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elbow grease do-it-yourself kinda guy. Yessirree! Boy howdy!
Um yeah, John. You're infamous in Washington for your lazy, short, infrequent workdays. Now we know the real reason you put so little effort into actually doing your job! It's because of the massive amount of personal care you devote to yardwork! And all along people have been calling you lazy. Forshame America! Forshame!
And when you're not meticulously manicuring and beautifying every individual blade of grass in that lawn the whole neighborhood secretly envies, you're mountain biking. And you're clearly not mountain biking like some mere mortal! Oh no, John. That wouldn't become you at all. You're riding up and down all those dusty, rugged, rocky trails without a helmet! Otherwise you'd have an uneven "helmet tan" to show for your efforts. Good thing you're so tough that you don't need a helmet in a sport that compels pretty much every other serious participant to wear one.
Now we know why you're so hard-headed, John. You have to be that way to protect yourself from injury on all of those helmet-free, safety-be-damned-I'm-a-man-with-a-tan mountain biking expeditions (on which you're also too manly/important to wear sunscreen).
Finally, we understand the real John Boehner! He doesn't hate the middle class, people of color, women, gays/lesbians, Muslims, Democrats, unions, the poor, condoms, civil liberties and America as our forefathers envisioned. He's just too busy beautifying his lawn and bunny hopping his 24-speed along jagged mountain trails without a helmet.
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