Did you have good parents?

[Lilith Velkor]

Poll question: Did you have good parents?

[EFerrari]

1. You need to add a choice for a single parent.

:)

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

2. are you asking me now

with years of parenting of my own as perspective, or what I thought before I left home at 17?

[Lilith Velkor]

5. Now.

[ulysses]

still do.

:)

[Why Syzygy]

3. I would have to split my vote. One was. nt

[I Have A Dream]

23. Same here.

:hi:

[Why Syzygy]

48. Yeah.

At least we got half! :hug:

[Warpy]

4. Mine were kind of in the middle.

They did their best but their blunders were spectacular.

[Turbineguy]

41. Is that you Nick?

[Liberal_in_LA]

58. lol n/t

[raccoon]

80. One of mine was like that. The other was a total fuckup. nt

[FLyellowdog]

6. They did the best they could do.

:toast:

[Kitty Herder]

7. One was, one wasn't. nt

[blaze]

8. Mine had their faults

But I never doubted that I was loved.

I feel blessed.

[BuddhaGirl]

64. me too

I feel very blessed...I had very supportive and loving parents...still do!! :-)

[Sophree]

71. Same here

My parents weren't perfect and they divorced when I was 15, only to get back together 15 years later. They made some big mistakes, but I never doubted that I was loved. They put all three of us kids through college, sacrificed for us, read to us every night before bed when we were little (which, I firmly believe, made us all good students with a love of books and learning in general) and still love us to death. I am grateful and blessed to have such wonderful and loving, if very flawed, parents.

[Not Me]

9. \I had the best parents in the world.

They loved their children unconditionally, worked hard and demonstrated the values that they wanted their kids to live by. They sacrificed so we could get the college/post grad educations that they didn't have. My Dad has passed on now, but Mom's still here, and I talk with her every day.

[AlCzervik]

10. yes and no, one was better than the other but i also have the luxury of looking back

with less anger now and i can see they literally did the best with the parenting skills they had.

Did i have a happy childhood, mostly no but i learned a lot from both of them and i think i am a far more interested and supportive parent than my own parents were to me and that's ok.

I have an awesome Grandmother and my Grandfather was the best person i ever knew so i was lucky that way.

[jobycom]

11. Ah, but your questions aren't the same as your thread title.

My parents are very good people, and they were very good as parents, but they were not very good parents. My mother's mother was schizophrenic and a terrible example and teacher, and my father's parents were detached and in weak health, so they were lousy teachers, too. Thus, my parents weren't good at the techniques of parenting, but I learned a lot about being a decent person from watching them as people than from anything they did while "parenting" me.

[Lilith Velkor]

21. The questions were worded that way to clarify the thread title.

[NashVegas]

87. Wow. Interesting Answer

My mom grew up in a home with a stoic father & alcoholic mother and learned *no* conflict resolution skills, no emotional support skills *at all.* Then she marred & divorced an alcoholic after having five kids. Polar opposites, my dad was the emotionally expressive one, my mom did everything she could to put a clamp down on anything she couldn't control. Both my parents were very decent people but as parents? They did their duty to society in that none of us go around committing larceny. That's probably the best that could be said.

[BlooInBloo]

12. Wow - no "in between" option?

[WhaTHellsgoingonhere]

13. one escaped into the bottle, the other into religion...

...I voted no.

[Lilith Velkor]

25. Same here.

[Po_d Mainiac]

26. are we related?

[WhaTHellsgoingonhere]

34. perhaps, as there was no shortage of drunks or people...

...running to one religion or another in my family. One uncle drank himself to death--literally. Died in the hospital while he was in DTs. My mom believed she could speak in tongues. She learned it from Pat Robertson.

[Catshrink]

14. I miss mine so much..

I appreciate them more everyday.

[WeDidIt]

15. There's not a choice for me.

My mother was a fantastic parent.

My father sucked rocks.

[blues90]

16. Mine were good at somethings bad at others.

They didn't have any of the four of us until they were in their early 30's. And they were born in 1917 . It would require a book to describe them.

[Donnachaidh]

17. I'd have to split mine. Outstanding fearless mother

Drunken belligerent fucktard of a father. Read into that what you will.

Fearless mother remarried and stepdad had his faults, but he was a good guy. So what does that make -- 1 and three quarters good, counting the step-parent?

[Lyric]

18. Yes and No, but I voted yes.

Did they love us? Absolutely. We were never physically or emotionally abused. They provided for us as best they could.

Unfortunately, the "best they could" part was not anything close to what most people here would deem acceptable. They were impoverished, uneducated, damaged people. Dad was a Vietnam vet with PTSD that he tried to drink away every day. Mom worked two jobs, was exhausted all the time, and fought with Dad constantly because she couldn't understand why he couldn't get a job and keep one. We suffered and struggled through periods of no food, no heat, no electricity, no clothes that fit or shoes without holes. We were homeless on a couple of occasions, sleeping in Grandma's living room, and when we weren't, we were living in places that most people wouldn't even want their children *visiting*. I never saw a doctor unless something was broken, and I didn't see a dentist for the first time until I was nineteen.

Despite all of that, they loved their children deeply, and unlike a lot of our poor-child peers, we were never abused or deliberately neglected. I had a nightmarish childhood, but it wasn't because my parents were "Bad" parents--it was because we were constantly hungry, cold, and humiliated by people who thought that having more money than us made them "better" than us.

If I could have one wish, I'd wish my Dad alive again for a week, so he could come to my college campus and hear directly from my professors how I'm proving ALL of those people wrong.

[Why Syzygy]

37. Good for you!

:hug:

[madokie]

19. I'm alive aren't I

I'll not complain about my folks at all, they done good.

[rwheeler31]

20. My parents may have been awful but thy tried. That is good.

[seabeyond]

38. and particularly good that you can recognize. n/t

[wellstone dem]

22. OH, I am so lucky. Mine were the best.

Not that they were perfect, but any mistakes were made out of love. And Dad is 89 and Mom is 80 and their 7 children, all still turn to them for love and advice. What a lucky woman I am.

[Control-Z]

77. It is so heart warming

to hear someone vocalize appreciation and love for their parents. I've heard so many people say despicable things about their parents. Often for trivial things. Things that just wouldn't seem to warrant so much anger. But...I lost my mother when I was 7. My father when I was 17. So I may be way off base.

My mother was amazing - loving and nurturing. Her laugh was like sunshine. I can still remember, after all these years, how she would light up a room. And even though my father was horribly angry, and abusive a lot of the time, I know he loved me, in the only way, I believe, he knew to. And although I'm sure that I romanticize what it would be like to still have them, I miss them terribly, and feel a little slighted when people complain to me.

edit: another typo

[sohndrsmith]

24. Define "good".... n/t

[Buck Laser]

27. I can think of several things to complain about,

and after my mother died about 12 years ago at the age of 87, I went through a long period of anger about some of the things she did. My father died over 50 years ago, when I was 23, and I didn't have time to think about complaints against him. No parents are perfect, but mine did the best job they could, and I think it was a very good job. The values they passed on to me were spot-on, but I wish the hadn't nagged me so. When my mother died, she left a letter for me, in which she told me some of the things I wish she'd said when I was growing up. It was hard for a person of her generation, born 1910, to praise one of their children, because it was thought that it would "spoil" the kids.

I must have turned out all right, because my kids and grandkids are very close, and She Who Must Be Obeyed and I have been happily married for 51 years. In part, I thank my parents for the grounding they gave me for a happy life. Now if I was just rich...

[MrSlayer]

28. Yes, the best.

My parents rule.

[Arctic Dave]

29. I wouldn't change my childhood for anything.

It wasn't "textbook" or without its ups and downs. I think all of us kids had a great time. In the end my, parents practiced what they preached. Their examples still guide me as an adult.

[FarLeftRage]

30. Yes...

Both are still alive and I spent time with them every day...
They made me the person I am today.

[MadMaddie]

31. Yes they were wonderful parents but they

are human and fallable.

I am blessed to still have them in my life.

When I was in highschool, all of the other kids would sneak out, drink a lot, sex etc. I just wasn't interested too much and I always felt that I owed my parents the respect not to embarrass them. That might be part of growing up as a military child.

[Deja Q]

32. Mine tried their best, and for some things they couldn't do anything.

Too complex and multi-faceted an issue, but I know they are a hell of a lot better than many these days.

The fact I know how to apply mathematics and use something approaching proper grammar -- yet colleagues who get paid far more and who one would think would need the best communication skills don't... I'd be proud except pride is a sin and everybody has their natural strengths to compensate for their natural weaknesses too.

[marmar]

33. The best.....I was truly fortunate.

n/t

[stillcool]

35. I had legal guardians..

and I learned a lot about life. I wouldn't be who I am without all of those experiences. So it's all good.

[tularetom]

36. When I was a kid, my parents were great

My dad was pretty busy but my mom made sure we got where we needed to be got the right kind of medical care, took us fishing, taught us to ride horses, etc etc. She was the best mom you could imagine. We didn't have a lot of money but she always managed to keep us busy.

In her later years she became opinionated and argumentative and managed to alienate a lot of her old friends. She was deeply affected by my brother's term in Vietnam and by the death of my sister at age 48 in 1987.

By the time my grandkids came along in the early 80's she had lost interest in kids. She was in almost constant pain from rheumatoid arthritis and later lung cancer for the last ten years of her life.

My dad was solid as a rock. Never said much but you could always depend on him. After my mom's death he went downhill in a big hurry and he died about 3 months after she did.

[Why Syzygy]

40. I could always count on my dad.

My two sisters say I was his favorite. We were much alike. I was content to 'help' him work on our cars,
or type on his old typewriter in his office with all the shelves of books while he studied.

[moobu2]

39. Mine were awful.

My dad was an alcoholic, and most every weekend we were subjected to violent fights that often ended up with my mother in the hospital and my dad in jail (for a few hours). I don’t remember more than a week or 2 passing between the drunken fights. My main memories as a kid was dreading the weekends and being scared to go home from school. I learned later as an adult that he molested my sisters, but I wasn’t aware of it back then. My mother drank as well which contributed to the fighting etc… When they were sober they were OK. My mom had 3 home cooked meals on the table every day, and kept the house spotless, but didn’t have much to say, and wasn’t loving, was very distant, and sad, and never asked how your day was, or anything like that. She sent us to church every Sunday because I think she thought it would make us better people or make up for the bad stuff or something. Church was an escape and I enjpyed it then. I never remember talking to either one of them about anything that mattered. My dad never missed work and we always had a decent roof over our heads, but I would say they were both pretty much awful at parenting. I try to forgive them because they had worse childhoods than I did. My dad died about 10 years ago and my moms very old now.

[rurallib]

42. it's like were brothers or something

my parents fought all the time, mostly spurred on by the case of beer each drank every night. Life was quite a treat.
Lot of church in there too.

[dysfunctional press]

43. absolutely not.

my father brought me up to dislike myself and have absolutely no self-esteem or confidence in myself or my decisions. he was constantly berating and belittling me, and i honestly have no recollection of him EVER telling me he loved me...most of my most vivid childhood memeories center around horrific episodes with my father. one for instance- when i was 18, i was on my motorcycle when i was struck by a guy who blew thru a stop sign- when they contacted my parents and they came into the emergency room as they were cutting away what was left of my clothes, the first words out of the old man's mouth were "great...who's gonna pay for all this..?"

i tested very well on my iq test early on, so good grades were EXPECTED. i was not rewarded for straight a's, i was punished for NOT getting them.

and so it went.

[ashling]

44. My parents were good people who

did the best job they could. Of course, they were human and weren't always perfect, but looking back I have to say that they were good parents.

I am constantly thinking "Gee, I bet mom or daddy would get a kick out of that ... or what would they have to say about that."

[Edweird]

45. No.

We are separated by thousands of miles. We don't talk talk or see each other and that is EXACTLY the way I want it. My sister can't let go and is still getting her heart broken repeatedly. Fuck them.

[mitchum]

46. They were great parents...and remain so

[Runcible Spoon]

47. I love my parents and I had the most wonderful, happy childhood.

I was never lorded over, but given wisdom, guidance, love and freedom to stumble and triumph on my own. And they were always, ALWAYS there to help me up when I faltered and cheer me when I succeeded.

There is nothing in the world like knowing there are people who love you unconditionally and upon whom you can always rely with no judgment...and to know that there is always a warm bed and a home-cooked meal waiting at home for you! They even "adopted" a few friends of mine and my siblings who were not fortunate enough to have that kind of parent.

Damn, now you made me tear up a bit :)

[SoCalDem]

49. No, but I BECAME a good parent because I knew what NOT to do

:)

[Why Syzygy]

52. lol. That cat.

:rofl:

[ProfessorGAC]

50. A Yes Vote Here

My parents were supportive, open, and gave us lots of room to grow up.

When i was 11, they adopted a little girl. (My first sibling.) When i was 14, they took in my three cousins when their parents died.

All 5 of us live comfortable, fairly normal, and reasonably successful lives. Two of us have advanced educations, and everybody went to at least 2 years of college.

Three of us have all been married for at least 27 years, and my sister (younger than the rest) is at around 15 years.

We all turned out pretty ok, and they have got to get a lot of the credit for that.
GAC

[JeffR]

51. The best

I miss them terribly.

[pauliedangerously]

53. My Parents are AWESOME

Very intelligent compassionate people. I had a secular upbringing; my parents pushed me pretty hard in school and gave me all the encouragement anyone could want...they still do. I trust their integrity and judgment over anyone else's.

[no_hypocrisy]

54. My parents did the best they could under the circumstances, raising me.

They shouldn't have married each other and had children, but they did.

All of us were very very smart and could criticize too well. I critiqued my parents' skills and gave advice how to raise me better than they were.

But they gave me a strong sense of ethics and a love of knowledge. I developed compassion trying to reconcile how all of us could live together without being torn apart by each other.

[Blue Diadem]

55. They did the best they could.

I was fed and kept warm. Their parenting lacked in many ways but considering the times they grew up in, their own life experiences and circumstances and their education they really did do the best they could. I think it's up to each generation to improve and I think they improved from their parents and I think I improved from mine. I wasn't a perfect parent and I made mistakes too. Now I see my grown children with their own children and they have improved their parenting from my ways and I'm proud of them for doing that.

[Lost in CT]

56. Boy no room for nuance there. nt

[Liberal_in_LA]

57. Yep, poll needs an 'other'

[Lilith Velkor]

60. Just as much room as in the teacher polls.

:shrug:

[Marr]

59. I think so, yes.

They were people, and had their foibles like anyone else. But overall, yes-- I think they were good parents and I loved them dearly.

[WCIL]

61. My parents are wonderful parents NOW

They let me raise my children in the way I see fit, without interference. They love their grandchildren fiercely. They care about my welfare, and I call them everyday to talk. They love that I do that. If I needed anything in the world, they would move heaven and earth to get it for me.

Back then though, life was tough. My mother has serious control issues, and should probably never have had children. She was also a very smart woman who chose to be a stay-at-home mom, because that is what was expected. She beat us out of frustration, I suspect. The first beating I remember was because I hadn't done a good enough job dusting the rails of my bed. I was 6. She threw a child-sized bookcase at my sister because her books weren't lined up in size order. My dad never interfered, and I have come to believe that that was worse than the beatings.

My mother will never believe that she was abusive, but we all choose to remember the good now instead of the bad.

[SemiCharmedQuark]

62. My mother was absolutely wonderful and she is still my best friend.

I haven't seen my father since I was 10. I saw him for half an hour in Grant Park. He talked about wanting to vote for Pat Buchanan the whole time.

But I didn't miss him. My mother raised me and my cousin with my grandma's help. We had a very happy family.

[havocmom]

63. Other: Good as some things, failure at others

But they insisted we THINK so I guess they were pretty good.

Am at an age where I can forgive their shortcomings. They did what they could with what they had to work with in life. They didn't willfully try to damage me. They did instill a solid sense of self and a grand curiosity. THAT was a gift beyond measure.

[MilesColtrane]

65. Put me down for, "They did the best they could, given what they had to work with."

[flvegan]

66. Yes, IMO, my parents did the best they could with me.

My mom did the most work and had the most influence.

[TheCentepedeShoes]

67. I think they tried

a narcissist and a ...well narcissist
Both in their late 30's when I came along
Did their best

[bridgit]

68. I fold

[Lilith Velkor]

69. I spindle

I used to mutilate, but now I'm a bit too old for it.

[bridgit]

74. I open

I was gathered into interruption at 11 after life in incestuous quarters but then freed by my mentor when it was discovered that while certain problems were mine they weren't mine to begin with then legally emancipated at 15, now? I have a Cat's Cradle filled with many places to reside and some parts are gone forever it is what it is

[Lilith Velkor]

82. ...

:hug:

[devilgrrl]

70. If I where to grade them as they were in my first 7 years, I'd give them a "D+"

The "plus" is because our grandparents were a part of our lives.

Two people who wrong wrong wrong for each other and they made their misery about us.

BAD PARENTS!!!!!

:spank:

[kaygore]

72. I was blessed--great parents who were also just great people

[MedleyMisty]

73. My parents rocked

My father died when I was seven, but he was really cool and was a great person and loved me a lot. And after he died, my mother did just fine on her own. She had random spaz attacks occasionally and lost her temper and I would end up crying on the bathroom floor wishing I was dead, but overall she did a really great job and I am very grateful. And after she got over being mad she would always apologize and make it up to me.

I always knew I was wanted and loved, and even now she calls me a lot and makes sure that I know she loves me and that I'm the best part of her life and that she's proud of me. After Daddy died she bought me a black opal ring with a tiny diamond and said that the opal was her life after Daddy died and the diamond was me.

Her father died six months after Daddy. I still remember watching her having to be helped down the steps on the way to the car to go to the graveyard after his funeral. But she kept working and kept the house clean and gave me everything I ever needed or wanted.

She never put any "conditions of worth" on me. She never indoctrinated me with any religion or politics or idea of gender roles or anything. She just gave me unconditional love and a lot of freedom, with the result that today I am sure of myself and who I am and what I believe.

She's coming to visit Sunday, and I want to do something to show her how much I appreciate her.

[baldguy]

75. Could've been worse.

My mother was abused as a child - sexually, physically & emotionally, and was an unrecovered alcoholic until she died.

My father was raised by Nazis. His mother was an active member of the local German-American Bund before WWII and had an FBI file like the Manhattan phone book. His uncle was an SS officer who was not able to enter the US after the war - so he never visited us. When I was 12 or 13, his father was eager to teach me German so I'd be able to read Mien Kampf in the original uncorrupted language. My dad set him straight before I was subjected to that.

[sense]

76. Not remotely

One was a bigoted drunk and rarely around (which we preferred) and the other didn't think of children as real people, and is an uncaring grandmother who seems to forget they exist. Probably has some form of narcissism. No one ever said they loved us and we certainly never thought that was an option.

Good thing we waited to have children, until I was no longer buying into their crap. We just started over from scratch and learned on the job, through classes, parenting groups and plenty of reading. It was tough to figure out what was "normal", if there is such a thing in parenting, but we're doing well now.

Not all of my siblings faired as well.

[sweetpotato]

78. Mom left dad before I was born

She took my sister and brother to church and didn't go home. She was abused.

I never met my father - no parenting there.

Mom did what she thought was best, but I think she was burned out by the time I came along. I was left to fend for myself against family bullies. Mom raised me by path of least resistance. She loved conditionally and was constantly "disappointed" in how bad I was.

I've grown up with low self esteem and little confidence. I married an emotionally abusive man the first go round. I am a classic underachiever. I never measured up to mom's standards so I quit trying.

I've had therapy since, but still carry issues.

[bird gerhl]

79. They were fine.

They're stable people who came from an unstable background. I cannot complain.

[Soylent Brice]

81. let's see...

mom has a gambling addiction

dad is a PTSD vietnam vet/retired police officer with violent tendencies

stepdad was an alcoholic with anger issues, and a bit of a philanderer




i'll have to say no to that one.

[sybylla]

83. Sucked - but I had friends who had much worse

Spent a couple of days this winter watching old slides with my family. It's amazing how happy a family can look in pictures when behind the scenes it so sucked. I know it wasn't a constantly bad experience growing up, but all the memories that came back to me as I watched the slides were the bad ones.

I realized that's what crappy parenting can do - erase from memory any trace of the good times. If I didn't have slides and photos to remind me, they'd be gone.

[we can do it]

84. Mom Was The Best

I miss you mum

[Amaya]

85. no

nt

[TwilightGardener]

86. I can point to all things that they did wrong, but I never doubted that

they loved me, and I certainly benefitted from a very stable upbringing and their happy marriage. They also taught me some valuable coping/survival skills when hard times fall--most notably an attitude of "brush it off and get back on the horse" when you're knocked down in life, and a very dark sense of humor.

[shanti]

88. ummmm, it's not always so black and white

why no middle ground response?