*** DUzy Awards for week ending April 3, 2009 ***

[JeffR]

Welcome to Her Majesty's loyal DUzy Awards, recognizing exceptional snark, enlivening satire and epigrammatic sass from the past week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards might just be announced every Friday night. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

The DUzy Academy Executive Board: alittlelark, flvegan, Ghost in the Machine, Lucinda and QueenOfCalifornia.

Special thanks to merh, Muttocracy, FlyingSquirrel, scarletwoman, dixiegrrrrl, AwakeAtLast, krispos42, Warpy, EFerrari, KamaAina, and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance with this edition.

Read it, savor it, tell your friends about it. Every response a winner:

OP by HarukaTheTrophyWife: What's the most redneck thing you've done?

The Lounge, March 27, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8642447

On a thread by Hepburn: WTF? People are up in arms over Michelle Obama's arms? GMAFB!

"Read one online forum comment: 'There is nothing uglier than manly, muscular arms on a woman. Mrs. Obama should be hiding them instead of showing them off...'"

      Pool Hall Ace: If these people can't take the sight of Mrs. Obama's arms, then they

need to take their eyes off of them and go find the secret vault that has Mr. President's birth certificate. :eyes:

GD, March 28, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5346709

On a thread by Texasgal: Are you participating in "earth hour"?

      SPKrazy: no

I slept in late so I'm counting that

watching b-ball

      Critters2: Wait. We can set our own earth hour?

Then I did mine from 4-5 this morning.

And I feel pretty good about myself, too!

      SPKrazy: why not?

who the hell set it for now? just someone, you're as good as they are!

      Critters2: That's right! I am as good as someone, dammit!! nt

The Lounge, March 28, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8646421

On a thread by RiverStone: Palin for President in 2012? Really??? How could anybody be so fucking stupid?

      Mojambo: Lived in this country long?

I swear, the phrase "How could anybody be so fucking stupid?" should be printed on our money.

GD, March 29, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5353958

On a thread by woo me with science: Researchers have developed a robot capable of ...interacting with the world using a biological brain

      woo me with science: Obviously this explains Sarah Palin. nt

      beac: No, no, no... Sarah Palin is the DEATH of neurons.

Her own, as evidenced by her word salad gibberish, and ours b/c we had to listen to it for two months last year. My head still hurts. Sarah Palin kills brain cells.

And see below for some Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

Science (moved from LBN), March 29, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=228x50587

On a thread by callous taoboy: Now that magic is valid in science I'm openly challenging gravitational theory in my science class

      Progressive_In_NC: Well since science can't explain the 30% of the produced greenhouse gases that escape into space

I think it is because of over consumption of gravity.

I think Western Nations are too fat and are using too much gravity. Therefore, I am instituting a cap and trade system for gravity credits. I will administer it cheaply, and therefore will only take a few million off the top each year.

Those that don't pay the tax will just float away. It might solve a lot of er.....problems for the gravity deprived countries out there.

GD, March 30, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5356959

On a thread by WilliamPitt: "One-fifth of the people are against everything all the time." - RFK

      Forkboy: After a fifth I'm against everything.

:P

GDP, March 31, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8308100

On a thread by WI_DEM: Television's longest running daytime drama may get the axe in September

"After 70-plus years (if you include radio) 'The Guiding Light' may be flickering out..."

      bluestateguy: I think we should bring back the U.S. Steel Hour

      baldguy: Have to bring back U.S. Steel first.

      geek tragedy: I blame Obama for this. He should bail the show out.

If he doesn't, that shows he's trying to bust the local union.

GD, March 31, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5363437

On a thread by pstokely: Where did Liberty University students go on Spring Break?

      TahitiNut: Cape God?

:dunce:

      TahitiNut: Fort Lorderdale?

:dunce:

      petronius: Or Padre Island...

GD, March 31, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5367358

On a thread by trumad: Miss Universe blogs her "Incredible" trip to Gitmo. Your mouth will fall open with this one.

"This week, Guantanamo!!! It was an incredible experience.
We arrived in Gitmo on Friday and stared going around the town, everybody knew Crystle and I were coming so the first thing we did was attend a big lunch and then we visited one of the bars they have in the base. We talked about Gitmo and what is was like living there. The next days we had a wonderful time, this truly was a memorable trip! We hung out with the guys from the East Coast and they showed us the boat inside and out, how they work and what they do, we took a ride around the land and it was a loooot of fun!
We also met the Military dogs, and they did a very nice demonstration of their skills. All the guys from the Army were amazing with us.
We visited the Detainees camps and we saw the jails, where they shower, how the recreate themselves with movies, classes of art, books. It was very interesting.
We took a ride with the Marines around the land to see the division of Gitmo and Cuba while they were informed us with a little bit of history.
The water in Guantanamo Bay is soooo beautiful! It was unbelievable, we were able to enjoy it for at least an hour. We went to the glass beach, and realized the name of it comes from the little pieces of broken glass from hundred of years ago. It is pretty to see all the colors shining with the sun. That day we met a beautiful lady named Rebeca who does wonders with the glasses from the beach. She creates jewelry with it and of course I bought a necklace from her that will remind me off Guantanamo Bay :)
I didn't want to leave, it was such a relaxing place, so calm and beautiful.
I was back in NY on Wednesday and on Thursday I did some paper work at the office and went out for dinner. On Friday I flew to Miami for the weekend because I had a photo shoot for the magazine People en Espanol. So hopefully I might be a little lucky and have some time off to take the sun for a while :)"

      arcadian: It's sick the way beauty pageants have exploited children like that.

:P

      Kerrytravelers: Oh! (giggle, giggle, squeak) Oh fun! (squeal) I tried the rice pilaf in the prison! Yumm-o!(bounce)

Giggle*giggle*jump*and... squeal.

      JuniperLea: Gosh! It's not so prisony after all...

How sweet... sounds like your typical South American resort!

:eyes:

She probably thinks water-boarding is a form of surfing.

      no_hypocrisy: Donald Trump produces Miss Universe. They don't have a stringent

intelligence prerequisite.

      Brother Buzz: Isn't a stringent something the girls slap on their face to tighten the skin and stretch the smile?

:shrug:

      Stevenmarc: They had this waterboard thingy and boy did it do a nice job making my tiara all sparkly clean

      KamaAina: And they served us chicken, like, every single night!!!

:sarcasm:

      Sabriel: "And the cavity search was soooooo cool!"

Sounds like someone needs to cash her reality check.

GD, March 31, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5363278

OP by derby378: With all due apologies to Bob Dylan...

There was a Florida girl took a shine to me
In a little blue dress as cute as can be
She took my hand, I could see she was grievin'
Said "Five judges told me I must be leavin'
On a jet plane
For the Twin Towers
This is gonna hurt"

I was out there paintin' on the old woodshed
When a Koran fell and hit me on the head
Opened the cover and flipped the pages
Got jumped from behind and wound up in a cage
In a jumpsuit
Waterboarded
The pork was good, though

Came back home, and I fell asleep
Dreamed I was walkin' on a Baghdad street
When my Florida girl came from the riverbank
With purple fingers and an Abrams tank
I was runnin'
Through a Pizza Hut
Through the embassy
Through a KBR shower stall

Well, my telephone rang and it wouldn't stop
It's President Obama callin' me up
He said, "Hey, derby, how can this country stand tall?"
I said, "My friend, Barack, we need Kim Catrall
Bridget Marquardt
Angelina Jolie
Your wife's pretty hot, too"

Well, I got a woman with a gavel in hand
She says her favorite color's plaid
Whispers in my ear with frisky assurance
Tells me the kids need health insurance
We’re taxin' unions
We’re taxin' cigarettes
But not my Lamborghini

Man on the podium's talkin' to me
Says he's the new head of the GOP
Out there preachin' in front of the steeple
Tellin' me he loves all kinds of people
He's eatin' couscous
He's eatin' bagels
He's eatin' mole
He's servin’ bullshit

Oh, set me down in front of the screen
I'll flip the channel to two-nineteen
The gym is filled up with dodgeballin' clones
And they'll send me a card if I pick up the phone
Spaghetti Jimmy wins
Hey there, Jimmy, what I want to know is
What you're gonna do about AIG
Bank of America
Abusive debt collectors

Well, you ask me if there's still time to save
The land of the free and the home of the brave
You've got the hope, but I've got the audacity
My to-do list I pursue with tenacity
I chase DINOs
Make love to Lindsay Lohan
Catch hell from Samantha Ronson

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

GDP, March 31, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8308821

OP by Bill McBlueState: People on some internet forum I get to use for free don't behave the way I think they should

Oh, the humanity. :cry: :cry: :cry:

It will be a good use of my time to make a lot of posts where I complain about this and hope that a bunch of people I don't even know will try to act more like me.

Kudos to Starry Messenger for nice deployment of the famous Huge Manatee graphic. As Forkboy notes: "That pic is one of the reasons the internet was invented."

GDP, March 31, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8307941

On a thread by Bolo Boffin: Sebelius' $7,000 Tax Problem. Yes. $7,000. The Horror.

Apparently Sebelius made some charitable contributions and misplaced the proof or never got it.

And so she and her husband have paid the back taxes and the penalties, which is around $7,000.

And the rightwingers are a-screaming...

      MercutioATC: I am SUCH an idiot.

I could have had a Cabinet position but no...I had to go and pay taxes...

GD, April 1, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5367414

OP by charlie and algernon: Post April Fools threads you would most likely find at Free Republic

"Well, I've decided to turn in my guns"

A DUzy for every response in the thread, and especially this one:

      Deep13: My tail evolved away last night!

The Lounge, April 1, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8657644

On a poll by dem629: What is the proper way to greet the Queen?

      killbotfactory: The same way you should greet all royalty

With a guillotine.

      yurbud: should we say "your grace" when we meet the pope even if we aren't Catholic?

or just say "What up with the fish hat, Palpatine?"

GD, April 1, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5371055

On a thread by dixiegrrrrl: O'Reilly on Letterman: "I am thankful we won the Iraqi war".

      Tangerine LaBamba: WE WON!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, fuck.

And I missed the whole big celebration and parade and everything?

I gotta readjust my dosages with these opiates.

Next thing you're gonna tell me is that there's a black guy in the White House.

You kidders!!!!

GD, April 1, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5367468

OP by MrScorpio: Fox News: President Obama Blatantly Breathed British Air

Fox News

In blatant contempt of oxygen of his homeland, U.S. President Barack Obama consumed approximately twelve to fifteen breaths per minute of British air during the joint afternoon press conference with British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. This marked the first time ever that an American president has refused to carry a portable supply of U.S. oxygen while on a foreign trip.

After individual statements by both leaders, President Obama took several questions by a shocked and flabbergasted international press corps who asked the American leader why he chose to break from tradition and breathe non-American air.

President Obama, obviously flustered by the blazing line of questioning, initially refused to answer those questions and instead spoke of his intentions to weaken American leverage against the international financial infrastructure while meeting with other G20 leaders.

However, he was pressed by three consecutive queries from U.S. reporters on his new found disdain for American air and finally admitted in a moment of contrition that his change of protocol was made as an effort to show deference to the British monarch, Queen Elizabeth II.

Later, while meeting with the Queen, President Obama presented the British head of state with an Apple iPod Nano, which was unfortunately uncharged.

Unnamed sources informed Fox News that the Queen was visibly perturbed at the inexperienced U.S. President's apparent lack of decorum.

The Lounge, April 2, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8659098

On a thread by Jackeens: LOL, The Queen to Michelle: "Will you please keep in touch?"

      Arugula Latte: TXT ME MICHELLE KTHXBAI QUEEN.

      Jackeens: LOL. "Hi Liz gr8 2 meet u - B sez hi - c u soon"

GDP, April 2, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8314111

On a thread by firedupdem: "Bush was treated like a rock star when traveling overseas"

Statement by the republican spin guy on 1600. He says Obama hasn't been a success...this is normal for the new guy, or USA Presidents in general.

Do they really believe the crap they spout? :shrug:

      Vicar In A Tutu: As one who hails from "overseas", I can tell you that Bush was indeed treated as such

Only it happened to be the sort of reception reserved for a rock star who had cut the set short and given his audience the middle finger.

GDP, April 2, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8316218

OP by Median Democrat: BREAKING! Republican Leader Rush Limbaugh Announces His Own Charm Offensive!

How are Obama and the Democratic Party going to compete for women voters? Behold! The new sensitive and caring Rush!

:loveya:

http://mediamatters.org/limbaughwire/2009/04/02#0031

/snip

LIMBAUGH: And I should point out that this is not going to ingratiate me to women, and I'm making a supreme effort to ingratiate myself to the babes, but I'm sorry, ladies. The female reporters I've seen so far that are getting a chance to ask Obama a question are embarrassing. "Thank you, Mr. President, for calling on me. Thank you, Mr. President. You're wonderful. Thank you so much for calling on me."

/snip

      AwakeAtLast: Oh, be still, my heart! I think I may swoon!

:rofl:

      rucky: After all, he's only human.

      Lerkfish: I have not seen conclusive proof yet that he's human.

where is your data?

:)

      HillWilliam: If a chimp's DNA is 98% that of a human's

then Jabber the Rush might have the other 2%.

That's just a working theory, though, no proof yet.

      KansDem: I wonder if it will be any more effective than the (in)famous Bush Charm Offensive

Probably not, but remember, it's not really a "charm offensive" until Cokie Roberts "reports" on it on NPR...

      NYC Liberal: I don't know about charming, but he definitely is offensive.

GDP, April 3, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8318045

OP by pamela: OMG! IT'S A COOKBOOK!

response #9 by HysteryDiagnosis

response #17 by Union Yes

GD, March 28, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5349231


On a thread by woo me with science: Researchers have developed a robot capable of ...interacting with the world using a biological brain

response #2 by jus_the_facts

response #11 by rcrush

response #14 by jus_the_facts

Science (moved from LBN), March 29, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=228x50587


OP by lame54: Another Great MORAN Moment

response #3 by LooseWilly

GD, March 30, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5357773


OP by lame54: MORAN Re-Cap

response #13 by Ian David

Plenty of other collectibles kolektubuls in the thread.

GD, March 30, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5358167


OP by malaise: OMFG - the Obamas shrunk the Queen

response #7 by madrchsod

response #8 by Generator

response #10 by Occam Bandage

GD, April 1, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5371139


On a thread by ThomWV: I'm feeling more and more like a man without a Party

responses #25 & #115 by Brucie Kibbutz

GD, April 2, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5378433


OP by zulchzulu: It looks like the G20 event at least has a vintage 45 record as an accomplishment

GDP, April 2, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8316000


OP by zulchzulu: In contrast: PHOTOS of events if McCain/Palin were on European tour

response #2 by rocktivity

GDP, April 2, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8316410


On a thread by NYC Liberal: PHOTOS: Obama's gaffe with Merkel today?

response #2 by smoogatz

GDP, April 3, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8317907

[SalmonChantedEvening]

1. Rec #1

Now to read them ;)

Thankee JeffR and The Academy, the DUzys are ever a treat.

:grouphug: :loveya: :yourock:

[ColbertWatcher]

2. k+r, n/t

[NanceGreggs]

3. Kicked ...

:kick: :kick: :kick:

[annabanana]

4. YOWzaa!. . great batch!!. . k&r. . n/t

[Starry Messenger]

5. k&r!

Nice work everyone!

[BrklynLiberal]

6. K&R

[PBS Poll-435]

7. Great collection this week!

K/R/bow.

[babylonsister]

8. So many laughs! That was so much fun. Thanks, everyone, and JeffR! nt

[arcadian]

9. Sweet, I won one!

A new and Improved DUzy!

[rocktivity]

10. My first out-of-retirement DUzy! Thanks so much!

:woohoo:
rocktivity

[scarletwoman]

11. k&r -- I'm back in the Academy! Woo Hoo!

Some hilarious stuff this week, thanks as always.

:loveya:

[malaise]

13. Well my thread made it

:rofl: :rofl:

Some great stuff.

[scarletwoman]

14. I'm not funny anymore, but the least I can do is nominate those who are.

One does what one can... :)

[malaise]

19. I won one last week

My first for 2009. I'm not funny these days either. :D

[scarletwoman]

20. But you're always FUN!

I bookmarked your old grocery store thread so that I can cherish it forever. :D

sw

[Tangerine LaBamba]

12. You guys are easy,

but thanks for another DUzy. Too bad I don't remember posting that one, either.

I think the funniest people on earth post here - some of these posts are just brilliantly funny (not mine), and I thank you for all the time and trouble you take to compile and present them. It always feels like a very nice Christmas present after you know you've been very, very bad.

Here's to you folks:

[NYC_SKP]

15. Sigh. All my best lines get deleted. (K&R)

:cry:

[LooseWilly]

16. I'd like to thank Guinness...

... over and over again.

[beac]

17. Hurrah, my DUzy drought is over!

And yet I must weep a little for, once again, I am honored due to the continued useful idiocy of Sarah Palin.

I feel a little dirty.



Yeah, who am I kidding.... I'm :bounce: and :smoke: and :party:.

[dixiegrrrrl]

18. Huge Manatee.....I snorted a Cheeto at that...

too funny...

Thank You Jeffr...my weekly belly laff.....

[HughMoran]

21. OK, this is the funniest graphic ever!

responses #25 & #115 by Brucie Kibbutz

GD, April 2, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...

[azmouse]

22. k&r

[KamaAina]

23. Yes! My first DUzy (Release 2.0)!

or is that 2.1?

Like, this is SO totally awesome! All that gnarly barbed wire reminds me of the shantytowns where, like, our servants all live back in Caracas... :-)

[omega minimo]

24. Shouldn't that be a HUGH MANATEE?

:hi: