In the spirit of pro-gay laws: Question. How much of your relationship revolves around sex?

[Lil Missy]

Poll question: In the spirit of pro-gay laws: Question. How much of your relationship revolves around sex?

Honestly, I think all the freepers and religious bigots think it is nothing but sex with gay men and women.

What's your relationship like? (heterosexuals) Mine are like who cooks dinner, who lets the dog in and out, who takes out the garbage, who does the other household chores, who makes plans for a social meeting with friends, and how to manage time when one or the other has to get up for work in the morning. And how we have discussions.

Yes, sometimes we have sex too. Use your imagination. I'm not interested in your bedroom, so stay out of mine.

Is your relationship revolved entirely around sex? If so, then I feel sorry for you. If not, then why do you think it would be any different for gays?

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. the point of my relationship is sharing of our lives and souls

and helping each other towards the Eternal Goal. Having someone who understands, often without having to say something, is what is so very important.

[Lil Missy]

4. Me too.

[dixiegrrrrl]

2. 2 words explain the Fundies: penis envy.

C'mon...obsessing over who does what with whom and when and how often and for how long is a stage most people grow out of.
except for the loud mouthed few who essentially seem to be saying

" I had fun once. I didn't like it much".

[Lil Missy]

8. penis envy, LOL! I had that once.

I was out in the middle of a lake in a boat, and had to pee.

:rofl:

[Maine-ah]

51. you need a she-pee

How it works: It's a reusable funnel which fits snugly against the body, meaning the woman can pee standing up, anywhere that a man could.

The Whiz is made from flexible anti-bacterial plastic meaning you can "pee, shake and stuff it in your pocket," says Marketing Manager Kate Pierrepont.

"When we launched it at the Isle of Wight festival <2004> there were women rushing up to us who were desperate for the loo. This device makes it easier and more dignified than squatting because you can't bear the queue."

Pierrepont recommends using the Whiz in a urinal or toilet if possible, to prevent pollution of local water courses.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/music/3816715.stm

[HillWilliam]

99. Believe it or not, I've actually seen a goodole-fashioned shoehorn

employed for the same purpose. Hey, ya gotta "go" ya gotta "go". Not like y'all can write your names in the snow like we can :rofl:

[Lil Missy]

102. A totally creepy gal told me she had one of those things one night.

She thought it was awesome that she could stand up an pee like a guy. I thought it was, .. well .. I just said please put that away.

She is truly one of those that I think gender reassignment is more appropriate for her. I just said, I could go my whole life without ever seeing or hearing about this, ******.

Then she had a briefcase full of dildoes and strap-ons she was dying to share. I just said no, I don't want to see them. And please don't share anymore.

This is why I stay home most of the time now. I don't need anymore education.

[mkultra]

3. sex is a large part of my relationship

but its not the key. We certainly don't spend our time working out chore schedules. We have children though, and they dominate a large portion of our relationship.

Essentially, i would say that sex plays a large role but its not the most important part. i think we have more sex than most people though, so figure that in.

[csziggy]

5. Sex has different importance depending on the stage of the relationship

When we first got together, sex was very important to our relationship, but after nearly 35 years together (almost 32 years married), it has become less important than much of the rest of our life together. :shrug:

[babylonsister]

6. Hell no! And the longer I'm married, the less 'important' it is.

Don't fret, anyone. That's natural, too, unless I miss my guess.

[Lil Missy]

13. Don't get me wrong, I like sex. I'm just trying to make a point that

as a gay woman, there are a lot of aspects to my life and relationships besides sex.

I find it incredibly insulting that religious bigots boil it all down to sex. That's just fuckin' rude.

I could go on a tirade about some things hetero couples do that disgusts me. But I won't.

[babylonsister]

14. As a hetero woman, I hear you. There are so many aspects to

a committed relationship that the bigots don't seem to concern themselves with. Makes me wonder how healthy their relationships are.

:hi:

[Lil Missy]

17. Thanks.

:hi:

As far as committed relationships go, just ask Newt the horses ass, Craig the asshole who looks for meaningless sex in men's rooms, the one that got caught with hookers, or the one that "plays" in diapers.

Jeezus. And they think I'm the pervert.

[treestar]

65. IMO theirs are shallow

They are defined shallowly, in the Bible. To them it is simple, as it was in previous centuries. The roles for husband and wife are clear. You just follow them and don't need to negotiate or compromise or discuss anything. Maybe this is why gay relationships are threatening to them. They can't figure out who does what or what rules are to be followed within a relationship where the rules don't fit. Conservatives are big on rules.

[walldude]

7. When you have kids your relationship revolves around

constantly planning to try and have sex.

[HillWilliam]

100. Hetero couples have kids, we have dogs we treat like kids

Either way it works out much the same: "planning to try". "Getting to do" once the chores are done and the kids are either asleep or out of the house is something else; usually we're worn out by then. I have a full-time job, plus getting my micro-farm together, plus I'm a wedding officiant. My partner rides herd on the household all day and THAT's a double fulltime job in and of itself. Between trying to make a living and paying attention to everyone in our family who needs it, there isn't much time or energy for whoopee. It doesn't mean we still aren't just as interested as the first time we saw one another. We are and we let one another know it. A hug, a cuddle, or even holding hands says just as much.

Oh, but every once in a great-grand while when motive and opportunity conspire together, even after almost 14 years, we still can "set-around and teah it up."

[liberalhistorian]

9. I think the right needs to claim that all gays care about is sex,

in order to successfully demonize and stereotype gay relationships so that they can justify their oppression and hate. They need to claim that gay relationships aren't the "same" or as "normal" as hetero ones in order to continue to justify taking away or refusing to grant rights and in order to invoke the "boogeyman" against gay relationships. That's why they go apeshit whenever a long-term, stable gay relationship is given attention.

[dustbunnie]

10. Depends on the relationship. Some center totally around sex.

They don't usually last longer than a few months. The other kind, which include friendship, compassion, dog walking, putting down toilet seats, ignoring underoos and socks all over the floor, don't center around sex, although it's often still a nice big part of it. There is no difference there, either way, between gay or straight relationships.

The odd thing is, the average orgasm last anywhere between 3-9 seconds. So if you take 5 as the average, at an average of 4 times a week, over a period of say, between 16 and 80, the end result of time spent on attaining the little death, is less than ONE DAY out of a lifetime. I realize that the getting there is a big part of it, so even if you tack on time for that, total time spent on having sex probably accounts for about a year out of a person's long life. And THIS is what fundies obsess over endlessly. Because a book tells them to. Some, of course, have their own homosexual fantasies, which incites fear and projection of self-loathing.

[Arctic Dave]

11. I've been married to this woman for 16 years and all we do is have sex.

One day I might ask what her name is.:hide:

[Lil Missy]

16. LOL! You made me laugh! Thanks for the chuckle!

:rofl:

[BlooInBloo]

12. What else would it revolve around? All of the other stuff I can do with plain ol friends.

[Laelth]

15. Sex is WAY important.

I can manage all that other stuff with a roommate or a domestic servant. Marriage is about sex, mostly. "Relationship" implies sex. Otherwise, you've only got a roommate with whom to negotiate and divide all that labor.

:dem:

-Laelth

[Lil Missy]

19. Are you serious?

If you're not joking, something tells me you'd better get familiar with your left hand.

[Laelth]

23. Yes. Quite serious.

I hear what you're saying in the OP, and I agree that there's something morbid about the religious right's fascination with other people's sex lives.

But marriage is a formalized, contractual, social structure for regulating sex lives and for insuring a stable environment for the rearing of children (the results of many sex lives). It seems off-base, to me, to pretend that marriage and relationships are "not" about sex. My experience is that they are exactly and principally about sex.

:dem:

-Laelth

[Lil Missy]

24. Good gawd, you are serious. Your are saying that relationships/marriage, are all about fucking.

I have open opportunities to just go fucking anytime or day of the week. I just don't choose to do that.

Your position is offensive. Sounds like you are only interested in a fuck buddy. I hope you treat your "partner" better than that.

And please, spare me the talk about a "stable and stuctural" environment for children, simply because you have a fuck buddy. That's just ridiculous.

And please, it kinda creeps me out when you bring in a supposed stable fucking arrangement for the sake of children. That sound's a bit freeperish to me.

I'm all about giving chances, so I'll add you to my buddy list. :)

[dustbunnie]

25. Well it's about elevating the f*cking, where you stand in front of a bunch of people -

and say you'll never leave the person, which is conducive to rearing children. Most people do marry because they've blended sexually so much they feel their souls are blended as well. Who in a rational state of mind would marry, if not for romantic and/or sexual love. There would be far less of them, I assure you. Eventually you love the other person for qualities, but the initial clincher of the deal is sexual compatibility in most cases.

[Lil Missy]

27. I'm not saying that sex is not part of a relationship. I'm just saying it's not all about fucking.

Fucking is easy, and one can do that with anyone. Or with a toy. I could.

But a relationship takes a little more work and care. And a LOT more heart.

[dustbunnie]

28. Not everyone finds it that easy to partner up with a practical choice.

People usually partner up. marry, and agree to all kinds of ridiculous family obligations because they have become one sexually, and romantically. Aside from people who are still obligated to marry for familial financial gains, or ensuring that children will marry within the ethnic group, most people, gay or straight, marry because of a meeting of sexual/soul blending purposes. Of course anyone can have a toy...

[Laelth]

26. I'm a divorce attorney. Perhaps that makes my position "offensive."

Under Georgia law, it really is all about sex. Two people in GA can legally "separate" (in preparation for divorce) only if they stop having sex. That's the legal definition of separation, and if the two people start having sex again, the Court won't grant their divorce. It used to be that a marriage didn't exist until it was "consummated." These days we've changed the definition of consummated to simply getting the license, saying, "I do," and having the executed license filed. The sex is presumed. Courts don't want lawyers to have to prove in Court that their clients actually did have sex just in order to prove that they are legally married.

I have to maintain that marriages and relationships are really, at essence, historically, and in fact, about sex. All the other stuff you list can be gotten from friends, roommates, or domestic servants. It's not that my wife and I are "doing it" all the time, although we do like to "touch base" regularly. All the same, the institution of marriage and the relationship my wife and I have serve to make sexual intimacy socially normalized, relatively safe, and monogamous. The law also seeks to establish clear rules for what's going to happen when and if the relationship ends. And, as I tried to show above, the relationship is legally presumed to have ended when the sex ends.

It's too bad you find a person who disagrees with you "freeperish" and a position with which you disagree "offensive."

I find you rude, but I'm willing to give you a chance as well.

:dem:

-Laelth

[Lil Missy]

29. You did not elaborate or explain that much before.

Nor did you have to, it's just an anonymous message board.

Your original post sounded like you were only interested in getting your rocks off, and nothing more. I apologize if I was mistaken, but I do find an attitude like that offensive. I can go fuck someone and get off, but that does not make a relationship.

And I feel especially offended as a gay woman. It's already like the religious fanatics think it's all about sex and fucking. That is not at all the case with me, or my closest circle of lesbian friends.

I'm sorry if I misunderstood you.

[Laelth]

70. It's O.K. Tact has never been my strong suit.

And it's sad that all I can do for GLBT couples is either write them a shared living agreement or write them a separation agreement that can establish some legally-binding rules for their relationship or its break-up. Those contracts are enforceable, thank goodness, and they're useful, but it would be a lot better if all adults who decided to "do it for life with just one other" and then formalized their "doing it for life with just one other" in a public and legally-recognized way could get all the benefits of the marriage contract (and there are a lot of them).

Ultimately, I hear what you are saying in this thread, and the sixteen-year relationship I have had with my wife involves a lot more than just sex (and those other things ... mainly the friendship, having someone that I can share the day's stories with ... are very important). To be honest, I think I reacted badly to the way your poll was phrased. It was clear that you wanted people to pick option #1. Because I think a healthy sex life is the greatest single factor in a working relationship, and because I know that sex is legally essential, I felt the need to chime in.

Thanks for the response.

dem:

-Laelth

[Bluenorthwest]

105. I know several heterosexual married couples who are not

'doing it with just one other' and never intended to. They 'swing' as parts of groups or on their own. There are entire communities based on this sort of heterosexual marriage. Just saying.

[Laelth]

108. I have no reason to doubt that what you say is true.

But I bet that most of those folks promised in their marriage vows that they would "do it for life with just one other."

That, after all, is what marriage is about. :)

:dem:

-Laelth

[dsc]

35. So say I was paralysied

and unable to 'have sex' the normal way. No sex, no marriage?

[Laelth]

71. Not exactly. No sex for 60 days (in GA) = legal separation.

Provided you were married, had sex at least once after becoming married (and that's presumed), and then became paralyzed, then 60 days after your paralysis began grounds for divorce would exist in Georgia. You and your spouse would be legally separated, and if either you or your spouse asked for divorce, a Georgia Court would grant it. Of course, if neither of you asked for the divorce, you would remain married, but my point is that the marriage would never have existed had you and your spouse not had sex at least once. Sex is a legally essential element of a marriage.

:dem:

-Laelth

[verdalaven]

97. Wow, that is a sad law.

As in sad, the emotion sad. I've been married for almost 28 yrs to my best friend in the world, and we've gone through periods without sex for a variety of reasons, including ill health, mega-stress that caused less interest and just plain lack of time and energy. In those times, just talking about wanting it was enough for us! Sometimes life is rough. :) But for that to be a cause for divorce just seems wrong. And I understand what you said about it being a choice of the couple. I find it ironic that while Gay and Lesbian couples cannot marry, our laws make it so easy to divorce one another over something that really is a very small part of life.

[Hannah Bell]

37. historically, marriage was about heirs & property. sex could be got on the side.

in fact, for men, sex on the side was as institutionalized as marriage; the chinese & japanese with their concubines, brit elites with their mistresses...

the poor, historically, where there was no property to pass on, often didn't marry formally.

no, it's not just about sex.

[Laelth]

73. I don't deny what you say.

Marriage is not required to have sex. That's not what I am saying. I am saying that sex is required to have a marriage (or a "relationship," for that matter). Traditionally, under English common law, a marriage did not exist if the supposedly married people did not have sex (at least once). Sex is an essential element of marriage. In fact, sex was the only essential element of a marriage until the people of the State of Georgia very recently added, much to my shame, the opposite sex requirement.

Once people stop having sex (here in GA, at least) they are legally separated, and they can get divorced. The Court will not grant a divorce to a couple that is still having sex. If they have sex after filing for divorce, they are presumed to be "reconciled," and the Court will dismiss (i.e. not grant) the divorce petition.

:dem:

-Laelth

[krabigirl]

40. Sex is extremely vital to a relationship or marriage.

[Lil Missy]

44. It's a part, but not so vital. And surely not "extremely"

:)

[lumberjack_jeff]

61. I agree. Sex connects couples in a biochemical way that "companionship" can't.

Would I agree that Marriage is "mostly" about sex? Not really. But I would agree that successful marriage without satisfactory sex is rare.

[Deja Q]

18. It's a part of me. It is not me, nor do I base everything I do on the urges.

Others do, that's their problem.

There are straights who think it's all about the sex.

And there are gays who say it's all about the sex too.

I'm bi. I don't bother dating for two reasons - the main one being, and this is more like a male stereotype than a gay one, is that males just like sex and say it's all about the sex. That's how others wanted to treat me, and I rejected it. Since I can't trust anymore, I simply don't bother. That's the other reason as well, but it's so poignant I felt it had to be mentioned twice.

:shrug:

[Lil Missy]

21. There's always masturbation.

I have toys.

[Marrah_G]

20. Other: It's not all my relationship is about but it's not a small part either.

It's a big part, but not all that there is.

Definitely one of my favorite parts :evilgrin:

[Lil Missy]

22. Ahh, since gays are legally allowed to fuck, your sex life will be ruined.

Mwwwaaahaaahaaahaaahaaa!

*wringing hands together with glee!*

[dustbunnie]

30. Just out of interest. how old are you?

[Lil Missy]

31. Just turned 53. Why do you ask?

[dustbunnie]

32. Because you seem out of touch.

Not everyone lives in fundie land. Plus, mostly everyone, gay or straight, understands the meaning of marriage, and you don't seem to. No offense.

[Lil Missy]

33. LOL! Well that is pretty rich. How old are you? Might I ask?

[dustbunnie]

34. Thirty-three. I'm still wondering if I should marry, even though I have all the sexual/soul thing-

Why is my opinion rich? I don't find I'm any different than any of my straight or gay friends. I find I'm a product of my environment.

All you are saying is, "well, I don't know, relationships aren't based on sex" or something. Am I right? If so, then you are out of touch, and also wrong because all poetry and lit is based on the unattainable sexual/romance object of desire. Since the days of Jesus. If you're saying marriage is based on pedantic, repetitive details, you're wrong s well. Although it may work for you. People will always long for the romantic and sexual ideal they like, and you being 53 and saying you have a toy for anything that doesn't match your sexual thing, doesn't work for everyone. Again, no offense. People who are twenty or twenty-six aren't satisfied with a toy. Well, not for everything.

[Lil Missy]

36. Oh, good heavens. I didn't say I was a eunuch, or had female castration.

I happen to love sex, thankyouverymuch.

I just don't care to go fucking indiscriminately. And actually, it's not because I want to keep the freeper noises down that way because I'm gay. I just don't like fucking. If you will pardon the phrase, I'd rather make love. With someone I care about.

Yeah, I'm older than you. My life does not revolve between my legs.

Let's talk in 10 or 20 years from now.

Edit: And PS. You were the poster above who elaborated on the time spent on an orgasm. As if it all just takes a few seconds.

And you think I'm the one that's out of touch.

[dustbunnie]

39. Yes I'm the one who figured out how much time it takes to orgasm in a lifetime...

:). But I only did that to point out how fundies spend entire lives working on a day's activities. Not having anything to do with our discussion

I don't get this discussion though. You claim people should get married for reasons other than sex, and I would ask, who would? How many people get married because they were great friends or something. They don't usually. Most people blend sex and love. Half the time it works out. But must admit I'm losing this discussion cause it's late and... but do hope in some way it gets picked up because I'm a femi but don't know what I'm supposed to like or do.

Edited to add: I don't care either.

[Lil Missy]

41. Have a good night. Sleep well.

:hi:

[dustbunnie]

45. Thanks. You too. I don't know who I'm supposed to be as a feminist anymore.

But I suppose someone will figure it out. :)

[Lil Missy]

48. I never claimed people should "get married for reasons other than sex"

I just read this again and went back to it.

No. I'm not saying that sex is not important. I'm just trying to make the point that it is not the entire part of any relationship. Sometimes life intervenes, and sometimes you're too fuckin' tired.

[seabeyond]

64. who the hell would get married because of sex. not me. geez. i could get sex plenty without

marrying. marrying had NOTHING to do with sex. i could have easily lived my independent life and had all the sex i wanted, when i wanted without the cumbersome nature of marriage.

i absolutely think marrying to get sex is so out dated and not how it happens, today anyway, for most.

[ccharles000]

38. I voted other

Not in a relationship and a virgin

[Lil Missy]

42. And you'll meet the right guy or gal. Don't settle.

[dustbunnie]

47. Now why would you say that. I'm going to sleep in a few, but I would say, go live, love, and f*ck.

[Lil Missy]

49. Why did it offend you that I wished charles good luck?

I love the kid, (and old enough to be his mother) and only wished him well. Whether it be male or female. Is that what bothered you?

I've lived and loved a lot longer than you have. You take care to go get fucked too.

:hi:

[dustbunnie]

50. Don't settle, at his age? He isn't 16. And that's a big shame.

You didn't wish him good luck, you told him to hold out further. Blech.

[Lil Missy]

53. I think you are mistaken about his age, and emotional capacity.

I really don't understand your argument.

I DO have an idea what you suggest and are preaching. Like, just go fuck, and all will be well with life and the world.

Go to bed. I'm done with this.

:hi:

[rebecca_herman]

67. if he wants to wait he should

I am waiting til I'm in love. I'm 24 and a virgin. I haven't met the right guy for me and personally, I can honestly say - I don't have an interest in sex without love. When I think about having sex with someone I don't care for, I get squicked out. When I think of it as part of a loving relationship however, then I start to long for that kind of relationship. I seem to lack the drive for sex outside a relationship, for whatever reason. That's just me. If he has the same view, I see no reason why it would be wrong for him to wait as well.

[Ken Burch]

43. Over 60% of respondents so far say "little"

God, that's depressing.

Not being in a relationship at the moment, I can relate, but still, that's depressing.

[Lil Missy]

46. LOL! Wouldn't you like to get a head massage and curl up at night instead?

Just to cuddle?

I'll give you a head rub. :)

But don't get squirrelly about it. My dog would bite your legs off.

:rofl:

[EFerrari]

52. Robert Reich calls it "two incomes no sex." n/t

[HughBeaumont]

66. Sex PLUNGED once we said "I Do".

I'm lucky if we do ANYTHING once a month. And that's sad.

I'm always willing to make time; she, plain and simple, isn't. Works too much, weekends are always occupied with projects, home stuff, etc.

Differing sex drives are problematic. I dare not make any deal or peep about it, because if I do, I'm a bastard.

Plus I just think that it doesn't MEAN that much to some people.

[Maru Kitteh]

72. Counseling and regular medical care might be helpful.

Sometimes there are medical reasons why women have difficulty enjoying sex.

[NYC_SKP]

54. My sincere answer.

While straight, I think my answer applies equally well to all couplings.

I used to think sex was everything, the proof of chemistry around which everything else is secondary, until I met someone that the sex has been great with but everything else has become increasingly annoying.

Now I'm no longer happy, not even with the sex, and the seven year relationship is ending.

The sex is still good, but without all the rest, the nonsex things, being fun and deep and meaningful, the sex just ain't worth it.

Faced with the choice, I'd take a celibate partnership with love over a dysfunctional one with great sex.

If I could have both, great, but if not I'll take the deep love and friendship.

I have no idea if this is helpful, but I caught your Lounge thread and came back here to answer.

:hug:

[Lil Missy]

55. You exactly proved my point. A realtionship does not revolve around the nether regions.

Of course sex is important, (and actually quite enjoyable and feels so, ... well ... good. And ...)

You bring up exactly what I'm talking about. Life, and sex, is more about compatibility and daily life more than anything. Life intervenes, and it's a matter of just fucking or actually caring about each other.

I don't want a fuck buddy. I want a partner.

Thank you for posting your thoughts. You did, indeed, make a lot of sense.

:hug:

[Lil Missy]

56. Damn, I should have added an extra dynamic to the yes votes

That would be truly interesting.

[Number23]

58. Yep. A "quite often" option would have been good. I'd have checked that one

:)

[LaurenG]

57. I married my friend, I genuinely liked my husband and then I loved him

I agree that there should be an overhaul in the way we all think about sex. I do believe that our life stages cause us to think differently about what is important for each of us at each stage.

Sex should be a natural activity for the partners involved and since I am as biased as I can be toward those who want to rule others sex lives (read, fundies and over zealous believers)I have no use for any opinion that would exclude or ostracize entire groups of people simply because of the way they were born or who they love.

This is where religion is the most paranoid, the fear that sex will kill or cause "god" to hate and send a "child of his" to a hot burning eternity. This thinking has blinded many, many people to the purpose of love and relationship. Some people are controlled by fear, and love has nothing to do with it.

So in answer to your question, nope, sex is part of my relationship but not the most important by a long shot.

[TZ]

59. Here's where the anti gay people are hypocrites

They are CONSTANTLY harping on the importance of marriage/monogamy for Heteros but don't want it for teh gays.I think they don't want anything that shows that gay people are just like others...too human we all know teh gays are unnatural monsters..:sarcasm:

[Lil Missy]

83. Some straights are whorish pigs.

Just sayin'

[GoddessOfGuinness]

60. What's sex?

[Lil Missy]

82. There's alway toys.

:)

But not quite the same, agreed.

[seabeyond]

62. when sex is good/satisfying it has about 5% of relationship, when bad it is about 95%

of relationship

i heard that once. seems about right. looks like majority on the board are doing ok in that department of their relationship

but, the way the poll asks maes it tought to vote cause it is a major part of relationship along with some other high points in relationship

[Lil Missy]

74. That's an interesting analogy.

"when sex is good/satisfying it has about 5% of relationship, when bad it is about 95%"

[fascisthunter]

63. I f my relationships were all about sex, I'd be with an ex of mine

the sex was fantastic, but it just wasn't worth it. There is soooo much more to a relationship than just sex, but it can be a big part of one.

[Runcible Spoon]

68. Other: Every couple has it's OWN DYNAMICS

Kinda bothers me how people want to project their own experiences and by extension, expectations and judgment onto everyone else.

Some people think sex is the most important thing to keeping a relationship going and it would fall apart without it.

Some fuck once a year on their anniversary if that.

Most see it as a facet of a functional relationship that goes through droughts and heavy rains periodically.

As long as both parties are happy I really don't see why it's an issue either way and don't get why people get so passionate (pun intended) about how much/little sex other people are having. Creepy.

[Vidar]

69. What relationship? What sex?

[SmileyRose]

75. Don't laugh

I've been married for 34 years. We have never had sex. He "couldn't" on our wedding night. He "couldn't" for 5 months thereafter. Emotionally, the intimacy is just too much for him. We got counseling, I cried a lot. Eventually I accepted he's too good a man to leave over sex.

I have a VERY STRONG sex drive. When I hear people say it's not possible to survive without sex I don't say anything because I know they are sincere and speaking for themselves. But I know that's bullshit - it is possible. It's lonely, and difficult, but it's possible.

[Lil Missy]

76. That's pretty unusual. Thank you for the courage to share your story.

:hug:

[SmileyRose]

78. My case is extreme but I'm not sure it's uncommon.

Every time I turn around someone else in a long term committed relationship confides in me that the sex left decades ago. (and they have absolutely no idea of my situation - not even my own family knows) Economic dependence and social stigma keep people together more often than we think.


I appreciate the hug.

[Lil Missy]

79. You are quite welcome. And the hug was sincere.

:hi:

[Richard Steele]

77. I'm 40 years old: sex is just as important as it ever was..

But not nearly as FREQUENT.

[Lil Missy]

80. kick for the morning crowd

[Lil Missy]

81. I'd like a few more votes, and comments.

:)

[Occam Bandage]

84. Sexual heat is the only part of relationships that cannot be attained with time and effort.

Without it, there is not a relationship, but simply a work-sharing arrangement.

[Lil Missy]

85. Sexual attraction is important. But just seems like a given for the rest to fall in place.

If you want to get down to serious business, I doubt I'd even be interested in sharing chores or wasting time on a relationship with someone I couldn't imagine having sex with.

Yes, sex is part of it, but not all of it.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that queers have more to a relationship than just fucking. Which I suspect is the same for straight couples.

[joshcryer]

86. 66% of DU are women, confirmed.

[Lil Missy]

88. So, I'd guess you are male. And,

your idea of a relationship revolves entirely around sex. (To put it politely)

[Warren DeMontague]

90. Really, the only choices you offered, besides "other", are either "it's a natural but minor part"

of a relationship, or the relationship revolves around it.

How about this: I've had relationships that revolve entirely around sex, and while they certainly had their moments, no, you can't build an entire, long-term relationship on sex alone.

But at the same time, certainly for myself (as well as my wife, so this isn't a strictly male/female thing) as well as most happily married people I know? Regular, good sex is a central part of a happy, healthy relationship. It is not the sole basis, the relationship doesn't "revolve entirely around it", but it is certainly a core aspect of what most people I know define as a healthy long-term partnership. So while, in my experience, you can't build a long-term relationship solely on good sex, you can't build one without it, either.

Now, for some people, their mileage may vary.. but I think it's a little disingenuous to act like everyone who doesn't think it's as disposable as Thursday night bridge night or corn flakes instead of cheerios is somehow fixated on relationships that "revolve entirely around sex"... it's not either/or.

It's a part of a functioning, healthy relationship. Not the only part, but an important- and, in most cases, indispensable one.

[Lil Missy]

91. I guess I could have posed my poll better.

Hindsight! Details! Oh well.

Sorry.

I think we agree for most intents and purposes.

:hi:

[Warren DeMontague]

107. Probably a few more choices.

Eh, next time. :hi:

[joshcryer]

No, that is your close minded viewpoint and bias. I didn't vote in your "poll."

You characterized it how you wished, so I felt no reason to vote or give it a serious response.

[Lil Missy]

103. Excuse me, but you insisted the 66% results must be all women.

And you suggest I am completely closed minded?

What are we to gather from what you said?

Don't feel compelled to respond. I'm sorry.

[joshcryer]

98. delete

delete

[Lil Missy]

106. I guess now it's 68 %, obviously all women.

[Control-Z]

87. It was a huge

part of my relationship with my ex, but talking, doing crossword puzzles, taking trips, making plans, work, home, and eventually kids, played as big a role. We made time for intimacy, though, whenever and where ever we could. If he hadn't also been doing 4 other women (I eventually learned), we would probably still be at it today.

I'm not real fond of imagining any couple having sex, though. Straight or gay. And I am as grossed out when I imagine my sister-in-law having sex with her girlfriend, or one of them having sex with me, as she is when she imagines me with a man, or being with a man herself. We've talked about it and we both agree that the sexual side is somewhat disturbing to think about, while the relationship part is welcome and embraced by us both.

That being said, if I were going to judge any couple, based on what I tried to imagine their sex lives to be, I'd have no friends at all. Sex, for me, is all about who I am attracted to. Not who other people are.

[Lil Missy]

89. Very understandable. Any relationship is about the carrying on of daily life.

Sex is a part, but not all of it.

I don't care to imagine how anyone else fucks. First of all, I don't consider it any of my business.

Dicks don't impress me, twats don't impress you. Fair enough. Let's just stay out of each others bedrooms. I don't have a problem with that.

[Politicalboi]

92. Not in a relationship at this time

But when I was sex wasn't the most important part of our relationship. Of course when you first get to know each other you have more sex. But as the years go by it's not as important. And if both people feel the same way it works out. You need a partner for daily life not just sex. The older these kids get the more they will understand.

[Lil Missy]

94. Yes, and us olders are the ones out of touch.

:eyes:

[sakabatou]

93. Somewhere in between major and a little.

[Lil Missy]

95. I agree I should have given more options in the OP.

[retread]

96. It is a major component of our relationship and has been for almost 40 years. Without

sex we would still have a relationship, but it would be different.

[Hekate]

101. It's the same w/ the anti-choice types: it's about pregnancy being punishment for unauthorized sex

The wingnuts have sex on the brain: other people's sex-lives fascinate and disgust them, and they obsess over it. So it doesn't matter if you're a same-sex couple or a woman in need of contraceptives or an abortion -- they can't seem to stop obsessing over how wrong that is and how someone ought to be punished for it.

Wingnuts are sick puppies.

I don't care what people do for sexual recreation as long as it involves consenting adults. And if two consenting adults find love and fulfillment with each other, all the better -- my blessings upon them, and the consent of the State should bless them as well.

Hekate

[Lil Missy]

104. I think I like you.

:)

[Hekate]

109. Hugs back atcha, Lil Missy. Over my years I've done a lot of pro-choice activism...

... including marching on Washington and picketing the local hospital. Deconstructing the signs carried by the opposition made it abundantly clear where they stood regarding females -- not just abortion, but women themselves. I guess the sign that crystallized it for me was: The Selfish Woman Plays, The Innocent Baby Pays. I realized that it was all about controlling women and their bad, dirty, unauthorized sexuality -- the violent photoshopped images of fetuses were just a tool in that mission.

When the wingnuts turned their attention to same-sex marriage and the homosexual agenda I could see that the same obsession was at work: they can't get their minds off of other people's bad, dirty, unauthorized sex.

What strange, twisted folk.

The Goddess, otoh, says "all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals."

Hekate

[TankLV]

110. unnnh unnnnh unnnnh ARRRRGGG opps - What was the question again?