Hastert Clears Up Misunderstanding & New Foley Campaign posters:

[Coexist]

SPEAKER DENNIS HASTERT DISPATCHES EMERGENCY MEMO TO CLARIFY COMMON CONGRESSIONAL TERMINOLOGY FOR HOUSE PAGES

FROM: Dennis Hastert, Speaker of the House
TO: All House Pages
PRIORITY: HIGH

RE: Intra-Congressional Miscommunications

In lieu of recent events, it is imperative that all pages be clear on their respective Representative's intent when communicating by e-mail, instant message or via traditional verbal form. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for inexperienced and highly-expendable teenagers to misinterpret the sometimes ambiguous codes and complex shorthand used by Congressmen since the time of our great forefathers.

Below you will find a list of commonly misunderstood phrases, accompanied by their literal meanings. Please commit these translations to memory, as any alternate interpretations from this point forward will be considered a mistake on the part of the page and may result in disciplinary action up to and including premature termination and/or spanking.

<snip>
Message: "What are U wearing?"
Translation: This Friday will be "Casual Friday." Please feel free to wear khakis with a matching and appropriate sport coat. Ties are not optional.

Message: "Are UR pants off?"
Translation: Please schedule cocktail meeting for next Thursday with members from the House Committee on Judicial Matters. Pre-order two cases of Booker's bourbon.

<snip>
Message: "I left a tub of Vaseline in your desk. Apply a generous dollop to UR pert, pubescent anus and meet me in the bathroom."
Translation: I am considering your request for a letter of recommendation for the appropriate scholarship for which you believe you are qualified.

a lot more here...

[MADem]

1. Oh my god....those posters are horribly HILARIOUS!!!!! NT

[sentelle]

2. Mark Foley's slogan

"I will never leave your children's behind"

[annabanana]

3. yeeks!. . . . k, n/t