Pope Reverses Longstanding Ban On Abortion

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

VATICAN CITY—Overturning 2,000 years of religious doctrine, an out-of-breath and visibly flustered Pope Benedict XVI announced Sunday that the termination of unwanted pregnancies was now "completely and perfectly acceptable in the eyes of God."

The divine proclamation, which contradicts prior teachings of the Roman Catholic Church, was reportedly made by Pope Benedict after a late night phone call to his Vatican residence. According to witnesses, His Holiness was seen pacing back and forth, nervously wringing his hands, and cursing at himself in a hallway mirror before coming to the sudden decision.

"My friends in Christ, brothers and sisters of the cloth, having an abortion is...err...not that big a deal," announced the anxious pontiff while reading from a series of hastily scrawled edicts. "In fact, it is written, uh, somewhere, that the taking of an innocent life might even be something of a blessing in some cases."

"For example, when a mother's life is at risk," continued Benedict, wiping several beads of sweat from his forehead. "Or, say, when someone is just way too old to become a father at this point."

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/panicked_sweat_covered_pope

[juno jones]

1. Might be true for the president of Paraguay nee bishop.

Why should I doubt it for the pope.

No link other than reading NYT at work earlier today.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

5. Oh my. You fell for it. You actually fell for it.

That's what happens when you only read the headline AND take it at face value. :rofl:

[Bill McBlueState]

2. oh, that's an instant classic

:rofl:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

6. Really, the Onion should be declared Heritage of Mankind by UNESCO. -nt

[Norquist Nemesis]

3. LOL!

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

4. Popes can't have kids

they have "nieces" and "nephews" instead.

Benedict. Bless his pointed little head.

:hi:

[underseasurveyor]

7. "Or say,

when someone is just way too old to become a father at this point."

:rofl: Oh god the thoughts and visuals that sentence creates in my head...... EEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW LOL

[Canuckistanian]

8. "hastily scrawled edicts"

:rofl: