I'm fighting to keep from falling through the cracks.

[caseymoz]

I have had a convergence of bad personal events. I lost my job last month and cannot draw unemployment due to the way I lost it (see below), and at the end of the month my lease is up and I cannot renew. Even so, I was going to move into a smaller place anyway, but without a job or income, getting housing was and is a barrier. I loved living in this apartment, but unfortunately, the complex changed hands and when it did, the rent was raised-- a lot. Meanwhile, due to all the sick and short-term disability time I had in the last two years, my income was much smaller than in proceeding years. Therefore, I have no savings at this point.

The safety net for single guys in this state sucks. I am seeking disability due to conditions I have, which have not only impaired my work performance, (again, see below), but led to my losing my job. Nevertheless, I am also seeking work and I am not giving up on it. I do want to work. If I get disability, I will write to supplement my income as long as I can. I have been given food stamps, and a friend did forward me a grant. I don't think I could ask him for any more.

In all of this, I received good and bad news from my doctor. The good news-- actually mixed news, is that he considers me to be almost totally disabled, so eventually I can draw disability and SSI. The bad news is he gave a poor prognosis. He reminded me that I had a very serious condition, which is going to deteriorate as I grow older. I'm already 50. I have both bipolar illness and long term effects from head injury. Between the two of them, I am going to become progressively more impaired. When I lost my job, I was about forty percent slower than normal-- I was on a job where your speed was measured in detail.

It does almost sound like fiction at this point, (unfortunately it isn't) but I also need medications if I am going to keep anything together at all. Almost all (yes, I'm on that many) are generics, and the ones that aren't I can get generic I can get samples from my doctors. However, a few of these drugs are expensive even as generics. One is $133 generic, and it is absolutely the most effective bipolar medication that I take.

I have few possibilities for housing right now. My landlord has agreed to extend my time for a few days, but at the same high cost-- money I don't have. After that, I could live out of my car. I don't know if I could keep that together though, as much as I'd like to see if I could.

I have to admit that I have one sentimental requirement for actual housing: it has to allow me to keep my cat, and the cat, I'm afraid, can't live with any other, though she is extremely friendly with people. I just got her in February, she was a rescue but they couldn't find a home for her. She spent six months in a cage, they really loved her and wanted her adopted. I don't want to part with her, even a "temporary" arrangement where she is boarded in a cage. I wish she got along with other cats, but that's what made her unadoptable. Having her saved my life immediately after I lost my job because I really couldn't stand to commit suicide and have her put in a cage again, and eventually having to be put down. She is very significant to me.

So, the one tiny, noisy bedroom at my relative's house with the three other cats might not work. I might have to make it work for a while, but it's going to be trying on the cats nerves and mine. Other choices include moving to another state where I have other relatives, but that would pretty much cancel the disability that I would get from this state and also separate me from my doctor when I need him. My family is already over-loaded with other hardship. So, they can't be counted on for anything but crash-space.

I have a lot of problems to solve in a very short time, and I have trouble both planning and sticking to plans. Some days when I get up, it takes hours for me to remember what I should be doing. Even after I do, it's hard to restrain my impulse and not do something else.

I will take whatever suggestion anyone can make. I have a list of resources from Vocational Rehab, but I just started to call them on Friday. I am filling out the very long paperwork for both medicaid and SSI. But that doesn't do anything for short term income. I am seeking freelance work, which hasn't paid off for anything yet. I can write, but I can't really speak well. With writing I can take my time with what to say, not so when I'm speaking. This doesn't make for good job interviews.

[ColbertWatcher]

1. What state do you live in?

Knowing that might help others to help you.

I have a cat that doesn't get along with others, so as much as my family wants to pick up strays, we can't.

[caseymoz]

9. Missouri

Not a bad tract of land, but its saddled with a red-state government.

[Egnever]

2. A horrible situation

First off might I suggest that suicide means there will be no relief and will cause family members much pain. My mother committed suicide and in many way it has devastated my entire life. I am now a few years older than she was when she did it and I constantly think of all the missed potential for both of us.

I certainly Understand the darkness I have been there myself many times but giving up hope wastes your time. Life is not predictable as much as we like to think it is you may wake up tomorrow to find something happens that changes your situation more to one that has more positive. If you were to end it tonight you would never find those positives.

I have been on the streets slept under bridges and today I sit here typing this message to you in a three bedroom house. When i was under that bridge I had thoughts like yours. The thing that kept me from suicide at the time were thoughts of my mother and how so many lives besides her own were damaged behind it and the potential of what things could have been like for her and me had she just not ended it.

I realize the clouds are dark at the moment but theres still a chance of sunshine tomorrow. I wish that I could point you to programs that could help you out but I really don't know them. I will instead hope for you to find a way out of the situation you are in.

[Leftist Agitator]

27. "suicide means there will be no relief"

How the fuck would you know?

:wtf:

[Delphinus]

3. I don't know what to say right now ...

but I don't want this getting lost. Or you.

[Jeep789]

4. Take the tiny, noisy room at the relatives

and keep the cat in the room. Be thankful that you have the option and think of it as a short term solution. Things will get brighter and you are lucky to have the option available.

[caseymoz]

11. It has a spiral staircase running up through the middle of it

Going down right smack into an open area of the house. No door closing there, nor protecting the cat. But you're right, it's my best alternative, even if living out of my car sounds more dignified.

Included in the house are my aged parents who hate each other and often fight, with my mother being severely bipolar and un-medicated. My brother who is totally disabled and has never spoken but who loves music and noises, so much so that there's always a TV, a stereo, a radio, and some child's noise-making toy going on 24 hours a day. My nephew who has drug and anger-management problems, and his mother who is a nurse who works 12-hour shifts, finally there are three cats.

When I say its going to be noisy, I mean it is going to be really noisy. Discouraging too. So, I'm trying to decide-- car or parents' house, car or parents' house. It is a hard decision, but I think my parent's house wins out.

[canetoad]

22. I agree with Jeep798

Take the room. Your cat and you can adapt for a while and keep telling yourself it is not forever.

When you have some money coming in, take another look at your options.

So sorry this is happening to you, but on the plus side you DO have a place to go with your cat, while you regroup.

[caseymoz]

23. I know both of you are right. In fact, I confirmed the arrangement tonight. nt

[Liberal_in_LA]

26. good.

[roody]

24. You could keep kitty in a large kennel there when you are not home.

[Liberal_in_LA]

25. Can you put some kind of heavy curtain or cubicle wall at the door?

Someway to minimize the noise? I can't quite picture the layout of the room.

[caseymoz]

29. That's a good idea once I could afford it.

Nobody in the house uses that spiral staircase anymore, and I am not sure I would myself.

[Liberal_in_LA]

30. Check out your local Good Will or salvation army for the appropriate material.

[northernlights]

5. you may be able to get free meds

www.needymeds.org

Also, as I go over my future options as my life sinks, I consider trading in my old little civic for an older, but bigger, van to have room to sleep and live in with my critters. Not much hope, I realize, but I run the scenario through my mind almost daily.

The noisy bedroom with a relative may be better than the car, and worth trying. If it doesn't work out, you can still move to the car. But in the meantime, even if your cat has to be temporarily crated while you live there, if you can take her for long walks a few times a day that might work out better for both of you than you think now.

[caseymoz]

12. Thank you so much for that lead.

And all those suggestions.

[wellstone dem]

6. Knowing the state makes a difference

in my state, if you lost your job because you couldn't meet performance standards--especially if the reason is medical, you can get Unemployment. In my state, if your doctor would say you can't work, you could get a $203 an month payment. You should contact the housing authority to see if you qualify.

There is A TON of stimulus money to prevent homelessness and to speed rehousing. Agencies will start getting the money in May and June. Contact your local Community Action Agency, they may have information.

Apply for SSI right now. You can actually do it on line. Provide medical records right away. Tell them about your emergency, they can expedite payment if you have documentation that shows that you are going to be found eligible. However, the SSI application may complicate the UC application. For the former you have to say you can't work, for the latter you have to say you are able and available for work.

Apply for food stamps.

[caseymoz]

13. I'm in Missouri. I am receiving food stamps now.

I got them at the end of the week. I am applying for SSI, and I've laboriously been going through their questionnaire. I'm hoping to be done by tomorrow. Thank you for suggestions like the housing authority.

[williesgirl]

7. kick so maybe someone who can help will see this.

[area51]

8. Kick (n/t)

[Fumesucker]

10. Bipolar is a bitch..

I'm bipolar and the meds don't seem to work for me after a length of time, I have changed meds enough now that I'm running out of options.

Take the room and crate the cat, living in your car is even worse of a bitch than bipolar disorder. Me and my two small dogs are living in a camper parked on a relative's property right now, technically illegal for me to do it but there is no one around to complain to the county code enforcement office.

Noisy can be solved with a white or pink noise generator or even just an MP3 or CD of ocean waves or something like that, I have CD of surf sounds I use sometimes to help me get to sleep.

[starroute]

19. The nature sounds idea is a good one

There's one program I've used called Atmosphere. The freeware version doesn't seem to be available any more at their own website, but it looks like you can still download it for now at http://www.filebuzz.com/fileinfo/17911/Atmosphere_Lite.html. (You'd have to check, though -- it might be a time-limited free trial.)

There's another one I like called Virtual Ambience that's quite a large file but is definitely freeware. http://download.cnet.com/Virtual-Ambience/3000-2170_4-10657998.html

[noamnety]

14. I think you might be overpaying for generic meds.

I understand that's only one small part of the problem ... but it's still worth mentioning.

90 day supply of generic meds at kroger = $10. http://www.kroger.com/generic/Pages/default.aspx
Costco and Walgreens I think have similar programs.

One of the Detroit news stations did a story about the wide range of generic markups - as much as $3000% (!), and as an example, they charted a generic version of Prozac.

Wholesale one month supply: $1.48.
Highest retail cost in Detroit: $92.24
Lowest retail cost in Detroit: $9.69

Huge difference. You can read the full story on Snopes: http://www.snopes.com/medical/drugs/generic.asp

[caseymoz]

15. The two medications I'm talking about aren't on any savings list.

Believe me, I've checked.

[Reterr]

16. That sounds terrible

Have you considered posting in DU's Missouri forum? If you lived in TN where I live I could have tried to lend a hand more directly. Surely there are some good DUers that might be able to help you. You will have a star soon here in a minute and you should be able to post in one of the regional forums.

I so hope things work out for you :hug: :hug:.

[Reterr]

17. DU's donation page seems to be down

I will try to get you a star in a few minutes here again and then you could try posting about this again here:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=162

Good luck :hug:!

[Reterr]

18. Ok you have a star now

Try posting this here:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=162

Surely some of the good people there might be able to help you. Especially with the kitty and stuff :hug:. I am thinking of you and hoping things get better for you. You are not alone :hug:.

[tblue37]

20. I agree that your cat should NOT not go back into a cage--but perhaps you have a friend

who could provide a temporary, even if somewhat "long-term" home for her until you have a place to live where you can have her, so you can take the room at the relatives' house for a while waiting to get things together.

I have three cats of my own, yet still I often take one at or another temporarily, for this friend or that, for one reason or another. I just had a girl kitty for two weeks while her owner went to Japan for a family wedding, and the same cat will stay with me for 11 weeks this summer. She doesn't get along with other cats, and I live in a small apartment. What happens is that the little lady stays in the living room and threatens any of my cats who come too close. They've learned to just avoid her. She has her own litter box in a corner of the living room, and I fed her in that room, too. (Fortunately, I don't have people over, so I don't mind having her litter box there for a few weeks at a time.)

My point is that it is quite inconvenient for me to have his cat here for long periods, though I love the little cat dearly. But I do it anyway, for my friend, whom I also love dearly, and for the cat. He could not keep her if he didn't have me as a fallback for when he has to be gone. She was a stray that was found wandering outside near some woods by someone he works with. He didn't even want a cat, but neither of us could bear to not ensure that she had a nice home--and as I said, I already have three cats in very a small apartment.

Fact is, if for any reason it turns out that he ever has to give the cat up, I will simply adopt her myself, even though I don't really want four cats (been there, done that). When my oldest cat (16 1/2 years old) dies, I probably will not replace her, though I would want to, simply to make sure I have a spot open for my friend's cat in case he has to give her up. Of course, if something falls into my lap (as my third cat did), I would have to adopt that "gift" from the universe, but I won' necessarily go looking to replace my old girl when I lose her, since I do believe this other cat will eventually end up in my menagerie.

If you have friends who would be willing to take your kitty in for a while, you could live with your family temporarily while all the other stuff gets straightened out, and you could visit your kitty to maintain the bond. Frankly, if I knew you and lived enar you, I'd probably be taking your cat in temporarily to live with my three, even though you say it wouldn't work, because I know that they can manage.

[lucretia54]

21. My best advice- and believe me I know - is to

leave no stone unturned. Be sure you have visited every office, applied for everything you can, asked all the questions, and after that, start over. AND most importantly, go to places like the Salvation Army, where you will come in to contact with living breathing angels who will tell you MORE things you can do in your area, and while you're there they will pray for you too, which can't hurt!
I have been through just about everything you can imagine, and my life finally became less chaotic when I realized the world was not against me, even though it is DAMN HARD! Just take the help from the agencies- watch out for unscrupulous individuals who just want you to drive them around..(no kidding- people take advantage of you when you have a car and a sad story)...stay in public places like hospital parking lots if you sleep in your car, and try to stay with your family if you can stand it.
You haven't mentioned section 8- did you ever get on a waiting list for section 8 housing?

Try not to get too discouraged. This too shall pass, and you are not alone. Our country is going through some really hard times, but you and I can both be thankful that it takes care of it's disabled and poor.

[BelgianMadCow]

28. just knowing the diagnosis and starting treatment is a big plus

I should know, being untreated for 15 years before diagnosis. The impact on work and self-image is terrible. I know about cats and abandoning them, or not being able to.
Finding a job that suits your condition is hard work - over here they allow me to work part-time and get a social security check aside of that, maybe an option for you as well? At the moment, the social security dr even says stay home until your meds are sorted out and you know the "end" situation - only then look for appropriate work. I will likely have to work pretty far below my capacity and that simply sucks - until you figure out what REALLY matters - it's not your ego, and there are lots of ways to challenge yourself / be happy.

I have found great consolation in family, especially after telling them (used to hide my feeling terrible).

Often, bipolar fades out as you go over 45 - but not always. I don't really fully see how your prognosis can be so dire if you've been recently diagnosed. Surely your chances are much better now than before... The pronosis simply ranges widely. 70 % of ppl on meds (their "tuning" sucks as many here will testify) ultimately lead a normal to pretty normal life. The head injury you mention may be the worst factor in your dr's analysis, I sure don't want to play wise-ass or give you false hope.

You're not alone - up to 5% is estimated to be bipolar to some degree (type 1 and 2 etc) and many here on DU are as well.

Feel free to pm me.

:hug: