Does a child do best with positive role models of both genders in their life?And taking it further..

[uppityperson]

Poll question: Does a child do best with positive role models of both genders in their life?And taking it further..

This can be parents, relatives, friends, teachers, etc. Adults who are decent caring responsible people. Taking it one step further, how about adding in positive role models of many skin shades, ages, sexual orientations, religions, professions, etc

Edited to add word "professions" as I had a brain fart

[Donnachaidh]

1. I'm confused at what you are trying to do withthis.

Kids can be raised well with their biological parents, and hopefully those biological parents will have a caring network of diverse friends who will interact with all of them - thus presenting a wide-ranging arena for the kids to learn from.

It doesn't have to be an *either or* situation.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

2. It's a more inclusive version of the push poll that was locked

That one was posted by our local "gay make unfit parents" member.

[uppityperson]

4. !

hugs to you. I tried to include as many categories that people get put into as possible. Not to exclude biological parents, but to include as many positive people as possible.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

5. No problem

:hug:

[NorthernSpy]

14. No one said that "gays make unfit parents".

:eyes:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

15. Hey, I'm not the one who posted that anti-gay piece from the LA Times

[uppityperson]

20. where was that?

looked through locked poll and didn't see it there. pm is ok if you don't want to post a link to get more looking at it. Thanks

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

22. They posted it recently

It got deleted.

[uppityperson]

24. Thank you. As it seems it should have.

disingenuous arguments, not meaning by you though

[uppityperson]

3. Either by only biological parents, or by a wide range, which could, and often does, include biologic

parents. I am not meaning to imply that kids need to be taken from biological parents and raised in a creche situation. Sorry if it was taken that way.

Simply are they best served by being raised with positive role models of all sorts, or simply by only biological parents.

[JDPriestly]

9. Positive role models. I think it is hard for a single parent to raise kids

Some succeed, but at great cost to themselves. I say that because of the amount of work involved. Parenting is a 24-hour a day every day job. I just think it would be hard to do it alone, and the children would suffer.

The gender of the caregivers is irrelevant. Lots of children are raised by a mother and a grandmother. We don't think a thing about it.

It's great if a child can know his or her biological parents. It really means a lot because a lot of our traits are inherited, but it's not of supreme importance provided a child has a loving home in which the parents set appropriate standards for themselves as well as the child. (I mean like making sure the child does homework and that sort of thing.)

[Caliman73]

6. I would imagine that it is common sense to say...

Children do best when brought up in a positive environment, period. The more exposure that a child gets to people who believe in their innate worth and abilities, the better off they will be. Of course it is best that the child's biological parents be the primary examples for this positive environment, but it is definitely not exclusive to heterosexual couples. My son's best friend has two sets of moms and he is very intelligent, thoughtful, and well mannered. Because we live in a society with somewhat defined gender roles, it would be advantageous to have positive influences of the same gender as the child. I would argue though that have little or no contact with same gender modeling is better than having negative modeling. Some people argue that boys need a man in their life but the truth is that they are better off with no man in their life than a bad man. I would argue the same for girls.

Edited to add: Anyone who says that homosexual people of either gender are unfit parents by virtue of their sexual orientation alone are FREAKIN IDIOTS. Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with your ability to connect with and love a child, to teach them how to respect themselves and others, and to guide them into becoming a positive and healthy adult.

[uppityperson]

7. I researched teachers for my kid to find a positive one of

kid's gender since was a single parent at the time and absent parent had...issues. Figured if kid was spending so many hours a day with a teacher, find a good one and help balance out me.

That said, I don't consider myself particularly "gender role specific" but know that I tend more towards one.

And yes, anyone who says parents are unfit due to sexual orientation alone are freaking idiots. Or ethnicity, or skin color, etc.

[Caliman73]

16. Do you have a Big Brother program in your area?

I don't know what the criteria for those programs are, but perhaps that might introduce someone to your son that was specifically there to just be a friend instead of having a teacher who has to be a disciplinarian, and academic judge. Just a thought.

[uppityperson]

17. We didn't and kid is now an adult, but found another person to act like that

A wonderful man who taught performing art classes, How to act rather than learning a part in a play. They ended up being very close, very good role model and a wonderful friend.

[JDPriestly]

8. Yes. As I understand your question, the more diverse the people

a child is given the opportunity to meet the more likely the child will carry away some positive feelings.

Here are some examples.
A child who meets lots of different kinds of people is more likely to feel good about people who are different.
A child who meets lots of different kinds of people is more likely to feel OK about being different his- or herself.

I think that having lots of positive role models of various kinds teaches a child how to judge people by what they do, not by how they look.

My children went to Magnet Schools and culturally and racially and ethnically very diverse schools. They really benefited. They work well with all kinds of people. I really didn't sent them to those schools so they could have that experience, but it worked out beautifully.

My children have chosen professions in which they work a lot with different kinds of people, so their opportunities to have friends and mentors of all kinds, shapes, sizes, colors, gender preferences, religions, etc., etc. and on and on has helped them to deal with the people they work with who are often very diverse.

Vive la difference.

[uppityperson]

10. That is what I mean. I agree. Just in case anyone was concerned or wanted to know.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

11. children do best in stable, loving environments. i think male and female presence

in one's life is positive, so long as the presence is positive.

the things children really need and we really need to be concerned about like healthcare, access to good food, access to good education, access to daycare services etc are the ones we seem to always be not care about as much. apparantly think about the children is only exciting when you can legislate the personal lives of others. (clearly not directed at you uppity person)

[Hell Hath No Fury]

12. Absolutely yes.

I grew up the daughter of a single mother, with only sisters. As a girl, I found it very important that I also grew up a Grandfather, my sisters' male friends, and my Mom's male friends -- I really, really needed that male energy in my life.

Being from SF, I also grew up with every ethnicity imaginable, and with gays and lesbians.

I think as big a variety of people/experiences in childhood makes for a more balanced, open adult.

[NorthernSpy]

13. It's not either/or: both are needed.

What would be ideal for a child is to have both a stable and nurturing home with the two people who created him/her; AND a larger circle of relatives, friends, and acquaintances with whom s/he can interact safely and learn from.


Things won't always line up like this in real life, but it's still something to aim for.

[uppityperson]

18. So are you the one who voted "no"?

[NorthernSpy]

23. No, I haven't voted.

My post explained that I think that both the nuclear family and a friendly social context for that family are important.

[Fleshdancer]

19. The weird thing about this particular debate....

Is that adults discuss what they think is best for children while forgetting their own childhood. Think back to when you were 10 years old and I bet you can think of all the people who had a meaningful impact on your life. Would you have it any other way?

[NorthernSpy]

25. But if it came down to a choice between having my mother and father...

... or having all the other role models outside the family, then I would choose my parents. No question about it.

[Fleshdancer]

26. That's because your parents were good to you

My husband grew up with a step mom who beat him and a father who let her. He would choose the positive role models in a heart beat.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

27. i wouldnt. i would pick my step parents. no question about it,

somehow you keep thinking that your life experiences are more valid than others

[uppityperson]

28. I am glad that you had good parents as many do not. Even with wonderful parents though

I still think children need positive role models of others also since no parent can be or do it all.

[adamuu]

21. i like this question much better than the other one n/t