Could use some advice here: Abstinence Assembly at my kid's school...

[youthere]

My kid's school sent home a flyer today, they will be hosting a seminar from the Just Say Yes organization (www.justsayyes.org) called "Look Before You Leap". I checked out the website, and it's almost cryptic. They claim they are not a religious organization, but some of their speakers videos on Youtube are clearly religious in nature. Has anyone heard of this group or seen this presentation? Thanks so much for helping.

[Duer 157099]

1. Don't know anything about them, but the slogan just seems wrong

"Just Say Yes"????

And it's about abstinence?

That's just weird.

[youthere]

4. I know...

"Yes" to their dreams and goals,
NO to "dangerous and destructive" behavior (this is straight off the flyer)

[XemaSab]

2. How old is your kid?

If you haven't taught your kid YOUR sexual morals by now, now is a good time.

Especially important is how to prevent pregnancy and STD's. Tell the kid how to use a condom and how to have safe sex (even if you think the kid shouldn't be having sex for a long time). Using a condom is not as straightforward as it might seem. (Hint: leave room in the tip.)

Have you talked to other parents about this?

My school gave us WAY too much information about safe sex, and that was more conducive to waiting as "abstinence" ever could be.

[youthere]

5. They are 12 and 14

( my youngest is still in elementary). We have open dialog about sex in our family often. I'm not opposed to them seeing a presentation on abstinence, I just want to make sure it's presented in a balanced manner...not in the "You're going to DIE if you have sex!!" kind of way.
No, I haven't had a chance to talk to other parents yet. I just got the flyer this afternoon, and we've been gone all evening. We got home a couple of hours ago and I sat down to read it, and I've got red flags going off all over.

[nosmokes]

3. i'd be axing when the *Rubber Rally* was happening.

looks overwhelmingly Texan with Not so subtle religious overtones.Is this a public school? I'd be raising hell.

[youthere]

6. you know what? that's exactly how I feel...

it feels good to know I'm not overreacting to this. Of course, there's the possibility that we're both overreacting...LOL!
Can you be more specific when you say "raising hell"? What are my options here (Besides not sending my kids to the assembly obviously)

[murielm99]

15. One of your options is not sending your kids to the assembly.

That should be your right.

You should also have the right to review the materials that are going to be presented.

My kids are in their mid-twenties now, so I am not in your position. I feel they had very good classes here on human sexuality. I knew the teachers and knew what they presented.

There was an assembly here on how STDs are passed. HIV was covered in the materials. One of my friends was concerned about how it would be presented. She reviewed the materials and found out something about the presenters. IIRC, they were from the state health department. The materials were balanced, and prepared by educators. Our school board approved them before the assembly was allowed.

She and I shared the same political views. I was satisfied with what she told me about the materials and the people giving the assembly. My kids attended, and so did her daughter.

If you have any reservations, please ask to review the materials and to know the background of the group presenting the assembly. It is better than trying to do damage control later.

[JDPriestly]

19. All I can say is that my kids got total sex education at our Unitarian Church and it was great

for them. They were far more careful in their sexual conduct than kids I know who had the abstinence idea stuffed into their heads.

The strange thing is that I had no idea that my children's sex education would be so, shall we say, thorough. I probably would not have agreed to it had I known what the sex education entailed.

But, based on my experience (and considering that a lot of factors other than sex education methods played a part in my children's decisions), I think that during early puberty, children should be encouraged to ask any questions they might have and should be given complete answers based on accurate medical knowledge. Unasked and unanswered questions cause a lot of teen pregnancies, disease and broken hearts.

I think that abstinence only education might have made my children suspicious and rebellious. It certainly would have alienated them from the adults around them.

Children know that the adults counseling abstinence only most likely didn't or don't practice abstinence with regard to sex in their own lives. Obviously, the kids' parents did not always practice abstinence. So, abstinence only sex education is hypocritical, sets unrealistic goals. It's kind of talking down to the kids.

Honesty is a better policy. The fact is that many people fall in love several if not numerous times before they are ready to settle down with one person (if they ever are). So, instead of preaching abstinence only, kids should be shown how to acknowledge their conflicting needs and given tools for making decisions about which needs to satisfy when. After all, it isn't really about abstinence, it is about deciding in a rational manner when to get into a physical relationship. It's about recognizing that love is not all you need.

[nosmokes]

21. Specifically you have a huge range of options from suing the school for bringing

in a religious org to teach doctrine to doing nothing. This only counts if it's a public school, of course. But public funds should not be spent on these quasi-xtian evangelical peer pressure pep rallies. Study after study has found abstinence only and abstinence pledges fail at an alarmingly high (though not completely surprising) rate and if we're serious about protecting our kids from unwanted pregnancies and disease we'll damn well teach them how to use a condom.

[MADem]

37. Maybe you should attend yourself....with a little video camera.

Find out what these guys are about...

When I heard "just say YES" my first thought was .... to JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEsus!!!!

[Hekate]

7. Ask if they plan to let the Planned Parenthood teen volunteers give a presentation too

Your local PP can advise you as to what these teen peer events are about.

Good luck.

Hekate

[youthere]

8. I will do that ...

(I'm actually writing notes on the flyer, so I'm prepared when I call the school).
Would PP likely have more information about this group? I can call them tomorrow as well. Sorry to be asking so many Q's.

[Hekate]

12. Actually PP would be very likely to have info about this group and/or others like it...

You should be able to come away with a lot of statistics about how abstinence-only sex-ed really doesn't work all that well, but how accurate information about sexuality can help teens make the right choices.

PP tries to let young people know that they can wait to have sex until they are really ready to take on that sort of relationship, and that they should be prepared to take responsibility for it when they do.

Your local PP may or may not have the wherewithal to have teen volunteers. I have a feeling that in some locations they are simply hanging on as best they can, providing essential health-care services (of which abortion constitutes about 5% last I looked).

Try here http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

No need to apologize for asking questions! I'm glad to be able to provide some information to a caring and active parent.

Hekate

[youthere]

13. Thanks so much for the information..

I will be calling them right away in the AM.

[Toucano]

9. Does your children's school have a health class and sex ed. curriculum?

If this contradicts the board approved curriculum, then you have a strong case.

If the school teaches abstinence only already, you've got some work to do.


I visited the website and you are definitely not overreacting. This is a presentation based on religious belief, not science and medicine.

[youthere]

10. Yes, the school has a sex ed curriculum...

and it isn't abstinence only. What are my options?

[Toucano]

18. Principal, then School Board

Someone should answer:

1. Who booked this presentation?

2. How does this integrate into the board approved curriculum?

3. Does the presentation make accommodate all faiths including no faiths.

4. Does the presentation address safe sex in a manner other than abstinence?


It appears that this outfit does motivational presentations that may or may not include an abstinence component. The "Game Plan" and "Navigator" components feature an abstinence message, while the "Unmasking Sexual Con Games" component appears to be about avoiding online and offline sexual predators.

I think after you get these answers, you can decide if it is something worth fighting or if it is something well intentioned, but maybe not 100 percent on target or if it is something imposing and contradictory to your schools policies.

[Aqaba]

11. THROW DILDOES AT THE SPEAKER!!!

Just my two cents :)

[youthere]

14. That's a horrible suggestion...

why would I waste a perfectly good dildo like that? LOL!

[tkmorris]

25. That is why you deploy... HELICOPTER DILDO!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJ4beaopwc

This makes recovery easily accomplished, provided some civil servant doesn't destroy your work.

[DKRC]

16. Are you kidding?

Have you found a winning lotto ticket, or a pot of gold?
Two cents is all I have.
:rofl:

[JTFrog]

24. No way I could lift Rush, let alone throw him.

:spank:

[Missy Vixen]

17. I don't know if anyone else here watched "Oprah" today

She hosted a VERY frank discussion on sexuality and kids.

Let's just say the "abstinence is the only way" crowd is on FIRE over the comments... I don't know how much of the video they'll post, but it's well worth going to www.oprah.com and checking it out.

[RebelOne]

30. It was very graphic, though.

I am far from being a prude, but I was appalled at some of graphic descriptions.

[Missy Vixen]

38. Maybe I'm alone here, but I was glad they were so graphic

There is an entire generation of women who were taught to be ashamed of their own sexuality. They're now talking to their kids about it. More fear and shame.

For those who aren't talking about it, the kids at school are. Would it be better to learn about sex and sexuality from your parents, or from the kids at school, who are frequently wrong?

[Botany]

20. Point out to the school it Abstinence Only does not work

and study after study has proved this. Sure it is good in theory but in practice it
does not work.

[DeltaLitProf]

22. Ask who is paying for the presentation

. . . and for the local accomodations for those presenting. If you find the school district is paying your dollars to a faith-based organization, you have the right to protest that decision.

[ColbertWatcher]

23. Videotape it.

Keep a record. It may be a while before the dirt behind it is revealed, but you'll always have that footage.

[ejpoeta]

26. have you discussed sex with your child? because no matter what this assembly may be

or portend to be, you have the ultimate influence over your child. better they get their information from you than someone else. Just make sure that your child does not become confused by any messages they get from an assembly that may differ from your own message. And, how old are the kids going to this assembly? My daughter is 10, and I wonder when I need to discuss this stuff with my own kids. One thing is certain, I want them to know facts. Knowledge is power. I hope that some self esteem and education might see them through. But, good luck. and it's a good thing you can check up on who these people are.

[urgk]

27. Have your kid ask why Mary's teenage pregnancy was (and is) so adored...

If a 14-15 year old unwed girl can have kings bring her presents, shouldn't every girl just get pregnant? I mean sure babysitting is expensive, but not if you have gold.

That should add a little levity to the assembly :)

[Blue Gardener]

28. The speakers listed on the website are a bit suspicious

Especially Dan Bailey. Did you click on the "more info" links at the top of the page? His background is in abstinence only "education".

[peacefreak]

29. I spent a little time looking around their site.

What worried me is there are no credentials listed for their presenters. They all have pretty common names so google was no help. At the very least I would want to about their training.

[olegramps]

31. Looks like a for-profit so-called non-profit rip off.

Every thing on their site is for sale. I would really be interested in how much they charge for their assembly and who is putting up the money for the assembly.

If they were really interested in providing information to assist kids then they would put the video on their site and allow access free of charge.

The short video doesn't contain any thing of any importance. I would bet that you can get a lot better information from Planned Parenthood for free.

[ipaint]

32. Links go to conservative religious organizations.

The links page has a list of organizations all who seem to be conservative faith based groups. The abstinence clearing house is promoted on a rapture ready website along with purity balls. The medical institute has a write up in slate- http://www.slate.com/id/2139675/
about their religious ties.
I found this about 4parents.gov-
http://en.wikinews.org/wiki/Advocacy_groups_complain_about_4parents.gov_sex-ed_website

The institute for youth development is connected to this guy and his wife-
http://www.sourcewatch.org/index.php?title=Wade_Horn

They seem to be all organizations created to hoard faith based money from the government.

I can't imagine why "just say yes" would be any different.

[Vinca]

33. Call the school and demand equal time for Planned Parenthood. nt

[Neurotica]

34. I went through this too - the links are the key -- get organized and go public

We had this same type of situation, albeit with a different speaker. Our "Christian comedian" speaker conducted two abstinence-only assemblies in our high schools. I can fill you in with a lot of the details of our year-long, successful effort to combat this trend, but in a nutshell, if this program is geared toward promoting abstinence, you need to get some like-minded parents together and start researching the speaker, the organization, and how this speaker came to be invited to your school. Once you have your facts together, you should schedule an appointment with the superintendent to express your concerns. All depending on the timing, this may end up happening after the program (as it did in our case).

It is very important that you -- as a parent -- actually attend the program so that you can speak with first-hand knowledge. Take notes -- lots of notes. Later, do some fact-checking on what was said. The school system should not have a problem with you attending the assembly. Insist if they protest. In our program, the speaker used fear and shame, as well as biases and stereotypes. He also distorted and withheld medical information about condoms, contraceptives and STDs. He cherry-picked some things he wanted to highlight, and built his show around them (e.g., the ineffectiveness of condoms).

You need to go to the press as well. You need to provide the press with all of the information you have gathered on this speaker and his organization. You need to also have several good talking points to explain your concerns. A press release is helpful. We also developed a list of questions -- things that made us go "hmmm" -- to hopefully prompt reporters to do more investigation.

We also contacted national organizations and they got involved and helped us. I can give you some names and numbers.

In addition, we put on our own forum at a local college to discuss the responsible way to teach sex education. We invited Shelby Knox and screened her movie "The Education of Shelby Knox" as an intro to the discussion. Google Shelby Knox if you haven't heard of her. She is just out of college now, but as a teen growing up in Lubbock, TX, she began to see how ineffective abstinence-only programs really were. She campaigned for comprehensive sex ed over several years. She's amazing.

Here are some key things to find out:

1) You need to find out your policies regarding sex education. Do you have teachers that are specially trained by the school system? If so, why is it ok for this speaker to give a presentation to your students on this subject?

2) What are the speaker's qualifications to discuss sexuality, medical information, and mental health issues? (In our case, the speaker just touted all the same vauge info he had on his web site, including dubious awards. And in every article I have ever seen on this person, his credentials - as given by him - are repeated verbatim. No checking on the part of schools or reporters.)

3) Is the program mandatory?

4) Who is sponsoring and funding this program if it is not the school system?

5) How did this speaker get invited?

6) Is the speaker planning to promote seminars for parents at the event? In our case, the ACLU informed the speaker that he could not use any religious references in his program, nor could he invite students to evening seminars or promote any products he had for sale.

7) Are the speaker's materials available for parental preview?

Hope this helps. I can provide you with a lot more.

[Neurotica]

35. Texas Freedom Network has some info on "Just Say Yes"

From their recently-publised research report on the state of sexuality education in Texas:

http://www.tfn.org/site/DocServer/SexEdRort09_web.pdf?docID=981

Check out page 18

It looks like they distort info on condoms, which is a major concern.

[Neurotica]

36. And more from an Austin Chronicle article - blaming girls

Sounds similar to our speaker.

I would assume that the Just Say Yes curriculum comes from the Just Say Yes speakers bureau, but that would need to be confirmed.

"Other findings in the report caused more distress for Wilson, who (like Wiley) is a former public school teacher. "There were definitely some shocking materials that were coming in," she said recently. These include blatant gender stereotypes – in fact, Wiley and Wilson contend that many of these materials explicitly blame women for aggressive sexual behavior by men. The Just Say Yes curriculum, used by 12 districts – including Dallas' elite Highland Park Independent School District – tells teens that at the core, abstinence means "you make a conscious decision to avoid turning others on" and goes on to explain that "if a guy is breathing, then he's probably turned on." Hence, the text advises girls "to think long and hard about the way you dress and the way you come on to guys." A girl that "shows a lot of skin" is either "ignorant when it comes to guys," is "teasing" her boyfriend ("which is extremely cruel to the poor guy!"), or is simply "giving her boyfriend an open invitation" to sex."

Here's the link to the full article:

http://www.austinchronicle.com/gyrobase/Issue/story?oid=oid%3A756132