Want to keep the wife happy? Be miserable or risk divorce

[The Straight Story]

Want to keep the wife happy? Be miserable or risk divorce


Married men be warned: Don't enjoy yourself too much.

Research shows that if you're happier than your wife, you could soon be heading for the divorce courts.

Economists have identified a phenomenon called the 'Happiness Gap', which states that the bigger the difference between spouses' satisfaction levels, the greater the risk of a break-up.

Crucially, the study, which looked at tens of thousands of couples in Britain, Germany and Australia, found the effect was seen only when the husband was feeling better about life than his wife.

It was also more likely to be the disgruntled wife who would start divorce proceedings.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1280077/Want-wife-happy-Be-miserable.html#ixzz0of8n1s2B

[LiberalLoner]

1. I have to wonder if there isn't something else at play here though...maybe the

husband is happier because he has the upper hand in the relationship. Maybe he always gets his way and his wife forgoes her own needs just to serve him, and maybe that's why he's happier - and maybe that's why the wife eventually gets fed up and leaves. Seems possible to me anyway. It's not uncommon for there to be inequalities in relationships - either the man or woman having the upper hand.

[Darth_Kitten]

2. Maybe she's still doing most of the housework/childcare....

and is rather pissy about it? ;)

[CANDO]

24. That's quite normal, yes?

I know I help out tremendously on both fronts, but then I work longer hours supporting the family and I don't begrudge anyone for that. So what gives with women being all pissy when there are a lot of things men usually take most of the responsibility for and we don't go all nutso over it?

[laughingliberal]

30. Plenty of marriages where the wife works as much outside the home & still, somehow, winds up with

most of the housework. nt

[Radical Activist]

27. Maybe he's happy because he found a new woman to be happy with

and the divorce happens when his wife finds out.

[havocmom]

34. LOL, sad but true in many cases

of course, it is not gender exclusive. Seem to recall stories of wayward wives too.

[ShortnFiery]

3. Provides support to the old adage: Nobody's happy unless mamma's happy.

:silly:

[alphafemale]

6. lol That is actually a paraphase answer to the "Why?' I'd get from my kids

"Why?"

"Because it'll make mahma happy."

And by the time they were 6 or so they were able to on their own say...

"It mahma's not happy...ain't nobody happy."

[ShortnFiery]

8. Awe, too cute.

Kids are so perceptive. ;)

[LiberalLoner]

12. So true! We females have more power than most anyone will admit! n/t

[RB TexLa]

17. Not every married woman has made the lifestyle choice of having children.

[LiberalLoner]

36. True - I never had kids. Still think of myself as a "momma" though for some reason. n/t

[Tailormyst]

4. Nah, don't be miserable, just make sure she is happy too!!!!!!!!!

[Heidi]

5. A typically misleading Mail headline.

In the 42-page study, the word "miserable" isn't used once, nor does the study state or imply that wives want their husbands to be miserable.

Here's an interesting paragraph from the study (emphasis mine):

Are women more subject to happiness comparisons; do they attach more importance to the
couple as a spillover mechanism; or do they expect more from their marriage than men, as
opposed to other domains of life? We are unable to answer these questions at this stage. In
years 2000 to 2007, a special module of the GSOEP, dedicated to youth biography, surveyed
members of the households aged 16 to 19 years old, i.e. 2805 individuals (each individual
surveyed only once). Some of the questions shed some light on our results. The survey shows
that a slightly higher proportion of women expect to get married (70% versus 68% for men)
rather than to live with a partner (50% versus 53%); however, women less often consider that
“a partner is necessary to be happy in life” (64% versus 71%). A proportion of 32% of
women (but only 25% of men) consider that “one can be just as happy without a partner”.
Women also more often than men declare that “it is all right for a couple with an unhappy
marriage to get a divorce, even if there are children”, or that “marriage is an outdated
institution”, and less often agree that “marriage is a lifetime relationship and should never be
ended” (all these differences are statistically significant). This suggests that the new
generation of German women do not exclude exit (rather than voice or loyalty) as a possible
solution in case of marital conflict.

The study: http://www.pse.ens.fr/senik/happiness%20gaps_dp4599.pdf

[seabeyond]

11. such an effort to continually reinforce mens self worth. you are right, they could have said..women

less needy than men.

[Heidi]

13. In my opinion, with the crappy source cited and the fact that this isn't even a new study

(it came out in 2009), the thread is more suited to the Fungeon (lounge). As presented, it's just flamebait.

[seabeyond]

14. i agree heidi....

of late i have seen two or three of these type "studies" be reintroduced.

[Heidi]

16. That the OP adds no personal, much less progressive, context to the thread

speaks volumes.

[leftstreet]

20. BREAKING: Women less emotionally needy than men

hmm...

[tularetom]

7. If you want to see how true that is, just retire

Mrs tom cannot bear the sight of me sitting on my ass while she performs some household chore. Never says anything but every time she walks by, she'll sigh audibly and shoot me the stink eye. I'm not oblivious to these non verbal clues.

But actually she's right. I live here same as her, so I should share the household chores. We used to have an unwritten agreement, she takes care of the inside of the house and I see to the grounds. It still works out that way but we don't have as many animals as we once did, so taking care of the outside doesn't take nearly as much time as it used to. So I spend more time indoors than I used to.

Problem is, my instincts don't program me to automatically reach for a broom when I get up in the morning. I have to consciously force myself to pitch in and help with the housework. And I do this as often as I think about it. I'll never do it instinctively, but I should do it more often.

[izquierdista]

9. Chris Rock has also researched this topic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnU7g4m0XmU&feature=related

[treestar]

29. ROFL!

:rofl:

[supernova]

10. Well, d'uh!

If one spouse is sacrificing his/her needs/wants for the other one a majority of the time, yes, the repressed one is going to eventually be unhappy. You can't live like that. No person can.

And it works for either partner.

[Motown_Johnny]

15. Bleh, I know the secret and will share it with you here.

Try to follow, it can be a little confusing.



The secret is.....


Your wife's friend's spouses (husbands, boyfriends, whatever) need to be worse than you are when it comes to having fun.


So when your wife "man bashes" with her friends her stories always get shot down.


Example:


Your Wife: "That Bastard called me from a strip club at 1:30 in the morning"

Your Wife's Friend: "Well at least he called, my husband didn't roll in until almost 3:00 and I had no idea where he was!"




This way your wife's friends are doing all the work for you. She will always be reminded that you are not such a bad guy and she could have done worse.


your welcome

[Heidi]

18. Yes, we wives are all the same.

Carbon copies, gossiping among ourselves as we women by our very genomes are prone to do. Not a single differentiating trait between the billions of us, huh? Thank goodness we have our girlfriends to remind us of how very, very lucky we are.

"Your" welcome.

[Motown_Johnny]

25. I guess a sarcasm emote was needed.. sorry

[Heidi]

31. Thank you.

And I mean that from the bottom of my heart, since my male friends outnumber my female friends about 5:1. It is my belief that most of us exist in reality, and not so much in an exclusively female cocoon of female comrades who without exception agree with and affirm us.

[Missy Vixen]

19. Guys who are at a strip club till 3 am

need to rethink whether or not they want to be married in the first place. It might be interesting to discover what the average husband would do to learn his wife was involved in a comparable activity. I'm guessing he wouldn't be quite so accepting of it.

There have been multiple studies proving marriage is a much better deal for men than it is for women. We don't need to talk it over with "friends"; they're dealing with the same stuff.

Women are still saddled with the majority of household and child-rearing skills, and typically work outside the home as well.

[Heidi]

23. Guys who are at the strip club until 3 a.m.

are just where they should be, and if one of them were my partner, that's exactly where I'd want him be as I changed the locks and made an appointment with my attorney. After all, I would not want to stand in the way of my partner's priorities.

[krabigirl]

33. Meh, my answer to those women is to go out and have fun as well.

[SmileyRose]

38. LOL

OK - I enjoyed that. Just enough truth mixed with sexism to make it funny.

[Dr.Phool]

21. So? She makes me miserable to save our marriage?

Was this study done by a woman?

[Heidi]

35. No one makes anyone else miserable.

My ex-husband was my poor choice and he is not to blame for my misery during the more than a decade I was married to him. He didn't make me miserable. I chose to remain in a shitty marriage due to a number of factors. My reluctance to go against the stigma of divorce in a small town, my worry about hurting him, and my love for and responsibility to his children all influenced my decision to live in misery for a decade all influenced my choice to stay in an unhappy circumstance for so long.

And you know what? My life 15 years later without him is about five million percent better, but I have not a single regret for the choices I made. Misery can inform one's choice to (eventually) give up living in misery.

[CANDO]

22. I know in my household....

that if my wife is miserable, we are all miserable. But let me have a bad moment and it's the end of the world as we know it. I tell her all the time that she puts way too much energy into being miserable. Find contentment, it's not very hard. I mean, if things are well within the home, she'll find something about the neighbors to bitch about.

[varelse]

37. Sounds like you might be in a "less than optimal" marriage

Got any plans to better your situation? No one else can or will do it for you...

[treestar]

26. that doesn't say be miserable, just don't be happier!

About even happiness makes sense. If there's an imbalance on either side, it makes sense that divorce is more likely.

[Hawkowl]

28. Sounds like a win-win situation to me

Of course, I have chosen never to marry.

[krabigirl]

32. No, if both people are happy, everything's great.

[Roon]

39. My ex used to abuse me because I am generally happy

eom

[Liberal_in_LA]

40. weird study results