i need my DU family right about now ***SATIRE***

burythehatchet

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Thu Oct-23-08 05:46 PM
Original message

Edited on Thu Oct-23-08 06:11 PM by burythehatchet

Now I'm feeling bad because nobody gets this as satire of the Pittsburgh story. Sorry!

:cry:
:cry:
:cry:

where do I begin...this has been the most traumatic afternoon of my life. I've been mugged before but what happened today has really made me think twice about what the hell kind of world we live in :mad:

i'm just now starting to stop shaking :scared: enough to post on DU. But I'm not totally with it yet so if there are typos or some of this doesn't make I ask for your forbearance in advance.

on the third thursday of every month I spend the afternoon volunteering at a nursing home. I just spend time with the seniors playing checkers, or just talking about stuff. Well today the topic came around to politics. (I have made an attempt to never discuss politics in this setting). So it was pretty cool, there were a few old folks sitting around a card table with me and we were discussing the presidential race.

of course, I kept my views pretty much to myself while expressing support for Obama. We talked for 20 or 30 minutes and it was interesting to hear the views of the old folks; some of their comments were expected and some were not.

as I got ready to move on to helping a couple of folks with their walk to the dining room, a new resident rolled up to the table in a this fancy electric wheel chair. I was getting up wen he bumped into my legs and sort of forced me to sit down. "I heard you talkin' about that Muslim", oh crap, I thought. Having worked around the elderly I had developed a sense for when an old person is an angry person. Someone who probably wasn't happy much ever in his life. "I'm sorry Sir" I said, "I was just leaving". "SIT DOWN" he said, raising his voice while simultaneously nudging me with his wheelchair.

the other folks at the table were uncomfortable and it was apparent that in the few days this guy had been there he had already made quite an impression :puke:

i wasn't sure what to do so I tried to be polite and excuse myself. He realized I wasn't going to stick around for him to bash Obama, so he asked me to help him get back to his room. Apparently his wheelchair battery was running down and he said he didn't have the energy to make it up the slight incline on the way back to his area in the home. So I agreed.

Apparently he was lying about the battery running down. As I wheeled him around the corner into the hallway towards his room, he suddenly wheeled his chair around and knocked my legs out from under me. I was in shock and my left ankle was definitely hurt. This bastard had intentionally knocked me over with his chair and now he was backing up and coming forward again and again, trying to hurt me. I tried to get up and ask a nurse to come restrain him when he whipped out a bowl of pureed sweet potato and started throwing it on my face. ( I hate sweet potato) :mad:

At this point I'm in a total state of disbelief. But it's not over, from underneath his wheelchair he pulls out a cardboard box of prune juice and emptied the whole thing on my face. I must have swallowed 2 or 3 cups. If this guy had the ability to get out of his chair he would have killed me.

At this point I was almost losing consciousness. Lumps of sweet potato and lots of prune juice covered my face and neck. The hallway was spinning and my eyes were burning from the prune juice when the attack finally ended. I could hear the man grunt and try to laugh. Then I heard the chair whirring away from me.....

....and on the back of the chair, a McCain Palin bumper sticker.

PS - can someone help me get this on Drudge?