*** DUzy Awards for week ending April 17, 2009 ***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Apr-17-09 07:14 PM
Original message

Welcome to the shaggy scrotumed DUzy Awards, recognizing exceptional snark, enlivening satire and epigrammatic sass from the past week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards might just be announced every Friday night. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to XemaSab, stellanoir, tavalon, CaliforniaPeggy, Wetzelbill, NYC_SKP, AwakeAtLast, Mira, scarletwoman, KamaAina and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance with this edition.

This should have appeared last week/

OP by Dr. Strange: Tales of WTFery, Volume 17: This is Jeopardy

Tales of WTFery
Volume 17: This is Jeopardy (transcript)

Original Airing Date: April 1, 2009

Announcer: This is Jeopardy. Please welcome today’s contestants. A temperamental dream-crusher from Dumbassville: Midlodemocrat. A tater-humping vegan from Florida: 5gan. And our returning champion, a

fundamentalist artist from Washington: MrCoffee, whose 56-day winnings total $98.43. And now, here is the host of Jeopardy: Alex Trebek.

Alex Trebek: Hi, thank you so much, nice to have you watching me. We’ve got some serious cash waiting to be won and three greedy geniuses ready to grab it, so let’s get started. Our categories in the first

round are: Accidents, Really Long Books, Real Analysis, Internet Memes, Political Shit, and Grammar Nazi. All right, champ, off you go.
5gan: I’ll take Internet Memes for $400, Alex.
AT: I’m sorry Mr. 5gan, but it’s MrCoffee’s board. You’ll need to wait your turn.
5gan: Wait your turn? That’s not what your mother said last night, Trebek.
AT: Oh shit, not another Connery wannabe. MrCoffee, please.
MC: I’ll take Accidents for $200, Alex.
AT: After George Bush watched the country implode, this made his pants stand out. <buzzer> MrCoffee?
MC: What is, “a suffusion of yellow?”
AT: That is correct. Pick again.
MC: Accidents for $400.
AT: After a particularly horrible accident, the surgeon often does this. <buzzer> MrCoffee?
MC: What is, sews your face?
AT: Correct! Go again.
MC: Let’s try Internet Memes for $200.
AT: This warning should accompany everyone’s “but.” <buzzer> Midlo?
Midlo: What is, Brenda, could you please clean this?
AT: Sorry, no. <buzzer> Mr. 5gan?
5: What is, open for business?
AT: No. MrCoffee? <buzzer>
MC: What is, don’t tutch?
AT: Yes! Don’t tutch the but.
5: That reminds me of a song. Lalalalala, I tutched your mother’s but.
AT: That’s not a song. MrCoffee, please pick again.
MC: Internet Memes, $400.
AT: Like a mounty, he always gets his man. <buzzer> Mr. 5gan?
5: That would be you, wouldn’t it Trebek?
AT: No! <buzzer> Midlo?
M: Who is Alex Trebek?
AT: No! <buzzer> MrCoffee?
MC: Who is Jesus?
AT: Yes, Jesus is a friend of mine. Pick again.
MC: Internet Memes, $600.
AT: This man is president of the United States. <buzzer> Midlo?
M: Who is Skinner?
AT: No. <buzzer> Mr 5gan?
5: Who is Lee Mercer, Jr?
AT: Lee Mercer, Jr, yes! You choose.
5: Let’s try Really Anal Sis for $200.
AT: That’s Real Analysis, Mr. 5gan. This theorem states that there is no nonvanishing continuous tangent vector field on the sphere. <time expires> We were looking for “hairy ball.”
5: I bet you were.
AT: Mr 5gan! It’s the hairy ball theorem. Please grow up and pick another category!
5: Fine, Internet Memes for $1000.
AT: The answer is…DAILY DOUBLE. You have no money, but you can wager up to $1000.
5: I’ll go with $1000.
AT: All right, your answer: IT HAS HORNS AND SHIT.
5: What is the narwhal, fuck yeah?
AT: Correct! Pick again.
5: Internet memes, $800.
AT: It’s Tuesday night.
M: Bunco!
AT: Please buzz in first, Midlo. <buzzer> Midlo?
M: What is bunco?
AT: Yes. <round expires> That’s the end of the first round. Mr. 5gan is in the lead with $1000, MrCoffee is a close second with $800. Midlo has negative $400; we’ll see if she gets out of the hole.
5: If she’s anything like your mother, she’ll—
AT: We’ll be right back after these messages.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

AT: Alright, let’s get to know our contestants a little better. Mr. 5gan, it says here that you are thinking about starting a home for underprivileged boys.
5gan: That’s right, Alex. I plan to take the boys in and pair them off with some abandoned puppies from our local shelter. My big goal is to be a mentor for them and try to direct their lives towards the

sort of things that I think they should know about.
AT: Interesting.
5gan: I’m going to call it, “Beagles and Boobies.” I’ve already got a grant from the Spinal Cap Foundation for Nipplez.
AT: I don’t think I want to know anymore. Let’s move on. Midlo, it says here that you have experience with school security.
M: Yes.
AT: Would you care to elaborate?
M: Look, Alex, it’s like this: if I want to bring Taco Bell treats to the local junior high, then you best not get in my way.
AT: Um, okay.
M: That goes for all you bald security douches out there!
AT: Yes, well, MrCoffee. I wanted to thank you for that basket of fruit you sent me yesterday. I couldn’t help notice that it contained a religious tract, “MrCoffee comes for a visit.” I’m not a particularly

religious person; what made you decide to include that in the fruit basket? Do you usually do that?
MC: Well Alex, here’s the deal: it’s a gift, you didn’t earn it. So STFU, get right over yourself, and let’s start the next round.
AT: Fair enough. Okay, contestants pick up your buzzers and put your pants back on. Our categories for Double Jeopardy are: Awesome Music, Awesome Beverages, Right as “Rain”. Notice that rain is in quotation

marks. Zoology, That’s What She Said, and Come on Down to South Park. Midlo, you really sucked it up in the first round, so you go first.
M: I’ll take Zoology for $400.
AT: This animal, while seemingly cute and fuzzy, is known for its violent sexual behavior. <time expires> It’s the panda.
5: I didn’t know your mother was a panda, Trebek.
AT: Shut up. Midlo, go again.
M: Animals suck, so let’s try Awesome Music for $400.
AT: This Canadian band personifies awesome music. <buzzer> MrCoffee?
MC: Trick question: no Canadian band is awesome.
AT: Sorry, no. <buzzer> Mr. 5gan?
5: What is, “trick question, no Canadian band is awesome?”
AT: Uh, no. <buzzer> Midlo?
M: Who is Celine Dion?
AT: Congratulations on getting the country right, but Celine Dion is not a band. The correct question is, “Who is Rush.” Midlo, go again.
M: Awesome beverages for $800.
AT: Answer: Hot milkshake. <buzzer> 5gan?
5: What did your mother order from me la—
AT: NO! <buzzer> MrCoffee?
MC: What is a pumpkin spice latte?
AT: Correct!
MC: Rainy commands for $400, Alex.
AT: Daniel’s command to Seattle. <buzzer> MrCoffee?
MC: What is, “come on out of the rain?”
AT: Yes.
MC: Rainy commands for $800.
AT: France’s command to the monarchy. <buzzer> MrCoffee?
MC: What is, “come on out of the reign?”
AT: Correct.
MC: Rainy commands for $1200.
AT: Angela’s command to Dwight on the Office. <buzzer> MrCoffee?
MC: What is, “come on out of the Rainn, Wilson?”
AT: Yes.
MC: Rainy commands for $1600, Alex.
AT: Mrs. Claus’ command to Santa. <buzzer> MrCoffee?
MC: What is, “come on out of the reindeer?”
AT: Yes.
MC: Rainy commands for $2000, Alex.
AT: Speed Racer’s command to Taejo Togokahn. <buzzer> Midlo?
M: What is, “get out of my car, freeper?”
AT: Sorry, no. <buzzer> MrCoffee?
MC: What is, “come on out of the Rain?”
AT: Yes, Taejo Togokahn was played by Korean actor Rain in the 2008 Speed Racer movie.
M: That question was hard.
AT: It’s not that hard.
5: I bet you hear that a lot, Trebek.
AT: Mr. 5gan, really! MrCoffee, the board is once again yours.
MC: Awesome music for $800.
AT: These “animals” will fight for your right to party. <buzzer> 5gan?
5: Who are the Beastie Boys?
AT: Yes.
5: Let’s go with “that’s what she said” for $400.
AT: Biggs’ comment about the Death Star. <buzzer> 5gan?
5: What is, look at the size of that thing?
AT: Yes! Go again.
5: That’s what she said for $800.
AT: How to remove a paper jam from the copier. <buzzer> 5gan?
5: What is, pull it out slowly?
AT: Yes.
5: That’s what she said for $1200.
AT: Student’s retort to being stabbed with a pencil. <buzzer> 5gan?
5: What is, you poke that thing at me one more time, I'll break it in half?
AT: Right.
5: That’s what she said for $1600.
AT: The archeologist’s instruction. <buzzer> 5gan?
5: What is, just keep digging around until something pops up?
AT: Correct.
5: And that’s what she said for $2000.
AT: The sculptor’s warning about clay. <buzzer> 5gan again.
5: What is, it hardens when exposed to air?
AT: That’s right! Good job! Pick again.
5: Let’s go with Come on Down to South Park for $1600.
AT: Answer: DAILY DOUBLE. You have $6600. How much do you want to wager?
5: I’ll go with $6000.
AT: Okay, here’s the answer. His mom is a dirty slut.
5: Who is—who is—
AT: Hurry up.
5: Who is Alex Trebek?
AT: No, asswipe.
5: It was Cartman, I know that. I just couldn’t resist. It was a trick question! You set me up! I’ll get you, Trebek!
AT: Well, that’s enough for that round. When we return, our final Jeopardy category will be…Hobbies. We’ll be right back.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

AT: Okay, our contestants have made their wagers. Here’s the answer. This is the most popular hobby…in Amsterdam. Good luck.

<MUSIC>

AT: Okay, let’s start with Midlo, who had negative $2800, and really shouldn’t have stayed around for Final Jeopardy. What did she come up with? “What is making basement cheese?” No, that’s incorrect. And

you wagered…DTM? What is that, Roman numerals?
M: Dead to me, Alex. You’re dead to me.
AT: How sad. Moving on to Mr. 5gan. You were riding high until you blew it on a daily double. Let’s see how bad you lost so that I can dine on your tears of failure. “What is your mom?” No, that’s stupid,

childish, and moronic, and I don’t even care what you wagered.
5: I’m kidding Trebek. Obviously your mom isn’t a hobby.
AT: Obviously.
5: More like a full-time chore, I’d say.
AT: Dear Jesus. MrCoffee, you had $7200. Please tell me you didn’t screw this up, because I don’t want to see these losers again.
M: Dead to me, Alex.
AT: Your answer was, “What is being strip-searched?” That’s correct. And you wagered…three brazillian dollars. I don’t know if that’s a real amount, but I’ll let the producers sort it out. I’m going out for

a bottle of whiskey. See you tomorrow, everyone.

The Lounge, April 3, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8662270

OP by DearAbby: Obama is being tested!

All day yesterday I was hearing how the situation off the coast of Somallia was testing Obama.

Well, today, I was baking a cake, and it fell...looks like craters of the moon, gawd dammit... now I have fill in the hole like a plumber spackling a crack, Obama is being tested!

And that isnt all, my cat has gas, my guests are clawing on the windows and doors, tears streaming down their faces...what the hell did that cat eat fer crissakes, Obama is being tested!

What are your experiences in the Testing of President Obama?

      blue neen: My 5 pound papillon somehow got on the table last night and stole

some homemade ginger snaps. It was pure piracy if I ever saw it, and Obama had better come here and do something about this right now!

      Uzybone: My mother in law is over for Easter

thus my home looks like a wreck and there is baked shit all over the kitchen. If that isn't a test for President Obama I dunno what is.

      Jennicut: Well, my kids were on a sugar high from all the Easter candy

they have gotten so far from all the relatives. Obama is being tested! You are not fully tested in this world until you have dealt with hyper and then cranky, crashing 3 and 4 year olds.

GDP, April 11, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8335719

OP by Telly Savalas: OMFG!!!!!111 Theres a right wing guy on TV and he's saying stupid things!!!!!11111

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO???!!!!!!

      Canuckistanian: You know the drill

CALL CONGRESS RIGHT FUCKING NOW!111!!!1!

      jobycom: Conference call, 15 minutes.

      napoleon_in_rags: Holy fucking shit.

At least people aren't lining up like crack addicts to swallow it...

right?

right?

RIGHT???

GD, April 11, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5433015

On a thread by BOSSHOG: REGNERY Press to publish book by Bobby Jindal

gratuitous: Allow me to get this tome started

Chapter 1: I Wrote A Book!

Good morning. This is a book. A book is a group of printed pages bound together. I wrote{fn1} this book. Thank you very much for buying it. Isn't America a great country?{fn2} Doesn't that bring a grin to

your face? It brings a grin to my face. Because I love America and all it stands for.

Chapter 2: Everything That's Wrong With America

Fn 1: Well, "wrote" in the sense that I'll be getting some of your money because you foolishly bought this book.

Fn 2: If you're the right kind of grinning idiot, you can get a lot of money, too! Keep grinning, idiot.

That should do for a start, Bobby. Please send my consulting fee in care of Democratic Underground.

Me.: "Why I Betrayed The People Of Louisiana"

Chapter 1...I didn't realize the position meant I'd have to work hard

Chapter 2...Deciding to run against Vitter was a no brainer even for me but then, I am a Rhodes scholar

Chapter 3....People like Obama better than me and he was a senator

Chapters 4-12 tbd by focus groups

GD, April 11, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5434459

OP by MrScorpio: Please accept my apology

Looks like the MrScorpio Awesomeness Average is down sixty points over the last two months. Not a great trend, for sure.

That spells trouble for you guys, as my awesomeness here in the Lounge and DU at large doesn't have quite the kick that you're used to.

Personally, I suspect a campaign to naked short sell my awesomeness shares, but I need proof of that.

And the last thing I need to do is worry about restructuring as a prerequisite for accepting some kind of government awesomeness bailout.

That being said, please know that I will dedicate myself to regain my previous level of awesomeness through a campaign of rec generating threads and more appearances on the Greatest Page.

And cool MrScorpio games. We all know how much you love 'em.

After all, if this keeps up, I may end up like Rabrrrrr. Can't let that happen.

Rabrrrrrr: I short sold you with the eagerness of a couple scatmongers fighting over a colostomy bag

Which means, of course, that I have an entire program in place to ensure that your awesomeness level goes to zero.

The Lounge, April 11, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8684011

OP by saltpoint: But in order for Obama to have even a chance at the 08 nomination,

he'd have to somehow win the Iowa caucus, which frankly seems unlikely.

      Happyhippychick: Especially once they release the "whitey" tape.

      saltpoint: And just wait til the Wingnuts get ahold of Rev. Wright.

It'll be curtains for the Obama campaign THEN.

:hi:

      Happyhippychick: McCain's got Palin - he can't lose with talent like that, she's America's sweetheart.

      saltpoint: It pains me to say it, but you're absolutely right. She's a beauty contestant

and totally fresh and invigorating.

The county will flock to the GOP ticket like never before.

      Uzybone: America will never elect anyone with an "Arab" sounding name

      firedupdem: Plus you have to factor in the bradley effect. n/t

      Drunken Irishman: There is no way Obama can win PA, Ohio, Florida or California.

This is going to be Reagan/Mondale all over again.

Walter McGobama stands no chance against McCain!

      ErinBerin84: guys, we underestimate Sarah Palin at our peril

She is going to give her first interview and sound brilliant....after all, she was a journalism major.

      Condem: Iowa!??! That backwards-ass state?

Won't happen, saltpoint. Same-sex marriage would have about as much of a chance as Obama winning the Caucus. Nice try, though.

      saltpoint: The McCain surge is undeniable.

I know the newscasters can't say, literally say, "The Democrats are fucking screwed in this election," but they don't need to say it.

I know it's true. It's clear we've lost.

McCain -- a war hero after all -- triumphs over the rookie Illinois community organizer.

The angels of History weep!

      krispos42: Levi and Bristol will get married the week before the election

Stealing public sentiment, disabling the Democratic attack machine during the critical period before the voting and diverting attention from the economy and winning by about 30 electoral votes.

      SanchoPanza: Regardless of what happens....

It will be good for Guiliani.

      krispos42: Levi and Bristol will get married the week before the election

Stealing public sentiment, disabling the Democratic attack machine during the critical period before the voting and diverting attention from the economy and winning by about 30 electoral votes.

      XemaSab: This is our year to win, and nominating a woman or a black person will be political suicide

Edwards will win all the working-class and progressive votes in Iowa, especially because of his deep relationship with Elizabeth.

We can't lose with Edwards leading the ticket. And maybe he can pick someone like Spitzer for his VP to shore up the northern vote.

      BlooInBloo: It doesn't matter. Rove will steal the election.

      aaaaaa5a: Palin will win the women's vote for sure. All women vote by gender not issues.

      mkultra: well a female vice is historic while a black pres, meh not so much.

      alcibiades_mystery: Obama's people are bussing in college students!

College students! It's distorting the vote!

They are on buses, people! Buses!!!

GDP, April 12, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8337219

OP by Telly Savalas: So does anybody think the Pirates can still take the NL Central this year?

GD, April 12, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5443723

Poll question by panader0: Gum control

Lately the issue of gum control has been a divisive one. The camps are basically divided between those who are pro gum and those who are anti-gum.
Which camp are you in?
Where do you think President Obama should stand on this issue?

:bluebox: Gum is good for you. It protects the teeth from outside germs.

:bluebox: Gum is bad for you. The sugars (real or false) and the ingredients are bad for your health.

Towlie: You pro-gum nuts need to look under the tables!

Fozzledick: You can take my gum when you pry it from my cold, dead teeth!

:hide:

At press time, "Gum is good for you. It protects the teeth from outside germs." was winning with 58% of the votes.

The Lounge (moved from GD), April 12, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8688611

OP by Bicoastal: Sorry, but I just don't trust Barack Obama's dog...

Portuguese Water Dog--with a name like that, how do we know he isn't a closet advocate of European-style socialism?

Is he really qualified to be First Pet? 6 months is not enough time to prepare someone for the White House, and did you know in all that time he never paid any taxes?

Many have suspected links to Acorn--after all, he has been known to chase squirrels--and have you heard of his ties to a convicted leg-humper?

Finally, why has no one seen a copy of Bo's doggie license? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, BO OBAMA?!

Until these questions and doubts have been cleared up, I refuse to address him as "a good boy."

      AnnieBW: Plus, he was raised by a Kennedy

He'll probably drink up all of the booze and hump everything in sight! Not to mention rooting around in Michelle's garden...

      mopinko: pssst- did you notice that he is also

black!!??!!

      Adelante: That dog is not black ENOUGH nt

      jenmito: And his "real" name is Charlie. Why is he changing it to Bo? Why is he trying to hide his real

identity?

      DevonRex: Uh oh. Where's the vault copy of his pedigree? I don't trust him til he

produces it.

      discopants: It's been months ... why can't "Bo" close the deal????

      azmouse: I also heard the dog is already disappointed in Pres Obama

It had something to do with the dog being taken for a walk but Obama going in the wrong direction.

GDP, April 12, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8336681

OP by SalmonChantedEvening: Did someone say FEMA Camps?

Guess We’ll Hafta Fake It
(To the tune of We’re Not Gonna Take It – The Who)

Welcome to the camp, I wish I knew why you are here.
It’s run by FEMA, and the ice trucks still aren’t here
Now if you’d follow me, down to the Dining Hall
There’s nothing to eat here, nothing to drink
Just two-hundred thousand sporks

The beds where you bunk, they’re sorry
The blankets rust
And as a special feature, we never dust
And the clothes you think are thermal
Disintegrate in frost
You’re gonna hafta scrounge all the soap that you need
That truck is also lost

Guess we’ll hafta fake it
Guess we’ll hafta fake it

(ch.)
Guess we’ll hafta fake it
Understaffed and over billed
Guess we’ll hafta fake it
‘Cause he fences still ain’t built
Guess we’ll hafta fake it
Understaffed and over billed
Guess we’ll hafta fake it
It’s too late to
Educate you
We’ll just stick you with the bill

You will speak freely, a right you almost killed
Yes we can hear you, our ears ring still
No prisons hold you, save those you yourself create
Thank goodness that Brownie still ain’t in charge
Lest fantasy be fate

Guess we’ll hafta fake it
Guess we’ll hafta fake it

(repeat ch and fade)

GD, April 12, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5443683

On a thread by firedupdem: Tea Bagging Party gets 150 people according to

the article. That really means about 75. And this is Nebraska...

      saltpoint: Nude Twister would be kind of fun with 150 people. But not THOSE 150 people.

      gizmo1979: 150 Nebraskans get teabagged.

Film at 11.

      cliffordu: "And in a related story....

A cleveland steamer party had 3500 participants, including the Republican operatives giving the speeches."

GDP, April 12, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8337401

On a thread by Median Democrat: Don't You Wonder, How A President John (I Overreact ) McCain Would Have Handled Pirate Issue?

      yurbud: my friends, I will not rest until every starving Somali child is fatherless, mutilated, or dead...

then they will be my friends too...

      Spazito: "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb bomb" the boat n/t

      Jack from Charlotte: I think he'd have requested massive tax cuts for the highest income levels....

both here and in Somalia. It's the Republic Party answer to everything.

      Yukari Yakumo: Start a war with Iran {nt}

      EmilyAnne: Four words: Palin in a helicopter. nt

      Spazito: And the 'First Dude' on a Sea-Doo!

:rofl:

GDP, April 12, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8338215

On a thread by TheCoxwain: I dont get it -Why is the pirate situation being touted as a great Obama Victory?

HiFructosePronSyrup: If Bush were still president, the hostage would be dead...

And we would have just bombed downtown Oslo.

GDP, April 13, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8339762

On a thread by MiniMe: Easter Egg roll coming up on MSNBC, the Obamas will be there, will Bo?

      MiniMe: Probably would be too much for his first day as FDOTUS

Wise choice I think

      NYC_SKP: F.D.O.T.U.S how to pronounce that..."Fudotus"?

I like it!

      MiniMe: More likely "Fidotus"

:hide: :rofl:

GDP, April 13, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8338770

On a thread by Are_grits_groceries: Rick Warren canceled TV date due to "inhalation of fumes from the newly refurbished pulpit"

"Yesterday I posted about Rick Warren's sudden cancellation of his appearance on George Stehanopoulous's Tee Vee show. It seemed he did so to avoid a confrontation over his latest flip-flop over Prop 8 and

same-sex marriage.

Not so fast, says his spokesperson. The abrupt cancellation was due to much more urgent reasons than some piddly controversial topic that affects millions of lives. A Warren aide e-mailed the following:

'My understanding was that Dr. Warren’s condition was related to fatigue and exhaustion — which affected his voice — exacerbated by inhalation of fumes from the newly refurbished (but still drying) pulpit

used in the televised services the previous night...'"

      SalmonChantedEvening: The Purpose Driven Paint Job n/t

      Buzz Clik: Mr. Warren exhales far more fumes than he inhales.

      Are_grits_groceries: It's one way to get

teens in church. They won't have to huff glue or whatever. They can just sit up front.

      peekaloo: fatigue and exhaustion from polishing his pulpit.

church euphemisms.....gotta love 'em.

      KamaAina: "pulpit"? Is that the newfangled slang?

I'm still kind of stuck in the '80s when we called it a "bong". :P

      leftofthedial: Even Clinton had enough on the ball to deny inhaling...

GD, April 13, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5445255

OP by BuyingThyme: Obama really handled this thing horribly.

He should've just kept the details a secret until it was a done deal. We got the whole thing out of our system weeks ago, didn't we, and now it's only news to the mass media types.

Pirate Smile: Huh???

BuyingThyme: The puppy.

GD, April 13, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5451048

On a thread by Happyhippychick: MY President made history again: Spanish spoken at podium during WH briefing for the first time

"When Dan Restrepo, President Barack Obama's senior adviser on Latin America, addressed the Spanish-language media in their native tongues, he is believed to have been the first person to speak a language

other than English during a White House briefing..."

NYC Liberal: Technically that's incorrect.

When George Bush gave press conferences, he was speaking something, but it definitely wasn't English.

hobbit709: But it wasn't any other KNOWN language either.

GDP, April 13, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8340103

On a thread by chieftain: Corporate media's willful ignorance is absolutely stunning.

I just watched Mathews let some shill from the WSJ rave on and on about how the tea party movement is a genuine grass roots phenomenon that has grown without organized involvement. Had Chris spent a half an

hour reading Hullabaloo or other sites, he would have had the smoking gun showing the massive astroturfing campaign that is going on right under his nose...

orwell: The Teabaggers...

...the "Tax Revolt" by people who just had their taxes lowered.

That just about says it all...

GDP, April 13, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8340110

OP by Bicoastal: Gee, after all that vigorous Teabagging that went on over the weekend...

...I'm guessing those nuts are pretty drained.

What? WHAT?!

cherish44: I heard all who attended had a ball

Good for them

GD, April 13, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5444767

OP by Bleacher Creature: I overslept today because of ACORN. Then ACORN ruined my office presentation.

And to make things worse, ACORN burned my lunch order and misplaced my credit card payment, resulting in my getting assessed a late fee.

(I felt like seeing what life would be like as a Republican and blaming all of my problems on some completely non-germane bogeyman.)

      MercutioATC: ACORN turned me into a newt!

...I got better...

      blondeatlast: Hillary Clinton is responsible for my forthcoming divorce. George Soros

allowed my puppy to chew my last pair of comfy shoes, and Michael Moore made my kid have stomach flu so I can't go out and buy new shoes.

DO NOT get me started on Rachel Maddow...

      undeterred: ACORN made my dog roll on a dead fish

and now he stinks.

      damntexdem: Well, of course the dead fish stinks -- it would have done that even without the dog rolling in it.

But did ACORN kill the fish?

      undeterred: We will not know until the necropsy results are in.

      conscious evolution: I saw ACORN turn

into a tree one time.
I swear it happened. I was at bandcamp, see...

      DearAbby: I was researching

Acorn has been a problem for some time now. Through our history, Acorn was responsible for the Black plague during the middle ages, Acorn was at Ford's Theater the fateful night Abe Lincoln was shot. Acorn

advised General Custer at Little Big Horn. Acorn was responsible for the 1918 Spanish flu. Caused the Stock market crash of '29. Bombed Pearl Harbor, to name a few.

GD, April 14, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5453644

Poll question by EarlG: Poll question: It's Teabag Eve - should I change my avatar?

I've had my Earl Grey teabag avatar ever since we introduced avatars on DU, as a nod to my username and my British heritage. But all this talk of conservative teabagging has led me on this Teabag Eve to

consider changing it.

What say you, good people of DU?

BTW, if you think I should change it, tell me what I should change it to.

:bluebox: NO! Don't let the bastards steal your identity!

:bluebox: YES! Dude, your avatar is a teabag.

      Warpy: Only if it's to Truck Nutz

in some dayglo color. That would capture the real spirit of this nonevent, all those poor earnest chumps on the right being led around by Pox News and a bunch of lobbying firms.

They're the ones getting teabagged and they will never realize it.

      Midlodemocrat: Not until we finish decorating the lounge for this important holiday.

      Hawkeye-X: The real teabag avatar.

You know what I'm talking about...

      Maeve: Never give up your Earl Grey. Jean-Luc Picard wouldn't!

that's for the NextGen Trekkers....
:crazy:

Nah--don't bag the avatar. Give it three months and no one will remember the whole tea-bag brew-ha-ha (all puns intended)

      Deja Q: You mean, the teabagging incident will be... blown over?

:hide:

      Maeve: Well, it's certainly over-blown!

Those who live by the pun, die by the pun...

      Bucky: Yes, that's why it sucks so hard.

Sorry, that pun was just a little too "in your face", wasn't it?

      DearAbby: HOLY FLOPPING TEABAGS, BATMAN!

Of course not, being a thoughtful person, you have your teabags sheaved in a protective bag. Being the thoughtful person your are, they are very protected teabags, fresh and clean. No dirty, stinking sweaty,

shriveled up teabags for you!

Hoorah for EarlG!

      chollybocker: No. If you change your avatar, it means the tearists have won.

      H2O Man: No.

I suspect that the tea parties are, in a sense, a tribute. These people want to change, but they are afraid.

      rug: You don't want to send the wrong message. Replace it with shriveled elephant testicles.

At press time, "NO! Don't let the bastards steal your identity!" was winning with 83% of the votes.

GD, April 14, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5455706

OP by rateyes: Brownback and Limbaugh to participate in teabagging tomorrow.

Sorry for the mental image that conjures up. :evilgrin:

      leftstreet: Dammit man!

Undo!!

      Tangerine LaBamba: YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU SHUT UP AND DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!!!!!

SHUT UP!!!!

      SalmonChantedEvening: I'll take Clorox in the retinas for 1000, Alex.

:P

GD, April 14, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5455633

OP by saltpoint: If we don't have more puppy threads I frankly don't see the point of going on

living.

GDP, April 14, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8341124

OP by Aviation Pro: Hey, Teabaggers.....

...you've always been fucking wrong, you will always be fucking wrong. When you have your fucking ball gargle tomorrow just remember that your pathetic fucking whining is like a fart in a thunderstorm and

whatever you muster in terms of "coverage" will be forgotten like a dried up dog turd.

GD, April 14, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5457387

OP by LynnTheDem: To the rest of the (incredulously baffled) world; tomorrow, April 15,

is the day US taxes are due for the tax year January 1, 2008 - December 31, 2008. As you know, (and apparently George W. bUsh supporters do not), that would be President George W. bUsh's tax rates, as he

was, supposedly, the president during the entire 2008 tax year.

So tomorrow, the rightwing bush-supporters of this nation are going to protest against President Obama for George W. bUsh's 2008 "crippling tax rates".

They are also going to protest against President Obama for signing the largest tax cuts in US history, because they are tired of his "crippling tax rates".

Hope that clears it all up for you.

And yes, we sentient Americans are as incredulously baffled as you are.

GDP, April 15, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8344204

OP by Roland99: FAUX: "From Portland to Pennsylvania, *thousands* are taking part....

ah ha ha ha ha ha

Thousands??

*yawn*

      FSogol: If you laid all the tea baggers end to end, they would reach almost

a quarter of a mile. True fact.
:beer:

      old mark: If you laid all the teabaggers end to end

they would REALLY complain!!!!!

      Birthmark: They don't complain so much if you do it right. eom

      old mark: You wanna lay them, go ahead.....not for me, thanks.......

      WeDidIt: I saw three middle aged teabaggers in Chicago

It's nice to know people in their fifties are exploring their sexuality and are experimenting with new things.

      Canuckistanian: They surround themselves n/t

      ProgressiveFool: Yes, this seems to be a tempest in a tea-pot.

(sorry, hadn't seen anyone use that pun yet)

GD, April 15, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5460745

OP by Bucky: 2010 elections prediction

On this date in 2010, Norm Coleman will have exhausted his appeals to US Supreme Court and will announce his intention of filing an appeal with the Guardians of the Universe to recount the Minnesota results

in his favor.

Meanwhile, Al Franken will begin looking around Washington for an apartment he can stay in, if he ever gets finally sworn in.

On that same day, a group of Minnesotans petitions for an income tax rebate because they are underrepresented in the US Congress. Vice President Biden suggests paying them off in surplus tea bags.

GD, April 15, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5461791

On a thread by Top Cat: Joe the fucking Plumber is at the ATL tea party

TheCowsCameHome: If Joe the plumber enjoys working with crap he's in the right party

tkmorris: Henceforth I shall be called "Tim the Astronaut"

I've never actually been to space, or even visited NASA for that matter, but I would LIKE to be an astronaut so it counts.

Tim the Astronaut would like to take advantage of this opportunity to advise everyone to stop wearing socks. Socks cause Ebola, Lupus, and will give you ugly blemishes on your face. Mind you, I am also not a

Dermatologist, an Epidemiologist, or even a Doctor of Medicine. Or Philosophy. Or anything else, but that doesn't matter, for I am TIM THE ASTRONAUT, and I have spoken. Please buy my book.

GDP, April 15, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8346177

On a thread by Hanse: White House north lawn evacuated.

Protesters throwing foreign objects over the fence.

As just reported on MSNBC.

RUMMYisFROSTED: Are the foreign objects their jobs?

:shrug:

GD, April 15, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5461652

On a thread by Bill219: New Info on updated "Red Dawn" movie

Latinoreview.com has a review of the script up

We are going to be "invaded" by the Chinese...

Taverner: I'm surprised they didn't go all out with an Islamic Caliphate

Since that seems to be the big fear card for the Freeper set

Bucky: Other equally viable approaches would include America taken over by 1) Somali teenagers, 2) ...

2) Iraqi orphans, 3) Mexican narcobandits (using machine guns disguised as leaf blowers), 4) Iranian nuclear scientists, 5) Spanish human rights lawyers (movie tag line: "No one expected them!") or 6)

Danish pot store owners (supported by 5th Columnists from NORML)

GD, April 16, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5470849

On a thread by wryter2000: From a Mod -- PLEASE DON'T RECOMMEND THREADS RIGHT NOW

There appears to be a glitch that's causing threads to be duplicated when they're recommended. I've alerted the other mods.

In the meantime, don't rec threads, please.

thewiseguy: k&r

GD, April 16, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5469866

OP by scheming daemons: Combining today's stories into one big headline

"President Obama and his dog Bo went to Mexico today to explain that the right-wing extremists that the DHS is warning about will not be charged with torture if they teabag frumpy British singers."

GDP, April 17, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8349843

Poll question by ashling: How long will I last in GD-P???

I just posted the following message as "breaking news" in GDP:

DOJ has suggested that the USCode and Federal Rules of Criminal Procedure to add a new defense to Federal Crimes. Under this suggestion, a defendant of any crime - from Tax evasion to assasination of a

political figure, Judge, or other Federal Officer- would be able to claim a new sweeping defense to their crime.

The new defense would be called the "Forward Looking" defense, also known as "let's just move on."
:sarcasm:

So, the question is: How long until I get bitten in the ass?

:bluebox: You were doomed from birth.

:bluebox: 15 minutes, tops

:bluebox: The crew over there is already getting the plank ready. ARGH!

:bluebox: You never get any replies to your posts anyway....

:bluebox: I can't decide.

ashling: well, its been over 15 minutes

dropping like a stone as we speak ... sort of like this one

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread. At press time, "You never get any replies to your posts anyway...." was winning with 50% of the votes.

The Lounge, April 17, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8697298

On a thread by lib2DaBone: The Chandra Levy Question.....

She was making pillow talk with a married California Congress Person Gary Conditt

She worked at the Bureau of Prisons and had Timothy McVie's file.

She was going to go public with "SOMETHING" connected to McVie? What was it.....?

She ended up dead. (Is this a conspiracy or is it FACT?)

      Orrex: Who's Timothy McVie?

      Dogmudgeon: Didn't that dude play bass for Driftwood Max?

Man, I was soooo baked in the 70s!

      Orrex: I thought that Steve Driftwood was with the Spencer Davis Group

Of course, that was the 60s. Who knows what he did in the 70s?

September 11 (moved from GD), April 11, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=125x241510

On a locked thread: So, is the right-wing proposing teabagging as an "alternative stimulus"?

krispos42: Locking

I'm giving this sex thread a dose of saltpeter.

Regards,
Krispos42, DU moderator

GD, April 12, 2009

And the winner of KamaAina's Golden Pineapple award:

On a locked thread by the late saiyanppl: Should Obama Prosecute Jack Bauer

if we do repukes would gain power

rasputin1952: Locking...

Please call Hell to discuss this matter further w/this former member. Or, you can find him w/the same username on FR.

GDP, April 17, 2009

OP by zulchzulu: First Puppy Bo learns new trick!

response #1 by Cirque du So-What

GDP, April 12, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8336597

OP by blogslut: Are you going to a wingnut teabagger party?

response #1 by sui generis

response #2 by ColbertWatcher

GD, April 13, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5448343

On a poll by ashling: How long will I last in GD-P???

response #2 by bridgit

The Lounge, April 17, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8697298

OP by SoCalDem: George Bush sighted in Dallas.. (word is, he's off the wagon)

GD, April 17, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5475433