Help this straight guy out. Is Queer an OK term to use for Gay and Lesbians?

[trumad]

Because quite honestly, I stay away from the word. Is there a good way to say Queer and a bad way?

I ask because I've seen the word used on DU quite often such as the thread that's on the board today. "Many a Queer will die today". I'm not knocking the thread--- I'm just asking if that's a uh good way to use the word? And if so--- I'm guessing a bad way is to say "Look at those two Queers holding hands".

Just askin.....

[tkmorris]

1. I'm pretty sure the OP of that thread is gay

That doesn't exactly make it ok, but it does lend a bit of credibility to it's usage.

[Redstone]

3. I have no idea what his orientation is, but I'll vouch for him.

Redstone

[trumad]

7. Confused a bit...

Folks get all crazed when an African American uses the N-Word.... Now I'm not saying that the word "Queer" is on the same level as the N-Word.... but I'd smack my kids upside the head if they used either.....

[La Lioness Priyanka]

23. actually that does make it ok, for a lot of us.

queer identity and queer studies are fairly well entrenched terms in the gay community

[B Calm]

2. Didn't they have a TV show, Queer Eye For the Straight Guy?

I'm straight too..

[rfranklin]

4. Yes, it was part of the gay agenda...

Where they turned straight guys into gays.

[B Calm]

36. I thought the gay agenda was for gays to be happily married and

roam city streets late at night gang raping straight folks, thus turning them instantly into flaming homosexuals..

[donheld]

5. I have no problem with it I guess

I saw that thread quite a while ago and the "queer" term never phased me. I am queer/gay/whatever so maybe I'm used to it.

[bklyncowgirl]

6. As a straight person I'd be hesitent to use it.

I especially would not use it unless I knew the person I was with was gay and I knew him or her very well as someone with both a sense of humor and a tendency to use less than PC language. Even so, it's sort of like any derogatory term for a group of people. They may use it among themselves as a term of affection but outsiders should tread warily.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

17. excellent. also a lot of older gay people dont like its use.

i identify as queer but i hardly ever call an older gay/lesbian queer.

[bklyncowgirl]

44. Sometimes being PC is just being polite. nt

[Skittles]

8. doesn't bother me when gay folk use it

I don't use it myself; I guess I just find its use a gay prerogative :)

[soothsayer]

9. Us gays are supposed to use that word in order to suck the negativity out of it

something like "Ha! You think you hurt my feelings when you call me queer, but I already call myself queer, so there" I think is how it's supposed to go.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. its also taking pride in being different.

as in yes i am a man, but i dont perform masculinity like a frat boy.

or yes, i am a girl, but i dont wear skirts.

or whatever.

[Smarmie Doofus]

10. I can't stand it, personally. But....

... some poltical GLBTers like it for a variety of arcane, impractical, political-linguistic reasons.

In plain English, it ( "queer")implies something that is not normal, is weird or is strange. All the available evidence indicates that homosexuality is none of these things ; it is as 'queer' as left-handedness, and is as American as apple pie. Therefore , "queer" is based on an untruth.

Eventually, 'queer' will go the way of 'far-out' and 'twenty-three-skidoo'. I'd avoid its use while we wait for its shelf-life to expire.

[LiberalFighter]

11. Just call them unstraight

Seriously, I don't know. Not even sure if Gay is just for men or can be used for women too. I thought it was but probably wrong. I just don't care. I sure as hell don't want to force unstraights to marry straights and vice versa.

I am trying to get some words out of my vocabulary. Such as faggot and the n one. I don't use them around others but still want them out of my vocabulary. Why? Because they are intended to deride one's race or sexual preference. And it is deriding everyone that is not straight or is black. I want to deride one because of their pure stupidity instead.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

15. unstraight? i am not unstraight. my sexual identity is not defined by what i am not.

[philosophie_en_rose]

30. Does that make me ungay?

That doesn't sound fun. :(

[Chovexani]

40. That's really offensive

I'm not trying to come down on you, 'cause your heart is clearly in the right place, but "unstraight" is bad juju. It sets up hetero as default and everyone else as deviant.

Please think hard about using this term.

[Sandaasu]

12. I find it to be fine, as long as it's used right.

You seem to have a grasp on that, so no worries there. In fact, I rather like it as a good general term for all of us with some sort of gender related oddity.

I do kinda dislike it in that it does imply, in a way, that there's something wrong with us. It could also just be read as simply unusual, which isn't always a bad thing, and technically true since most people aren't "queer."

[MuseRider]

13. It is a good question.

I don't use it. Most of my GLBT friends do use it from time to time, sometimes as a joke and sometimes just in conversation. I stay away from it because when I was growing up it was used as an insult. JMO, it makes me uncomfortable to use it.

Most of those same friends do call themselves Homo more often than queer in the same way but usually in a funny way. I feel more comfortable just not using those terms. Hell, I don't even know what to call myself half the time since I think the word straight should be offensive to them. Het is what I usually use and wait for reaction. They will tell me if I say something wrong thankfully. They are kind that way :).

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. ingroup honorifics makes something ok for an ingroup to say and not an outgroup

if i were you, i wouldn't say queer.

however i am not you, so i do.

the problem mostly is as a straight person you are not as entrenched in gay culture and will very likely end up using the word in a way that is insulting.

[uppityperson]

25. Good explanation. In-group vs not in-group

[IndianaJones]

18. I like to say "you people". nt.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

19. poopy head

[IndianaJones]

20. un-male. nt.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

21. lol. unwhite. unstupid. unbigoted. unamerican. i am un-manythings.

[IndianaJones]

22. unwhite is cool. nt.

[yardwork]

27. "Those people" is also always nice.

[flvegan]

24. I would only use it amongst my personal gay friends if it was acceptable.

I wouldn't use it in general communication, lest I look like a bigot as a straight man. My GLBT friends know better.

Even then, tbh, I likely wouldn't use it. Even the wrong tone of voice or context can make it sound hateful.

[begin_within]

26. Don't use it, because someone might take it the wrong way.

It used to be more insulting than it is now, but someone might interpret it as being used in an insulting sense, so it is better to avoid it.

[yardwork]

28. I use the term to describe myself. "Queer" is more than sexual identity.

"Queer" is an all-encompassing term that self-identifies a person as being outside the so-called "norm." It's a political and social statement. By taking back a term that was used as an insult, queer people empower themselves.

I also like "queer" because it's shorter and easier than the long alphabet soup of GLBT, or LGBT, or BLGT, or TBLG - see, it's annoying to have to say all that and attempt to give equal time to all those designations, which are still limiting. "Queer" gets it all in one easy to say word.

All that said, I'd probably not use it if I were straight. Could be taken wrong. Not all queer people think alike (gasp). Some are insulted by the term.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. yeah that too.

[yardwork]

31. It's annoying to have to define ourselves as "different" from some so-called "norm" isn't it?

Sometimes I get grumpy. Why should I be so wholly defined by the media and popular culture by my choice of love? What's the big deal.

Argh. Anyway, happy Monday! }(

[freebrew]

32. There IS a good way to use the term...

as it was originally intended, the word means 'odd', strange, wierd.
Not necessarily a description of a person's sexual orientation.

Sherlock used it regularly, IIRC.

It's a good word, when used properly, not to describe a person's preferences, but a situation, circumstance, etc.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

33. preference in regards to sexual orientation is however the one thing that generally pisses off most

gay people.

[terrya]

34. *I* don't like the word.

But then I'm of a certain age. I still prefer gay or lesbian.

[semillama]

35. I think you may have figured it out already, but

I'd say the safest way to approach the use of the word is in context. It's perfectly fine when you are discussing "Queer Eye" or Queer Lit or such, where it's obviously non-derogatory in context. when discussing individuals, it's probably best to avoid it even if the person self-identifies as "queer".

[karlrschneider]

37. There must be...("good ways" and "bad ways" I mean.)

But I haven't figured out who is allowed to use it without being atom-bombed. It's kinda like when a black guy uses the N word I guess. :eyes:

[RebelSansCause]

38. i did a program at a university one summer and was eating lunch when

i saw a group of people from another program all wearing shirts that on their back said "queer bomb". myself (being straight) and a naturally curious person walked up to them and started talking about the negative connontations that society associates with the word queer and as to what their exact purpose is by conforming to society's expectations. (they were all gay) they instructed me that they were performing a process known as "word reclamation" whereby the word queer only recently became negatively associated with homosexuals as perpetuated by certain persons in the country (fundies) and that by so obviously and flagrantly announcing themselves as queer they wished to re-establish a time when being gay was natural as was using the word queer to describe someone who is gay.

[Chovexani]

39. Straight people aren't allowed to.

Sorry.

Even a lot of GLBT (especially the older generation) don't like this term. I like it because it's a nice catchall (and less cumbersome than constantly saying GLBTQIIOMGWTF all the time), but it's definitely a case where only people in the group can use it without giving offense.

[Prefer]

41. In the 50's I believe they used to say "happy" as a polite reference

This is from my cultural analysis based on intimate knowledge of MAD magazine. That may sound like an odd source, but the "magazine" is in fact a monthly journal of the buzz in pop culture going back to the 50s.

Since "Queer" can be a term of derision, it has rules, like the N word, and perhaps at one time "Yankee" - once a British term of derision against Americans that was later reclaimed proudly in sarcasm after the defeat of the British.

[TrogL]

42. In a formal, literary or scholarly context - yes

I'm thinking specifically of "queer studies" where "queer" is loosely defined as anything having to do with gay, lesbian, trans*, bisexual, questioning etc. etc. etc. issues.

It's also used self-deprecatingly in a 'camp' context.

Other than that, it's going to vary by spacetime.

[otherlander]

43. Only if you're queer.

:evilgrin:

:hide:

[Maven]

45. The term is an old epithet and still appears here and there as a pejorative

So I would say no, it's not really OK for a straight person to use to describe GLBT people.

With greater familiarity that might vary, but as a general rule, no.

[Bjorn Against]

46. I view it as similar to the n word...

And just like you hear many in the black community refer to call one another the n word in a friendly manner you hear many in the gay community refer to themselves as queer. I think both the word queer and the n word are very hateful words, but when used by members of the community their impact is lessened. Therefore I have no problem with members of the community using those terms because I think they do so to lessen the impact of the hateful words. If we are not part of the community however I think we need to refrain from using such language, because it does not mean the same thing coming from somebody who is not part of the community.

[goclark]

50. I don't like to call a group something that they don't want others

to call them.

I would never say someone was a "queer."

Never.

Just as I don't like anyone to call someone the N word and I am African American.

Yes, in private conversation we may use it but it is not acceptable coming from someone of another race IMO.

[FreeState]

47. I use queer - but Im queer too n/t

[NMMNG]

48. Unless you're among friends,

it's probably best to avoid it. That word still falls into that gray area much like the "N" word where it can be taken either way depending on who uses it and how.

[Didereaux]

49. personally I wish to hell they would settle on one term, so we could get back half a dictionary!

[Neecy]

51. It's often meant in a cultural context...

And as such, it's an accepted word. However, to say that 'queers will die today' isn't cool. It almost sounds like a threat, and god knows most of us have been threatened enough in our lifetimes.

[McCamy Taylor]

52. Only if they talk to invisible creatures and collect lint.