The Cleverness of Bullies...

[Javaman]

When I was a kid, I suffered from an obvious physical handicap, but not the kind that would limit me in any way shape or form from living my life in an otherwise normal manner.

However, it was obvious enough that it made me the object and scorn of rumors, taunts, teasing, gossip, bullying, fights and various forms of ambush like tactics to make my life a living hell from 1st grade till I graduated from high school.

And over these many years I learned a few things about bullies:

1) they never tell the truth.

2) they will weasel all they can to get away with what they have done.

3) they will lie in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

4) when stood up to, they always back down.

5) if they don't back done, you better not. If you do, they own you.

So as I watch and listen to our elected Dem Reps and Senators go on and on about how they want to take the high road or try every thing they can to come to a bi-partisan agreement with the republicans, I see echos of my youth and the bullies I have had to deal with.

The other thing about bullies is:

1) they are greedy and will always want more.

2) if you try to cut a deal with them, they will agree at first then break it later.

3) if they want something, they will come across as your best friend, but then drop you when they got what they want.

4) and if they really want something, they just take it.

So as I watch our Dem senators and reps deal with the republicans. I'm reminded of the things I have outlined above

Try as they might, our Senators and Reps are surprised time and time again by the overt blocking by there republicans.

I, on the other hand, am completely astonished at our Dem reps at being so completely gullible.

The only thing bullies understand are tactics like their own.

Now many people will say, "we don't need to go down to their level". THAT, my friends, is exactly what the republicans are banking on.

The daily taunting by the various bullies while in grade school was only made worse because:

1) I was smart

2) I was basically weak and skinny

3) grew up in an abusive home and didn't know how to defend myself either physically or verbally.

So, needless to say, on top of my physical issue, I was a prime target.

Our Dems come across as that weak skinny kid in grade school. And they seem to resort to the same tactics I did when fighting from a point of weakness.

I tried to:

1)reason with them (that worked on the more dimwitted ones, but not always; I have the scars to prove it)

2)I tried to bribe them, but that was a never ending "paying protection money" type endeavor

3)I would give them my homework. (basically the same as #2)

4)I would ignore them only to have my stuff stolen, destroyed or be beaten up.


As time wore on, I got older and stronger. The angst of a young teen took over. I got tired of the abuse.

Sometime around 10th grade, I finally stood up for myself. It still ended badly, but I was now not the push over I once was. I was still bullied, don't get me wrong, but not as often.

I would like to think that the Dems, by floating reconciliation, are starting to wake up. But until they actually do something, it's empty promises at best.

Finally, in 12th grade, a much larger "football player" type, started in with me and I snapped. All the rage that had built up for 12 long years amassed into a single punch. A punch that broke his jaw and my hand.

Now, I'm certainly not advocating physical violence, far from it, but the Dems are in such a strong position and are daily letting it go. And because they don't stand up, and seem to back down daily, they appear, and frankly, are weak.

See the thing is, if you have all the marbles sometimes you have to kick ass to make sure people know you have the marbles otherwise you will just become a push over.

Growing up, I never realized that I did have an advantage, but one I never knew I possessed.

That advantage is simple self respect.

Our elected officials need to show us some of that self respect, they need to stop hoping for a brighter tomorrow and make that hope happen today. That is done by kicking some metaphorical ass. To start off with: No more with playing nice. Stand up squarely and pointedly to the various false accusations. Pass bills through reconciliation. Do away with the filibuster, because it has been abused to the point of ridiculousness.

These things will break the log jam created by the republicans and get our government moving again.

And to me, it would scrape the image of spinelessness from our politicians and restore a little faith.

I'm just really tired of being pushed around and frankly, I don't want to break my other hand.

[Echo In Light]

1. K&R

Don't let the bastards grind ya down

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7zehDopLmg

[DrDan]

2. why do you call out the Dem Senators and Reps but very noticably omit the White House?

You provided a powerful message, by the way.

[Javaman]

4. Because, to attack Obama is a fools errand.

the people that are supposed to be representing us are the ones without the spine.

I think if the congress started acting like the ones in power, Obama would be able to get more done.

At the end of the day, Obama doesn't pass laws by fiat, congress still has to do that and they are doing badly.

[DrDan]

8. the change in behavior that you are calling for has to start at the top

and it is lacking

[wolfgangmo]

35. I completely disagree.

The change starts with the people (you may remember voting at some time in your past).

It needs to start and end with us. The president and our reps are all responsible to us.

So while we do need leadership from the top, it also needs to come from the bottom and the middle. Our job does not stop after we vote. That is just the beginning.

So on further contemplation we might actually be in agreement.

[goclark]

32. K for you

[MrScorpio]

3. Rage and attempted strangulation stopped the bullies from coming after me

And boy, did it feel good

[Javaman]

5. Yes, it does.

yes, indeed it does.

[madokie]

6. I knew you were special Javaman

I too was bullied until about the same age as you and I agree with everything you said as I've been there.
Peace be with you as you travel this world that is now truly yours

[KittyWampus]

7. Totally agree. Obama, Congressional Democrats and the Democratic Party may have an occassional

good day but they ALWAYS end up not following through.

Overall, they look like weaklings.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

9. You can always tell they're bullies because they always make blanket generalizations.

[EmeraldCityGrl]

10. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

Something has to be done about the bigger issue of bullying.
No child should have to endure what you did. I hope knowing
you are the better person has brought you some peace. :hi:

[arthritisR_US]

11. powerful, thanks for posting. What you describe sounds like they are double

authortarians...gives me food for thought.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

12. The one time-- THE ONE TIME-- the Dems stood united

(that was when Bush wanted to start privatizing Social Security), the Republicans backed down.

It works. Standing up to bullies works.

I am becoming more and more convinced, however, that a lot of them don't WANT TO thwart the Republicans, because they're all feeding at the same trough.

[RedCloud]

13. My sister married the king of the greasers.

He was a tough guy and now my brother in law. But still he gathered all those bullies and said to them that if ANYTHING ever happened to me they would have to answer to him. So I had those bullies kissing up to me in high school. I didn't want their company nor their protection as I was already a big guy.

I point this out because all the bullies turn into silly puddy when they meet their boss. BTW my sis dumped that guy after a few years.

[unapatriciated]

40. My youngest was bullied in Jr high when he returned to school with a walker due to dermatomyositis

His older brother and a few of his friends had a 'talk' with them. No one dared to lay a hand on him again.
Too bad it took me to educate a science teacher in regards to name calling (he constantly referred to my son as rash boy).

[RT Atlanta]

14. Well said

My best to you too. Cheers!

[OnyxCollie]

15. K&R from someone who was similarly bullied.

Bullies only understand fear. They know if they can make someone fear them, they will be safe. They know if they cower to someone they fear, they will be safe.

The only answer to bullies is overwhelming force.

[undergroundpanther]

20. overwheming force

Yes.they respond to that. I know. But if the bystanders fail to back up the person fighting back,the results can be mixed.In second grade a bully tormented me for months flipping my lunch tray day after day.I went to the teachers,the cafeteria ladies and principal about it.No one did anything,ever.I realized it was up to me to stop it. One day he flipped my tray , like usual the whole cafeteria laughed but that time I stabbed the fucker in the back with a fork up to the ends of the tines.Apparently what I did was such a shocker in it's violence it had a strange effect. No one ever flipped my tray again.However that did not stop other bullies.I became a thing to be conquered,the other bullies wanted to be the one to make me submit,and so they attacked me relentlessly year after year with ever increasing threats and cruelty..I never backed down,nor did I pick on other kids and displace my rage on innocents I had no problem knocking the crap out of a bully after they hit me first...This difference in me drove them to top me,it made my life hell.I didn't want to fight, but I had to fight.

[OnyxCollie]

22. Well, that sucks.

The overwhelming force bit is not without its problems. When I was in third grade, the bully across the street and his brother held me against the hood of a car, took the toy rifle I had (wood with a metal barrel), and jammed it into my back, twisting the barrel against my spine. So I went in the house, grabbed a butcher knife, and tried to kill them. There were some repercussions from that. They didn't fuck with me anymore, though.

When I was in seventh grade, I was stuck in a music class with the dregs of society. All the fuck-up loser kids. I pleaded with the administration to switch me into the class that followed but they ignored me. The stern instructor that kept the class in check took a pregnancy leave in the middle of the semester and was replaced by an absolutely ineffectual pushover guy. One of his "class management techniques" was to stand in front of the class holding his arms out like a basket ball hoop and ask the kids to throw paper balls at him. One day the class bully, sitting next to me, brought his fist down on my collarbone and then yelled, "He hit me!" I had had enough. I jumped up and punched him in the face. All the kids crowded around us and I lost track of him. He sucker-punched me in the mouth, chipping and caving in my teeth. The father of the bully who beat me up when I was in third grade told my dad to call out this new bully's dad and fight him. We went to court instead. (Good thing, too. The new bully's dad was a MONSTER. Bald head, no neck, massive shoulders.) He was ordered to stay away from me.

It's incidents like these that give me some understanding into the psyche of people like the Ft. Hood shooter. Weak, oppressed, and with no other recourse than to explode.

[pscot]

16. This should be required reading

for senate Democrats AND the Obama team. How one lives long enought to qualify for election to the Senate without learning this stuff is utterly baffling. No wonder the country is in decline.

[Edweird]

17. I 'snapped' in grade school.

[Initech]

18. Being a victim myself, I learned a couple things too;

The first I came to realize is that today's bullies = tomorrow's republicans. I mean seriously when you look at things like the teabagger convention and all the racism and homophobia surrounding it, the republicans are really no different from your average school bully.

The second thing I learned is that things really don't change a lot. The people who were the same jerks in high school are the same jerks now, just their waistlines and hairlines are the only thing that's changed.

[PerpetuallyDazed]

19. My theory...

and the more I read, the more I increasingly feel this is true: The Dem party knows they're strong, they just pretend to be weak. They NEED the Republicans. Why? Because if the Repubs become irrelevant, another party (who has more in common with the majority of the American people) will arise and make Democrats irrelevant. I think you've bought into the narrative. Underneath they're ALL bullies.

[undergroundpanther]

21. True!!

Because who WANTS power the most? The bully people who want to abuse it.People who feel empowered already don't need to have others deferring to their egos.

[Papa Boule]

23. I'd add this one:

--- There's no bigger, whinier, pitiful "victim" than a bully hindered or denied the "right" to bully.

[annabanana]

24. Have you sent this to Harry & Nancy?. . . .n/t

[SteveM]

25. Thanks for your candor and advice...

(1) I would only add that as loathsome as a bully is to those who watch one in action, the person bullied is most often loathed even more.

(2) In a political context, the bullies in right-wing GOP politics and media WANT the public to see them as bullies (the quickest, easiest way to demonstrate "strength") and the other "side" (anyone who opposes them) as weak, indecisive, cutting-out. They usually get just that.

(3) Bullies love it when they are talked about; they know they are hitting home. And, boy, do a lot of DUers complain about bullies.

(4) The sophisticated bully not only cows down the immediate opposition, but gets his "victim" (oh, how so many of us languish rather luridly over this term) to turn on his/her kind. Bully the Administration about "leftist" policies; ergo, the Administration attacks "leftists" as well.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

26. 5 stars for a great post!!!

You hit the nail on the head!!!!

"Bully" is just the K - 12 word for "sociopath". And then the others who may not actually be pathological, follow their lead, much like we see in the adult world.

I had the same type of childhood too, smart, mental illness and abuse at home--no self-respect skills, desperately needy for affection--, small and bad at sports. Ulcerative Colitis bleeding started in late second grade, so I had a terrible secret to protect too. It was very lonely. Childrens' cruelty is horrible; I developed a dislike for kids that has never left.

However, we know we're not the only ones who ever experienced such a thing, and one important result is that we KNOW the repukes for what they are.

It would be great to see this sent to every Dem. rep!

[Gman2]

27. Unfortunately, as is now reality, both get expelled.

So, the rethugs are already expelled, so they want to make school so harsh, that everyone stays home sick. Then, they win by hurl. Also, they frontload the thing as Obama the thug, to cover that possibility. Basically, the bullies are trying to plant us all. Long as THEY have the end of their lives.

[AllyCat]

28. I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner to rec it. Excellent!

Thanks for talking about this and for showing how bullies are all over the place and no different on the schoolyard, in the board room, or in government.

[BeFree]

29. Me too

"When I was a kid, I suffered from an obvious physical handicap..."

In 5th grade one bully grabbed and held me while the other started to punch me.
I kicked the puncher in the balls. They never bothered me again.

[Mithreal]

30. Well said, Javaman

Standing up to bullies is exhilarating and empowering to the extreme. The bigger the bully, the bigger the win as I see it too.

I only learned that late in life, wish I had known sooner and I imagine a lot of people will never experience it for themselves because they either avoid confrontation or have certain natural qualities to avoid bullying in the first place.

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[Taverner]

31. K&R - please tell me the football bully was out all season

Sorry about the hand

[Mithreal]

33. President Obama trying to school the bullies with his intellect and logic

is like the teacher and parent who try to stop a bully with words.

My wife's school and as I understand it, most schools, teach students very early how to deal with bullying.

It comes down to the "victim" (hate that word) having the tools and support necessary to deal with bullies.

The people have given Dem leadership the tools and we will back them up but they resist using them. All they seem to offer are excuses cloaked in "civility." "Civility" as some practice it, is very highly overrated in many circumstances.

[pundaint]

34. The difference is that the high school bullies were clueless themselves.

Our Congress on the other hand is full of people who have traded integrity for a comfortable life. They are corrupt, not just wrong or ignorant. They must be fired.

[Name removed]

36. Deleted message

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[gleaner]

37. I completely agree with your post ....

I don't agree with omitting Obama as someone who must stand up for himself and what he believes in as well. From the beginning he has really not responded to the abuse heaped upon him and the threats some of the extremists have made against him. It is like he is inviting it or giving them permission.

He needs to push back. Maybe he could set a better example for Congress. Also, he shouldn't court the Republicans. Especially at this point when he has seen how they respond. I'm not having any trouble standing up to bullies, you don't either after a long life's lesson in how they function. It needs to come from the top down too, though. We need to have our elected officials, all of them, stop letting themselves and us be treated as if we were rimless zeros.

[LiberalLovinLug]

38. You are spot on Javaman

I too was bullied as a child. And also found out, in high school, to go against my nature and fight back was the only way to stop the abuse. Its way more difficult for peace lovers to get aggressive than warmongers. We don't want to, and its against the nature of the Democrats from Obama on down, but unfortunately its the only thing the brutes on the other side will respect.


In fact you inspired me to create a visual illustration of how I feel about it.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x7695593

[Permanut]

39. Very Eloquent, Javaman

and your analogy about bullies and Republicans is spot on.