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Day 1 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: Somali pirates attempt hijacking of Maersk Alabama, retreat in lifeboat with 1 hostage.
Day 2 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: President McCain declares "mission accomplished off of Californian coast.
Day 3 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: On way back from California, Air Force One crashes, John McCain lone survivor.
Day 16 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: Using expert CIA intelligence gleaned from Maersk Alabama manifest, the McCain WH determines the Somali pirate home base to be in Mombasa, Kenya. Carpet bombing begins.
Day 42 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: While attending fundraiser, President McCain jokes about pirate booty being under the table, arrrr.
Day 43 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: On way back to Washington, D.C., Air Force One crashes, John McCain the lone survivor.
Day 92 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: President McCain PR coup announced when Dread Pirate #2 killed in combat.
Day 118 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: 1000th U.S. service fatality returns home, victim of an improvised underwater explosive device.
Day 163 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: Hostage accidently shot and killed by blackwater mercenaries. Citing Stockholm Syndrome, President McCain alleges hostage in fact in league with pirates. He was, in fact, Dread Pirate #2.
Day 202 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: While parked on tarmac, Air Force One crashes, John McCain the lone survivor.
Day 243 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: President McCain launches strike against Russian forces outside of Georgia, citing Russian connections to Somali pirates.
Day 247 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: President McCain succumbs to senility/radiation poisoning.
Day 248 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: From fallout bunker, President Palin declares war on all remaining cockroaches.
Day 249 of Somali pirate/hostage crisis: In humiliating defeat, President Palin's position surrounded by advanced cockroach forces, signs treaty of surrender.
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