The Best Investment Money Can Buy -- David Sirota column-fomercial

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The Best Investment Money Can Buy

Feeling sorry for yourself? Struggling to get by? Wondering how you can get a bailout? Well, stop moping, because it's not too late!

I may not have Suze Orman's verve or Billy Mays' voice. But I've discovered a revolutionary risk-free investment plan straight from those who brought us the economic meltdown. So in this column-fomercial, I won't waste your time with Ginsu knives or cash-for-timeshare schemes — I'm going to help make you rich beyond your wildest dreams!

Look, we've all heard about Wall Street's losses. But you probably didn't hear about Corporate America's newest sure thing: a path to financial freedom far more reliable than any decent-paying job. It's something so old-fashioned that even amateur investors can understand it!

It's called graft — a surefire wealth creator that takes your investments, modifies laws, and delivers returns that the best stock trader could never dream of! This is the ShamWow of strategies, the Flowbee of economics, the Ronco of investing. Just look at the profits it generates!

In the last decade, the financial industry's $5 billion investment in campaign contributions and lobbyists resulted in deregulation, which generated trillions for executives. And when the bubble burst, there was another boatload of free money! By Bloomberg News' account, $12.8 trillion worth of taxpayer loans, grants and guarantees — all to Wall Street!

But wait ... there's more!

The Associated Press this week reports that "companies that spent hundreds of millions lobbying successfully for a tax break enacted in 2004 got a 22,000-percent return on that investment" — $100 billion in all. That could be you!

Of course, the secret is investing heavily in specific political stocks.

For example, the banking industry recently paid Rahm Emanuel $16 million for about two years of work.

That investment was recently paid back when, as President Obama's chief of staff, Emanuel led the January campaign to release another $350 billion in bank bailout funds. Turning a $16 million down payment into a $350 billion payout — that's huge!

Likewise, Goldman Sachs hired former Senate aide Mark Patterson as one of its lobbyists — an investment that proved a huge winner when Patterson became the Treasury Department's chief of staff and the agency subsequently killed proposals to limit executive compensation at bailed-out banks. Cha-ching!

And the hedge fund industry paid economist Larry Summers $5.2 million in 2008 for part-time work — an investment that hit pay dirt when Summers became Obama's top economic aide and the administration resisted tough international hedge fund regulations that some G-20 countries wanted. Show me the money!

That's right, the surest way to make big cash is not to invest in people with proven business experience or in valuable entrepreneurial ventures, but in blue-chip members of Permanent Washington — career politicos and bureaucrats who inevitably get back into positions of power and payback!

Now I know you think that I sound like the guy in the question-mark suit and that my plan seems like a scam. But it's perfectly legal!

So how much would you pay for this kind of opportunity? $100 trillion? $50 trillion? What if I said you could get all this for just a few billion in pocket change? Because that's all it takes to start no-risk investing! It's that easy!

Why let the corporate guys make all the money off government? Why waste time working for companies that make stuff when you can buy the one company that simply prints cash?

Order now and try my product! It's not available in stores, but if you call within the next 15 minutes, we'll throw in free congressional and White House phone directories valued at $49.95! Operators are standing by!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-sirota/the-best-investment-money_b_185648.html

http://www.benningtonbanner.com/opinion/ci_12113953

http://www.creators.com/opinion/david-sirota.html

[Political Heretic]

1. People who pretend like Corporate's buyout of government doesn't affect current "plans" are looney

You cannot tell me that current "plans" for financial rescue aren't heavily skewed toward benefiting Wall Street as the first priority, with finanical recovery as a secondary goal - and that this isn't because of the huge, massive, colossal investment corporations have made in government over the last thirty years.

The center focus ought to be jobs and the health of the majority of Americans. But instead of "main street" being in the center, its booted to the outside and Wall Street is in the center. "Main street" is relegated to a secondary beneficiary, with the hope that benefits will "trickle" down running off the fat cheeks of corporate after its had its fill at our expense.

[omega minimo]

2. Yes and a sane approach, one that gave us and Congress members of conscience some reassurance

that this administration is not "business as usual" might include open hearings, transparent examinations in committee of the toxic assets and hoax products and WHY and IF the rules and regulations need to be changed (duh) instead of a snow job where the public is told that it is of the UTMOST importance that the same shell games and radioactive "products" be perpetuated to "get the economy going."

Feh.

[Political Heretic]

3. Right. It wouldn't be that hard to make this process much more accoutable and transparent

The reason it is not is because some WILL it to be that way.

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4. It would require allowing Congressional committees to do their jobs and investigations to occur

like in a democracy.

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5. ,

[leftstreet]

6. K&R

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7. cool!

:toast:

[Senator]

8. K&R

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9. Senator

:tipothehat:

[Senator]

10. hello

Odd that this hasn't garnered more attention. Thanx for posting. I hadn't seen it.

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