An old friend of my husband's died in childbirth yesterday.

[juno jones]

He hadn't seen her in years and I only met her twice, but it brought home for me why safe abortion must always be availible.

This was her third child. I think she was in her late thirties. Her other pregnancies were normal and this one was up to the birth. I still haven't heard what exactly happened except that the baby lived.

Every pregnancy is a risk. Death is rare, but physical problems that persist for years, even a lifetime are relatively common. A woman should never be forced or coerced to take this risk.

Women die in childbirth. Still. This is neither quaint nor antiquidated, a part of our grandmother's lore.

It must always be a woman's decision.

[AndyA]

1. Sad. No one should have the right to tell a woman what she must do.

It should be her decision to make. It's her life.

[CTyankee]

2. My daughter nearly died of pre-eclampsia and had to have an emergency C Section.

That ws nearly 5 years ago. Fortunately, she was far enough along so that the baby wasn't premature.

This happens. I know.

[LWolf]

3. Yes.

A friend of mine lost a baby a few days ago. She has one son, wanted one more child so he wouldn't be an "only," and she and her husband have been trying for another for a couple of years. She conceived once and lost the pregnancy during the first trimester. After a year, she conceived again. This one went full term. It was a boy. Ultrasounds confirmed. He had a name. The pregnancy was normal, and everything seemed fine, until a few days before her due date, when she noticed he'd stopped moving. He died in the womb, and they had to induce labor so that she could deliver her dead son. A horrific labor to endure.

No word on possible cause, but she and her husband are devastated.

There is nothing safe or easy about pregnancy.

[succubus.blues]

12. I am so sorry for your friend.

I had the same experience and its horrid. I eventually had a "third" and nearly died giving birth.

[AirmensMom]

4. So sad.

I'm so sorry about hour husband's friend.

My baby and I both almost died in childbirth, so I know first hand about the risks. It burns me up that people think it's as safe as sleeping in bed. Some women have tremendous problems and you can't tell what will happen until it does. I feel especially bad for the young girls whose bodies aren't yet ready to have babies. Seems like that would be an even bigger risk.

You are so right. It must always be a woman's decision.

[myrna minx]

5. I'm so sorry. n/t

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

6. This is so sad, but you don't mention anywhere that she didn't want this child.

I had my youngest son when I was 39 and my first at 35 and they were very much wanted.

[juno jones]

13. She did want this child.

But it seems some people think childbirth is a walk in the park and nothing goes wrong anymore thanks to the miracle of modern medicine.

Even when all is well, things can go badly. To force a woman to bear a child under less than ideal circumstance should be unconscionable.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

17. Your point was that women should never be forced or coerced and she wasn't. And yes,

childbirth is not always a walk in the park. I've known of women in this day and age dying from infections, strokes and from blood loss.

I also personally know all too well about complications of childbirth and both of my pregnancies had problems. My first, I had placenta previa and if modern technology did not exist, my son and I would have bled out. Although my doctors wanted me to stay in the hospital the last trimester, I decided to stay home and in bed most of the time. They scheduled a c-section for me, 2 weeks before my due date - the placenta was totally covering the birth canal and if I went into labor, massive hemorrhaging would occur.

My second pregnancy was Perfect and after my water broke, labor was fast and furious but when hooked up to a fetal monitor, my son was in distress. Cord around his neck. He was out in 3 pushes but not breathing. Thank goodness it was in a hospital and there was a doctor there to clear his airways but tiny brain damage still happened.

In both cases, if it weren't for modern technology I'd be childless. Would I not have tried to have baby if I knew what I would go through..I'd go through it all again in a heartbeat, and always in a hospital.

[ejpoeta]

22. my sister's second child had the cord wrapped around the neck and

she didn't survive. that was in 1989, i believe. it was horrible for my sister, i know.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

23. I am so sorry for your sister's loss.

[juno jones]

24. I am happy things went well and you are here with your children.

:hi:

Modern medicine helped me a couple of times. My first was a 'C', my second pregnancy, twins. The pregnancies weren't bad and I would not change a thing, but I am not physically the same since having the twins. To hear of far more harrowing stories reinforces my belief that childbirth should never be approached lightly.

I just worry sometimes about people who would coerce others, I hate to say, mainly men, who act as if pregancy was simply an excuse for a woman to sit on her butt and do cute things like eat pickles and ice cream. To the extreme you see people rationalizing that a rapist's sperm is sacred too and it ain't gonna hurt no woman to spend a mere 9 months of her life gestating it. Anything less would be somehow selfish.

I guess I was trying to illustrate that even the most optimal pregnancy can go horribly wrong. It would be wrong to force someone to go thru with it with anything less.


PS, I have always enjoyed your user name and avatar!

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

30. Yes, abortions should always be a woman's choice. I have been pro-choice since I was

cognizant of the issue. In fact, even when I was in the throes of infertility before conceiving my oldest, I would argue with anti-choicers proselytizing in the streets.

Thank you for your good thoughts for me and for your lovely heart. Thank you too for appreciating my user name and avatar! The avatar is of White Tara, and it is a photo of one of my Tibetan Thangkas. :)

:hi:

[SoCalDem]

7. I "died" in childbirth at age 24

I had an abruption at 7 1/2 months and bled out.. It took my husband two rolls of paper towels to sop up the blood that ran through the car seat an onto the floor behind the passenger seat..

When they took me to surgery, I had no pulse..no blood pressure.. They gave me 7 1/2 units of blood..

There was no 911 back then, and we were quite close to the hospital..within 3 minutes..( we had timed it for our LaMaze classes)

The irony here, is that it happened while my husband was packing to take a one-week business trip, and had it happened the next day, they would have found me dead at home probably, since I went into shock pretty quickly and he had to carry me to the car..

Pregnancy is not always a walk-in-the-park..

2 od my 3 pregnancies ended with an abruption.. my third child was an 8 month baby..

the 2nd one had zero complications/..one day off the due date..simple c-section..and HE is the one that turned out the be a brat:)

[glitch]

11. I am so glad you are here to tell that story!

:hug:

[pacalo]

16. I'm glad you're here to tell that story, too.

:hug:

[mopinko]

8. even normal pregnancies change a woman's body. my thyroid is nearly gone

simple autoimmune thyroiditis, a common condition in women who have had multiple children. we are really just now beginning to see how much interaction there is between the fetus' immune system, and the mother's. we once thought this was a very rare event. it's not.
pregnancy really is having an alien living in your body. you are never quite the same again. to force that on someone is slavery, pure and simple.

[Triana]

10. I agree with you mopinko. To force that on anyone is slavery

pure and simple.

I have never known a woman whose body was the same after childbirth - I don't mean shape or size only but biologically and chemically. It alters the body permenantly - and in ways that are most often not good ones.

For someone who wants a child, it's no issue. But to force it on someone - slavery.

[knitter4democracy]

9. In some areas of the US, we have higher maternal deaths rates than some African countries.

Our maternal and fetal death rate overall is very, very high, which for some reason, most people don't seem to know. It happens too damn often, and I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

This is why I get angry at pro-life friends who say, "It's just nine months out of her life." No, it's not. It could be the end of her life, or it could cause massive, horrible outcomes that no one should be forced into going through. I know that, should I ever get pregnant again, I'd have to abort--two doctors have confirmed that one. The odds of going into renal failure are too high, and renal failure during pregnancy is often fatal. It should always be her choice, as the mother's facing all sorts of complications, possibly even death.

[juno jones]

14. Thanks to all who have replied and shared their stories.

:hug:

Childbirth is indeed wonderful and a miracle and I am happy my kids are here and probably wouldn't change things.

However, the actual physical effects of pregnancy are often glossed over or overlooked. Most men don't want to know and some of it is hard for women to talk about even with doctors.

Immune system problems, Endocrinal problems, injurys to back, pelvis, and knees, urinary incontinence, fistulas, and death. I'm sure there are others.

Pregancy should be an informed choice and should never be forced upon a woman. The poster above is right, to force women to bear children is slavery.

[northernlights]

15. I had a colleague diagnosed with cancer

well into her 4th pregnancy.

*Her choices* were either
1. have a late term abortion and start chemo immediately, or 2. postpone chemo for 2 months, until after the baby was born, and hope it wouldn't be too late

She chose to postpone the chemo. Her husband is now a single father of 4.

That, to me, is why it should always be the woman's choice.

[ejpoeta]

20. there is no way to know that even had she aborted and done it earlier that she would

have survived. if two months was too late, it could have already been too late. my dad was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer that we were told could have only been months in the making to get it where it was when it was found. MONTHS!! he went in the hospital and died less than two weeks later. it was so bad that they couldn't even determine where it had started. it was everywhere. i am not saying this to say anything about hte woman's choice. she SHOULD be able to make that choice. but she probably figured that there was no guarantee either way, so better to let the child have a chance. it makes me feel so sad that any woman would ever even HAVE to make that choice. but she definitely should be ABLE to make it.

[Nordmadr]

18. My wife is 7 and a half months pregnant and you all are

freaking me out.

Nordmadr

[ejpoeta]

21. don't freak out. as long as everything seems normal in the pregnancy, then chances are

everything will be just fine.

[tnlefty]

27. Don't freak out!

My pregnancies were always complicated, but I have 3 sons and 1 heartbreak in between the oldest and the middle child, with an early miscarriage thrown in.

Hope for the best and I'll be hoping that all goes well for you all. :hug:

[ejpoeta]

19. my mother had problems when she was pregnant with my younger sister.

if i am not mistaken she was advised to abort the baby, but did not do this. I do believe it was too much for her body because Barbi was born premature by a couple of months. My mom was sick for several years, having her kidneys fail and requiring two kidney transplants which both failed. She suffered strokes, diabetes, and so many problems. She died in 1986 when I was 12 and barbi was 8. She died from pneumonia after years of illness. I remember at the end she was just skin and bones. I know she wouldn't have changed a thing. She loved her little barbi. I don't know what exactly it was. My mom bore 7 children and had at least 3 miscarriages in her life. Her second child died at 3 months old. I think that her body was just too worn out to carry barbi. I could be wrong, but that is how I remember it. She damn well should have the right to make that choice for herself. She made that choice. It was 1978 when she made that choice. A few years earlier, and would she have had that choice??

[Manifestor_of_Light]

25. Doctors are absolutely necessary in many deliveries.

The natural childbirth nuts who think every woman can deliver vaginally are WRONG.

I had to have a C-section and it was PLANNED. My pelvis is not wide enough to deliver. I'm a small person with narrow hips. I DO NOT have any pelvic abnormalities in spite of what one person here has thought.

If there had not been a doctor, my child and I both would have died. No question about it. Just because I am a small person with narrow hips. I had NO dilation and NO dropping, but my water broke at term. The child was eight pounds. That was huge to me.

I had to stop working at six months because I was so huge I could not sit up with out my ribs hurting from the baby pressing. She could not kick me, there was no room to.

She was jammed in diagonally. I stayed home for four months before the birth, trying to eat, sleep and breathe. I stayed home for two months after. I lost six months total from work.

Oh and did I mention the Joy of Motherhood #2,546???? Hemorrhoids.

I have a healthy grown daughter now, thanks to modern obstetrics.

[riderinthestorm]

29. You would never have been a candidate for home birth then

The midwives won't accept any patient that isn't a perfect candidate. Your pelvis would have landed you with a doctor at the first visit.

Midwives aren't stupid and in fact, typically are smarter and more "attuned" to childbirth than the OB who typically only comes in at the end. Nurses do all the monitoring and assisting.

Sounds like your case was handled exactly as it should have been but I have never met any "natural childbirth nut" who believed everyone can or should delivery "naturally".

[Kitty Herder]

26. I know more women who have had complications in pregnancy than those who haven't.

No woman should be forced to take on the massive risks that pregnancy entails. It should always be a choice.

[Withywindle]

28. I had a friend who nearly died in pregnancy.

Healthy, fit, vegetarian, nonsmoker, early 20s. No reason to suspect anything would go wrong, at all - and for the first few months it didn't, and then her blood pressure went through the roof. She wound up spending most of the last month in the hospital entirely. Both she and her son made it, thank the gods, but her doctor advised her not to risk it again. She hasn't. She wants to be there for the child she already has rather than risk her life on another one.

I get your point very well. The point is that every woman who carries a pregnancy to term IS, in fact, risking her life. The risk may be small or it may be large, but it is NEVER a risk that anyone has the right to force anyone else to take. And every time I hear someone act as if pregnancy is just some minor inconvenience, I see red.

[alcibiades_mystery]

31. awful

we have a two wek old at home, so this hits close to home.

just terrible.