It is easy to succeed in right-wing America

[Bjorn Against]

Because we have been having it drilled in to our heads by the right-wing in America for years we all know that anyone can succeed in this country, just so long as they can learn to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

So I want everyone to take a little test to see if they can succeed in a right-wing America. I want everyone to stand up, bend over, grab your bootstraps and pull. How far are able to lift your self? Are you able to levitate in the air for very long? If you are able to pull those feet off the ground and they never fall back down again, well then you are bound to be a success in the right-wing vision for America.

Wait, what's this? You tell me you are unable to lift yourself off the ground and levitate in the air? Well then you are obviously a failure, if you can't pull yourself up by your bootstraps well then that's your own damn fault. You don't need a livable wage, you don't need health care, you don't need a good education, because you can't lift yourself up off your own two feet.

And don't give me any of those excuses about gravity, didn't you know that gravity is only a theory? Think back to all your right-wing science lessons when you were taught that evolution was just a theory and it can't be trusted. If something that is just a theory can't always be trusted, well then you sure as hell can't trust all those lies they feed you about gravity.

You could be pulling yourself up off the ground right now, but no you have to sit and preach all that nonsense about helping the poor. If everyone would just stop believing those liberal lies about gravity and lifted themselves off the ground, well then there would be no more poor people.

So stop complaining about the fact that tens of millions are without health care while the CEOs pull in their billions. If you could only learn to levitate then you could be that CEO and you would get health coverage.

Stop complaining about the fact that the minimum wage does not even begin to pay for the very basic necessities people need to survive.

Stop complaining about the fact that your job is being outsourced to an overseas sweatshop.

Just learn how to levitate and you will not need that job that was shipped overseas, you will be able to get David Copperfield's old position and you will be rich.

See how easy it is to succeed in right-wing America? Anyone can do it.

[samplegirl]

1. Just take on a third minimum wage job

who needs to sleep anyway.

[NMMNG]

3. Absolutely!

That's "uniquely American".

And sleep is for wusses.

[unpossibles]

2. who was it that said "born on third base and thought he hit a triple"

Jim Hightower I believe?

The one person I know who really did start in abject poverty (he grew up in a pickup truck in a trailer park, and the other kids in the trailer park were not allowed to play with him and his brothers) and is successful now, is a lefty.

Know why?

Because he knows what it is like to be poor. I have yet to meet a successful Liber-Publican who was not at least born into the middle class but considers himself to be completely self-made. I also know a few "libertarians" who have filed bankruptcy and/or lived on assistance at one point, yet fail to see the connection.