Georgia candidate for governor Neal Horsley says sex with mules, watermelon behind him

[Memekiller]

Source: Examiner

When you're a reporter, you occasionally have to ask uncomfortable questions of someone. In this case, I landed an interview with the Georgia Creationist Party candidate for governor, Neal Horsley, who is running on the secessionist platform. During the course of my research, I stumbled upon the fact that Horsley had screwed a mule. (Horsely originally fessed up in an Esquire article, which was picked up by Alan Colmes.) At that point, the campaign, the crusade, everything else kind of takes a backseat to the fact that he screwed a mule.

How exactly does one go about asking that one? Do you throw that question in at the end of interview, all casual like?

Read more: http://www.examiner.com/x-1765-Underground-Examiner~y2009m4d28-Georgia-Creationist-Party-Candidate-Neal-Horsley-runs-on-secessionist-platform

---

Horsley speaks openly about past sexual indiscretions with mules, watermelon and men. Now he's orgasm free for two years.

[JeffR]

1. Hmm. He'd be a big step forward from Sonny, anyhow.

:shrug:

[Dramarama]

2. His surname adds to the funnies

j/k

[nomorenomore08]

69. Isn't "Neal Horsley" just absolutely the perfect name for this buffoon?

The first time I read the name and what he was about, I conjured up an almost perfect mental picture of what he looked like. :rofl:

[hvn_nbr_2]

3. This could take the art of the political advertising several steps forward.

"Mule-screwing watermelon-fucking secessionists for Horsely."

In a debate, he could righteously ask opponents, "Have you stopped screwing your mule yet?"

[Sancho]

4. Well, in Florida it would be legal...

at least the mule would be legal. I'm not sure about the watermelon.


:shrug:

[rucky]

44. Unless the mule's your first cousin.

that would be creepy.

[madeline_con]

68. Quit fucking giving FL shit!

[flakey_foont]

5. so I guess that makes a lie out of the adage

Once you go mule, you never go back

[tomm2thumbs]

6. I guess he took 'getting a piece of ass' too literally

not to mention I finally know how the seeds get into a watermelon - ugh

[Flabbergasted]

54. Funny nt

[bemildred]

7. As long as the mule was not underage, I don't see a problem. nt

[undeterred]

8. Way too much information.

[Wind Dancer]

45. LOL! n/t

[UpInArms]

9. one cannot have sex with a watermelon

and this was possibly the weirdest article that I have ever read

:shudder:

[asthmaticeog]

11. What a tragic failure of imagination.

:evilgrin:

[Memekiller]

57. LOL! n/t

[Sheets of Easter]

16. Santorum never said anything about "man on fruit," so it's all good.

:P

[asthmaticeog]

21. Um, you know "fruit" has multiple meanings, right?

I would aver that oh hell yeah he DID say something about man-on-fruit action. Hot, sweaty, towel snapping, purple veined man-on-fruit action.

[Sheets of Easter]

23. I've never been towel-snapped by a mango. I should get out more often.

[ArbustoBuster]

33. It was a big problem when I was a lad.

You couldn't walk down the produce aisle of a supermarket without being towel-snapped by all sorts of fruits and vegetables. The leafy greens were worst of all. To this day I shudder at the sight of arugula.

[tabbycat31]

40. you owe me a new keyboard

[bemildred]

26. From my humor archives:

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin pa
tch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinne
tt County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and s
quishy inside, and there was no one around here for
miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropri
ate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy
his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, L
awrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County
police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusu
al situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I
walked up to Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excu
se me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a
pumpkin?' "He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and sa
id, 'A pumpkin?

Damn...is it midnight already?

[bemildred]

29. Man who had sex with bike in court

Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.

She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1567410/Man-who-had-sex-with-bike-in-court.html

[3waygeek]

31. This is not so unusual...

haven't you heard of bikesexuals?

[Historic NY]

34. BWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Number23]

51. Don't forget this jewell!

Man has sex with park bench. Almost loses penis.

Police and medical personnel were called to Lan Tian park in Hong Kong after the man, named as 41-year-old local Le Xing, got into difficulty after he put his penis through a hole in the bench and got stuck when he became aroused.

Mr Xing, described in reports as "lonely and disturbed", told police that he thought it would be fun to have sex with the bench. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2544920/Man-who-had-sex-with-park-bench-cut-free.html

What the hell is wrong with the cops in Hong Kong? Why does copulating with a park bench = "lonely and disturbed?"

[Number23]

53. One more

"Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table"

Price was seen on four separate occasions, always between 10:30 a.m. and noon, having sex with the picnic table, Bellevue Police Capt. Matt Johnson told the TV station.

"The first video we had, he was completely nude," Johnson said, noting the table in question had a hole in the middle intended to hold an umbrella.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,343031,00.html

Have you noticed that every single one of these starts off with the word "Man?" :shrug:

[Oak2004]

65. That's because it's far too easy for a woman to explain why she is

"reaching across" the dryer on spin cycle :)

[Number23]

66. lol Too true!!

:rofl:

[Bozita]

30. When watermelons are out of season, there are always car wash vacuums

Thursday, February 26, 2009 at 10:34 a.m.

SAGINAW, Mich. (AP) - A Saginaw County man has pleaded no contest to indecent exposure after police say he was arrested for performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum.

The Saginaw News reports 29-year-old Jason Leroy Savage of Swan Creek Township entered the plea Wednesday in Saginaw County Circuit Court.

A no-contest plea is not an admission of guilt but will be treated as one at sentencing on March 25.

Police say Savage was arrested after a resident called officers early on Oct. 16 to report suspicious activity at a car wash in Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit.

Defense attorney Philip Alexander Sturtz had no immediate comment Thursday.

[Jamastiene]

60. I beg to differ.

Anyone can have sex with a watermelon. Don't ask me how I know unless you REALLY want to know. ;)

[struggle4progress]

10. I hear the Republicans are searching for a presidential candidate in 2012

Given the Party's current direction, Horsley might be a good match

[KamaAina]

18. Horsley 2012: He KNOWS how to screw a donkey!

:dem:

[Bozita]

20. Bet your ass on Horsely in 2012

[BuyingThyme]

12. I've done some research over the years.

But I've never come across a guy who's screwed a mule.

[Forkboy]

13. So? Who hasn't fucked a mule?

Fucking prudes!

:hide:

[Sheets of Easter]

15. Those who take the phrase "fuck me in the ass" literally.

[Historic NY]

35. why couldn't he just jack ass?

[Historic NY]

36. Well no worry about pregnancy the mules are sterile.

[corpseratemedia]

14. He's still got cantalope and eggplant to go

possibly some root vegetables too

[L. Coyote]

17. No pun intended???

[bleever]

19. "Oh, Wilbur..."

[Liberal_Stalwart71]

22. I remember this. If this is the same person, Randi used to play his interview on her show...

[asthmaticeog]

24. ...

[jmowreader]

25. I hope he didn't spend more than $20 on his campaign

I don't think there is anyone in Georgia who couldn't beat Horsley just by running on a "At least I never screwed a mule" campaign.

[Danger Mouse]

27. Well uh...I'm glad he's no longer humping melons...

uh...
yeah...

[stevedeshazer]

28. This entire thread is worthy of a 'DUzy'.

I grew up on a farm. I never had sex with a mule.

Bring him on.

[Memekiller]

42. What's a 'DUzy'?

[eppur_se_muova]

58. see JeffR's journal ...

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/JeffR/193

[Memekiller]

61. Awesome!!! Except...

It's not snark. It's 100% true.

[MiniMe]

32. Understandable with a name like Horseley

:hide:

[Wizard777]

37. Damned Republicans!

[Nevernose]

38. He's not gay, so the religious right can still vote for him.

He might be a watermelon-fucking, Christian-madrasa-teaching, pro-bestiality nutjob, but I seriously have to wonder how many members of the religious right are saying to themselves, "Well, the mule was probably asking for it and who hasn't thought of fucking a watermelon once in a while? At least he's not gay, right? And honey? Run on down to the Piggly Wiggly, would you, and pick me up a nice big watermelon while they're still on sale."

On edit: sorry, finished the article. He has in fact had sex with men, while he was in the Air Force.

[Canuckistanian]

39. Fructophilia? That's a new one.

Georgia... where the men are men and the melons are nervous....

[rateyes]

41. So. what's wrong with it?

Two jackasses making love?? What's the big deal? How do you think baby jackasses are born? :shrug: :evilgrin:

[JVS]

43. Epic Vetting Fail

[Elidor]

46. Most mule-fuckers have sense enough not to run for public office

Even in Georgia, that's not gonna cut it.

[Memekiller]

47. A dead girl or a live boy...

... no mention of mules.

[old mark]

48. Gosh, Neal, that's nice. Glad to see you get out of the barnyard

and into Christian Politics! You can screw tha ladies of the Church Choir while you are screwing the voters!

I lived in Georga for a while and I liked the people I knew there, and they don't deserve a piece of shit like this in politics.


mark

[alfredo]

49. Horsely/Palin 2012

[Number23]

50. Your thread title caused me to almost pee myself. Literally

Neal Horsley -- could his name be any more ironic?

[pepperbear]

52. the mule, the watermelon, and certainly the men are less troubling than...

the fact that he is a creationist running on a secessionist platform. I didn't need to know about the rest.

[MisterP]

55. that and his hit list of abortion-providing doctors n/t

[Vickers]

56. A watermelon??!?!?!?!?!?

That's fucking SICK.


(full disclosure: I'm from Georgia.)


:P

[Jamastiene]

59. You mean the dude is a secessionist AND a creationist?

That's just wrong. :banghead:

[OneBlueSky]

62. kinda like "are you still beating your wife?", I guess . . .

"So, dude . . . you still screwin' your mule?" . . .

Tell him just a 'yes' or a 'no' will suffice . . .

[ProgressiveFool]

63. If you're not doing it Horsely, you're not doing it right. /nt

[cwcwmack]

64. WHAT!!????

lol... is it ONION?

[PopSixSquish]

67. So If He Had Sexual Relations with More Than One Mule in a Row

would that be called "pulling a mule train"?

:hide:

But seriously there's some boys in them North Georgia hills who are gonna vote for this here fella because of that very fact not in spite of it...

<Atlanta Resident Disclaimer>

[rateyes]

70. He should change his name from Horsely to Muley. nt