What if the Rapture really did happen,

[Are_grits_groceries]

and Oral Roberts was all that left town?

[peekaloo]

1. I thought he fell down.

Rapture in reverse?

}(

[Vinnie From Indy]

2. I have no doubt that as folks began ascending to heaven

in huge rush of wind and fury, there would be millions of dusty, rumpled fundies shocked that they were still sitting in their cars or wherever.

I had a bumper sticker on an old truck that said:

After the Rapture, I'm taking your new truck

[charlie]

3. Probably means

Pat is pissing his pants and doing some intense squinchy-eyed praying right now.

[Mari333]

7. Ive always wondered why earnest praying often looks like someone is constipated

boggles my mind.

[Warpy]

11. I always thought it was more like dyspepsia

It's certainly the expression on Jesus-surprised-in-the-middle-of-open-heart-surgery pictures I grew up with in the Irish Catholic church.

I guess you have to be one of them to notice the subtle difference between GI upset and extreme piety.

[Recursion]

4. Since after the rapture, the Son of Perdition leads a 1000-year era of peace and prosperity...

...we can only hope to be so lucky

[FSogol]

5. The Rapture happened on Dec 31, 1972.

Bonus points if you know who disappeared without googling it.

[dustbunnie]

8. I don't know, but 1972 did become the longest year ever in history.

So who was it?

[FSogol]

10. Roberto Clemente killed in a plane crash while on a humanitarian mission

to take donated food and medical supplies for Nicaraguan earthquake victims. His body was never recovered.

[dustbunnie]

13. Ah thank you! :-)

[peekaloo]

9. He was my favorite.

:-(

[lunatica]

6. Then my most fervent wish will have come true

It would rid the world of stupid.

[Umbral]

12. Maybe it did and no one qualified for the move? nt

[Javaman]

14. Rapture Diary...

(I wrote this a long while ago)

Wed Jul-19-06 03:43 PM
Original message
Post Rapture diary...
Edited on Wed Jul-19-06 03:58 PM by Javaman

PR+1: The first thing I noticed when I got up this morning was the quiet. I walked around my neighborhood and noticed all the empty cars that had been abandoned. But the down side is, many of these boobs that got sucked up, were driving at the time so there are many damaged light-poles, fences, front lawns, etc. What a pain, even when they leave, they still find a way to stick to us one last time.

PR+5: Well, now that most of the dead cars have been pulled off the road, traffic is none existent. Infact driving to work is a down right pleasure. And since most of those cars that were "abandoned" were SUV's the price of oil has dropped considerably, due to lack of demand! Who would have thunk it, 50 cents a gallon!

PR+7: funny thing happened today, I was at the supermarket checkout counter and noticed that usual take a penny put a penny thingy was filled to the brim.

PR+14:Quick update: when to a football game last night and guess what? All the sky boxes were open to the public!

PR+19: We were all just stunned and shocked, by the sudden acts of sanity exhibited by the congress, they actually passed the equal rights amendment, no shit!
They actually started doing their fucking jobs! They shored up social security, made medicare more affordable, we can now buy prescriptions from not just Canada, but from any nation, pot was legalized, hemp replaced cotton and patriot act was dismantled and no more fucking spying on us!! Sorry for the swearing but I'm a bit drunk. Everyone is just so happy and is celebrating! Oh, on another note, abortion is no longer an issue, it was included as a right as part of the equal rights amendment.

PR+22: It's like the party never stops! We were all going nuts today with joy and down right disbelief, the troops were finally pulled from Iraq!!!
There was a huge party on my block. the relief in the air was palpable
And, best of all, a real discussion and dialog has begun with the rebel factions over there. Also, multinational talks have begun with Iran and North Korea. I'm so happy I could cry.

PR+25: The now vacant churches in my neighborhood have been turned into shelters for the homeless. They were quickly growing over with weeds and we thought that would be the best use for them. You know the meek will inherit the earth and all that.

PR+27: In a brilliant display of leadership, President Gore, cut Defense spending in half. He quickly established the Denver Project for Energy, with the additional money. Basically, a nationwide effort to build wind and solar farms and make us energy independent. Thus saving the earth.
I'm so glad that the people of this great nation, rallied and made him president. Since bush* and all his goons got sucked up to god (I'm having my doubts about that), we needed a real leader.

PR+30: Dang, it's been a whole month now and so much has changed! I'm so incredibly happy. The most happy I have been in the last 6 years!! I still just can't get over the quiet. Pollution levels have actually dropped! Scientists are stating that the rapture may have been the best thing for the earth. Everyone is wondering if in fact those that were "saved" actually went to heaven? It's pretty nice down here right now.

[Vinnie From Indy]

16. Very good!

Cheers!

[HopeHoops]

15. Let God take them. Get them the fuck out of here so we can have some peace.

I don't find bible-thumpers to be anything approximating "Christian" in their actions and attitudes. If they want to get "sucked up" by their mythical Rapture, fine - let them go. I won't be upset.