How NOT to be a pundit

[LTR]

The other day, a somewhat obscure right-wing radio host got his posterior handed to him by MSNBC's Chris Matthews. The radio talker, Kevin James, obviously has been reading "Right-Wing Cable News Punditry for Dummies." He seems to have followed all the steps. But his execution turned out to be amateurish. Here, for your reference, are the Top 10 Most Effective Tips for Being a Successful Right-Wing Pundit:

1. Wear a slick, conservative suit. Dark blue is preferred. Don't forget the power tie. If you are a self-styled 'man of the people,' look like a gritty Santa Claus or are basically just a slob, an open-collar oxford shirt or favorite biker gear is acceptable. For the ladies, whatever works. Avoid powder blue pantsuits. Don't be a Hillary.

2. Memorize your talking points. Stick to the list. Don't deviate.

3. When the host introduces you and gives you the cue, come out swinging. Hard. Pretend it's 1990 and you're fighting Mike Tyson. You can take a breath later.

4. Talk loud, talk fast, talk forceful and don't let anyone else interrupt you. This is your moment to shine. Andy Warhol gave you this fifteen minutes, and dammit, you have every right to it.

5. If you're paired with a lefty counterpart, don't let him/her talk. Whatever they have to say is pointless. They're misinformed, out of touch and unhinged. Just keep screaming your talking points. Nothing else matters.

6. Key words: Terrorist, traitor, liberal, Muslim, radical, hippie, unhinged, wild-eyed, socialist. Use them, dare I say, liberally. Don't forget them - this is the glue that holds your ideas together.

7. You can call your opponents any name you want, or affix any label. But don't violate Godwin's Law. If you refer to your enemies as "Nazis," even the friendly FOX News hosts will call you on it. That stuff belongs with 14 year-olds on video game message boards. And with George W. Bush.

8. If, by chance, the host calls you out on your misinformed talking points and rambling thought processes, just keep talking. Repeat step #4. Talk louder, talk faster, talk even more forceful and don't let anyone else interrupt you. Drown out both the host and counterpart(s).

9. Don't forget to plug your show, website, political organization and/or think tank!

10. If things wind up going south on the show, you can still save face. The next day, on your radio show or blog, don't accept that you did anything wrong. You were flawless! You took 'em to school! Blame it all on the 'liberal media' that's been out to get you from the beginning. It won't matter - your listeners think you're a god.

http://ltradio.blogspot.com/2008/05/how-not-to-be-pundit.html

[Elspeth]

1. kick

:kick:

[gratuitous]

2. Number 10 is number 1

Never admit a mistake, a misstatement, an error, or anything of the sort. You're a god, act like one. Flawless, perfect, invincible.