly answered. We aren't valued, aren't respected and in some societies still barely considered human.

Another question for a pro-social evolution type person like me, what is best to advance the human condition?

It would be nice to value a stay-at-home father as much as a stay-at-home mother for instance.

It'd be great to take the sexist terminology out of language. "Women drivers" comes to mind as one example of a still commonly used one that seems more innocent than many, but really isn't.

I read a lot of science fiction, and my favorites are the ones that have an equal mix of male and female, gender roles are blurred, society expectations are the same for both, sexuality is in the background and the hero(ine) and the villain have similar characteristics, regardless of gender.
The only place I find such worlds.:-)